The Thrift Shop
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.50 total reviews
Comment from pvlamb
I am sorry that happened to you. It is not your fault that some people choose to live in fear and ignorance. Keep telling your story and that of those who have been murdered because of racism.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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I am sorry that happened to you. It is not your fault that some people choose to live in fear and ignorance. Keep telling your story and that of those who have been murdered because of racism.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Thank you, pvlamb, for your generous review. I will keep telling my story. I performed it again last Thursday to a sold out crowd in Oakland. Thanks again.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading your contest entry. There's so much violence in world. I wish I had an answer to the problem. I do not. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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I enjoyed reading your contest entry. There's so much violence in world. I wish I had an answer to the problem. I do not. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Barbara, for your review and comments. Thank you also for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from jlsavell
Sis Cat,
How haunting is this story. How many times has a young daughter or son endured short shortsighted and blatant hatred. Unfortunately rascism is still quite prevelant today. This is such a sad and dastardly blight on humanity. There are a few people I thought I knew well until some very vile and rascist remarks spilled for their tongue. I was taken aback and saddened greatly. My best friends Mother was raised in Alabama. I would love for you to hear her stories too. This woman is the epitome of grace and goodness. I know that each and every time somehting like all these cases happen, your heart explodes and you relive it as if it was yesterday. Humanity is the most evil and judgemental life upon this earth.
My dearest Grandmother Emma once told me, " To declare you were better than anyone because of race, of color, of religion and etc.. was to declare that God was flawed in His creation and that my sweet baby is nothing short of spitting in His face. "
thank you for sharing a wonderful story in its lesson and its sentiment. I am just speechless. Just speechless.
much love and respect to you
jimi
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Sis Cat,
How haunting is this story. How many times has a young daughter or son endured short shortsighted and blatant hatred. Unfortunately rascism is still quite prevelant today. This is such a sad and dastardly blight on humanity. There are a few people I thought I knew well until some very vile and rascist remarks spilled for their tongue. I was taken aback and saddened greatly. My best friends Mother was raised in Alabama. I would love for you to hear her stories too. This woman is the epitome of grace and goodness. I know that each and every time somehting like all these cases happen, your heart explodes and you relive it as if it was yesterday. Humanity is the most evil and judgemental life upon this earth.
My dearest Grandmother Emma once told me, " To declare you were better than anyone because of race, of color, of religion and etc.. was to declare that God was flawed in His creation and that my sweet baby is nothing short of spitting in His face. "
thank you for sharing a wonderful story in its lesson and its sentiment. I am just speechless. Just speechless.
much love and respect to you
jimi
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Jimi, for your generous, six star review. It is hard to perform this story and "relive it as if it was yesterday." I am glad I lived to share "a wonderful story in its lesson and its sentiment." Thank you again.
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you are a beautiful person. I am going to repost my Rock of Ages for you. You will see how my Grandmother brought me up..
Comment from Mark Valentine
Great story, well-told and well-performed (thanks for adding the video clip). Your style of storytelling, both written and verbal, is engaging. The incident you describe is disturbing precisely because it is so common - you do a great job of taking the reader inside your experience to ensure that these incidents are not taken lightly or glossed over.
The story is made even more compelling because it takes place in a thrift shop 9 an dtherefore one would assume the staff are employees of some charity and supposed to be doing God's work).
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Great story, well-told and well-performed (thanks for adding the video clip). Your style of storytelling, both written and verbal, is engaging. The incident you describe is disturbing precisely because it is so common - you do a great job of taking the reader inside your experience to ensure that these incidents are not taken lightly or glossed over.
The story is made even more compelling because it takes place in a thrift shop 9 an dtherefore one would assume the staff are employees of some charity and supposed to be doing God's work).
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Yes, Mark, this was one of many privately owned thrift shops along that stretch of boulevard.
I am glad you enjoyed the video clip so you can witness my written and performed storytelling.
Yes, the sad thing is that incidents like these are common. I am glad I shared the incident although it causes me pain to perform it. Thank you for your review.
