Beth
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Beth, Scene 1"Hostage? Maybe. Scared? Slightly. Victim? Never!
29 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is very intriguing, Mike. It seemed like a patient/therapist session, but then the ending screamed something much more sinister. I'd be interested to see where this one goes.
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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This is very intriguing, Mike. It seemed like a patient/therapist session, but then the ending screamed something much more sinister. I'd be interested to see where this one goes.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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Thank you so much, Judy :-). I've just posted option 2, but so far it's definitely seeming as though Beth will be the one getting a full story!
Mike
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You?re welcome, Mike. I have my granddaughter here so I haven?t had time to read and review much, but I?ll get to the second one tonight, I hope.
Comment from BethShelby
It is a very good script. The girl is quite a character and we get a good feel of the personality of the psychiatrist as well. I would be interested in reading more in spite of the fact you've named her Beth.
Beth
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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It is a very good script. The girl is quite a character and we get a good feel of the personality of the psychiatrist as well. I would be interested in reading more in spite of the fact you've named her Beth.
Beth
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2022
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Lol, thanks Beth :-). I'm thrilled you liked it. I've got a few ideas of where I could go with this one.
Mike
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
Damn Mike, I thought she was talking to her male therapists. Jeez! You do have a way of twisting a concept or plot for a reader. I haven't seen the other scripts, but this is an eerie, intriguing first scene. Your stage directions are also well-written.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2022
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Damn Mike, I thought she was talking to her male therapists. Jeez! You do have a way of twisting a concept or plot for a reader. I haven't seen the other scripts, but this is an eerie, intriguing first scene. Your stage directions are also well-written.
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Sandra :-). I'm just getting ready to post the next 'first scene' but I think I might return to Beth's story even if it's further down the line, because there are lots of ways it could go!
Mike
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You are welcome. You are correct. It could go many directions.
Comment from Kevin McNeany
one of BETH's ankles is clasped in a manacle, attached to a chain. DENNIS turns back to look at her from the doorway." WOW. I didn't expect the twist. But this is an amazing piece of writing! Well paced and intriguing. I look forward to reading more of this excellent story, well done kindest regards Kevin :)
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2022
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one of BETH's ankles is clasped in a manacle, attached to a chain. DENNIS turns back to look at her from the doorway." WOW. I didn't expect the twist. But this is an amazing piece of writing! Well paced and intriguing. I look forward to reading more of this excellent story, well done kindest regards Kevin :)
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2022
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Thank you, Kevin :-). I have two more opening scenes to post then I'll decide which to carry on with. In the end, I'll probably want to write them all!
Mike
Comment from WLHall
Most intriguing developments in a short dialogue. Immediately caught my attention. I don't know much about screen writing so I'm not able to comment much on the structure. The description at the beginning set the scene, (although a little long)to build intrigue . Mysterious dialogue so I couldn't make out the relationship between the two. Surprise ending is leaving me hanging. Well written and flowed naturally. Great job!
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2022
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Most intriguing developments in a short dialogue. Immediately caught my attention. I don't know much about screen writing so I'm not able to comment much on the structure. The description at the beginning set the scene, (although a little long)to build intrigue . Mysterious dialogue so I couldn't make out the relationship between the two. Surprise ending is leaving me hanging. Well written and flowed naturally. Great job!
Comment Written 23-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2022
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Thank you :-). My hope was to generate the mystery and establish the merest bit of character, so we can imagine the different things that may have brought them to this moment. So glad you liked it!
Mike
Comment from nomi338
psychological dramas are always fun. Who is doing who and why? Who is in control really? The wordplay here is nice. (Wordplay is one of my favorite things in a drama.) Based on the words used in a particular situation allows me to actual see the facial expression on the speaker. Example: (He angrily snarled his response to her her teasing.) I think I would definitely like to see this storyline played out for at least one more chapter.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2022
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psychological dramas are always fun. Who is doing who and why? Who is in control really? The wordplay here is nice. (Wordplay is one of my favorite things in a drama.) Based on the words used in a particular situation allows me to actual see the facial expression on the speaker. Example: (He angrily snarled his response to her her teasing.) I think I would definitely like to see this storyline played out for at least one more chapter.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much :-). There are a few ways I could take it in my head, but I really enjoyed their interaction, so I may well continue this one.
