Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "A Maza Moon, Part I"Murder Mystery
49 total reviews
Comment from IndianaIrish
Bev, you keep me at the edge of my seat reading this story...and I always want more at the end. You write without SpAGs and your characters are real. I'm so glad I'm coming along on this adventure.
karyn :>)
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Bev, you keep me at the edge of my seat reading this story...and I always want more at the end. You write without SpAGs and your characters are real. I'm so glad I'm coming along on this adventure.
karyn :>)
Comment Written 24-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, Karyn. What a great compliment your words are as you are just such a talented writer yourself. And I really appreciate the six stars because I know that you do not award them lightly. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from ennahanid
This is the first one of yours I have had the pleasure of reading, so it looks like I have some major catch-up to do as I thoroughly enjoyed this part.
This held my interest and your characters were visually written which makes them seem quite real.
A pleasant read this morning
Thank you
Dinah
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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This is the first one of yours I have had the pleasure of reading, so it looks like I have some major catch-up to do as I thoroughly enjoyed this part.
This held my interest and your characters were visually written which makes them seem quite real.
A pleasant read this morning
Thank you
Dinah
Comment Written 24-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Dina. I really appreciate the great review and interest in my chapter. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from InterestingRon
Hi Bev
I loved the medical examiner character. Your words made him come alive.
As you know, I enjoy spooky happenings, and this chapter had enough to satisfy me.
Good idea to keep the chapters short and in parts for FanStory. I find reviewers run away from long pieces.
Ron xox
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Hi Bev
I loved the medical examiner character. Your words made him come alive.
As you know, I enjoy spooky happenings, and this chapter had enough to satisfy me.
Good idea to keep the chapters short and in parts for FanStory. I find reviewers run away from long pieces.
Ron xox
Comment Written 24-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Hi, Ron. Thank you so much for this awesome review. I really appreciate you letting me know what you liked, also. I wasn't sure about the splitting of up the chapter, so I'm glad you voted for the way it was. Much appreciated, as always, Ron. xxx Bev
Comment from peggles
Very well written chapter and an excellent follow on
I liked the character of the medical man I have never heard of this ghost dance before very interesting
This held my attention all the way and easy to follow
I look forward to reading more soon
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Very well written chapter and an excellent follow on
I liked the character of the medical man I have never heard of this ghost dance before very interesting
This held my attention all the way and easy to follow
I look forward to reading more soon
Comment Written 24-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Thank you, peggles. Your generous review and words of insight and support are so appreciated! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from misscookie
Oceagain you had me on the edge of my chair.
Boy what a way to start an early Saturday morning. you had my attention from A to Z
There was never a dull moment
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Oceagain you had me on the edge of my chair.
Boy what a way to start an early Saturday morning. you had my attention from A to Z
There was never a dull moment
Comment Written 24-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Hi, misscookie. Thank you so much for this great review. I really appreciate your interest and support! Blessings, Bev
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My pleasure.
Comment from robina1978
Very well written chapter. Medical examiners can be rushed and some look scruffy. Loved how he managed his way in and still had to wait a bit. Never heard of this ghost dance before-most intriguing. Held my attention all the way and easy to follow.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Very well written chapter. Medical examiners can be rushed and some look scruffy. Loved how he managed his way in and still had to wait a bit. Never heard of this ghost dance before-most intriguing. Held my attention all the way and easy to follow.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the tips and insight, Ine. I really appreciate you taking time for this great review. Warm regards, Bev
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Most welcome Bev, hope and am pretty sure it will continue like this.
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
Fantastic dialogue and superlative narrative. Obviously meticulously researched writing. And thoroughly entertaining to boot!
Great piece. keep going...
cheers
js
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Fantastic dialogue and superlative narrative. Obviously meticulously researched writing. And thoroughly entertaining to boot!
Great piece. keep going...
cheers
js
Comment Written 24-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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I really appreciate your great review, js. Thanks so much for stopping by! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
Three spags:
-pastor of St. Matilde's(see pastor)
-house(,)forcing
-situation(,)and I've
Hi Bev,
This chapter ulled together the Sioux tribal religion and the Catholic. I thought your back and forth with the prayer and Debra speaking right before her spirit sped through the ceiling was very effective. It sounded just as I would imagine a priest.
