Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Genius in Love (Scene 1)"In Search of a Soul
40 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
I really was drawn in quickly with this. The character of Cornelius is both simple and complex. You portrayed his fear of losing his familiar imaginary friend. Son of a bitch, you've hooked me. Lol.
Gretchen
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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I really was drawn in quickly with this. The character of Cornelius is both simple and complex. You portrayed his fear of losing his familiar imaginary friend. Son of a bitch, you've hooked me. Lol.
Gretchen
Comment Written 15-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2022
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I love it, Gretchen. Really, though! Really, you don't need to review this. Latch on to some money makers so you'll have enough to post your fab stuff!
Comment from Lobber
Hi Jay,
so much to say m, so little time
My thoughts are scattered and not very polished, sorry but I wanted to get this out to you.
I decided I wanted to read your your last Genius from a director/theatre perspective... my thoughts are specific but meander.
:: Corn's music, like Cil's presence, is in his head. A great opportunity to let the audience in on his special world and let them hear what he hears. Essential!!!
The bell rings in 5 minutes. Will the audience hear this? Sound and silence are two MAJOR CHARACTERS in every play. You need to control each.
::Cil walks through the door like a human...a scrim effect with lights can make her disappear or transform...I think of Come Back to the 5 & Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean. In theatre actors can walk through walls and souls.
::your tipped water glass is kids play...check out Elvira' tirade of destroying the set in Noel Coward's Blithe Spirit -
https://docplayer.net/63824606-Direction-of-the-play-blithe-spirit.html
)...through the use of two actuators and two curved push rods, connected through relays to the light board....This will allow the light board operator to control these doors, and open and close them as needed. The soundboard operator, feeding the various speakers as needed, will control the music from the Victrola The last scene, when Charles leaves, is one of chaos. Books and knickknacks will be flung off shelves through the use of carefully placed and camouflaged poke holes. I envision a large painting above the fireplace. It will hang on a pin through the center of the painting, thus enabling it to spin on its axis. A vase of flowers will fly across the room, smashing into a wall. This will be done with monofilament line through the set, so that someone backstage simply gives a great tug and away it flies. I want the fireplace to explode, as if kicked. This will be accomplished by the use of several red- and orange-gelled lights in the fireplace, along with silk streamers and a fan blowing "ash" out of the fireplace(
and more!! - Jer
p.s. - The history of psychokinesisis a history of frauds and fakery, both proven and suspected ....alas, Jerry
:: Are you writing the play or is it writing you? You seem to be too close to this piece... both you and it might benefit from a rest ... put it on the shelf for a week or two .... I'm reminded of Pirendello's )Six Characters in Search of an Author(
xox Jer
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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Hi Jay,
so much to say m, so little time
My thoughts are scattered and not very polished, sorry but I wanted to get this out to you.
I decided I wanted to read your your last Genius from a director/theatre perspective... my thoughts are specific but meander.
:: Corn's music, like Cil's presence, is in his head. A great opportunity to let the audience in on his special world and let them hear what he hears. Essential!!!
The bell rings in 5 minutes. Will the audience hear this? Sound and silence are two MAJOR CHARACTERS in every play. You need to control each.
::Cil walks through the door like a human...a scrim effect with lights can make her disappear or transform...I think of Come Back to the 5 & Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean. In theatre actors can walk through walls and souls.
::your tipped water glass is kids play...check out Elvira' tirade of destroying the set in Noel Coward's Blithe Spirit -
https://docplayer.net/63824606-Direction-of-the-play-blithe-spirit.html
)...through the use of two actuators and two curved push rods, connected through relays to the light board....This will allow the light board operator to control these doors, and open and close them as needed. The soundboard operator, feeding the various speakers as needed, will control the music from the Victrola The last scene, when Charles leaves, is one of chaos. Books and knickknacks will be flung off shelves through the use of carefully placed and camouflaged poke holes. I envision a large painting above the fireplace. It will hang on a pin through the center of the painting, thus enabling it to spin on its axis. A vase of flowers will fly across the room, smashing into a wall. This will be done with monofilament line through the set, so that someone backstage simply gives a great tug and away it flies. I want the fireplace to explode, as if kicked. This will be accomplished by the use of several red- and orange-gelled lights in the fireplace, along with silk streamers and a fan blowing "ash" out of the fireplace(
and more!! - Jer
p.s. - The history of psychokinesisis a history of frauds and fakery, both proven and suspected ....alas, Jerry
:: Are you writing the play or is it writing you? You seem to be too close to this piece... both you and it might benefit from a rest ... put it on the shelf for a week or two .... I'm reminded of Pirendello's )Six Characters in Search of an Author(
xox Jer
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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Thank you, Jer, for your unique perspective. I have no repertoire, just the actors and the use of stop action and graying to shadow. All the special effects you are discussing would be lost on the reader, wouldn't they. I don't have any hopes of getting this on the stage. LOL, I was surprised you told me to distance myself from it for a while when that was the first scene.
