Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "A Hoka Moon, Pt. 2"Murder Mystery
49 total reviews
Comment from Karen Payton Holt
Another well written compelling post...great job.
Apart from the gundog, and the tuna and cheesecake quotes, which are priceless, I picked out a few choice lines. It is the construction of them that sings with originality!
Witnessing Jana Burke's slow burn of ambition, he sized her up...
We need to get this guy out of here. He's a hair's width
from full blown panic.
...he was saying the words, he knew they held a hollow wish.
There are more, but I don't have all day, *smile*
One sentence that I read twice and think that there maybe a word gone awry, see what you think? [should it be 'watching'? Or did Skeets hurry over and 'watch' Ron process the ear?]
Skeets hurried to where Ron Jolly stood watched the processing of the human ear.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
  |
Another well written compelling post...great job.
Apart from the gundog, and the tuna and cheesecake quotes, which are priceless, I picked out a few choice lines. It is the construction of them that sings with originality!
Witnessing Jana Burke's slow burn of ambition, he sized her up...
We need to get this guy out of here. He's a hair's width
from full blown panic.
...he was saying the words, he knew they held a hollow wish.
There are more, but I don't have all day, *smile*
One sentence that I read twice and think that there maybe a word gone awry, see what you think? [should it be 'watching'? Or did Skeets hurry over and 'watch' Ron process the ear?]
Skeets hurried to where Ron Jolly stood watched the processing of the human ear.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
-
Karen, thank you so much for this gracious and generous review. And I appreciate you pointing out that awkward sentence. Correction on the way. You've certainly put a smile on my face with this thoroughly wonderful review. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Rondeno
Hi, Bev!
You have the assured, polished prose style of a professional. Add to that those nice little lyrical passages, such as when Skeets is compared to a gun dog, and you have something pretty special.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
|
Hi, Bev!
You have the assured, polished prose style of a professional. Add to that those nice little lyrical passages, such as when Skeets is compared to a gun dog, and you have something pretty special.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
-
Michael, thanks so much for this gracious and supportive review. I am very honored by your compliments. Xx Bev
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Writingfundimension,
Piling on the suspense now, and poor old Fritz is almost certainly in no fit state to object to the donation. The formaldehyde does rather suggest the murderer is able to access bodies or the chemicals fr preserving them, a nice hint in the right direction perhaps?
A corrections for you -
connecting obsure dots. - obscure dots
Patrick
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
|
Hi Writingfundimension,
Piling on the suspense now, and poor old Fritz is almost certainly in no fit state to object to the donation. The formaldehyde does rather suggest the murderer is able to access bodies or the chemicals fr preserving them, a nice hint in the right direction perhaps?
A corrections for you -
connecting obsure dots. - obscure dots
Patrick
Comment Written 30-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
-
Hi, Patrick. Yes, you caught a 'whiff' of a clue there. HaHa.
Thanks for the great review and catching the spaggie. I much appreciate it. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from judiverse
Great characterization of Skeets. He realizes that he's great when it comes to getting information from the computer, but he realizes that others have their own skill sets. He doesn't sound resentful of Jana's prospects for future promotion. Get bit about his bit of guilt when he goes to the Catholic church to investigate the call about a severed ear. You do a great job of showing the state the janitor was in when he found the ear, and his insistence that he didn't leave any door unlocked. Then the note about Fritz is discovered, and that's really chilling. Great way to end the chapter. judi
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
|
Great characterization of Skeets. He realizes that he's great when it comes to getting information from the computer, but he realizes that others have their own skill sets. He doesn't sound resentful of Jana's prospects for future promotion. Get bit about his bit of guilt when he goes to the Catholic church to investigate the call about a severed ear. You do a great job of showing the state the janitor was in when he found the ear, and his insistence that he didn't leave any door unlocked. Then the note about Fritz is discovered, and that's really chilling. Great way to end the chapter. judi
Comment Written 30-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
-
Thanks so much, Judi. Apparently I've made a few folks hungry with this chapter LOL. I so appreciate the thorough and generousr review, my friend. Hugs, Bev
-
You're so welcome. I was looking forward to reading it. judi
-
You're so kind, judi. Xx Bev
Comment from RazberryBullet
Got a chuckle here:...Like a good bird dog, he lived for that moment when his prey hit the ground. ;p
Liked this:... He reasoned the tuna and cheesecake would cancel each other out, leaving him with a net zero weight gain. LOL!
