Written From the Other Side
A Cautionary Tale51 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
Whew! What a harrowing tale. I understand the panic you must have felt. I too live alone. Next time, God forbid it be, use the post on your bed to give yourself the Heimlich.
This was a good and cautionary tale for all of us living alone.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Whew! What a harrowing tale. I understand the panic you must have felt. I too live alone. Next time, God forbid it be, use the post on your bed to give yourself the Heimlich.
This was a good and cautionary tale for all of us living alone.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2022
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Thank you, Sandra, for reading and for your kind response. Speaking of response, that incident got me thinking about "First Response" -- you know, "I've fallen and I can't get up." But it's so daggone expensive!
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You are welcome. Jay, I have considered it too. Sometimes they run sales. Watch for them on TV.
Comment from Ann M
Jay,
I picked this one to review as I'm more familiar with this form than I am with script writing....but I intend to give that a shot as well.
This story was so relatable...for all of us taking those darn magnesium (and other pills)....and I live alone!
Hope not to be found choking on any of mine...
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Jay,
I picked this one to review as I'm more familiar with this form than I am with script writing....but I intend to give that a shot as well.
This story was so relatable...for all of us taking those darn magnesium (and other pills)....and I live alone!
Hope not to be found choking on any of mine...
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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Ann, thank you so much for stopping by. You are kind. I don't know that the script would be very much your cup of tea, only because you would be getting into it very late and still needing to wrestle with the dialect to make any sense at all of the plot. I'm just so pleased to share anything of mine with another live writer. Please do cut up your big pills! Thank you so much for the 6 stars!
Comment from Beri Bee
Your easy breezy folksy style so rich with details... just the kind that would run through a person's mind (or at least mine), is an absolute breath of fresh air! This is hair-razing great suspense, narration, and information... the complete package! I'm so glad to have discovered your writing. I look forward to catching up with it.
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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Your easy breezy folksy style so rich with details... just the kind that would run through a person's mind (or at least mine), is an absolute breath of fresh air! This is hair-razing great suspense, narration, and information... the complete package! I'm so glad to have discovered your writing. I look forward to catching up with it.
Comment Written 22-May-2022
reply by the author on 22-May-2022
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You are sweetness defined, Beri Bee (There's a story to that name)! I'm thrilled that you are enjoying my play. I've been at this writing business for better than 65 years, but I still get stoked when I get a lovely review like yours. And a six-star reward! You rock!
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Thank you so much!!!!!
Comment from Cheryl C.
I was captivated as I read this very well captured brief, but powerful, moment in time. I can only imagine how time was slowly playing before your eyes. Glad it turned out as it did.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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I was captivated as I read this very well captured brief, but powerful, moment in time. I can only imagine how time was slowly playing before your eyes. Glad it turned out as it did.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2022
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Thank you so much Cheryl, for your kind words about my experience. The sparkly stars were lovely!
Jay
Comment from MissMerri
I wanted to give this six stars Jay, only to discover I'd spent them all already, so just know, if I'd had any, this story certainly would have received a six. I found your story incredible and heart-pounding. You told this so well, I'm sure most readers were right there with you, gasping for air, pondering death, wondering what to do next. Powerful writing, and certainly prize-worthy in a crowded field. BTW, thank you for not dying!
(I have trouble swallowing pills and capsules too. I only try tiny ones or chewies now.) Keep up your excellent writing. I always enjoy it. ~ MM
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2022
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I wanted to give this six stars Jay, only to discover I'd spent them all already, so just know, if I'd had any, this story certainly would have received a six. I found your story incredible and heart-pounding. You told this so well, I'm sure most readers were right there with you, gasping for air, pondering death, wondering what to do next. Powerful writing, and certainly prize-worthy in a crowded field. BTW, thank you for not dying!
(I have trouble swallowing pills and capsules too. I only try tiny ones or chewies now.) Keep up your excellent writing. I always enjoy it. ~ MM
Comment Written 22-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2022
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MissMerri, you are a delight! Thank you so much for weighing in on this one. It wasn't easy to write. A virtual six from you is incredibly satisfying. Just having you read and comment is reward enough.
