Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Genius in Love, (Scene 2) "In Search of a Soul
27 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
I'm in awe of parents like his mother. She does her best to see that he fits in, despite his tics. The father is more into making sure when something does go wrong he still has the ability to say I told you so. He isn't much of a father. But I do sense that he does love the boy. Well done, Jay.
Gretchen
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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I'm in awe of parents like his mother. She does her best to see that he fits in, despite his tics. The father is more into making sure when something does go wrong he still has the ability to say I told you so. He isn't much of a father. But I do sense that he does love the boy. Well done, Jay.
Gretchen
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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I do thank you, Gretchen, for reading this. I'm sure you have enough to see the connection between Cornelius and (I can't think what the name of your character was) ... your character. That sentence ranks high in how not to use parentheses. LOL. You are wonderful.
Comment from lyenochka
Happy to be your 26th reviewer, Jay! Congrats on another super script posting! I could feel the tension between the parents and poor Cornelius. I wished that Cililla Queez showed up and gave that "father" a little bit of his own advice.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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Happy to be your 26th reviewer, Jay! Congrats on another super script posting! I could feel the tension between the parents and poor Cornelius. I wished that Cililla Queez showed up and gave that "father" a little bit of his own advice.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2021
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What a beautiful way to greet FanStory ... by seeing ATB status for Scene 2--one of my favorites. Thank you for being the game-changer, Helen!
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You're most welcome, Jay!
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
How would you like to have Howard for a father? What a supportive husband and father, eh? It's a wonder young Cornelius doesn't run away from home.
No sign of Cililla in this act. Maybe she'll appear when he goes to bed. I wonder what she'll have to say about his father.
Nicely penned, Jay. I'm enjoying the play so far. Keep up the good work.
One tiny spot,
"(CORNELIUS glances in the direction of his mother, without connecting with her eyes, then shuffles on back to the piano where he sits staring at the keys)"
"without connecting with her eye" ... (I suggest,
without eye contact)
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Hi Jay,
How would you like to have Howard for a father? What a supportive husband and father, eh? It's a wonder young Cornelius doesn't run away from home.
No sign of Cililla in this act. Maybe she'll appear when he goes to bed. I wonder what she'll have to say about his father.
Nicely penned, Jay. I'm enjoying the play so far. Keep up the good work.
One tiny spot,
"(CORNELIUS glances in the direction of his mother, without connecting with her eyes, then shuffles on back to the piano where he sits staring at the keys)"
"without connecting with her eye" ... (I suggest,
without eye contact)
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Excellent suggestion, Kimbob. The change is made. I appreciate your extra set of eyes--whether making contact or not! You always have been so helpful. And with your six (and with this being the 25th review), it is now vaulted all the way to ATB. Thank you for that!
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Good Luck, Jay!
Comment from Bill Schott
Scene Two has definitely cut out unmistakable images for Cornelius's parents. Rich, pompous Howard and doting Toloache are of opposite opinion as to Cornelius's future.
Your setting description gives the stage manager a better idea of the scene and, I guess, the only thing missing is some piano man jam. That must be part of the coming plot development.
I have been involved a couple of times with the community theater and they pointed out to me that language was a balancing of the subject matter and who the audience might be. I mention that because this may be a play that middle or high school students are encouraged to see.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Scene Two has definitely cut out unmistakable images for Cornelius's parents. Rich, pompous Howard and doting Toloache are of opposite opinion as to Cornelius's future.
Your setting description gives the stage manager a better idea of the scene and, I guess, the only thing missing is some piano man jam. That must be part of the coming plot development.
I have been involved a couple of times with the community theater and they pointed out to me that language was a balancing of the subject matter and who the audience might be. I mention that because this may be a play that middle or high school students are encouraged to see.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Thank you for the encouraging review and, of course, the lovely 6th star.
Comment from muffinmama
For someone who doesn't write scripts, you're doing a very commendable job of it.
The dialogue is on target and succeeds in moving the story line along, despite the fact that in this scene, its main purpose is character reveal.
Anyone who has a child on the spectrum or knows one intimately, can't help but chuckle at the conversation between Cornelius and his father. It is so spot on and genuine, the literal boy and the uncaring, humorless adult.
Again, anyone living this situation must have felt the deep frustration and heartbreak that the mother is experiencing.
The ending is a perfect setup for the mother to smash her husband over the head with a cast iron fryer. But I won't write your story!
Looking forward to the next scene.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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For someone who doesn't write scripts, you're doing a very commendable job of it.
The dialogue is on target and succeeds in moving the story line along, despite the fact that in this scene, its main purpose is character reveal.