Mike
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Either way I am willing and ready to read it.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Well, I was NOT expecting that at the end! I thought she was having a chat with her father, but then thought, she wouldn't say what she did to him. Then I thought it was her psychiatrist, but now I'm thinking it's something darker than that. I can't wait to see where you are taking us, Mike. Excellent script. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2022
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Well, I was NOT expecting that at the end! I thought she was having a chat with her father, but then thought, she wouldn't say what she did to him. Then I thought it was her psychiatrist, but now I'm thinking it's something darker than that. I can't wait to see where you are taking us, Mike. Excellent script. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 22-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2022
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Thanks so much, Sandra :-). I enjoyed writing the powerplay between them, or at least them both attempting power plays. This could be a lot of fun to take forward!
Mike
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I know it will be a lot of fun! That's why I can't wait for the next part. Get to it!!
Were you any where near all the fires over the weekend? It's been awful down here in Romsey, and I can't even
begin imagine how hot it was in London. :(
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There were some next to the A2, just down the road but nothing too close. It was unbearable at the start of the week - not just the heat, but how close the air feels in London. Yuck! Lol
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I used to live just off the A2 when I was a child. Many of my family still live there. I'm glad we moved. I'm also glad you're okay. :))
Comment from Cindy Warren
That ending totally took me by surprise, and that doesn't happen often. I thought Dennis was some sort of sex therapist. Beth seemed to be making some progress. It wasn't till the end I realized she probably wouldn't be leaving alive.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2022
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That ending totally took me by surprise, and that doesn't happen often. I thought Dennis was some sort of sex therapist. Beth seemed to be making some progress. It wasn't till the end I realized she probably wouldn't be leaving alive.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2022
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Thank you :-). I wanted that tirn at the end, so we hopefully had a view of Beth that then changes with the reveal.
Mike
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Ohhh, very suspenseful until the very last couple of sentences. Very tricky.
A couple of suggestions:
Para 1, 3rd sentence: (babygirl) should be (baby girl)
Para 2, 1st sentence: (book cases) should be (bookcases)
Para 14, 1st sentence: (text book) should be (textbook)
Para 17, 3rs sentence: CONSIDER removing the comma after (shouldn't)
Sounds like a good beginning to the kind of book I would like to read.
Good job.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2022
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Ohhh, very suspenseful until the very last couple of sentences. Very tricky.
A couple of suggestions:
Para 1, 3rd sentence: (babygirl) should be (baby girl)
Para 2, 1st sentence: (book cases) should be (bookcases)
Para 14, 1st sentence: (text book) should be (textbook)
Para 17, 3rs sentence: CONSIDER removing the comma after (shouldn't)
Sounds like a good beginning to the kind of book I would like to read.
Good job.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2022
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Thanks, Gary - really appreciate the word catches, my friend. Also, glad you liked my little story opener :-)
Mike
Comment from irishauthorme
Wow. Sensual, intriguing. I hope you expand this so I know if Beth is in an institution or is a prisoner.
Dennis comes off as either psychiatrist or a sardonic student of fetishes.
Beth is obviously ready to do anything to seduce Dennis, for mutual satisfaction.
Yeah, I enjoyed the read, and am very interested in a sequel.
irish
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2022
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Wow. Sensual, intriguing. I hope you expand this so I know if Beth is in an institution or is a prisoner.
Dennis comes off as either psychiatrist or a sardonic student of fetishes.
Beth is obviously ready to do anything to seduce Dennis, for mutual satisfaction.
Yeah, I enjoyed the read, and am very interested in a sequel.
irish
Comment Written 21-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2022
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Thanks, Irish :-). Really glad you liked it - this may well be the one I continue with!
Mike