The Devil's Dilemma
Patrick McKee is back.81 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Alrighty then! I am all caught up on Patrick's shenanigans! (It took me some scanning to find this one...ah, but the gold was worth the dig!)
Every other one of these has been laugh out loud find I see this one was a contest winner so a whole lot of folks must agree!
I can practically see the twinkle in your eye...
Do not stop at four p!ease!
Mr. McKee is my newest guilty addiction!
Karenina
reply by the author on 30-May-2022
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Alrighty then! I am all caught up on Patrick's shenanigans! (It took me some scanning to find this one...ah, but the gold was worth the dig!)
Every other one of these has been laugh out loud find I see this one was a contest winner so a whole lot of folks must agree!
I can practically see the twinkle in your eye...
Do not stop at four p!ease!
Mr. McKee is my newest guilty addiction!
Karenina
Comment Written 30-May-2022
reply by the author on 30-May-2022
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Thanks, Karenina. I'll see what I can do.
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Thanks.... And I don't think I ever had a teacher as witty as you!
Comment from John Ciarmello
I absolutely loved this, Paul. It's clever and unusual. I love thinking out of the box like that. I'm jealous I didn't think of God and the Devil having a phone conversation. The ending was perfect.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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I absolutely loved this, Paul. It's clever and unusual. I love thinking out of the box like that. I'm jealous I didn't think of God and the Devil having a phone conversation. The ending was perfect.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2022
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Thanks for taking a look at this older post. Did you get a look at the other two poems that go with this one?
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I Haven't. What are they titled?
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They are "The Wake of Patrick McGee" and "Patrick McGee Phone Call to God".
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I'll read them for sure. Thanks Paul.
Comment from Larry Bond
Clever premise and very amusing. This poem left me wishing there were more, like a sagacious response from God to put Satan in his place. Since I'm new on the scene, I look forward to learning more about Patrick McKee.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2021
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Clever premise and very amusing. This poem left me wishing there were more, like a sagacious response from God to put Satan in his place. Since I'm new on the scene, I look forward to learning more about Patrick McKee.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Larry. There are a couple more Patrick poems that I posted earlier. Take a look at my portfolio if you want to try them.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Exceptional poem! I loved the imagery and the storyline keeps me captivated and was so interesting;-) I really enjoyed it very much!
Thank you for sharing and CONGRATULATIONS on winning the contest! I also entered it but you really deserved the win;-)
May God bless you and your family;-)
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2021
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Exceptional poem! I loved the imagery and the storyline keeps me captivated and was so interesting;-) I really enjoyed it very much!
Thank you for sharing and CONGRATULATIONS on winning the contest! I also entered it but you really deserved the win;-)
May God bless you and your family;-)
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Melodie. Don't be so modest.
Comment from Sapphire P.
This is an excellent poem. I loved it and had fun reading it. This deserved the win. Great funny story line, smooth rhyming pattern, easy to read. It kept my interest and the smile on my face to the very last word.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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This is an excellent poem. I loved it and had fun reading it. This deserved the win. Great funny story line, smooth rhyming pattern, easy to read. It kept my interest and the smile on my face to the very last word.
Comment Written 05-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Nina. You are too kind.
Comment from Senyai
Hi Paul,
Congratulations on winning the Rhyming Contest! This continuing saga of Pat McKee is both entertaining and humorous! Poor old Patrick, who woke up for his own "wake" then laid down and died has given everyone in his town pause, now the Devil is having trouble with him in hell, lol.
This is expertly written and deserved the first pace win!
Have a great Sunday,
Senyai
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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Hi Paul,
Congratulations on winning the Rhyming Contest! This continuing saga of Pat McKee is both entertaining and humorous! Poor old Patrick, who woke up for his own "wake" then laid down and died has given everyone in his town pause, now the Devil is having trouble with him in hell, lol.
This is expertly written and deserved the first pace win!
Have a great Sunday,
Senyai
Comment Written 05-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Senyai. I'm working on another Patrick poem.
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 05-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2021
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Holy mackerel! Seven stars! Didn't know there was such a thing.
Comment from Sallyo
Great fun! Your metre and rhyme are good, and you tell a mean story all right. It's because you're so good (and because with so many reviews already this won't affect your average) that I'm mentioning that your punctuation needs attention.
