Spectre
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Mr. D. Part 1"This is book two of a trilogy book 1 "Ghost"
17 total reviews
Comment from Tim Margetts
Your writing, Lea. As ever is forceful and immediate.
I notice the way you put the past instances in larger font and bold, as if they have more impact on your life of the now than your present, which you write of in a smaller less intimidating style.
There was one thing which tripped me a bit as I read
'The long road to recovery it is becomes a difficult to get over if you ever really do.'
I am not sure if it is the way it is structured or if there is a word or two missed from the sentence as you wrote. ( I do that all the time) but I think this may be better slightly edited?
Tim x
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Your writing, Lea. As ever is forceful and immediate.
I notice the way you put the past instances in larger font and bold, as if they have more impact on your life of the now than your present, which you write of in a smaller less intimidating style.
There was one thing which tripped me a bit as I read
'The long road to recovery it is becomes a difficult to get over if you ever really do.'
I am not sure if it is the way it is structured or if there is a word or two missed from the sentence as you wrote. ( I do that all the time) but I think this may be better slightly edited?
Tim x
Comment Written 17-Jan-2025
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Another terrific chapter. Your poem sets an eerie tone right from the start. The lines about grabbing the light and fighting back really stood out. I could feel the weight of your determination to share knowledge and protect others. Especially in the descriptions of the past and present. I admire the strength and clarity shown in tackling such difficult themes, and I'm rooting for your character as you weave this all together!
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Another terrific chapter. Your poem sets an eerie tone right from the start. The lines about grabbing the light and fighting back really stood out. I could feel the weight of your determination to share knowledge and protect others. Especially in the descriptions of the past and present. I admire the strength and clarity shown in tackling such difficult themes, and I'm rooting for your character as you weave this all together!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2025
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I feel as if this author is the same I just commented on in the Void. Are you, one and the same? Again, the poetry to begin is great, even if its macabre is not a favorite of mine.
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I feel as if this author is the same I just commented on in the Void. Are you, one and the same? Again, the poetry to begin is great, even if its macabre is not a favorite of mine.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2025
Comment from LJbutterfly
"Joo can be like the others..." THE OTHERS? There were others? This sounds like Mrs. D invited girls into her home knowing what her husband wanted them to do. You've written more to this chapter, but I'm stuck on this shocking revelation. I'm glad you have the control to calm down so you can think of what to do next. Do you try to save a mother and her children, or do you save yourself? I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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"Joo can be like the others..." THE OTHERS? There were others? This sounds like Mrs. D invited girls into her home knowing what her husband wanted them to do. You've written more to this chapter, but I'm stuck on this shocking revelation. I'm glad you have the control to calm down so you can think of what to do next. Do you try to save a mother and her children, or do you save yourself? I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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I never quite got what the others meant since his wife never told me much about the others per se other that she was locked in the room quite a bit it's possible he had others in the home at that time but I'll never know for sure. Thank you again for your fine review I appreciate you so very much again sorry for the late reply!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Wow. So much action...and horror...and wisdom as you navigate this new chess board. You amaze me with your ability to function so highly regardless of the heights of drama forced upon you.
My maiden name is Saxman, and the mantra in our house was always, "You can never hurt a Saxman by hitting one on the head." I think you must be a Saxman, too, Lea, because you have taken some WICKED assaults to your noggin, yet you remain so cogent and crafty even immediately afterward!
There are a number of spags this time, Sweetie, but the content was so excellent, I still felt a six was in order.
Here are just some. Use your eagle editor's eye that you're developing for the rest:
Sometimes life just climatizes people. This should read: Sometimes people climatize to life.
genuflecked. Should be: genuflect.
"I turned my gaze to the kitchen window as I continued to struggle with my
Delete the quotation mark.
"be smart...you've done this before. You know how to do this...you know how to get through."
This should read: "Be smart. You've done this before. You know how to do this. You know how to get through."
This wont last long with me.
This needs an apostrophe in the word "won't"
Mrs. D quickly raised her ****I feel like a word is missing here*** to her husband and
Still dealing some vertigo, Mr. D pushed us both up the stairs and into the kitchen. This should read something like: While I tried to fight off Vertigo, Mr. D pushed Mrs D and I up the stairs and into the kitchen.
The way you wrote it, it makes it seem as Mr. D is the one dealing with Vertigo.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2023
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Wow. So much action...and horror...and wisdom as you navigate this new chess board. You amaze me with your ability to function so highly regardless of the heights of drama forced upon you.
My maiden name is Saxman, and the mantra in our house was always, "You can never hurt a Saxman by hitting one on the head." I think you must be a Saxman, too, Lea, because you have taken some WICKED assaults to your noggin, yet you remain so cogent and crafty even immediately afterward!