I'm just thrilled you had a chance to read it.
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Hi Jay,
It?s almost 2am in Toronto. My Review is after my reading Scene 10. I started the review in the )review box( then put it down, lost the FS WINDOW, started again in NOTES, cut & paste the copy by going to your portfolio and failed to notice I was reviewing Scene 1 not 10.
Even if you don?t get it staged, it doesn?t hurt to write it for a viewing audience. There are folks like me who read plays?right now yours is an embryonic hybrid of sorts.. which is OK ? but perhaps a heads up warning to the reader might be in order as to your intent.
- Jer
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
This autistic savant will be an interesting subject to follow. The conversations between he and Cililla are really going on in his head. Is that true? He seems to be resisting her which indicates a delay in his maturity.
Ralf
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2021
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This autistic savant will be an interesting subject to follow. The conversations between he and Cililla are really going on in his head. Is that true? He seems to be resisting her which indicates a delay in his maturity.
Ralf
Comment Written 13-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2021
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Yes, it's going on in his head. Thanks, for going back and picking up this one. There is only so much I can tell in the thumbnail sketches.
Comment from Bill Schott
I love the concept here and I think your stage management was well noted. The mischievous Celilla stands as an opposite to Cornelius and just a bit scary.
Your setting is a bit hard to imagine from a stage point of view. The set up seems to place all the students' backs to the audience. I feel that Cornelius and Celilla should be facing downstage (forward) to facilitate the action and reactions of the key actors. What do you think?
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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I love the concept here and I think your stage management was well noted. The mischievous Celilla stands as an opposite to Cornelius and just a bit scary.
Your setting is a bit hard to imagine from a stage point of view. The set up seems to place all the students' backs to the audience. I feel that Cornelius and Celilla should be facing downstage (forward) to facilitate the action and reactions of the key actors. What do you think?
Comment Written 05-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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You are absolutely right. I'm thinking like a storyteller, not a playwright. I'll give more thought to that before I post the next in-class scene. Thank you for bringing it to my attention, Bill. And still you gave me a six!! Yowser!
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Jay...
I read through this stage play.
sweaty t-shirts--and do you know why(,) class?
(add comma for him addressing everyone as 'class'. I figured you left this for me to find, so I wouldn't feel too useless. : )
His breathing is loud.)
(This gives a vivid indication of what should be happening as motion on the stage)
You will repeat the eighth grade.
(A conflict of student proportions)
your extra day away from school.
(Seems to enjoy the pain of this test, pass... fail student anxiety inducing event. Maybe he's just stressing the situation, as the kids aren't taking the learning seriously)
be the very ones whose names will not be on that list.
(Ha... Kids can be so immature)
his restless eyes and are conducting their own little experiments. (So Cornelius is aware, subconciously, of this happening, and his unease has manifested in a more outgoing way in his mind)
, but immediately turns away, still terribly confused.)
(He got an imaginary friend upgrade. Nice.)
Pidely-Poo did a great job, Cornelius.
(Nice explaination of what is happening. Gives good indication and presidence of how Cornelius's mind is working to assist him in a way he might want, or need)
Sweetie Pie, that were beyond Pidely-Poo's grasp.
(Also nice to see he's almost a victim of his own better judgement, or maybe there is a benevolant supernatural elemant also involved... kind of like drop dead fred)
And smile. You have such a glorious smile.