Comment from Sally Law
This is the winner in my eyes. Exceptional writing, dear Jay. I don't get over to you enough, but I was bedazzled tonight by your third place ribbon. Forgive me, but the judges have been asleep to some really wonderful work on FanStory Central, like this one. This is absolutely marvelous. A virtual six and my best for your week.
Glad you're here,
Sal XOs...
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2022
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This is the winner in my eyes. Exceptional writing, dear Jay. I don't get over to you enough, but I was bedazzled tonight by your third place ribbon. Forgive me, but the judges have been asleep to some really wonderful work on FanStory Central, like this one. This is absolutely marvelous. A virtual six and my best for your week.
Glad you're here,
Sal XOs...
Comment Written 21-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Sally, for the boost to my confidence. There were a lot of entries, though. A virtual six from you is a seven in my books. You are da bomb!
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If I'm a seven then you must be a ten and a mega bomb. Bless ya-- Sal :))
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
Jay,
Your exceptional prose catches the audience immediately. ( I take large pills daily and occasionally one has gotten stuck.. I experienced the lack of air thing, just for a moment, though, and it's frightening.
I relived this through your expository prose.
Your words are effective.
You have a wonderful writing style,
Best wishes,
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2022
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Jay,
Your exceptional prose catches the audience immediately. ( I take large pills daily and occasionally one has gotten stuck.. I experienced the lack of air thing, just for a moment, though, and it's frightening.
I relived this through your expository prose.
Your words are effective.
You have a wonderful writing style,
Best wishes,
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 21-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2022
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Many thanks, Cindy. Please DO cut your larger pills in half.
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Thank you, Jay. Sound advice!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I missed this somehow in my overburdened week, and only found it with the contest results. The attention to detail is brilliant, I could indeed imagine myself living through this. Wonderful piece of writing. FYI, in the UK when you dial 999, it can take 5 hrs for the ambulance to arrive. That's how overworked the NHS is. There are of course terrible consequences of such delays, one of which maybe I am living through as I write.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2022
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I missed this somehow in my overburdened week, and only found it with the contest results. The attention to detail is brilliant, I could indeed imagine myself living through this. Wonderful piece of writing. FYI, in the UK when you dial 999, it can take 5 hrs for the ambulance to arrive. That's how overworked the NHS is. There are of course terrible consequences of such delays, one of which maybe I am living through as I write.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2022
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Oh, Katherine, you are so kind. I appreciate your words and the information on UK ambulance response time. Geez, 6 stars! Thanks for that!
Comment from Father Flaps
This should win the True Story contest, Jay. Wow! That was a close call. Well told.
I was in the same boat some years ago. As previously mentioned, I was in the middle of chewing a Halloween candy kiss, a few days before the end of October. Some spittle landed near my windpipe just as I decided to take a breath. That's all it took. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get any air into my lungs. I panicked. But I wasn't alone, like you. Both my wife and daughter rushed to help me. One fetched a glass of cold water, while the other beat on my back. Meanwhile, I was trying desperately to clear my throat. I gulped some of the water. Then, with hardly any air left, I growled again. It was ... that... close. Just like you, buddy. All my relatives had been summoned to the Pearly Gates to welcome me home. Happily?, they were dismissed a moment later.
That old idiom,
"Life is fragile. Handle with care."
I can't swallow a pill, no matter how tiny it is. I chew. And I take 4 every day... high blood pressure/thyroid/heart beat/cholesterol. The thyroid and cholesterol pills are on the light side.
Nicely penned, Jay! Should I even say, I enjoyed it? A near-death experience? I am glad you are still in the land of the living, buddy. I sure would miss your talent.
Good Luck in the contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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This should win the True Story contest, Jay. Wow! That was a close call. Well told.
