nighttime flyers
Haiku-like 4-7-5 (evening coolness)5 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Cool 5-7-5 Poem. A good choice for the Free Form Poetry Contest.
Good syllables count and connection between lines. Good nature imagery. I like the presentation too. Good luck!
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
  |
Cool 5-7-5 Poem. A good choice for the Free Form Poetry Contest.
Good syllables count and connection between lines. Good nature imagery. I like the presentation too. Good luck!
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
-
Thanks for your review Gypsy!
Mark
Comment from karenina
I always smile when I see a notice you have posted, Mark. I expect quality and you never disappoint!
I'm fascinated by owls.
Great image, too!
Karenina
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
|
I always smile when I see a notice you have posted, Mark. I expect quality and you never disappoint!
I'm fascinated by owls.
Great image, too!
Karenina
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
-
So glad you liked this post Karen! Whoo-whoo!
Mark
-
You NEVER disappoint!
Comment from Saki the Artist
This is a great example of an English haiku. You stuck with the Japanese tradition of referencing the weather or the seasons in the first line (kigo), and you effectively used a break (kireji) at the end of a line (in this case, end of second line), ending with an unexpected surprise. It's also common in Japanese haikus (but not a rule) to evoke the senses, and in this case you have tickled both touch and hearing (coolness and silence).
I rarely see such care put into American haikus these days. People seem to think they can simply get away with using the designated number of syllables and call it a day. This poem is proof that the Japanese tradition is alive and well.
Thank you for using FanArtReview art and crediting the creator!
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
 |
This is a great example of an English haiku. You stuck with the Japanese tradition of referencing the weather or the seasons in the first line (kigo), and you effectively used a break (kireji) at the end of a line (in this case, end of second line), ending with an unexpected surprise. It's also common in Japanese haikus (but not a rule) to evoke the senses, and in this case you have tickled both touch and hearing (coolness and silence).
I rarely see such care put into American haikus these days. People seem to think they can simply get away with using the designated number of syllables and call it a day. This poem is proof that the Japanese tradition is alive and well.
Thank you for using FanArtReview art and crediting the creator!
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
-
Thank you Saki for your exceptional critique for this poem. I strive for the classical Japanese Haiku but the satori line is difficult to achieve consistently for me. My English Haiku, typically 5-7-5, often includes a nature and/or a seasonal element. My poems never exceed five lines or 30 or so syllables. I have entered contests such as 2-5-2, 3-5-3, and one liners. If you see my profile you will see my own poetry format: "Hailu"? a combo of Lune and Haiku.
I routinely acknowledge the FanArt in my notes but do not always cite the artist name. Given your comments I will do so in the future.
I am willing to collaborate with you on a traditional Haiku via this site or email. We can exchange the first two lines and then try for the satori.
For my Haiku, check out: TheHaikuFoundation.org.
Mark
-
That's really cool! I'll check out the website. =]
Comment from RodG
Your poem vividly depicts a cool night in the forest, perhaps in late winter, when all is quiet except for the flapping wings of owls. You put me there, Mark. Nicely done and good luck in the contest. Rod
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
|
Your poem vividly depicts a cool night in the forest, perhaps in late winter, when all is quiet except for the flapping wings of owls. You put me there, Mark. Nicely done and good luck in the contest. Rod
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
-
Thanks Rid. Glad we share$ the same space.
Mark
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very nicely written, free form poem for the contest and I wish you the best in the contest and you have a lovely weekend and may you be blessed. Patricia .
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
|
This is a very nicely written, free form poem for the contest and I wish you the best in the contest and you have a lovely weekend and may you be blessed. Patricia .
Comment Written 14-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
-
Patricia,
Thanks for your good wishes too.
Mark
