New York's Best: the NYDOE
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "NYCDoHD Spells Jobs"A Musical in One Act
30 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I don't think I read/sang this script. You say you don't feel adept to write a musical? Well, man you are, you sure enough are, by golly. Now, will sing my way through the next chapter.
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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I don't think I read/sang this script. You say you don't feel adept to write a musical? Well, man you are, you sure enough are, by golly. Now, will sing my way through the next chapter.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Thank you, Liz. Oh, you hadn't read this scene already! I'm glad you enjoy it, but no, I'm no lyricist. Do give it a shot, though.
Jay
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So explain to me what I need to do? Do I write a script for one act? When is it due? I have a plot in my mind. The sewer system in NY is outrageous. I've driven through during a rainstorm. It will be funny. So do I write a whole chapter with all of the characters? as a musical.
Comment from susand3022
Hi Jay,
I came to read the first chapter before the second. Can't write lyrics if you don't know what you're writing about! This looks like it might be fun to try. I've always wanted to try a song, wondered if I could do it. I've had good success with first tries, so who knows! ;)
Susan :)
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Hi Jay,
I came to read the first chapter before the second. Can't write lyrics if you don't know what you're writing about! This looks like it might be fun to try. I've always wanted to try a song, wondered if I could do it. I've had good success with first tries, so who knows! ;)
Susan :)
Comment Written 01-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2022
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Oh, bless you, Susan! I am getting so excited!
Comment from Sugarray77
Great job, Jay, on this very well written musical that does indeed leave the song, New York, New York ringing in your head... I even played the Video and got a definite feel for your story. I enjoyed reading it.
Melissa
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2022
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Great job, Jay, on this very well written musical that does indeed leave the song, New York, New York ringing in your head... I even played the Video and got a definite feel for your story. I enjoyed reading it.
Melissa
Comment Written 13-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2022
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Melissa, you are a doll! Thank you so much for jumping aboard and leaving behind your kind words. I hope you'll consider coming back for the second and succeeding scenes. Bless you!
Jay
Comment from karenina
Bravo, Jay! You know I have difficulty with scripts--(although Katherine has enticed me to read her latest, based on her actual life events)--
Oh! But I love musicals! You hooked me with your set up, and I did take the time to orient myself so I could imagine the stage set up...
As a veteran of way too many Community Theatre musical productions, I instinctively "found" a melody to go with your lyrics and let my hair down!!!
This is unique in that it's set in 1939 yet so closely mimics the state we're in today.
In my (director's) brain I was really "camping" up the chorus to be as essential as the Greek Chorus...
Love me some Liza! I watch the "Liza With a Z" DVD at least once a month...so listening to her belt out "New York, New York" was an extra treat!
Alas, she is too old now... Idina Mendel (starred in Wicked) would do one check of a job...
Hugh Jackman would do Mr. Kinkade justice, and then some...
Hey!
Start with a local college...then go for it and ask ......
Lin-Manuel Miranda to have a look!
I recently saw Hamilton...
Wow. Did I mention WOW!?
I'm all in on this one Jay...
Love it!
Karenina
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2022
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Bravo, Jay! You know I have difficulty with scripts--(although Katherine has enticed me to read her latest, based on her actual life events)--
Oh! But I love musicals! You hooked me with your set up, and I did take the time to orient myself so I could imagine the stage set up...
As a veteran of way too many Community Theatre musical productions, I instinctively "found" a melody to go with your lyrics and let my hair down!!!
This is unique in that it's set in 1939 yet so closely mimics the state we're in today.
In my (director's) brain I was really "camping" up the chorus to be as essential as the Greek Chorus...
Love me some Liza! I watch the "Liza With a Z" DVD at least once a month...so listening to her belt out "New York, New York" was an extra treat!
Alas, she is too old now... Idina Mendel (starred in Wicked) would do one check of a job...
Hugh Jackman would do Mr. Kinkade justice, and then some...
Hey!
Start with a local college...then go for it and ask ......
Lin-Manuel Miranda to have a look!
I recently saw Hamilton...
Wow. Did I mention WOW!?
I'm all in on this one Jay...
Love it!