There are a number of spags this time, Sweetie, but the content was so excellent, I still felt a six was in order.
Here are just some. Use your eagle editor's eye that you're developing for the rest:
Sometimes life just climatizes people. This should read: Sometimes people climatize to life.
genuflecked. Should be: genuflect.
"I turned my gaze to the kitchen window as I continued to struggle with my
Delete the quotation mark.
"be smart...you've done this before. You know how to do this...you know how to get through."
This should read: "Be smart. You've done this before. You know how to do this. You know how to get through."
This wont last long with me.
This needs an apostrophe in the word "won't"
Mrs. D quickly raised her ****I feel like a word is missing here*** to her husband and
Still dealing some vertigo, Mr. D pushed us both up the stairs and into the kitchen. This should read something like: While I tried to fight off Vertigo, Mr. D pushed Mrs D and I up the stairs and into the kitchen.
The way you wrote it, it makes it seem as Mr. D is the one dealing with Vertigo.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2023
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Thank you miss again further to my email. You rock lady!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Another fine chapter, causing anger to build within me, filling my vision with a torturer's blood. Joy fills my heart whenever I break down the bullies, even if only in my mind. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2023
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Another fine chapter, causing anger to build within me, filling my vision with a torturer's blood. Joy fills my heart whenever I break down the bullies, even if only in my mind. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2023
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I understand that feeling. Yeah, it's few and far between, but everyone's in a while. They needed for sure! Thank you for reading and reviewing Ric I appreciate it very much thank you I hope you have the best day!
Comment from EILEEN LAW
wait the DNA tests will coming in soon. While we wait for the DNA tests that are coming in soon.
genuflecked - genuflect.
I love your writing style.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2023
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wait the DNA tests will coming in soon. While we wait for the DNA tests that are coming in soon.
genuflecked - genuflect.
I love your writing style.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2023
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An extension to my email I thank you again!
Comment from JSD
You seem so much stronger now, as you are growing older, more experienced and wiser. Still your body is wounded, but your mind seems to be more resilient. Good!
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2023
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You seem so much stronger now, as you are growing older, more experienced and wiser. Still your body is wounded, but your mind seems to be more resilient. Good!
Comment Written 11-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2023
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I gathered in a strange sense. Knowledge is like carried. Learn things without having to get smashed in the head to learn it. That would be a better way unfortunately it's not the road I took. I thank you for noticing that for your final review and comments. Greeting i'm always honored how do you thank you again my friend!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This Mr. D. was a sick man. I am wondering if he came from some odd custom of concubines or what. Your reaction was totally spot on. I have one suggestion toward the end:
Orange fingers of light gripping the mountain tops to lift the sun into the sky.
This is a fragment. I would maybe say:
Orange fingers of light were gripping the mountain tops to lift the sun into the sky.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2023
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This Mr. D. was a sick man. I am wondering if he came from some odd custom of concubines or what. Your reaction was totally spot on. I have one suggestion toward the end:
Orange fingers of light gripping the mountain tops to lift the sun into the sky.
This is a fragment. I would maybe say:
Orange fingers of light were gripping the mountain tops to lift the sun into the sky.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2023
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Thank you for the edit suggestion. I went ahead and did that cause? I think it's a smarter choice. And I always appreciate your reviews. The thoughtful things you say and yes, I have wondered about if he was running some kind of weird sex ring or something. I've never found out for sure but definitely had a few clothes no doubt. Thank you again for your review and for your fine rating. I hope you have a the best day!
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Lea,
One way or another, this situation is not acceptable. Obviously you have to get out of the house, with or without that lady and her children. I wonder if Mr. D was wanting you for himself, or if he thought you would be a prostitute and bring the earnings home to help offset the expense of you living there? Either way, it's totally unacceptable. It's so hard to imagine that you had to experience so much of the worst of humanity in such a short period of time. Thanks for sharing gal.
Blessings,
Tom
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2023
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Hello Lea,
One way or another, this situation is not acceptable. Obviously you have to get out of the house, with or without that lady and her children. I wonder if Mr. D was wanting you for himself, or if he thought you would be a prostitute and bring the earnings home to help offset the expense of you living there? Either way, it's totally unacceptable. It's so hard to imagine that you had to experience so much of the worst of humanity in such a short period of time. Thanks for sharing gal.
Blessings,
Tom
Comment Written 11-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2023
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Thank you tom I so appreciate this and your kind words. I wonder about that too. I'll never know for sure. But I have this idea that he thought women were for service only. Sad really. To make a change but I'll never know. Thank you again Tom! You can kick your feet up and relax now l o l! Ho ho ho