I was in the same boat some years ago. As previously mentioned, I was in the middle of chewing a Halloween candy kiss, a few days before the end of October. Some spittle landed near my windpipe just as I decided to take a breath. That's all it took. As hard as I tried, I couldn't get any air into my lungs. I panicked. But I wasn't alone, like you. Both my wife and daughter rushed to help me. One fetched a glass of cold water, while the other beat on my back. Meanwhile, I was trying desperately to clear my throat. I gulped some of the water. Then, with hardly any air left, I growled again. It was ... that... close. Just like you, buddy. All my relatives had been summoned to the Pearly Gates to welcome me home. Happily?, they were dismissed a moment later.
That old idiom,
"Life is fragile. Handle with care."
I can't swallow a pill, no matter how tiny it is. I chew. And I take 4 every day... high blood pressure/thyroid/heart beat/cholesterol. The thyroid and cholesterol pills are on the light side.
Nicely penned, Jay! Should I even say, I enjoyed it? A near-death experience? I am glad you are still in the land of the living, buddy. I sure would miss your talent.
Good Luck in the contest!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 16-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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You take most of the same pills I take, save thyroid. The ones that don't want to go down are the chalky ones, like the magnesium I mentioned, also the calcium which I simply stopped taking. I need calcium too, but not more than life itself. Thanks for the sixer, friend, but you really needn't have done that.
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Everything you write is a six, Jay. I can't help it.
Instead of a calcium pill, just drink milk.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
I find what you have written is interesting, about your imaginary thought of dying or a death moment or the process of death and the scene before death what you thought, a detailed biographical non-fiction a cautionary tale, but I could not understand your style or art of expression and failed to make out head and tale of your tale, so, I could not enjoy the read for plethora of mistakes in your expressions, though your expressions have your own art of wording but it appears so hard to follow because of your expressions are not clear, and not free from mistakes in expressions; your sentences are incomplete, I have tried to list down below, I do not edit, for you are a wise author, you know what you would like to write or express grammatically correct or rightly expressive:, for I do not write review without reading:
Inexpressiveness: in this listed down expression I do not use punctuation marks deliberately in my comments:
1) Maybe a minute and a half. (I do not understand this incomplete sentence, moreover, it is an incorrect and poor expression, because the groups of words do not convey any meaning but your assumption, a reader wants a correct and complete expression to read further.)
2) For sure, though, the dying process had already begun. (This is another incomplete sentence, whose dying process you mean here, I do not understand, you read and try to understand what message you convey, you are the writer, you know, but there is no link, you are talking about something in the air, a reader is not supposed to assume, presume and remember everything, the writer should maintain link and write fully and expressively)
3) I know it was 10:18 because (again, this is incomplete and incorrect expression, you know the time, but you have not mentioned time correctly, meaning of 10:18 is incomplete, wrong and incorrect mention of time, you know whether it is 10:18 AM /A.M. /a.m./PM/P.M./pm/p.m. but I cannot assume and accept a wrong expression)
4) So, at 10:15, I figured (again, and again, the same mistake, though other day you have taught me not to repeat (I can give you a copy of your review; what is 10:15? Is it time? Or something else, by reading I get no idea of time, wrong is wrong, grammatically wrong, you have written just numbers, assuming readers will understand, you assume much, it is not fair for writing)
5) It was 10:18, and (I am sorry, again, you have made the same mistake, this group of words are inexpressive, wrong, incorrect for I do not understand what you try to mean by 10:18, I may think it is something else and not about time)
6) the punchline is such (the word punchline is not a one word, and you have not used Author Notes about using the word to help a reader like me)
7) I remember--God, how I remember!-- (I am sorry to remind you, in one or more of your reviews of my posts or works at Fanstory, you have complained my writing believing in God, while you do believe in God, but you have objected my use of the word God in my works, if you ask for your writing, I can send you copy of your reviews of my works, though I had mentioned about God in my Author Notes, despite that you complained my use, hope you fif not read my Author Notes and wrote your personal viewpoint about my use of God, or repeated use of the word God; here for this work, you have mentioned nothing about your faith or belief in God)
