Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Toka Moon, Pt. 1"Murder Mystery
51 total reviews
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Bev
Your writing just keeps getting better and better.
You've added delicious pieces of the supernatural to this chapter - which I obviously relish.
The priest and his dog have evolved into major players.
Wish the machine would permit me to award a six - this story deserves one without question.
Ron xox
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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Hi Bev
Your writing just keeps getting better and better.
You've added delicious pieces of the supernatural to this chapter - which I obviously relish.
The priest and his dog have evolved into major players.
Wish the machine would permit me to award a six - this story deserves one without question.
Ron xox
Comment Written 22-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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Hi, Ron. Your words mean so much to me. Thank you so much for that and your wonderfully generous review. The virtual six is icing on the cake. Xxx Bev
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
Fantastic chapter, told with a rich, descriptive writing style. A blood-chilling conclusion, and a great cliff-hanger to boot. Well done!
Loved this bit ---
"...repugnant images insinuated themselves into the priest's subconscious like freeloading relatives."
Great writing. Thanks for sharing it here. Keep going...
cheers
js
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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Fantastic chapter, told with a rich, descriptive writing style. A blood-chilling conclusion, and a great cliff-hanger to boot. Well done!
Loved this bit ---
"...repugnant images insinuated themselves into the priest's subconscious like freeloading relatives."
Great writing. Thanks for sharing it here. Keep going...
cheers
js
Comment Written 22-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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Hi, js. I so appreciate your awesome review and supportive insights. Thanks so much! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from IndianaIrish
Oh, Bev, I love your inclusion of the supernatural in your murder mystery! You dropped some eerie hints along away and I so look forward to more. Great chapter with such a delightful surprise addition!
Smiles,
karyn :>)
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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Oh, Bev, I love your inclusion of the supernatural in your murder mystery! You dropped some eerie hints along away and I so look forward to more. Great chapter with such a delightful surprise addition!
Smiles,
karyn :>)
Comment Written 22-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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Hehe. I can never get far from the supernatural. So, I'm glad you noticed, Karyn. Thank you so much for your support of my writing and your enthusiasm. It really tickles me when I hear from you. Take care, Bev
Comment from juliaSjames
The plot takes another and more spine-chilling turn, Bev. I admit I didn't see this coming. Excellent description of the dog's reaction to the hostile spirit - a reaction that Fr Brian misunderstands.
You rock the imagery in this chapter, Bev. I'm in awe of the closing line.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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The plot takes another and more spine-chilling turn, Bev. I admit I didn't see this coming. Excellent description of the dog's reaction to the hostile spirit - a reaction that Fr Brian misunderstands.
You rock the imagery in this chapter, Bev. I'm in awe of the closing line.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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Thank you so much, jj. I'm so pleased that you liked this chapter. It was a bit long in coming. I've gotten sidelined with other commitments I made. But there's lots a good action, I hope, coming down the pike. Appreciate you! Xxx Bev
Comment from Connie C
You've added a bit of the supernatural to your mystery, and I like it!
As I've been reading your chapters, I've found the priest to be the most
interesting character so far. You've done such an excellent job in portraying
his thoughts, his concerns, and even his anger or frustration as he slams
the chair against the wall. Being the dog lover I am, I like your description of
the interactions between the priest and his perceptive Alyx. You are a superb writer of fiction, my dear, and you should know I'd give you a sixer every time I read one of these chapters if I could, but my month's not up yet. In the meantime, just know that I think you will be published someday if you continue to write the way you have been lately. Lots of big old hugs to you! Connie
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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You've added a bit of the supernatural to your mystery, and I like it!
As I've been reading your chapters, I've found the priest to be the most
interesting character so far. You've done such an excellent job in portraying
his thoughts, his concerns, and even his anger or frustration as he slams
the chair against the wall. Being the dog lover I am, I like your description of
the interactions between the priest and his perceptive Alyx. You are a superb writer of fiction, my dear, and you should know I'd give you a sixer every time I read one of these chapters if I could, but my month's not up yet. In the meantime, just know that I think you will be published someday if you continue to write the way you have been lately. Lots of big old hugs to you! Connie
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2012
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Thank you so much for your beautiful words of encouragement, Connie. Right or wrong, I felt I needed to establish the general milieu of the story and the major players. My plan going forward is to reintroduce Tony Buday, the shaman, and delve more deeply into the supernatural aspects of the case. Of course, there'll likely be more bodies along the way! So, your comments on Father Brian are a great barometer for me.
You lift my heart and touch me deeply with your words. Connie, that's worth more than an extra star. Thanks, beautiful lady, for all you are.
Love you, Bev
Comment from fictionwriter
Oh this is really intriguing. I'm sure I'll really like this story. Ghosts and murder, what more could a person ask for. Great job with this part.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Oh this is really intriguing. I'm sure I'll really like this story. Ghosts and murder, what more could a person ask for. Great job with this part.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Thanks so much, fictionwriter. I sure appreciate your stopping by to read and review so generously. I'm enjoying writing this, so there will be lots more to come. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
Your subtle touches leads the reader into the confirmation that this house is haunted.
-loved this one:
repugnant images insinuated themselves into the priest's subconscious like freeloading relatives.