Karenina
Comment Written 13-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2022
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Oh, Karenina ... Man! You light a fire under my enthusiasm. I felt so out of my element with a musical, but seemed directed into it somehow. Forget the Miranda connection. I couldn't hope for that, but I was thinking of the community college here since they also have a music department and could work out a melody for the lyrics (which are on the rough side). But just to know you gave this a try and it looks like I may have you on board for the remaining scenes. You give me new hope! Thank you so much. And a freaking six! Whoa!
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Oh, I'm definitely on board! Of course, Lin-Manuel was a bit cheeky, but for SURE I think it would be a great collaborative effort with a community college!
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You don't know how warm that makes me feel, Karenina! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Jay
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Hugs, my friend...
Comment from Gloria ....
I love musicals. The last one I saw was Billy Elliot in London and it was magnificent. I think you've done a fine job here with some really effective stage motions such as, the actors coming from the shadows saying a few words and then moving back into the shadows.
Really effective use of vocals to deliver the tone, which is an absolute must for a musical. It's also easy to imagine the music, but that is because I am the director. ;-)
Great job here, and I see Christian Bale as Bartholomew Johnathon Kincade, as I detect an undertone of satire. And Lady Gaga must also be in it.
Great speed with your new project here and many thanks for sharing. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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I love musicals. The last one I saw was Billy Elliot in London and it was magnificent. I think you've done a fine job here with some really effective stage motions such as, the actors coming from the shadows saying a few words and then moving back into the shadows.
Really effective use of vocals to deliver the tone, which is an absolute must for a musical. It's also easy to imagine the music, but that is because I am the director. ;-)
Great job here, and I see Christian Bale as Bartholomew Johnathon Kincade, as I detect an undertone of satire. And Lady Gaga must also be in it.
Great speed with your new project here and many thanks for sharing. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 12-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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Gloria, I am literally gobsmacked by your review. It was enough that you read it ... but a six on top of it. Thank you, my dear! Christian Bale, wow! and Lady Gaga? That would be fun!
Jay
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
After the roaring twenties came the Great Depression, black Tuesday started the downward trend and people were unemployed for a long time and chaos ensued. You describe a positive response in your play, an uplifting bring scene amid the backdrop of starvation and poverty. Mr Kincade hopes to change the world and infuse his staff with the tools to find jobs where there aren't any. I enjoyed the first scene as it sets the pace for a new future after the stock market crash and Mr Kincade has no idea that it would take a good ten years to change. I loved the concept of this play and you explained the unique setting so that I could picture it clearly in my mind. A hit on Broadway me-thinks, much enjoyed Jay, I have run out of six stars, but this deserves a six, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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After the roaring twenties came the Great Depression, black Tuesday started the downward trend and people were unemployed for a long time and chaos ensued. You describe a positive response in your play, an uplifting bring scene amid the backdrop of starvation and poverty. Mr Kincade hopes to change the world and infuse his staff with the tools to find jobs where there aren't any. I enjoyed the first scene as it sets the pace for a new future after the stock market crash and Mr Kincade has no idea that it would take a good ten years to change. I loved the concept of this play and you explained the unique setting so that I could picture it clearly in my mind. A hit on Broadway me-thinks, much enjoyed Jay, I have run out of six stars, but this deserves a six, love Dolly x
Comment Written 12-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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Dolly, you are so sweet! And knowledgeable about the 30's. Of course, Broadway isn't in my cards, but I'd love to see a small Community College give it a try. With their music department, they'd be able to put notes to the words (such as they are). I really love the way you dug into this. Thank you so much. Six stars would have been superfluous after your words!
Jay
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You are most welcome Jay and your play is inventive and I would most definitely go and see this stage play. I?m not that knowledgable about the depression but I know it was a terrible time for all those souls left without work. We are suffering an all time high of unemployment in Britain just now, love Dolly x
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I've been reading about the economic situation in Britain. But how can that not bring to mind the words of John Donne's poem? "No man is an island, entire of itself." The entire free world is united as never before. Covid was just a symbol of it, but the unity travels to our core; not just physically, but spiritually. And, thanks to the internet, our bonding has tightened and will continue to tighten in miraculous ways that you and I can only sit back and watch and pray over. These are our times. And who is to say that our job of writing about little snips and snatches of it is not as important as the roles of Presidents, Kings (Beloved Queens), and the world's tyrants ... and the residue we all produce by the exercise of our individual wills? In contravariance to the Divine? I don't know. I don't consider myself a religious man, but I am prepared, and I think we all must be prepared, to accept the answer to that question.