8) None came. (I do not understand this, I do not understand your point and to me, it is an incomplete expression, the objective is not clear, nothing is clear to me here, place, object or time is not mentioned, I cannot assume everything; this is not expressive)
9) Nothing. (This word is meaningless, I find here; as I find this is inexpressive, this is irrelevant)
10) Another pull. (I do not understand these two words, these give me no meaning, so it is inexpressive, what is the type of expression, I fail to understand, who is the speaker and what for these two words are written, what is the purpose, I mean what is the point, what you pull, what for you pull, when and where you pull, nothing is clear to me)
11) Again. Nothing. (again, these two sentences, one word each; both the sentences are incomplete, wrong, meaningless and irrelevant here; you only know but you fail to express the sentences clearly or expressively, you have written this a non-fiction, but these expressions are not proper; these are rightly inexpressive, meaningless and irrelevant here)
12) I saw the image, and the message was immediate: my son, Joe, three days hence, framed by the opened front door ... just the face of him backing out through the door, gagging, covering his nose and mouth with his palm--and the image left me with the remorseful and humiliating realization that my body, too, was subject to decomposition. (I am sorry, I do not understand this long sentence, this is not expressive, not clear, not simple, not meaningful for I do not catch your point, I do not understand what you are trying to tell about, I don't understand this part of the sentence - my son, Joe, three days hence, what is the point here, I do not understand, again I do not understand your point -- framed by the opened front door - what is this and what you mean here, nothing is clear to me)
13) Image time-lapse: perhaps a second. (This sentence is inexpressive, I do not understand anything here)
14) my cellphone, (I do not understand this one word cellphone, this is not a one word, I know, as you have used the word as two words for example your sentence: Leave your cell phone on. So, your first expression cell phone as one word cellphone is wrong, so inexpressive)
15) My cellphone .... That thought (again, this is inexpressive, wrong use of the word cellphone again and thereafter the words after wrong use of dots, nothing is clear to me)
16) any good to call 911 if you (again wrong use of word/number 911; what do you mean is not clear to me; a wise writer or author does not assume all readers know everything and meaning of each word; because everyone does not know what is 911? You cannot assume everyone should know what is 911; again this is an inexpressive expression, misuse of a word)
17) Repeated. Sir, Ma'am, (this fragment is not clear and I do not understand; this is inexpressive to me)
18) in the Tehachapi mountains, (This is a wrong expression, the word mountains is wrong)
19) (obviously, NEAR end-of-life) theme. (the word all in capital NEAR is not a correct usage here, it is meaningless here, this is not clear to me, purpose of use of the word is not clear) I had subjectified consciousness (again, the word subjectified is not a word, the word I could not find in any dictionary, so, this is a wrong use of a word; it is expressive; because, the word is not found in the Dictionary and Encyclopedia, they asked me - did you mean: subjectivity or subjectify; you may check; I find you are proud of your style of expression but you are not the wisest in the world; I have given you examples more than enough here; I write this with reference to your work in the detailed review, though you have in a recent review of my work, you have not written a single word about reviewing of my work, but you have written about my nature, my liking, my expression, my style and nothing about the work you have reviewed, if you want reference, I can send your filling words as review in reviewing nothing about the work, because you never read any work but tempted in a hurry to write about the wisdom, experience of the author not the work, not a single word about the work, but by writing some assumed false word of notion, view about the author or writer of the work; but I review only after reading not like you, for I write not a word without reading the work; for reference: I give an copy of my 12 WORD SPIRITUAL FICTION you reviewed, without writing a word about review, you have sent me the words: I am forced to ask an impolite question, I'm afraid. This is obviously your contest. It follows the same pattern as previous contests of the same ilk. My question: Does anyone else enter your contest? Or are you the founder, the judge, and the only entrant? Is the winner of your contest ever announced? I know I'm talking in the wind. You've never answered by questions in the past. Jay))
20) what small, shred of attention (this part of sentence has a wrong use of comma; I do not edit for you are the author or writer you know where comma is used and where not)