Great dialog all through :)
Good job!
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
|
Got a chuckle here:...Like a good bird dog, he lived for that moment when his prey hit the ground. ;p
Liked this:... He reasoned the tuna and cheesecake would cancel each other out, leaving him with a net zero weight gain. LOL!
Great dialog all through :)
Good job!
Comment Written 30-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
-
Hi, RB. Hey, it's good to hear from you. Does this mean we can look forward to one of your chapters soon?
Thanks for the compliments and generosity. I appreciate the support.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
I'll have to remember that wise tip: tuna fish sandwich cancels out calories in cheese cake. LOL
Man Bev, you've got people in this town dropping like fies.
If I lived there, I'd be packing my bags until the killer is found.
Skeets was a good way to review the other main characters. As he thought about them, so did the reader.
An ear... who's ear?
Another fine chapter, Bev. Off now to buy tuna. I already have cheese cake.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
|
I'll have to remember that wise tip: tuna fish sandwich cancels out calories in cheese cake. LOL
Man Bev, you've got people in this town dropping like fies.
If I lived there, I'd be packing my bags until the killer is found.
Skeets was a good way to review the other main characters. As he thought about them, so did the reader.
An ear... who's ear?
Another fine chapter, Bev. Off now to buy tuna. I already have cheese cake.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
-
Hi, Ellen. Enjoyed my crazy math did you? HA! If only such reasoning was true. Thanks for the supportive and generous review, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Gungalo
Boy there were lots of strange things at this scene. The ear and the note on the body were two. I wonder when they are going to put two and two together? The priest seems to know a lot.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
|
Boy there were lots of strange things at this scene. The ear and the note on the body were two. I wonder when they are going to put two and two together? The priest seems to know a lot.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
-
Gungalo, thanks so much for your gracious and generous review. Warmest regards, Bev
-
Smile girlie.
-
I am! xxx
-
Good for you.
Comment from vickib
Bev, ok now I'm going to get hooked. Your writing is so good I feel like I'm right there. How in the world do you do it? You are very good at this, and to think you were writing short poetry. LOL! I mean really that must be a challenge to go from one to the other. Humping? Lol! Can't remember the last time I breezed through a chapter as smoothly as this one.
Plus now I'm hungry for that lunch that didn't get eaten.
XO
Vicki
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
|
Bev, ok now I'm going to get hooked. Your writing is so good I feel like I'm right there. How in the world do you do it? You are very good at this, and to think you were writing short poetry. LOL! I mean really that must be a challenge to go from one to the other. Humping? Lol! Can't remember the last time I breezed through a chapter as smoothly as this one.
Plus now I'm hungry for that lunch that didn't get eaten.
XO
Vicki
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
-
Thanks so much, vicki. I worked extra hard on this chapter so your compliments means so much! I really appreciate you taking time to read and offer your insights, buddy. You are an especially astute reviewer, so they mean even more. Hugs, Bev
Comment from TiffanyDawn Ragsdale
Very nicely done.
Excellent draft go through it a few more times it may take more time but it will be worth it. There are some sights that have lists of words nouns adverbs grab some see it might be easier to CSI it up a bit more.
-Tiffany
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
 |
Very nicely done.
Excellent draft go through it a few more times it may take more time but it will be worth it. There are some sights that have lists of words nouns adverbs grab some see it might be easier to CSI it up a bit more.
-Tiffany
Comment Written 30-Jan-2013
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2013
-
Thanks for the suggestions and review, Tiffany.