2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "haiku (beneath leaf mantle)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
38 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good haiku about October.
-Good image in line one.
-Good connection between lines one and two.
-Line two has vivid imagery about the 'party' the critters are having!
-Good satori line.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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-A good haiku about October.
-Good image in line one.
-Good connection between lines one and two.
-Line two has vivid imagery about the 'party' the critters are having!
-Good satori line.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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Thank you respa :)
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You are welcome.
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This uses an interesting pun in the satori: "bugs' October fest." The entire poem uses the liberty to personify to full advantage. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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This uses an interesting pun in the satori: "bugs' October fest." The entire poem uses the liberty to personify to full advantage. Good luck to you, Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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Thank you Jeanie :)
Comment from country ranch writer
all God creatures roam the earth trying to fit in and get along with each other and October is the best time of the year to do so
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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all God creatures roam the earth trying to fit in and get along with each other and October is the best time of the year to do so
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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Thank you :)
Comment from Jean Lutz
Sounds like quite a party. Thank you for painting a joyful word picture. Looks like even the creatures are celebrating Creation. Best to you with the entry.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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Sounds like quite a party. Thank you for painting a joyful word picture. Looks like even the creatures are celebrating Creation. Best to you with the entry.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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Thank you Jean, I am glad you got the message. I appreciate the review.
Comment from ravenblack
I like your whimsical approach. You just have a problem with the first and last line. Mantle is a thin covering as in a thin covering of leaves. It does not work well as a possessive and if you choose to use it, it should be leaf's mantle or leaves' mantle. Also, there is more than one bug partying. It should be bugs'. Good luck in the contest and should you make some adjustments, I will be happy to change my rating.
You made the necessary corrections. So, I am changing my rating.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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I like your whimsical approach. You just have a problem with the first and last line. Mantle is a thin covering as in a thin covering of leaves. It does not work well as a possessive and if you choose to use it, it should be leaf's mantle or leaves' mantle. Also, there is more than one bug partying. It should be bugs'. Good luck in the contest and should you make some adjustments, I will be happy to change my rating.
You made the necessary corrections. So, I am changing my rating.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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thank you ravenblack
Comment from Domino 2
Thanks for entering, 'G' - being the contest sponsor, I know who you are. :-)
A couple of grammatical errors (also pointed out by other reviewers) in SO short a piece, reflects my rating.
I'm very disappointed you're the ONLY entrant who has ignored my recommendation (though the decision was yours, as I stated in the contest 'thread') to keep promotion to a MAXIMUM of 52 cents, and have promoted this so highly to 96 cents, though I'll take the 'reward' and run.
Ray
ADDED - I'VE NOW UP-RATED SINCE YOU'VE CORRECTED THE GRAMMAR PROBLEMS.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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Thanks for entering, 'G' - being the contest sponsor, I know who you are. :-)
A couple of grammatical errors (also pointed out by other reviewers) in SO short a piece, reflects my rating.
I'm very disappointed you're the ONLY entrant who has ignored my recommendation (though the decision was yours, as I stated in the contest 'thread') to keep promotion to a MAXIMUM of 52 cents, and have promoted this so highly to 96 cents, though I'll take the 'reward' and run.
Ray
ADDED - I'VE NOW UP-RATED SINCE YOU'VE CORRECTED THE GRAMMAR PROBLEMS.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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Hello, I thought it was 52 cents minimum. Thank you for the review.
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An easy mistake to make. Hahaha!
Thanks for your gracious reply.
Comment from ppersia
I like the last line. It's funny and timely. "Leaves" should have an apostrophe following the "s." It also seems bug should be plural in the last line, so the apostrophe would follow the "s"--"bugs' (more than one bug enjoys October fest).
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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I like the last line. It's funny and timely. "Leaves" should have an apostrophe following the "s." It also seems bug should be plural in the last line, so the apostrophe would follow the "s"--"bugs' (more than one bug enjoys October fest).
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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Thank you for the review and feedback, I do appreciate it very much.
Comment from Julia.
Dear poet, you've met the contest requirements as far as I can see. Your approach to the topic is nicely whimsical. In the last line, though, I think you mean bugs' not bug's, since I would think that more than one bug was having a nice October fest. In the first line, I'm not sure about "leaves mantle", which almost sounds like it should possessive. But normally one talks about a mantle of leaves--meaning the mantle is made of the leaves--rather than a mantle belonging to the leaves. Maybe just "leaf mantle" would make more sense? Or "leafy mantle", although then you would have to change "beneath" to a one-syllable word.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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Dear poet, you've met the contest requirements as far as I can see. Your approach to the topic is nicely whimsical. In the last line, though, I think you mean bugs' not bug's, since I would think that more than one bug was having a nice October fest. In the first line, I'm not sure about "leaves mantle", which almost sounds like it should possessive. But normally one talks about a mantle of leaves--meaning the mantle is made of the leaves--rather than a mantle belonging to the leaves. Maybe just "leaf mantle" would make more sense? Or "leafy mantle", although then you would have to change "beneath" to a one-syllable word.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 07-Oct-2015
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Thank you for the review and feedback.