Anyone who has a child on the spectrum or knows one intimately, can't help but chuckle at the conversation between Cornelius and his father. It is so spot on and genuine, the literal boy and the uncaring, humorless adult.
Again, anyone living this situation must have felt the deep frustration and heartbreak that the mother is experiencing.
The ending is a perfect setup for the mother to smash her husband over the head with a cast iron fryer. But I won't write your story!
Looking forward to the next scene.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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I can't scramble quickly enough to the reviewer nominations, Ryma. I only hope I have some left (I don't know how many Tom gives us). But you are so spot-on with what I was trying hard to actualize in my scene. It is the pattern of the Autistic person's speech that either succeeds or fails to bring out his/her underlying thinking. He had a good foil in his dad for the flow to start. Thank you so very much for your encouraging thoughts, Ryma. The six ain't bad either (lol!)
Comment from RetroStarfish
Well drawn characters and realistic dialogue. Great second act. My heart aches for Cornelius. His parents, not so much. I can't wait to read the next Act.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Well drawn characters and realistic dialogue. Great second act. My heart aches for Cornelius. His parents, not so much. I can't wait to read the next Act.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Retro, I'm glad you responded well to it. It's hard not to love Cornelius and deplore his treatment by his father.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Jay, I continued on with this scene to see how Genius in love plays out.
Easy to visualize, this scene sets the tone of Cornelius's foundation. Cornelius has it rough at school... maybe even a bit rougher than he even knows. He has a mother who cares, but she is human, has limits, and is not truly in a united front as a parent ... since he has a father who might feel a bit disappointed and apathetic towards his only child, mostly tolerated, but bitter and less than grateful.
embarrassment and a social detriment.
(Ah, sad, but believable)
Thank you, Howard!
(Her stage snark is strong. : D )
pocket and white skin appears beneath it.)
(Ah, physical altercation. It's not easy being a kid, period, but kids in general are mean)
See? The boy has no clue.
(He has a clue, but he's comprehending things on a literal level, versus the undertones implied.
Boy, don't you have an ounce of pride?
him in an institution when we first found out.
(Nice when a parent sees the kids as disposable.)
Random side note, I recall my cousin coming home from school, running up the driveway on his tip-toes... a rosy odonel doll craddled in one elbow, and a much too tiny kid umbrella in his hand. It would have been hard for the other kids to pick on him though as he had at least 100 lbs on them and twice the height. He's autistic. Likes to call me Sophia Petrillo. Has a fondness for Mr. Bean and Diana Lewis. ... Detroit news lady.
I think he fancies himself as being a weather man some day.
I guess the random thought I think I'm having is, I always figure he has a shield of innocence around his pride, the way he just never seems to care if he looks silly. He just is who he is.
Me: Hi, B. welcome back from school.
Him. Hello, Sophia Petrillo.
Me: Why am I a golden girl? Joe gets to be the Arch Bishop, and I'm a Golden Girl. I'm not even old.
Him: Sophia.
Me: You know you look ridiculous with that umbrella, right?
Him.Yes. All of my cousins are going to Frankenmuth?
Me: Only if we can eat potato salad.
Him: YUCK!
you think it was your talent? Huh?
(Howard isn't a very likable dad.)
He's asking to see Cornelius and me tomorrow night.
(After establishing a sense of the home life, this presents as a new conflict, plot point in the horizon)
This scene has strong emotional stirring. Children get the luck and draw of their parental spawn points... some ... get even less luck. Cornelius has a loving mother, and a disappointed, less than affectionate father.
Though, in the 50's I don't know how many dad's were brought up to say... rub a little dirt in that wound, and punch back ... if you don't want to be pushed around. Coddling is still looked down a bit.
No changes to suggest. Vivid scene, and easy to relate to, feel bad for Cornellius. Curious as to what the Principal might have to say.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Hi, Jay, I continued on with this scene to see how Genius in love plays out.
Easy to visualize, this scene sets the tone of Cornelius's foundation. Cornelius has it rough at school... maybe even a bit rougher than he even knows. He has a mother who cares, but she is human, has limits, and is not truly in a united front as a parent ... since he has a father who might feel a bit disappointed and apathetic towards his only child, mostly tolerated, but bitter and less than grateful.
embarrassment and a social detriment.
(Ah, sad, but believable)
Thank you, Howard!
(Her stage snark is strong. : D )
pocket and white skin appears beneath it.)
(Ah, physical altercation. It's not easy being a kid, period, but kids in general are mean)
See? The boy has no clue.
(He has a clue, but he's comprehending things on a literal level, versus the undertones implied.
Boy, don't you have an ounce of pride?
him in an institution when we first found out.
(Nice when a parent sees the kids as disposable.)