Comment from rama devi
Wow--this gave ,e chills, my friend. So glad he did not shoot you! I LOVE the epiphany with the sunlight scene:
Of all the things I remember, I recall the peculiar quality of the sunlight found nowhere else in this world. The white stucco walls and gray concrete sidewalks reflected sunlight I thought I would never see again. I blinked at the sun and thought, I'm alive.
and also how you tied it in to the closing that zooms the lens out to all those who were not as lucky as you were.
You writing flows well and has character and personality. Just noticed one typo:
I was on a role now.
roll, not role.
This is another remarkable image:
By aiming the gun at me, the father let it be known that if black bodyguards protected his son, a black gun protected the father.
Those two quoted sections are one reason for the six. Another is because i like the way you organized this witha prologue in purple font and then your story that turns into a personal essay of sorts with a wider perspective and purpose. Bravo.
The main reason is as a CELEBRATION that you're alive!
I usually do not give sixes for personal non-fiction stories because they are usually not so well penned. Kudos to you.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Wow--this gave ,e chills, my friend. So glad he did not shoot you! I LOVE the epiphany with the sunlight scene:
Of all the things I remember, I recall the peculiar quality of the sunlight found nowhere else in this world. The white stucco walls and gray concrete sidewalks reflected sunlight I thought I would never see again. I blinked at the sun and thought, I'm alive.
and also how you tied it in to the closing that zooms the lens out to all those who were not as lucky as you were.
You writing flows well and has character and personality. Just noticed one typo:
I was on a role now.
roll, not role.
This is another remarkable image:
By aiming the gun at me, the father let it be known that if black bodyguards protected his son, a black gun protected the father.
Those two quoted sections are one reason for the six. Another is because i like the way you organized this witha prologue in purple font and then your story that turns into a personal essay of sorts with a wider perspective and purpose. Bravo.
The main reason is as a CELEBRATION that you're alive!
I usually do not give sixes for personal non-fiction stories because they are usually not so well penned. Kudos to you.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Rama, for your generous, six star review. I improved my three-year-old story by adding a new "closing that zooms the lens out to all those who were not as lucky as you were."
Many people have remarked on the sunlight scene. I honestly did not think I would live to see the sun again.
The line comparing black bodyguards to a black gun is a new addition.
Yes, my story is a celebration that I am still alive.
I corrected "roll."
Thank you again for your generous review.
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IT'S A SUPERB EPIPHANY! One of the best I've seen in prose on FS.
Your new additions are wonderful.
Lots of Love, rd
Comment from write hand blue
Pointing a firearm at someone must surely be illegal. If this is true shouldn't a policeman have been called?
An interesting short story with character. Good luck in the competition...
~Mel~
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Pointing a firearm at someone must surely be illegal. If this is true shouldn't a policeman have been called?
An interesting short story with character. Good luck in the competition...
~Mel~
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Thank you, Mel, for your review. No, the police should not have been called. Once, several blocks away from the thrift shop, police stopped me and asked, "What are you doing here."
I explained, "I am walking home from school."
"Just make sure you get there and don't hang around here," the officer said, leaning out his squad car window.
From the police to the shopkeepers to the students in schools, they let it be known that I, a black teen, was not welcome in the neighborhood. I knew that the police were not there to protect me. I often told my mother about such incidents when I arrived home. She was relieved I survived.
Thank you for your review and for wishing me success in the contest.
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Thank you Sis Cat, for enlightening me about the situation you experienced when a child. Living in the UK this is alien to us. Our police are not perfect but they do protect all races and cultures. And we do feel safe because of this.
What you tell me is terrible and I can see how riots start... ~Mel~
Comment from mfowler
Your story has a way of sneaking up on the reader. I got so involved in your interest in old records that I almost missed the change of mood that lead to what this story is all about.
I liked your choices in music and if you'd been born sixteen years earlier, you would have been around when they moved up the charts in their time. But, this is really about the treatment of black people by ignorant, self-justifying racists.
This meathead with the gun pointed on a kid looking at records has left an indelible scar. His language and manoeuvres fitted the fears you carried as a black child of the times. That you name three dangerous actions that were no more than normal shopping procedures, shows how sensitive innocent African Americans must have become over time.
That you made the journey back to shop years on when you heard of the killing, shows how deeply feelings and memory were embedded in your psyche.
The story develops so cleverly that it's somewhat unnerving to realise that this relates to what's still occurring all the time in the US.