(Nice interaction between Celilla and Corn... She's trying to make the adjustment easier, though it doesn't seem Cornelius is all on for the idea... yet)
I've been sent to help you now.
(kind of cool concept, like I said, like the next level of Drop Dead Fred... for)
and MR. HINEY and the classroom are reanimated.)
(The glass tip gives it a semi supernatural possibility, though ... Mr Hiney could have knocked his own glass, maybe. And Corn could have processed it as Cellia doing it. OR Cellia has some supernatural presense)
In the meantime *throwing up hands* it is what it is.
(I don't think the scene prep is distracting, helps visualize what is going on.
I enjoyed the scene. I think it portrays what you are going for. Corn, an autistic boy who can see things, maybe things beyond the perception of regular people that have a supernatural edge, is in a situation.
His teacher may have predatory aspects about him.
And Corn, growing up, is getting a visit from either his new imaginary friend, or a aspect of his own psychee... or a entity only he can see)
The teacher comes off as pervy
Cornelious comes off as wanting to fit in, but not fitting in.
Cellia comes off as maybe a little promiscous, but contained... extroverted and cocky, and there to help.
Enjoyed envisioning this scene. I recall when I was a kid, one of my male teachers mentioned to a fellow student of mine as we walking that Brandy (a fellow sixth grader) was a gorgeous girl. I, even as a child, thought that highly inappropriate a comment to make. Like... dude, Pervert alert. She's in sixth grade... she's not gorgeous. She's a kid. Like us... Who you are speaking to.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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Hi, Jay...
I read through this stage play.
sweaty t-shirts--and do you know why(,) class?
(add comma for him addressing everyone as 'class'. I figured you left this for me to find, so I wouldn't feel too useless. : )
His breathing is loud.)
(This gives a vivid indication of what should be happening as motion on the stage)
You will repeat the eighth grade.
(A conflict of student proportions)
your extra day away from school.
(Seems to enjoy the pain of this test, pass... fail student anxiety inducing event. Maybe he's just stressing the situation, as the kids aren't taking the learning seriously)
be the very ones whose names will not be on that list.
(Ha... Kids can be so immature)
his restless eyes and are conducting their own little experiments. (So Cornelius is aware, subconciously, of this happening, and his unease has manifested in a more outgoing way in his mind)
, but immediately turns away, still terribly confused.)
(He got an imaginary friend upgrade. Nice.)
Pidely-Poo did a great job, Cornelius.
(Nice explaination of what is happening. Gives good indication and presidence of how Cornelius's mind is working to assist him in a way he might want, or need)
Sweetie Pie, that were beyond Pidely-Poo's grasp.
(Also nice to see he's almost a victim of his own better judgement, or maybe there is a benevolant supernatural elemant also involved... kind of like drop dead fred)
And smile. You have such a glorious smile.
(Nice interaction between Celilla and Corn... She's trying to make the adjustment easier, though it doesn't seem Cornelius is all on for the idea... yet)
I've been sent to help you now.
(kind of cool concept, like I said, like the next level of Drop Dead Fred... for)
and MR. HINEY and the classroom are reanimated.)
(The glass tip gives it a semi supernatural possibility, though ... Mr Hiney could have knocked his own glass, maybe. And Corn could have processed it as Cellia doing it. OR Cellia has some supernatural presense)
In the meantime *throwing up hands* it is what it is.
(I don't think the scene prep is distracting, helps visualize what is going on.
I enjoyed the scene. I think it portrays what you are going for. Corn, an autistic boy who can see things, maybe things beyond the perception of regular people that have a supernatural edge, is in a situation.
His teacher may have predatory aspects about him.
And Corn, growing up, is getting a visit from either his new imaginary friend, or a aspect of his own psychee... or a entity only he can see)
The teacher comes off as pervy
Cornelious comes off as wanting to fit in, but not fitting in.
Cellia comes off as maybe a little promiscous, but contained... extroverted and cocky, and there to help.
