Hues of Life
Viewing comments for Prologue "Senryu(venom took his life)"Senryu Collection
75 total reviews
Comment from kiwijenny
Her Kohled eyes......great imagery.......
Black widows do eat their mates...........
I'm not sure why.........
Great poem
God bless
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Her Kohled eyes......great imagery.......
Black widows do eat their mates...........
I'm not sure why.........
Great poem
God bless
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)
Comment from Martin Chan
Senryu (venom took his life) is a nicely written poem about two black widow spiders where the female spider bit the male counterpart after mating which is the usual practice for their nature. The word kohl is understandable as cosmetic to darken the eyelids, the word kohled is not the right word. A nice thought for the poem except the misuse of wrong word for a adjective. Sorry.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Senryu (venom took his life) is a nicely written poem about two black widow spiders where the female spider bit the male counterpart after mating which is the usual practice for their nature. The word kohl is understandable as cosmetic to darken the eyelids, the word kohled is not the right word. A nice thought for the poem except the misuse of wrong word for a adjective. Sorry.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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firstly,it is about humans.second,"kohled eyes" is a COMMON phrase used in fashion industry.It is always better to not review a work if it's depth couldn't be understood,specially in these forms where each word holds a great meaning.
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Common words used in fashion industry or whatever, are not official correct words just like " Kar" instead of " Car" used in auto industries and they are not writing poems or essays which needs to use correct words. Kohled is shown as "no dictionary results" except kohl. Please avoid words used in commercials as they are not official. Even then I valued your work and rated as Good with four stars, and you insulted me not to review if I didn't understand your work and it is some kind of a personal attack on me because I said the word kohled is not in any dictionary. Please be a gentleman as this is not a FanStory policy to insult a reviewer. I needs an apology otherwise I should report it.
Comment from mermaids
Black widow weeps is not a line I expected here. I enjoy your use of words. There is definately emotion coming through this poem,you also tell a story in few words.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Black widow weeps is not a line I expected here. I enjoy your use of words. There is definately emotion coming through this poem,you also tell a story in few words.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)
Comment from Ridley Williams
Well my friend, I'm glad I didn't read this piece before I went to bed. I think I used to date one of those many years ago, and the visual description you portray through your words is striking. Well done Anupam, have a great evening, Bill
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Well my friend, I'm glad I didn't read this piece before I went to bed. I think I used to date one of those many years ago, and the visual description you portray through your words is striking. Well done Anupam, have a great evening, Bill
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Hi,
They are omnipresent..lol..I am pleased you enjoyed it.thanks for your lovely review.
Have a great day:)
Comment from visionary1234
ouch! Well done on this one Anupam! You're very good at these short forms. This one is witty and packs a bit wallop, especially that last line.
:)S
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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ouch! Well done on this one Anupam! You're very good at these short forms. This one is witty and packs a bit wallop, especially that last line.
:)S
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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I am pleased you liked it.Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)
Comment from reconciled
HI Amupam...you are really getting great at doing this forms...Bravo...very well said..a bit on the dark side..but I love the wording...clever
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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HI Amupam...you are really getting great at doing this forms...Bravo...very well said..a bit on the dark side..but I love the wording...clever
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2013
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Thanks for your kind words and excellent review:)
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hi Anupam,
You are getting very clever at these.
Very, very well done, my friend. I loved the play on words. I could see her all veiled, mysterious ... kohled! ... and with a dead husband.
Congratulations on a job wonderfully done ... sir ...! :)
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Hi Anupam,
You are getting very clever at these.
Very, very well done, my friend. I loved the play on words. I could see her all veiled, mysterious ... kohled! ... and with a dead husband.
Congratulations on a job wonderfully done ... sir ...! :)
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Hi,
I am glad you liked this.I am trying my hand at different forms and hope to post some longer writes soon.I am really busy these days as my final year in college is going on.I appreciate your comments..Senorita!Thanks for your lovely review:=
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Hi,
I am glad you liked this.I am trying my hand at different forms and hope to post some longer writes soon.I am really busy these days as my final year in college is going on.I appreciate your comments..Senorita!Thanks for your lovely review:=
Comment from A TARNISHED KNIGHT
Now that was short and not too sweet that's for sure.. Did like the use of the word "kohled" eyes. Had to get dictionary for that one but thank you always like a new word Good job on this one but I think maybe a pics might have enhanced this a bit just my thoughts
TK
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Now that was short and not too sweet that's for sure.. Did like the use of the word "kohled" eyes. Had to get dictionary for that one but thank you always like a new word Good job on this one but I think maybe a pics might have enhanced this a bit just my thoughts
TK
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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I appreciate your comments.I just felt that it would be better to not use any image as senryu has multiple layers and using pic would limit its interpretations.Thanks for your positive review:)
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Anupam
You are getting good at these little poems. I love the concept you have chosen. Many layers here I think. The black widow - great metaphor for deceit. False tears after a dark, done deed. lol You show very clever wit here and this works so well without an image - in fact has no need of one. You seem to convey dark humour, make a social comment and provide a message of warning, all in so few words. You only have essential wording and no unnecessary filler words. Great to put in your notes the 17 or less syllable count and advise no image...... pass on your learning to teach others.
You have excelled yourself. Love the alliteration in "widow weeps", assonance of ;o; in "venom/took/kohled/widow" and 'e' in "venom/search.new.prey/weeps" and 's' consonance in "his/eyes.search/weeps".
Great work my friend. Lovely when you pop in. Keep that smile and do well in your studies, as I know you will. :))) Warmest wishes and hugs - Lovinia xoxoxo
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Hi Anupam
You are getting good at these little poems. I love the concept you have chosen. Many layers here I think. The black widow - great metaphor for deceit. False tears after a dark, done deed. lol You show very clever wit here and this works so well without an image - in fact has no need of one. You seem to convey dark humour, make a social comment and provide a message of warning, all in so few words. You only have essential wording and no unnecessary filler words. Great to put in your notes the 17 or less syllable count and advise no image...... pass on your learning to teach others.
You have excelled yourself. Love the alliteration in "widow weeps", assonance of ;o; in "venom/took/kohled/widow" and 'e' in "venom/search.new.prey/weeps" and 's' consonance in "his/eyes.search/weeps".
Great work my friend. Lovely when you pop in. Keep that smile and do well in your studies, as I know you will. :))) Warmest wishes and hugs - Lovinia xoxoxo
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Hi,
I am on cloud-nine!!I appreciate your wonderful,encouraging comments and generous sixth star.It means a lot-coming from an amazing senryu writer like you.I was waiting to get it approved from you.My studies are going well.Warm wishes.Take care:)
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Hi Anupam
You don't need my approval - you are doing very well.:)))
I do like the way you approach the senryu, and so many layers. Hope their is much happiness in your days. Take care yourself. Hugs - Lovinia xoxoxo
Comment from Auroraboreal800
Here is a strong and deep message in just a few lines, this is the wonderful thing about Senryu. You are a master in this category.
GREAT JOB!
:)
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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Here is a strong and deep message in just a few lines, this is the wonderful thing about Senryu. You are a master in this category.
GREAT JOB!
:)
Comment Written 09-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2013
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I appreciate your encouragement.I am just learning.Do you write in English too?Thanks for your lovely review:)
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I wish I could... I write in Spanish!
:)