If the same person is speaking (monologue) you certainly can begin each paragraph (stanza) with open quotes, but you DON'T close the quotes until that person has finished speaking.
Since you're using enjambment (if that's the right term) I suggest you drop the capitalisation for the next line, too.
See...
And there was nothing I could do
As far as he could see" CUT THIS QUOTE
"That matched the grief that he'd been through make it -that matched
While in his mortal role,
Contending with the likes of her
Before they dug his hole."
"I don't know what is going on,
But, God, for what it's worth,
He says things aren't so bad down here
As they are back on Earth." LOSE THIS QUOTE
"The lawyers that I have down here
Are causing me concern.
I think I'll have a problem with those
Cutthroats when they learn" LOSE QUOTE
This is a little thing...
ev'ning
I think you could spell it out in full. Most people slur that syllable anyhow.
Grand poem!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
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Great fun! Your metre and rhyme are good, and you tell a mean story all right. It's because you're so good (and because with so many reviews already this won't affect your average) that I'm mentioning that your punctuation needs attention.
If the same person is speaking (monologue) you certainly can begin each paragraph (stanza) with open quotes, but you DON'T close the quotes until that person has finished speaking.
Since you're using enjambment (if that's the right term) I suggest you drop the capitalisation for the next line, too.
See...
And there was nothing I could do
As far as he could see" CUT THIS QUOTE
"That matched the grief that he'd been through make it -that matched
While in his mortal role,
Contending with the likes of her
Before they dug his hole."
"I don't know what is going on,
But, God, for what it's worth,
He says things aren't so bad down here
As they are back on Earth." LOSE THIS QUOTE
"The lawyers that I have down here
Are causing me concern.
I think I'll have a problem with those
Cutthroats when they learn" LOSE QUOTE
This is a little thing...
ev'ning
I think you could spell it out in full. Most people slur that syllable anyhow.
Grand poem!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
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Thanks, Sallyo, for the review and corrections. I'll try to do better next time.
Comment from Michele Harber
Great poem. This is very inventive and very amusing. I'm surprised you didn't hold this for a Share a Story in a Poem contest. (I'm also dismayed, because I'm entering something in the Rhyming Poem contest that I'm afraid won't stand a chance against this!) Every reference to Hell (i.e., "What in Hell was going on" and "there'd be Hell to pay") is perfectly used as both a part of the story, and for comedic effect. Even the more minor details, like the secretary's "nasal whine," and God's golf game with Saint Paul, add to the humor and help make the poem enjoyable.
Good luck in the contest. If I can't win, I at least want to lose to a poem I truly enjoyed.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
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Great poem. This is very inventive and very amusing. I'm surprised you didn't hold this for a Share a Story in a Poem contest. (I'm also dismayed, because I'm entering something in the Rhyming Poem contest that I'm afraid won't stand a chance against this!) Every reference to Hell (i.e., "What in Hell was going on" and "there'd be Hell to pay") is perfectly used as both a part of the story, and for comedic effect. Even the more minor details, like the secretary's "nasal whine," and God's golf game with Saint Paul, add to the humor and help make the poem enjoyable.
Good luck in the contest. If I can't win, I at least want to lose to a poem I truly enjoyed.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
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Thanks, Michele. You never can tell what is going to happen when the votes start coming in. I've thought that I had a winner when things didn't turn out that great.
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I know what you mean. I entered mine in the wee hours of this morning, and I'm very proud of it, but I still suspect yours will take it in the judging. The main thing is that a worthy poem wins, and we both wrote worthy poems.
Comment from Hitcher
A very cool and humorous story in poem for the rhyming poetry contest Paul. I'm one who appreciates the work that goes into lengthy poems having written more than my fair share over the years. I thoroughly enjoyed your your offering and wish you all the best in the contest : ))
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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A very cool and humorous story in poem for the rhyming poetry contest Paul. I'm one who appreciates the work that goes into lengthy poems having written more than my fair share over the years. I thoroughly enjoyed your your offering and wish you all the best in the contest : ))
Comment Written 29-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2021
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Thanks, Hitch. It does take some time to write the long ones. I'm working on another Patrick poem.