Sorry for the Soapboxery. and I am thrilled that my play moved you in the way it did.
Hugs,
Jay
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The internet helps us connect and makes us feel less alone Jay and it is good to know that someone on the other side of the Atlantic has empathy for another country. We in Britain and the US have been allies for years and we appreciate it too, love Dolly x
Comment from jessizero
I do not like scripts, but I enjoyed reading this one. I like the way some characters were only heard when illuminated. I think you're off to a great start. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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I do not like scripts, but I enjoyed reading this one. I like the way some characters were only heard when illuminated. I think you're off to a great start. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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Many thanks, Jessi. I appreciate your weighing in on this. I hope it turned your dislike of scripts into a cautious approval.
Jay
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
I'm glad to see you're right back at it so soon after Fanny's departure. Before I read your author notes, and actually as I was reading a very temperamental Mr. Kincade with his trusty chorus early on, I was saying to myself: "This is like a musical. The only thing missing is the music." I have to admit, I'm not fond of musicals. For me, they give the story a feel of ...well, cockamamie. (I read that word this morning in judiverse's last scene, spoken by Lieutenant Shane Blinken. Lo and behold, you have used it, too, in your author notes!)
When I think of that song, "New York, New York", I think of Frank Sinatra. But Liza Minnelli did sing it first. I don't care for her, though. She's too... out there. She must have made people feel dizzy. A bit too over-the-top for me.
I could see Jimmy Stewart playing Mr. Kincade. Remember him, rallying his troops at the old Bailey Building and Loan, that "measly one-horse institution", trying to stave off a takeover by that miserable Mr. Potter? Your scene made me think of Jimmy playing the part of George Bailey. He exhibited energy, the same energy that Mr. Kincade seems to have.
I'm wondering when there will be a loud splat outside, with some poor investment broker leaping from a building. Actually, I understand that suicides from those jumping out of windows was greatly exaggerated in 1929.
Poor Mr. Kincade might have a heart attack if he doesn't control himself. He needs to realize that he can be replaced in an instant if he keels over at his desk. He needs to settle down and not take his job so seriously. I especially liked the way you portrayed him (as he sees himself)... the heart of New York City,
"Directing manned and womaned traffic
down the thoroughfares and alleys
to the fac-to-ries and flower shops
the restaurants and wharves ...
(Beat)
I am the heart!"
and then the chorus gets into the song,
"CHORUS:
(Following on the heels of the other)
He is the HEART!
(like a kettle-drum's beat)
Boom-boom-boom"
and the repetition of "Boom-boom-boom".
I'm wondering where you'll take this play, Jay, and looking forward to it!
Nicely penned!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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Hi Jay,
I'm glad to see you're right back at it so soon after Fanny's departure. Before I read your author notes, and actually as I was reading a very temperamental Mr. Kincade with his trusty chorus early on, I was saying to myself: "This is like a musical. The only thing missing is the music." I have to admit, I'm not fond of musicals. For me, they give the story a feel of ...well, cockamamie. (I read that word this morning in judiverse's last scene, spoken by Lieutenant Shane Blinken. Lo and behold, you have used it, too, in your author notes!)
When I think of that song, "New York, New York", I think of Frank Sinatra. But Liza Minnelli did sing it first. I don't care for her, though. She's too... out there. She must have made people feel dizzy. A bit too over-the-top for me.
I could see Jimmy Stewart playing Mr. Kincade. Remember him, rallying his troops at the old Bailey Building and Loan, that "measly one-horse institution", trying to stave off a takeover by that miserable Mr. Potter? Your scene made me think of Jimmy playing the part of George Bailey. He exhibited energy, the same energy that Mr. Kincade seems to have.
I'm wondering when there will be a loud splat outside, with some poor investment broker leaping from a building. Actually, I understand that suicides from those jumping out of windows was greatly exaggerated in 1929.