Your descriptions of the man as he covered you with the gun really built a crescendo of emotions, given this true to life tale a deep sense of immediacy. It invites the reader into the scene and to empathise with just what's happening to you as a boy.
A fine, disturbing and well structured read. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Your story has a way of sneaking up on the reader. I got so involved in your interest in old records that I almost missed the change of mood that lead to what this story is all about.
I liked your choices in music and if you'd been born sixteen years earlier, you would have been around when they moved up the charts in their time. But, this is really about the treatment of black people by ignorant, self-justifying racists.
This meathead with the gun pointed on a kid looking at records has left an indelible scar. His language and manoeuvres fitted the fears you carried as a black child of the times. That you name three dangerous actions that were no more than normal shopping procedures, shows how sensitive innocent African Americans must have become over time.
That you made the journey back to shop years on when you heard of the killing, shows how deeply feelings and memory were embedded in your psyche.
The story develops so cleverly that it's somewhat unnerving to realise that this relates to what's still occurring all the time in the US.
Your descriptions of the man as he covered you with the gun really built a crescendo of emotions, given this true to life tale a deep sense of immediacy. It invites the reader into the scene and to empathise with just what's happening to you as a boy.
A fine, disturbing and well structured read. Best of luck.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Yes, mfowler, when I performed before a sold out crowd last Thursday the scenes of the three dangerous actions, the audience was riveted. I showed how a normal shopping procedure is filled with peril if you are a black child held at gunpoint by the shopkeeper.
My usual technique in storytelling is to begin my story talking or writing about one thing, and then switch it to another. I am glad you found this effective.
Thank you again for your review and comments. Thank you also for wishing me success in the contest.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
It's a very sad story, just because you were black, you had a gun pointed at you. It has been the same through the ages. You were so brave to have not panicked, I would have done! But, it probably saved your life. Well done, your story was moving and so well told. :) Sandra xxx
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reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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It's a very sad story, just because you were black, you had a gun pointed at you. It has been the same through the ages. You were so brave to have not panicked, I would have done! But, it probably saved your life. Well done, your story was moving and so well told. :) Sandra xxx
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Yes, Sandra, I was more scared than brave. When I told this story to other people, they faulted me for not running like they would have. If I turned and ran suddenly I feared I would be shot. Furthermore, I did not want to give the shopkeeper the benefit of believing I was a thief. Finally, I was not leaving that shop until I looked at every record. I did what I knew how to do best--shop for records. The sad thing is that the shopkeeper and I could have been friends and I could have been a good customer who shopped weekly for his records, but when he pulled a gun on me, that ended that hope, no matter how friendly he tried to be when talking about his son's black bodyguards.
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Prejudice is soul destroying. So many think they are better than others, it just makes them sad and lonely people in the end. You did the right thing.
Comment from winnona
Nicely written. It did not happen to just black kids. I grew up in La and am a few years older than you. I graduated from James Monroe high school in 1976. Most of the kids I graduated with were dead within five years of graduation. Mot of them shootings. I was one of the lucky ones. I left LA and never went back. I live in the forest under MT. Lassen in a town that has a population of 682.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Nicely written. It did not happen to just black kids. I grew up in La and am a few years older than you. I graduated from James Monroe high school in 1976. Most of the kids I graduated with were dead within five years of graduation. Mot of them shootings. I was one of the lucky ones. I left LA and never went back. I live in the forest under MT. Lassen in a town that has a population of 682.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Yes, Winnona, I graduated from Verdugo Hills High in LA in 1982. Several of the children I grew up with ended up in prison or dead. I survived to tell their stories. Thank you for your review.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Andre,
Another great piece of writing. you have a great ability to put the reader right there in the moment with you. A great skill, my friend.
soundtrack to "Jesus Christ Superstar - need closing marks here.
I was on a role now. - roll.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Hi Andre,
Another great piece of writing. you have a great ability to put the reader right there in the moment with you. A great skill, my friend.
soundtrack to "Jesus Christ Superstar - need closing marks here.
I was on a role now. - roll.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2016
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2016
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Thank you, G., for your generous, six star review. Many people have remarked that my written and performed stories put the audience and reader "right there in the moment with you." I do not tell stories. I relive them.
Thank you for your review and corrections.