Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Kaskeya Moon, Part 1"Murder Mystery
51 total reviews
Comment from Anisa-
Bev, you do an excellent job painting the character in question. Again, your writing is perfectly paced and I can feel the emotions of everyone involved. I could picture the whole thing going down with him talking into the camera, etc.
Great job! Looking forward to reading more.
Anisa
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Bev, you do an excellent job painting the character in question. Again, your writing is perfectly paced and I can feel the emotions of everyone involved. I could picture the whole thing going down with him talking into the camera, etc.
Great job! Looking forward to reading more.
Anisa
Comment Written 24-May-2012
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Thank you so much, Anisa. I really appreciate your generosity and support. Thanks for letting me know what you think worked well in the chapter - feedback is always so helpful. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
I thoroughly enjoyed the chapter, Bev - a most
intriguing plot, with good dialogue and great build
up of your characters... all handled well.
to confess.The punk,- space after period
culiminating
culminating
Margaret
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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I thoroughly enjoyed the chapter, Bev - a most
intriguing plot, with good dialogue and great build
up of your characters... all handled well.
to confess.The punk,- space after period
culiminating
culminating
Margaret
Comment Written 24-May-2012
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Margaret, thank you so much for this exceptional review. I really appreciate your generosity and your support - especially the SPAG alert. Thanks for letting me know what you liked in the chaper - feedback is always so helpful. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from AprilShower
This is great! We meet the murderer in this chapter. You have captured the criminal mind well in this. They do wrong, but cannot see the wrong they do. When they are caught, they take revenge out on those who reported their wrongs. By doing so, the victims continue to suffer. Very good writing, Bev. :o) April
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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This is great! We meet the murderer in this chapter. You have captured the criminal mind well in this. They do wrong, but cannot see the wrong they do. When they are caught, they take revenge out on those who reported their wrongs. By doing so, the victims continue to suffer. Very good writing, Bev. :o) April
Comment Written 24-May-2012
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Thank you so much, April. I feel very honored by your exceptional review and words of support. Yes, we do have a man ready to confess! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Bev
It's sounding like a cliche, but another great chapter.
I admire your writing style. A mix of narrative, dialogue and insights into what your characters are thinking.
It's also an intriguing plot.
Good idea to break the story up in parts for FanStory. I find anything over a couple of thousand words gets ignored.
Ron xox
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Hi Bev
It's sounding like a cliche, but another great chapter.
I admire your writing style. A mix of narrative, dialogue and insights into what your characters are thinking.
It's also an intriguing plot.
Good idea to break the story up in parts for FanStory. I find anything over a couple of thousand words gets ignored.
Ron xox
Comment Written 24-May-2012
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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I'm as guilty as anyone of getting turned off by long posts, so I sure do agree with you on that point, Ron. Thanks so much for this exceptional review. I'm honored, as well, by your wonderful words of support for my writing. In the tradition of Agatha Christie, I'm throwing out red herrings left and right LOL. Xxx Bev
Comment from robina1978
If I am not confused by all the deductions made here this Chet could have been the killer if his mate was the burglar at the other place. And the way he was thinking back, I think he must have done it.
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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If I am not confused by all the deductions made here this Chet could have been the killer if his mate was the burglar at the other place. And the way he was thinking back, I think he must have done it.
Comment Written 24-May-2012
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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You've got it, Ine. But I am a big fan of Agatha Christie's mysteries and I always found her penchant for sending out red herrings exasperating, but made for good mysteries. Thanks so much for your supportive and generous review. Warm regards, Bev
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I loved Agatha Christie too, read most of her books, ages ago.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter where they have the killer in the interrogation room, but they have some information that makes them think he can't be the one but they sit on it
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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this is very well written, writingfundimension, you did a great job writing this chapter where they have the killer in the interrogation room, but they have some information that makes them think he can't be the one but they sit on it
Comment Written 24-May-2012
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Thank you so much, sweet. I am really honored that you continue to read and support my story. Much appreciated! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from JW
This first part of a chapter contains an interesting development to your story. It makes one curious to how it will work out. JW
You may want to review the following:
Detectice (Detective) Jolly was a decent man
"I was luckly (lucky) to get a
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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This first part of a chapter contains an interesting development to your story. It makes one curious to how it will work out. JW
You may want to review the following:
Detectice (Detective) Jolly was a decent man
"I was luckly (lucky) to get a
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Thanks so much for this great review and catching the SPAG's, Jonathon. I swear I don't even know why I use spell check! I've changed them, and thank you for your support and assistance. Warm regards, Bev
When can we expect another chapter from you?