Enjoyed envisioning this scene. I recall when I was a kid, one of my male teachers mentioned to a fellow student of mine as we walking that Brandy (a fellow sixth grader) was a gorgeous girl. I, even as a child, thought that highly inappropriate a comment to make. Like... dude, Pervert alert. She's in sixth grade... she's not gorgeous. She's a kid. Like us... Who you are speaking to.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2021
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You help me as no other reviewer to solidify my thoughts around what I sorta-kinda wanted to express through the characters, but couldn't fully objectify it. Like Cililla's "powers. Jung studied pubescent children and the occasional paranormal activity brought about by their new "energies". I've lost his term for it, but it had to do with things flying off shelves, windows breaking, etc. Now, Cililla represents Cornelius's subconscious mind, his runaway libido bumping into his Superego (with Cililla). BTW, did you get the pun on the word Cililla Queez? No one mentioned it. I was thinking of her thoughts becoming his thoughts and becoming a kind of soliloquy between them.
Once again, thank you for being... you!
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Ha! Soliloquy... Nice word play. Unfortunately I only recall looking at the name and thinking something that escaped me, but I did not catch the word's origins. I'd like to blame my 12 hour work days doing my brain some serious strain, but more likely, soliloquy is a word that I haven't had a lot of exposure to, to make the connection.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Encore! Encore! Really great, Jay. I enjoyed the interplay between Cornelius and his new 'friend', Cillilla. A lovely picture too. You have a lot of explanation which at times became tiresome though.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Encore! Encore! Really great, Jay. I enjoyed the interplay between Cornelius and his new 'friend', Cillilla. A lovely picture too. You have a lot of explanation which at times became tiresome though.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Giddy. Unfortunately (probably because of my inexperience as a playwright) I felt the explanation was necessary to explain some weird things going on. Thanks for your kind wrds, Giddy.
Comment from Talia Shilling Rabin
Personally, anyone who writes a script is already amazing in my mind. Despite that, you passed my standards for a script. I love this topic and how it played out; is this a stand alone scene or part of a larger play? I look forward to reading more of your writing. Good job!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2021
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Personally, anyone who writes a script is already amazing in my mind. Despite that, you passed my standards for a script. I love this topic and how it played out; is this a stand alone scene or part of a larger play? I look forward to reading more of your writing. Good job!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Talia. The second act is forthcoming. Probably tomorrow evening. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Susan Larson
Jay, this is a very interesting script and it makes me wonder if through your family you may have had interactions with an autistic young man. I look forward to reading scene two. Congratulations on the contest.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2021
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Jay, this is a very interesting script and it makes me wonder if through your family you may have had interactions with an autistic young man. I look forward to reading scene two. Congratulations on the contest.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2021
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Thank you, Susan. I have been haunted by a 6th-grade autistic child that we used to bully unmercifully back in about 1950. He had a twig that he "traced the infinity sign with" and no one knew anything about autism back then. He was just a crazy boy whose twig needed breaking and whose clothing needed ripping and whose body needed pummeling. When I replay it, I like to think of myself as being his protector. But I know I wasn't. I don't know what happened to the little crazy boy.
Thank you, Susan, for reading my play. and for your kind words.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay,
This the first time reading a script play
I'm one that aren't use to use pre-eminent words.
So here I am looking up the meaning of the word or another word to describe what I want to say,
here I teaching self how to read your excellent way of how you got my full attention.
Gert
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2021
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Hello Jay,
This the first time reading a script play
I'm one that aren't use to use pre-eminent words.
So here I am looking up the meaning of the word or another word to describe what I want to say,
here I teaching self how to read your excellent way of how you got my full attention.
Gert
Comment Written 01-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2021
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I'm certainly glad you enjoyed reading my play. It did much better than I ever hoped. The six stars really mean a lot to me!
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Jay Squires:
As a lifelong educator, I have both used and seen the throwing up of hands many times. It can be quite effective if used at the same time. I am hoping Cornelius and Cililla will be able to expose Mr. Hiney (what a perfect name for this character) as a perp. I look forward to the next act.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2021
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Jay Squires:
As a lifelong educator, I have both used and seen the throwing up of hands many times. It can be quite effective if used at the same time. I am hoping Cornelius and Cililla will be able to expose Mr. Hiney (what a perfect name for this character) as a perp. I look forward to the next act.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 01-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2021
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What a wonderful review, Jan. Thank you so much for your kind words and for saying you want to read on with it. The second act is good to go... as soon as I make enough moolah to promote it. Be looking around Saturday or Sunday.