Random side note, I recall my cousin coming home from school, running up the driveway on his tip-toes... a rosy odonel doll craddled in one elbow, and a much too tiny kid umbrella in his hand. It would have been hard for the other kids to pick on him though as he had at least 100 lbs on them and twice the height. He's autistic. Likes to call me Sophia Petrillo. Has a fondness for Mr. Bean and Diana Lewis. ... Detroit news lady.
I think he fancies himself as being a weather man some day.
I guess the random thought I think I'm having is, I always figure he has a shield of innocence around his pride, the way he just never seems to care if he looks silly. He just is who he is.
Me: Hi, B. welcome back from school.
Him. Hello, Sophia Petrillo.
Me: Why am I a golden girl? Joe gets to be the Arch Bishop, and I'm a Golden Girl. I'm not even old.
Him:
Me: You know you look ridiculous with that umbrella, right?
Him.
Me: Only if we can eat potato salad.
Him: YUCK!
you think it was your talent? Huh?
(Howard isn't a very likable dad.)
He's asking to see Cornelius and me tomorrow night.
(After establishing a sense of the home life, this presents as a new conflict, plot point in the horizon)
This scene has strong emotional stirring. Children get the luck and draw of their parental spawn points... some ... get even less luck. Cornelius has a loving mother, and a disappointed, less than affectionate father.
Though, in the 50's I don't know how many dad's were brought up to say... rub a little dirt in that wound, and punch back ... if you don't want to be pushed around. Coddling is still looked down a bit.
No changes to suggest. Vivid scene, and easy to relate to, feel bad for Cornellius. Curious as to what the Principal might have to say.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Thank you, once again, Turtle. The play itself, or this scene, anyway, skates along the surface of a dysfunctional family. I'm rather disappointed in how few responded to this scene. The first one really blasted off. That's all the more reason why I welcomed your review so much. Your aside with your nephew was priceless and I'll likely be drawing off his psychic energy for the remaining scenes.
I've been thrashing around the details of the next scene, the one with Toloache and Cornelius's principal, with Cornelius left in the music room next door and playing the piano. Hope it comes together soon.
Comment from Bluesatinbutterfly
As ever a fascinating insight into the dynamics of this family. I do like me a good villain too. Add to that the over the top reaction of the mother, it makes a great read.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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As ever a fascinating insight into the dynamics of this family. I do like me a good villain too. Add to that the over the top reaction of the mother, it makes a great read.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
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Thank you so much for your kind words. Howard kinda got away from me. I didn't want him to be so one-sided and hateful, but more just self-obsessed and focused on his business. I think you'll enjoy the next scene with the Principal.
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I look forward to reading it. I am feeling a little embarrassed right now. I instigated a contest that finishes in six hours and there are only three entrants! I think most of America is asleep. I should have made the entrance limit more than 18 hours, what a twit!! :)
Comment from kmoss
I'm surprised his little friend didn't appear during this scene. I would like she would show up to block out noise when he is anxious. Nevertheless, I enjoyed this scene. The characters are presented well and the script paints the scene. Well done, as always!
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
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I'm surprised his little friend didn't appear during this scene. I would like she would show up to block out noise when he is anxious. Nevertheless, I enjoyed this scene. The characters are presented well and the script paints the scene. Well done, as always!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Krytal. You'll get more of Cililla in future scenes. I didn't want anything to interrupt the conflict between Toloache and Howard. I really appreciate your support with this play.
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Sounds good. I need to get back to your novel. I have been in full writing mode instead of reading mode lately.
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Jay, this is coming along nicely and shockingly so. It was mesmerizing to read and poor Cornelius could probably hear it all. How ignorant the world was back then and probably still is, if people don't know much about it.
Howard is coming across as a class A ignorant idiot, and his wife is a bit feeble but genuinely wanting to protect her son. Great writing.
An autistic, musical genius child, age 12, in an era when little was know about autism, = ... when little was known about autism,
Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Wow, Jay, this is coming along nicely and shockingly so. It was mesmerizing to read and poor Cornelius could probably hear it all. How ignorant the world was back then and probably still is, if people don't know much about it.
Howard is coming across as a class A ignorant idiot, and his wife is a bit feeble but genuinely wanting to protect her son. Great writing.
An autistic, musical genius child, age 12, in an era when little was know about autism, = ... when little was known about autism,
Ulla:)))
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Thank you for pointing out that SPAG. I shall attend to it straight away. The six stars have me smiling ear to ear. Now if I can only get 25 people to read it. I think I know the reason. The Character sketches are too long, along with the setting. People are lazy. I am foremost of them. Again, thanks for the six-er!