The Challenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Challenge, Act I, Scene 1"Young Man Has Doubts About Becoming a Priest
39 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Your use of metaphors & similes enhance the description of the characters, creating strong images. I like how you have developed the characters & the way they interact. You backstory is nicely woven in. I'll be moving on to Ch 2 tomorrow
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
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Your use of metaphors & similes enhance the description of the characters, creating strong images. I like how you have developed the characters & the way they interact. You backstory is nicely woven in. I'll be moving on to Ch 2 tomorrow
Comment Written 30-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2021
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Thank you for reading the first one, Liz. But don't waste your energies on two or three. I've given you all you need to know in the summaries of the previous chapters to give you the flow. We are part of FS's capitalistic algorithm and can't afford to waste our precious time on ones that have slipped to 2 cents. If, after you read the summaries and know where the plot has gone, you choose to read the current one, it is a $1.17 + read.
Meanwhile thank you for your kindness in reading scene one. I'm happy you found it enjoyable.
Jay
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I like your writing. I do this with writers who style I enjoy. I don't want the summary, I want to read your story. It's like how I go to my link of a pdf of Cannery Row by Steinbeck jut to enjoy the words.
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Cannery Row walked me through my angst as a teenager writer-to-be. Steinbeck was one of the greats.
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I just love reading the first few sentences. FS members would say he has too many run-on sentences. Here, have treat:
https://archive.org/stream/in.ernet.dli.2015.207559/2015.207559.Cannery-Row_djvu.txt
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Thank you for the freebie. I'll have to reserve it for my evening reading.
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***smile***I can't get past the first few paragraphs, which amount to about 1 or 2 sentences
Comment from Bill Schott
Nice introduction for the main character and his mom. The situation is interesting and the characterizations of the mother and Phillip help me like them and wonder what's next.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
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Nice introduction for the main character and his mom. The situation is interesting and the characterizations of the mother and Phillip help me like them and wonder what's next.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2021
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Thank you. The first scene in a play can make it or break it. I was rather pleased with the first two scenes, but the third one, posting in 45 minutes, has more dramatic oomph! Only exceeded by the scene after it, still a week away. (Why does this sound like a trailer?)
I appreciate the six stars.
Comment from Begin Again
I am so happy that my scattered self has connected with your new story from the beginning, and I look forward to following it along. I carry my faith within since I've had my fair share of "priests." I look forward to seeing how their troubled lives unfold.
Wishing you well, Jay. I love how your characters come alive as we read.
Hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2021
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I am so happy that my scattered self has connected with your new story from the beginning, and I look forward to following it along. I carry my faith within since I've had my fair share of "priests." I look forward to seeing how their troubled lives unfold.
Wishing you well, Jay. I love how your characters come alive as we read.
Hugs, Carol
Comment Written 15-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2021
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You are so kind, Carol. I hope you follow my play to its conclusion, but as I said in my other answer to your review, I'm afraid I may lose a few readers when it takes a controversial turn ahead.
Comment from Mary Shifman
Margaret sounds a little passive aggressive. She seems delicate and easily rattled but I have the feeling that she is always in control, bending others to her will without them being aware.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Margaret sounds a little passive aggressive. She seems delicate and easily rattled but I have the feeling that she is always in control, bending others to her will without them being aware.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
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Margaret doesn't really play much of a role in this drama. Thanks for reading, Mary. I think you're gonna enjoy the next scene.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Very good beginning for the script. the religious theme and the possible themes are right up my alley. As always, it is very well written. Look forward to more chapters. Hope all is well, Jay.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2021
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Very good beginning for the script. the religious theme and the possible themes are right up my alley. As always, it is very well written. Look forward to more chapters. Hope all is well, Jay.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2021
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Everything is great, Tim. Sorry you had to read this when it was only valued at 2 cents. I think you'll enjoy the next scene particularly and as it develops and layers it should become more and more interesting. Thanks again for reading!
Comment from damommy
I'm with you so far. Apparently, everything was given to getting Phillip through the seminary. James may feel he's been left to his own devices, and I'd like to hear more about Susan. Your characters seem very real, especially Margaret. On the the next chapter. 8-)
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2021
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I'm with you so far. Apparently, everything was given to getting Phillip through the seminary. James may feel he's been left to his own devices, and I'd like to hear more about Susan. Your characters seem very real, especially Margaret. On the the next chapter. 8-)
Comment Written 04-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2021
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Susan, as I conceive of her, will be as a soft melody to the stridency in his life. But we shall see. Plot is a growing thing in my plays, Yvonne. Sometimes, when I get to the end of a project and take the long backward view, I am amazed that I got to where it ended.
Thank you for reading. I hope you'll continue to be entertained, occasionally enlightened.
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I find that to be true in my poems. Sometimes, they take off by themselves. lol
Comment from tfawcus
You've established these two characters beautifully and included a number of intriguing suggestions for the future direction of this. It seems that both sons have issues arising from their upbringing.
I wasn't sure about this:
Another of God's providence.
It suggests there is more than one providence.
Perhaps Another example of God's providence. ?
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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You've established these two characters beautifully and included a number of intriguing suggestions for the future direction of this. It seems that both sons have issues arising from their upbringing.
I wasn't sure about this:
Another of God's providence.
It suggests there is more than one providence.
Perhaps Another example of God's providence. ?
Comment Written 03-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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I like that suggestion and its flow. So changed!
Thanks for reading this. It will be quite different from Genius in Love, of course, but I think you'll like it. The six. is over the top! Thank you, sir.
Comment from fishcantswim
No expert in stage writing, but formatting seems right and consistent.
Characterisation seems strong and developing as it should.
Believable too.
Nothing to criticise, to my eyes.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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No expert in stage writing, but formatting seems right and consistent.
Characterisation seems strong and developing as it should.
Believable too.
Nothing to criticise, to my eyes.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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And I thank you for reading it.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is very good. Phillip's size alone makes him stand out in the 50's when six foot was tall, and most everyone was thin. Everything said to his mother creates a sense that he is in a very confusing place where he has to make a decision which will make someone very unhappy. You do a very good job of putting emotion into your scenes with any crying, yelling, or miserable looks.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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This is very good. Phillip's size alone makes him stand out in the 50's when six foot was tall, and most everyone was thin. Everything said to his mother creates a sense that he is in a very confusing place where he has to make a decision which will make someone very unhappy. You do a very good job of putting emotion into your scenes with any crying, yelling, or miserable looks.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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I am so pleased you enjoyed this. I hope you will follow along at least for the next scene when things start coming together. Thanks for your kind words and the shineys
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It was supposed to read "without any crying, etc. . . . "
Comment from estory
This is an interesting scene between mother and son that reveals much about how the parents' ambitions manipulated their children's behavior, and their life choices. This dialogue is kind of laced with some tension, especially when the mother discovers the magazine and we see the son pulling at the bit to get out from underneath the constraining conventions of the priest hood and its somewhat artificial morality imposed on the seminary students. The reality is that despite appearances, they are just like everybody else. estory
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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This is an interesting scene between mother and son that reveals much about how the parents' ambitions manipulated their children's behavior, and their life choices. This dialogue is kind of laced with some tension, especially when the mother discovers the magazine and we see the son pulling at the bit to get out from underneath the constraining conventions of the priest hood and its somewhat artificial morality imposed on the seminary students. The reality is that despite appearances, they are just like everybody else. estory
Comment Written 03-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Estory. You've seemed to zero in on the tension I was trying to create. The priesthood in the 50s was different from today. It will begin to layer in the succeeding scenes. I hope you're around to see it unfold. Thank you for reading this.