21) So, I think your work deserves to be rated not even a single star, because there no provision of rating a work below single star, and I find your work is already recognised as an ALL TIME BEST post with rank for this month, since I know 'to err is human, to forgive is divine' and though I know how hard it is write and publish and get good rate and how hard it is to satisfy everyone through your self-made art and style of expression, I think to rate this work with three stars, because I can rate this work as per my power and right of rating, because by rating I cannot earn any profit, but as a reviewer I have some responsibilities, so I rate this work with *** THREE STARS. Thank you for sharing this. God bless you. Please write and post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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I find what you have written is interesting, about your imaginary thought of dying or a death moment or the process of death and the scene before death what you thought, a detailed biographical non-fiction a cautionary tale, but I could not understand your style or art of expression and failed to make out head and tale of your tale, so, I could not enjoy the read for plethora of mistakes in your expressions, though your expressions have your own art of wording but it appears so hard to follow because of your expressions are not clear, and not free from mistakes in expressions; your sentences are incomplete, I have tried to list down below, I do not edit, for you are a wise author, you know what you would like to write or express grammatically correct or rightly expressive:, for I do not write review without reading:
Inexpressiveness: in this listed down expression I do not use punctuation marks deliberately in my comments:
1) Maybe a minute and a half. (I do not understand this incomplete sentence, moreover, it is an incorrect and poor expression, because the groups of words do not convey any meaning but your assumption, a reader wants a correct and complete expression to read further.)
2) For sure, though, the dying process had already begun. (This is another incomplete sentence, whose dying process you mean here, I do not understand, you read and try to understand what message you convey, you are the writer, you know, but there is no link, you are talking about something in the air, a reader is not supposed to assume, presume and remember everything, the writer should maintain link and write fully and expressively)
3) I know it was 10:18 because (again, this is incomplete and incorrect expression, you know the time, but you have not mentioned time correctly, meaning of 10:18 is incomplete, wrong and incorrect mention of time, you know whether it is 10:18 AM /A.M. /a.m./PM/P.M./pm/p.m. but I cannot assume and accept a wrong expression)
4) So, at 10:15, I figured (again, and again, the same mistake, though other day you have taught me not to repeat (I can give you a copy of your review; what is 10:15? Is it time? Or something else, by reading I get no idea of time, wrong is wrong, grammatically wrong, you have written just numbers, assuming readers will understand, you assume much, it is not fair for writing)
5) It was 10:18, and (I am sorry, again, you have made the same mistake, this group of words are inexpressive, wrong, incorrect for I do not understand what you try to mean by 10:18, I may think it is something else and not about time)
6) the punchline is such (the word punchline is not a one word, and you have not used Author Notes about using the word to help a reader like me)
7) I remember--God, how I remember!-- (I am sorry to remind you, in one or more of your reviews of my posts or works at Fanstory, you have complained my writing believing in God, while you do believe in God, but you have objected my use of the word God in my works, if you ask for your writing, I can send you copy of your reviews of my works, though I had mentioned about God in my Author Notes, despite that you complained my use, hope you fif not read my Author Notes and wrote your personal viewpoint about my use of God, or repeated use of the word God; here for this work, you have mentioned nothing about your faith or belief in God)
8) None came. (I do not understand this, I do not understand your point and to me, it is an incomplete expression, the objective is not clear, nothing is clear to me here, place, object or time is not mentioned, I cannot assume everything; this is not expressive)
9) Nothing. (This word is meaningless, I find here; as I find this is inexpressive, this is irrelevant)
10) Another pull. (I do not understand these two words, these give me no meaning, so it is inexpressive, what is the type of expression, I fail to understand, who is the speaker and what for these two words are written, what is the purpose, I mean what is the point, what you pull, what for you pull, when and where you pull, nothing is clear to me)
