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Comment from ann marie mazz
hello
never did you stray from the title
sad has truly been met
through your clear and vivid words
we are all in the scene as it unfolds
excellent work throughout
this entry flowed
thank you for sharing such poetic talent
both presentation and illustration are lovely
good luck with the contest
ann marie
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2013
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hello
never did you stray from the title
sad has truly been met
through your clear and vivid words
we are all in the scene as it unfolds
excellent work throughout
this entry flowed
thank you for sharing such poetic talent
both presentation and illustration are lovely
good luck with the contest
ann marie
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2013
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Thank you so very much, Ann Marie, for your lovely comments! :)
Comment from kiwijenny
This is so sad.......so sad......but you over used the so ..so desolate...so sad so much more......so sad...dig deeper...Is there another way to say so sad?
With imagery?
God bless
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2013
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This is so sad.......so sad......but you over used the so ..so desolate...so sad so much more......so sad...dig deeper...Is there another way to say so sad?
With imagery?
God bless
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much for your kind review! :)
Comment from madhatter1977
A beautiful, heart-wringing poem about the tragic death of a loved one. The rhyme and repetition of the constricting heart are very powerful devices that add weight to the poem without it diminishing into melodrama. Very well done and good luck in the contest :)
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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A beautiful, heart-wringing poem about the tragic death of a loved one. The rhyme and repetition of the constricting heart are very powerful devices that add weight to the poem without it diminishing into melodrama. Very well done and good luck in the contest :)
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much, madhatter, for this lovely review and for the good luck wishes! :)
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making of an interesting read. mourning the death of a loved one brings sadness. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making of an interesting read. mourning the death of a loved one brings sadness. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much for your kind review and good luck wishes! :)
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You're welcome
Comment from BethShelby
This is an excellent poem the flow and rhyme are almost perfect. I only saw one spot where I think you may of left out a letter.
Why did the driver come long
(along) for the 8 syllable count.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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This is an excellent poem the flow and rhyme are almost perfect. I only saw one spot where I think you may of left out a letter.
Why did the driver come long
(along) for the 8 syllable count.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much, Beth, I have corrected that, it was an error, thank you for letting me know and for your lovely review. :)
Comment from SteveY
Wow, tell me this isn't true! Holy smoke you've sure captured all of the feelings though. Just an amazing poem of love and longing lost.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Wow, tell me this isn't true! Holy smoke you've sure captured all of the feelings though. Just an amazing poem of love and longing lost.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Thank you Steve, no, it's not true, but I do know about losing a husband. I guess it came out a bit in this poem, thank you again! :)
Comment from 9999pool
A couple to be married and planning their future of a house and kids. Then the inevitable came, a knock on the door and the lost of another life. We can plan and make a hurrah of things to come but fate and destiny had something else in mind. A sad story indeed and well penned. Good wrtie.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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A couple to be married and planning their future of a house and kids. Then the inevitable came, a knock on the door and the lost of another life. We can plan and make a hurrah of things to come but fate and destiny had something else in mind. A sad story indeed and well penned. Good wrtie.
Cheerio, Ritchie. :))
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much for your lovely review, Ritchie! :)
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Thanks for sharing. I think i know you but that's a secret since this is a contest! :))
Ritchie.
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Hmm, let me know if you guessed correctly when the contest is over! LOL x
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Will do. LOL. xxooxx
Comment from Rondeno
The story is well told. May I suggest one change? "Restrict" should really be "constrict" (you've used it twice). Other than that, well done.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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The story is well told. May I suggest one change? "Restrict" should really be "constrict" (you've used it twice). Other than that, well done.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Oh my goodness, thank you! I didn't even realise it. Thank you so much for pointing it out, and for your lovely review. :)
Comment from elchupakabra
This writing prompt has evoked some very empathetic stories from the writers of FS that have the ability to tug at the heartstrings of the reader. Through the pain of your lost, you have created an excellent piece here, making great use of a tight rhyme scheme and quatrain format. Excellent work telling your story and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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This writing prompt has evoked some very empathetic stories from the writers of FS that have the ability to tug at the heartstrings of the reader. Through the pain of your lost, you have created an excellent piece here, making great use of a tight rhyme scheme and quatrain format. Excellent work telling your story and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much for your lovely review, Elchupakabra. The talent that FS has is one reason I like it so much, it makes us work harder to try to be as good them. Thank you again! :)
Comment from Stephanie Kay
Wow! You definitely pulled my heartstrings with that one.
This is such a raw portrayal of a simple drive gone awry, but shows such love and devotion at the same time. May you see only happiness!
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Wow! You definitely pulled my heartstrings with that one.
This is such a raw portrayal of a simple drive gone awry, but shows such love and devotion at the same time. May you see only happiness!
Comment Written 12-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2013
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Thank you so very much, Stephanie, what a lovely review! :)