I'm eager to see what is going on with the killer. Especially, since the Sheriff wants to have a patrol car guard Father Brian.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Three spags:
-pastor of St. Matilde's(see pastor)
-house(,)forcing
-situation(,)and I've
Hi Bev,
This chapter ulled together the Sioux tribal religion and the Catholic. I thought your back and forth with the prayer and Debra speaking right before her spirit sped through the ceiling was very effective. It sounded just as I would imagine a priest.
I'm eager to see what is going on with the killer. Especially, since the Sheriff wants to have a patrol car guard Father Brian.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Hi, Ellen. Thank you for catching the spags and for your great review. I'm glad you found the part where prayer and memories merge to be effective. Wasn't sure if that would come off alright - glad to see you thought it worked.
I really appreciate your support and good insights, my friend.
Warm regards, Bev
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It's always a pleasure, Bev. Glad to help.:) ellen
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:) xxx
Comment from Connie C
This just gets better and better, Bev. You are doing a wonderful job of developing each of these characters, and I liked how the medical examiner didn't care about the rise of hypertension with his white coat as his patients don't have any pulse. I also liked the part about the sparkling ball emerging from the victim's forehead and shooting through the ceiling. Spooky! I'm assuming the conversation near the end is of Debra and the Priest before her death. I did find one tiny thing that maybe you intended to be: four or five lines above the second set of asterisks, you start the paragraph with "Brian." I wondered if you wanted to indicated "Father Brian" instead since I don't think I saw anywhere else where it was just "Brian." I could be wrong on that and maybe it's okay. I love this mystery, Bev. You should be proud of this, my friend. Can't wait for the next chapter, and I wish I had six left for you. This is so deserving. Connie
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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This just gets better and better, Bev. You are doing a wonderful job of developing each of these characters, and I liked how the medical examiner didn't care about the rise of hypertension with his white coat as his patients don't have any pulse. I also liked the part about the sparkling ball emerging from the victim's forehead and shooting through the ceiling. Spooky! I'm assuming the conversation near the end is of Debra and the Priest before her death. I did find one tiny thing that maybe you intended to be: four or five lines above the second set of asterisks, you start the paragraph with "Brian." I wondered if you wanted to indicated "Father Brian" instead since I don't think I saw anywhere else where it was just "Brian." I could be wrong on that and maybe it's okay. I love this mystery, Bev. You should be proud of this, my friend. Can't wait for the next chapter, and I wish I had six left for you. This is so deserving. Connie
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, Connie. This review is just so helpful and generous. I did go back to the section you mention - it sounds better with the proper title in front of it. It's always a juggling act in writing dialogue not to use the same reference for a person over and over. I'm still on the look-out for a good reference article on that subject.
Your support and interest mean so much, Connie. Though I appreciate very much your wish for a virtual six, it's your words that really have me feeling great!
Hugs, Bev
Comment from judiverse
This was spooky. You have some interesting characters going, and Jana makes a great addition. Description of the Sheriff's eyes was good. I liked the part where Father Brian is remembering things about Debra as he gives last rites. That white mist was quite an attention-getter. Glad you explained about the ghost dance. Sheriff mentioned his previous experience with the phenomena. Really fascinating. Sounds like a good idea to keep an eye on the
Rectory, with all the going's on. Really enjoyable, and six-star suspense. judi
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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This was spooky. You have some interesting characters going, and Jana makes a great addition. Description of the Sheriff's eyes was good. I liked the part where Father Brian is remembering things about Debra as he gives last rites. That white mist was quite an attention-getter. Glad you explained about the ghost dance. Sheriff mentioned his previous experience with the phenomena. Really fascinating. Sounds like a good idea to keep an eye on the
Rectory, with all the going's on. Really enjoyable, and six-star suspense. judi
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2012
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Hello, judi. Thank you very much for this exceptional review. Your words of understanding and insight into what I was trying to accomplish mean so much! I'm lucky to have such a good fellow writer keeping an eye on things for me. Have a great weekend, Bev
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You're so welcome. Great reading. judi