Poor Mr. Kincade might have a heart attack if he doesn't control himself. He needs to realize that he can be replaced in an instant if he keels over at his desk. He needs to settle down and not take his job so seriously. I especially liked the way you portrayed him (as he sees himself)... the heart of New York City,
"Directing manned and womaned traffic
down the thoroughfares and alleys
to the fac-to-ries and flower shops
the restaurants and wharves ...
(Beat)
I am the heart!"
and then the chorus gets into the song,
"CHORUS:
(Following on the heels of the other)
He is the HEART!
(like a kettle-drum's beat)
Boom-boom-boom"
and the repetition of "Boom-boom-boom".
I'm wondering where you'll take this play, Jay, and looking forward to it!
Nicely penned!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 12-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2022
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Thank you, Kimbob. I understand what you are saying about that element of musicals. And now that I think of it, I don't recall a musical that wasn't light -- never a drama. Right? I really liked My Fair Lady and most of The Sound of Music. Anyway, there are only going to be a few places where this will have that cockamamie feel to it -- unless the lyrics just come to me. I'm having a heckuva time coming up with lyrics. And they never come with the tune. I'm happy you weighed in on this and I DO appreciate your candor, so keep that sniffer working. I don't want no dog crap on the premises!
Jay
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This could make a good musical. Yes, you would need to team up with a good composer. Kincaid is a believable character.
Some minor suggestions:
Unless the NYCDoHD is an actual historical entity, I think NYC DHD would work better than NYCDoHD and take out an element of awkwardness caused by including a preposition in an acronym. It's probably today's equivalent of DHS, Department of Human Services, although I think DHS is a federal agency.
The bears on Wall Street would be wrestling with the lions.
=>
The bears on Wall Street would be wrestling with the bulls. [Isn't there a bull market vs. bear market? I know it's not as visually believable as bear vs. lion, but the market isn't associated with lions]
***
It's fun that you included Liza Minelli's performance video in your post. And I love the image of the gears turning that you also used. Your post is fun, as many musicals are supposed to be. I'd like to see where you're going with it.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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This could make a good musical. Yes, you would need to team up with a good composer. Kincaid is a believable character.
Some minor suggestions:
Unless the NYCDoHD is an actual historical entity, I think NYC DHD would work better than NYCDoHD and take out an element of awkwardness caused by including a preposition in an acronym. It's probably today's equivalent of DHS, Department of Human Services, although I think DHS is a federal agency.
The bears on Wall Street would be wrestling with the lions.
=>
The bears on Wall Street would be wrestling with the bulls. [Isn't there a bull market vs. bear market? I know it's not as visually believable as bear vs. lion, but the market isn't associated with lions]
***
It's fun that you included Liza Minelli's performance video in your post. And I love the image of the gears turning that you also used. Your post is fun, as many musicals are supposed to be. I'd like to see where you're going with it.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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You are SOOO right about the Bears and the Bulls! How did I miss that. And how is it that you were the only one to catch it. It is going to earn you a little special something.
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Thanks very much, Jay. Being a New Yorker, it was hard for me to miss that! I've been down to the Wall Street area, and have seen the big bronze bull there, which does tend to make a big impression. I don't recall ever seeing a bear statue down there, though!
Maybe you got the lion idea from the Merrill Lynch logo. I think it has a lion.
Thanks for the nomination, and God bless you. - Mary Kay
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I have no idea where the lion came from. I guess I could visualize it wrestling a bear more than a bull. Either one, I wouldn't want to be there as referee.
Comment from country ranch writer
very nicely written and I am sure folks would line up to see your mysical. when you complete it maybe you could put feelers our to foljs to set you in the right direction, good job!
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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very nicely written and I am sure folks would line up to see your mysical. when you complete it maybe you could put feelers our to foljs to set you in the right direction, good job!
Comment Written 11-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Gosh, BJ, I'm so beholden to you for stopping by and reading this play. It's my first excursion into musicals, and I know I'll male a lot of mistakes. But, I'd be honored to have you along for the ride!
Jay
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I am rioting for you my long time fru
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I'm here for you my long time fruendlet the journey continue!
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Bless you!