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Greetings Bev,
Hopefully, I will be posting another chapter before too long.
It's written, all ready to go - but I need to earn about 39 more FS $$$ before I can post it.
These past few weeks my job has required me to work so many hours, by the time I get home I'm too exhausted to do much reviewing.
In regards to spelling and grammar-checking your work, you may want to check out "After The Deadline" at http://www.polishmywriting.com/ It's absolutely FREE to use.
I use it all the time whenever I'm reviewing other's work.
JW
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Hey, thanks for the tip, Jonathon. Some of my errors are just really not seeing the words in front of me! I'll definitely check out the site, and look forward to reading your latest chapter. Hope you get some time off over the long Memorial weekend. Take care, Bev
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Oh now you having me hanging by a thread. This was well penned and nothing jumped out needed work.
It flowed smoothly as I read. Great imagery throughout.
Your characters are still strong and detailed making this work believable.
My favourite part:
"Swiping his damp palms across the fabric of his pants, Chet splayed his fingers to mimic a woman examining a manicure. He imagined them necklaced around Debra Padget's neck, feeling the final collapse of cartilage as her windpipe disintegrated. His pleasure abruptly skittered back into its dark hidey-hole when he realized there was dirt imbedded beneath the few fingernails he hadn't ripped away with his teeth."
// This section really brought the mental issues of Chet forward to the reader. His compulsive, and yet detailed memory of killing Debra as well as his "insanity" switching to the dirt under his nails...
This was an exceptional part of the story penned with great skill....Fabulous this section boosted the whole work to exceptional.:)
Great post, looking forward to the next part.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Oh now you having me hanging by a thread. This was well penned and nothing jumped out needed work.
It flowed smoothly as I read. Great imagery throughout.
Your characters are still strong and detailed making this work believable.
My favourite part:
"Swiping his damp palms across the fabric of his pants, Chet splayed his fingers to mimic a woman examining a manicure. He imagined them necklaced around Debra Padget's neck, feeling the final collapse of cartilage as her windpipe disintegrated. His pleasure abruptly skittered back into its dark hidey-hole when he realized there was dirt imbedded beneath the few fingernails he hadn't ripped away with his teeth."
// This section really brought the mental issues of Chet forward to the reader. His compulsive, and yet detailed memory of killing Debra as well as his "insanity" switching to the dirt under his nails...
This was an exceptional part of the story penned with great skill....Fabulous this section boosted the whole work to exceptional.:)
Great post, looking forward to the next part.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Hello, my friend. Thank you so very much for this detailed and helpful review. Also, I appreciate you letting me know your thoughts on that section of the chapter. I almost gave up on it because I just couldn't seem to get it right. Must have redone it twenty times. So, your confirmation that it was important to get it right really helps, Maureen. I so appreciate your exceptional rating and your words of support. Hugs, Bev
Comment from wordsfromsue
Bev, you can't keep me hanging like that! Soo unfair. :-)
GREAT chapter! Good tension, Chet sounds a proper freak. He's definitely a disturbed individual.
I want the rest of the chapter NOW please! :-)
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Bev, you can't keep me hanging like that! Soo unfair. :-)
GREAT chapter! Good tension, Chet sounds a proper freak. He's definitely a disturbed individual.
I want the rest of the chapter NOW please! :-)
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Thank you so much, Sue. We're only about a third of the way through - and I hope you'll thank me later LOL! I so appreciate your extremely generous review and wonderful support. Thank you much, my friend. Blessings, Bev
Comment from IndianaIrish
Ohhhhhhhh ... what a page-turning chapter, Bev!! WOW! You know, you write so well and I don't think I ever see any grammar goofs in any of your writings. I can't wait for Part Two.
Karyn :>)
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Ohhhhhhhh ... what a page-turning chapter, Bev!! WOW! You know, you write so well and I don't think I ever see any grammar goofs in any of your writings. I can't wait for Part Two.
Karyn :>)
Comment Written 23-May-2012
reply by the author on 24-May-2012
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Thank you so much, Karyn. I had my share of SPAG's coming out of the gate, and some kind folks help me get rid of them. I do spell check, but sometimes I seem blinded by my own brilliance HA!!! I so appreciate your continued interest and support. Hugs, Bev