-stepping into an invisible 'sagging spider web'
-pop from the fireplace and thud of the logs
-wanting to hurl the Virgin Mary statue into the flames
-The dog saw something when Father Brian got up abruptly.
Even the frustration of financial difficulties of the church seem to overwhelm him more than usual.
Then BINGO-- he sees the hovering human shape who speaks to him telepathically.
Quite a threat: Lost lamb you are already mine!
Tightly crafted. Fine addition to carry your plot forward. Linking the supernatural somehow to the murder/ murderer via the seemingly unimportant things that were taken from her room.
You created a generally creepy situation here. I wouldn't want to go back to the rectory if I were him. Creeped me out. No wonder the dog wants a walk. LOL
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Your subtle touches leads the reader into the confirmation that this house is haunted.
-loved this one:
repugnant images insinuated themselves into the priest's subconscious like freeloading relatives.
-stepping into an invisible 'sagging spider web'
-pop from the fireplace and thud of the logs
-wanting to hurl the Virgin Mary statue into the flames
-The dog saw something when Father Brian got up abruptly.
Even the frustration of financial difficulties of the church seem to overwhelm him more than usual.
Then BINGO-- he sees the hovering human shape who speaks to him telepathically.
Quite a threat: Lost lamb you are already mine!
Tightly crafted. Fine addition to carry your plot forward. Linking the supernatural somehow to the murder/ murderer via the seemingly unimportant things that were taken from her room.
You created a generally creepy situation here. I wouldn't want to go back to the rectory if I were him. Creeped me out. No wonder the dog wants a walk. LOL
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Thank you so much, ellen. I really appreciate how much time you took with your comments and insights. That's so generous of you and helpful to me. I've decided to add a little more of the supernatural to this, but still keep to the mystery theme. Thanks a bunch, my friend. Hugs, Bev
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This supernatural sub-theme could relate to the killer somehow, thus be very important. I'm anxious to see how you have planned to weave it all together. Ain't weaving fun? :) e xx
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Hmm...just can't get anything past you! And, yes, I love weaving. xx
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Should I say your foreshadowing is amazing. OK your foreshadowing is amazing. :) ellen Hugs
Comment from Rob Caudle
Bev, my friend this was simply outstanding writing here is the stars I wish I had to give ******* yes seven. This was splendid work, just creepy enough and a bit scary. I loved the dog and the feeling of dread he helped develop. In trying to be helpful with an outstanding write I looked hard for something to fault. If I had to pick one thing it would be humanoid form it sounds a bit robotic human could work or human like. It is fine as is I am just reaching for some way to help. But as my rating says this was stellar.
Rob
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Bev, my friend this was simply outstanding writing here is the stars I wish I had to give ******* yes seven. This was splendid work, just creepy enough and a bit scary. I loved the dog and the feeling of dread he helped develop. In trying to be helpful with an outstanding write I looked hard for something to fault. If I had to pick one thing it would be humanoid form it sounds a bit robotic human could work or human like. It is fine as is I am just reaching for some way to help. But as my rating says this was stellar.
Rob
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Hiya, Rob. Oh, you are so sweet to offer a seven. And, I think you are on target with the term humanoid - probably would be better if I was writing science fiction LOL. I always relish reading your insights and your encouraging words. You are a generous and kind man! Warmest regards, Bev
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I am really glad to see you back with a chapter. I am close myself, but work interferes, darn need for money.
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Thank you, Rob. The fact you put out such a superb level of writing while holding down a 'real' job just makes me admire your talent even more. Happy Solstice! B
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Oh boy why am I reading this as a storm rolls in and darkness settles. I am not going to have nightmares. I am a great big sap:)
This was a great post Bev. Been a bit and I worried I wouldn't remember enough of the story but as always you have a way of keeping the story intact for the reader and soon I was reading with heart pounding.
Wow that ending had me jump, just as a huge clap of thunder roared I read the part where he saw the ghost and your last lines were brilliant.
OMG, great piece of work my friend. Scared the daylights out of me:)
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Oh boy why am I reading this as a storm rolls in and darkness settles. I am not going to have nightmares. I am a great big sap:)
This was a great post Bev. Been a bit and I worried I wouldn't remember enough of the story but as always you have a way of keeping the story intact for the reader and soon I was reading with heart pounding.
Wow that ending had me jump, just as a huge clap of thunder roared I read the part where he saw the ghost and your last lines were brilliant.
OMG, great piece of work my friend. Scared the daylights out of me:)
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Hi, Maureen. I apologize for being delighted that I scared you! Ha, talk about atmospheric background. I got behind with my novel, due to taking on other commitments. My bad. Not going to do that again. I love writing this story, and when I hear that others enjoy it too? Well, about as good as chocolate. Thank you for your wonderful review and kind support. Love ya, Bev
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LOL..."delighted you scared me!!"
Why am I laughing with that comment??
Love ya back:)
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter where the priest is worried by a nagging feeling that he's connected to the killer somehow.
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter where the priest is worried by a nagging feeling that he's connected to the killer somehow.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2012
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Thank you, sweetwoodjax. I always enjoy hearing from you, and really appreciate your generous review. Warm regards, Bev