Comment from Annelisa

Exceptional

Nice job chef, er, poet. I loved it! The hypnotic rhythm pulled me under like a rip current and not letting go until the chilling end where I now gasp to catch my breath.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

Comment from Cajungirl

Excellent

Spine-tingling, Creepy, scary and dark, but what else do I expect from the master of horror. LOL

The artwork is simply perfect. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

---

reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014

Thanks, Cajungirl. No more lovey-dovey, nature praisin' Haiku for this old boy. I just ain't cut out for it.

reply by Cajungirl on 29-Jun-2014

LOL

Come on you still gotta surprise us every now and then with one of those lovey-dovey poems.

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

This is beyond awesome. I don't think you should be allowed to be alone, maybe a sexy caretaker would help keep you mind focused on healthier things...but then again......???

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

---

reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014

Thanks, Smurphgirlsasha. You know any, heh-heh...?

Thanks for the entertaining review.

Comment from Sanku

Exceptional

I am so relieved once i read your author's note.This is something that hits you like a sledgehammer even at the first reading .I was feeling very depressed at the news of Pam . Then this made me nore depressing. The 'ing' alliteration is very effective and it conveys the dull repetitive thought (often senseless) in the brain (of sick people) and somewhere there is a tone of "please -try- to- -understand-me" kind of plea .Well done.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

Comment from Patrick G Cox

Excellent

Hi Dean Kuch

Some dark and bleak imagery driving this one. I liked the alliterations you used and it has a good tempo.

Patrick

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

---

reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014

Thank, Patrick. Glad you picked up on the pattern. This one really requires being read aloud for maximum effect.

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Excellent

Hi Dean - This one just bounces along and rolls effortlessly of the tongue. Very clever - but then all your work tends to be clever. I really enjoyed this one, grim as it is - maggots ugh! but not as frightening as some of your work. Good read. Regards Dorothy my favourite is still your mirror one - the meaning behind it just got through to me!)

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

---

reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014

Thanks, Dorothy. The voters didn't think so, as Fractured Image was a flop.

Thanks for reading and for the review.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

I admire this poem so much, you had me diving for a dictionary with the word " roiling " - storing the sediment, or such! I read your poem to my wife, ( who was a language teacher) and she was impressed! It was articulate, descriptively outstanding, it will certainly gain a glance from top you're Pastor, well done, Dean.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Compelling presentation of your poem
good internal rhyme in your first lines
solid rhyming couplets including good proximate rhyme
the bullets' song - add apostrophe for plural possessive
good alliteration in phrases like blister boil
maggots teeming - you have totally make my skin crawl :-) Brooke

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

---

reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014

Thank you, Brooke. I tried to be nice, writing haiku and all that. But, as so many have told me, I'm just not cut out for it. Best stick to what I know and quit trying to branch out. It'll be a lot less expensive that way.

Comment from Norbanus

Excellent

Out of the blue, or out of the red
a gruesome display of things we all dread
The ghastly exhibit of broiling swell
Shares your terror and personal hell

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

---

reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014

Thanks for the poetic response, Norbanus. Much obliged!

Comment from DR DIP

Excellent

hehe Well I must be honest with you Deano..the jury is still out here..not sure if I'm digging it or not.

I LOVE the idea but I just found the irregular rhyme pattern hard to read INITIALLY..but then after several reads I really started to get into it!
when I say irregular rhyme pattern let me explain:

Burning, yearning, skin is turning,

turning to a blistered boil.

Boiling, roiling, muscles toiling,

toiling in this fetid soil.

this verse is perfect AABCB rhyme format in my eyes

then:

Running, gunning; hear the humming,

humming of the bullets song?

Sings to me it's song of death,

caring not what I have left...

this verse has no defined rhyme you know what I mean

so the format goes
AABB (proximate rhyme)

AABB

ABCC


ABCB

Mate, please don't be put off with what I say.. I'm just not used to a poem by the Kuch master that doesn't follow uniform rhyme format.It's still great, just different

as always and with respect

dip

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2014

---

reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014

I'm not put off at all, Dip, and it is meant to sound jumbled and disoriented. But there is a definite pattern, and if you look, you'll find it.

reply by DR DIP on 29-Jun-2014

I ALREADY HAVE! I take back what I said I love it! just took a few reads

xxdip

reply by the author on 29-Jun-2014

The rhythm is directly copied from Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven. I utilized the same technique. It sounds odd at first, but if you read it a time or two, it usually hits you.

Thanks, Dipster.

reply by DR DIP on 29-Jun-2014

i have and I did and I now appreciate where you are coming from You are just too faR AHEAD OF MY SIMPLE POETIC BRAIN MY MASTER SPLINTER!!

XXDIP