11) Again. Nothing. (again, these two sentences, one word each; both the sentences are incomplete, wrong, meaningless and irrelevant here; you only know but you fail to express the sentences clearly or expressively, you have written this a non-fiction, but these expressions are not proper; these are rightly inexpressive, meaningless and irrelevant here)
12) I saw the image, and the message was immediate: my son, Joe, three days hence, framed by the opened front door ... just the face of him backing out through the door, gagging, covering his nose and mouth with his palm--and the image left me with the remorseful and humiliating realization that my body, too, was subject to decomposition. (I am sorry, I do not understand this long sentence, this is not expressive, not clear, not simple, not meaningful for I do not catch your point, I do not understand what you are trying to tell about, I don't understand this part of the sentence - my son, Joe, three days hence, what is the point here, I do not understand, again I do not understand your point -- framed by the opened front door - what is this and what you mean here, nothing is clear to me)
13) Image time-lapse: perhaps a second. (This sentence is inexpressive, I do not understand anything here)
14) my cellphone, (I do not understand this one word cellphone, this is not a one word, I know, as you have used the word as two words for example your sentence: Leave your cell phone on. So, your first expression cell phone as one word cellphone is wrong, so inexpressive)
15) My cellphone .... That thought (again, this is inexpressive, wrong use of the word cellphone again and thereafter the words after wrong use of dots, nothing is clear to me)
16) any good to call 911 if you (again wrong use of word/number 911; what do you mean is not clear to me; a wise writer or author does not assume all readers know everything and meaning of each word; because everyone does not know what is 911? You cannot assume everyone should know what is 911; again this is an inexpressive expression, misuse of a word)
17) Repeated. Sir, Ma'am, (this fragment is not clear and I do not understand; this is inexpressive to me)
18) in the Tehachapi mountains, (This is a wrong expression, the word mountains is wrong)
19) (obviously, NEAR end-of-life) theme. (the word all in capital NEAR is not a correct usage here, it is meaningless here, this is not clear to me, purpose of use of the word is not clear) I had subjectified consciousness (again, the word subjectified is not a word, the word I could not find in any dictionary, so, this is a wrong use of a word; it is expressive; because, the word is not found in the Dictionary and Encyclopedia, they asked me - did you mean: subjectivity or subjectify; you may check; I find you are proud of your style of expression but you are not the wisest in the world; I have given you examples more than enough here; I write this with reference to your work in the detailed review, though you have in a recent review of my work, you have not written a single word about reviewing of my work, but you have written about my nature, my liking, my expression, my style and nothing about the work you have reviewed, if you want reference, I can send your filling words as review in reviewing nothing about the work, because you never read any work but tempted in a hurry to write about the wisdom, experience of the author not the work, not a single word about the work, but by writing some assumed false word of notion, view about the author or writer of the work; but I review only after reading not like you, for I write not a word without reading the work; for reference: I give an copy of my 12 WORD SPIRITUAL FICTION you reviewed, without writing a word about review, you have sent me the words: I am forced to ask an impolite question, I'm afraid. This is obviously your contest. It follows the same pattern as previous contests of the same ilk. My question: Does anyone else enter your contest? Or are you the founder, the judge, and the only entrant? Is the winner of your contest ever announced? I know I'm talking in the wind. You've never answered by questions in the past. Jay))
20) what small, shred of attention (this part of sentence has a wrong use of comma; I do not edit for you are the author or writer you know where comma is used and where not)
21) So, I think your work deserves to be rated not even a single star, because there no provision of rating a work below single star, and I find your work is already recognised as an ALL TIME BEST post with rank for this month, since I know 'to err is human, to forgive is divine' and though I know how hard it is write and publish and get good rate and how hard it is to satisfy everyone through your self-made art and style of expression, I think to rate this work with three stars, because I can rate this work as per my power and right of rating, because by rating I cannot earn any profit, but as a reviewer I have some responsibilities, so I rate this work with *** THREE STARS. Thank you for sharing this. God bless you. Please write and post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2022
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Thank you for exercising your responsibilities, and may God Bless you.
