Child Abuse
Warning! This is a raw biographical write41 total reviews
Comment from Rama Rao
I am sorry to read about your family. I can't imagine an abusive father who abuses his children and brings his brothers and buddies to fiddle with his own daughters. It seems to be a strange world.
Anyway, I am glad you got over the trauma and succeeded in life.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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I am sorry to read about your family. I can't imagine an abusive father who abuses his children and brings his brothers and buddies to fiddle with his own daughters. It seems to be a strange world.
Anyway, I am glad you got over the trauma and succeeded in life.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
Written for the women still afraid of telling the truth through a veil of shame. It was not a needed purge and I am not bleeding here in Canada. Thanks for your kind words.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This was the most educational piece I've read anywhere for months. I had no idea child abuse led to feelings of worthlessness, as tho somehow you deserved abuse. Your poor mom. If only she'd been able to get help. But she lived too long ago, before awareness. So glad that you moved on and found your way out of the pit you describe. And your poor dead sister. What a waste.
I have to ask why you never turned in all the males in your family who abused you, even now? Or at least confronted them or told their friends what monsters they are. Why let them get away with their crimes?
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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This was the most educational piece I've read anywhere for months. I had no idea child abuse led to feelings of worthlessness, as tho somehow you deserved abuse. Your poor mom. If only she'd been able to get help. But she lived too long ago, before awareness. So glad that you moved on and found your way out of the pit you describe. And your poor dead sister. What a waste.
I have to ask why you never turned in all the males in your family who abused you, even now? Or at least confronted them or told their friends what monsters they are. Why let them get away with their crimes?
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Paula, I'm 61 and they're dead, plus it took me almost forty years to have enough conviction...as per my write,,,that I wasn't a filthy piece of useless crap. The rules didn't apply in the years I describe. As a child, nowhere to go, as an adult, not willing to go back to the memories. now, it's just an alert for other victims and parents of children who are abused. It does last a lifetime.
Comment from Cindy Warren
Holy @#*! I thought my father was bad. He was a mean bully when he was drunk, but he was a pussycat compared to that. I can't imagine sitting on that curb all night. I wish you all the best life has to offer. You deserve it.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Holy @#*! I thought my father was bad. He was a mean bully when he was drunk, but he was a pussycat compared to that. I can't imagine sitting on that curb all night. I wish you all the best life has to offer. You deserve it.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Don't we all deserve it, but the newscasts will reinforce that life isn't fair, but if we keep fighting for truth and justice....maybe,
Comment from mumsyone
I applaud you for writing this non-fiction piece, and I pray that it reaches everyone who needs to hear it and be helped by it. Although I was never been abused by parents, relatives, or spouse, I know some women who have been, and how it has affected their lives. Your story is well written and held my interest throughout.
judgement (judgment).
she was labelled (labeled) a bastard.
That was a fierce some (fearsome) accusation,
To say that we can get over abuse is a (na¢¿½ve) statement.
then sharing it with others is a (omit 'a') worthwhile.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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I applaud you for writing this non-fiction piece, and I pray that it reaches everyone who needs to hear it and be helped by it. Although I was never been abused by parents, relatives, or spouse, I know some women who have been, and how it has affected their lives. Your story is well written and held my interest throughout.
judgement (judgment).
she was labelled (labeled) a bastard.
That was a fierce some (fearsome) accusation,
To say that we can get over abuse is a (na¢¿½ve) statement.
then sharing it with others is a (omit 'a') worthwhile.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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thanks for the spag alert, hopefully I've made all the corrections. the essay was written because there is a lot of pain here on FS with these issues and worse, shame. Thanks for the very high rating.
Comment from TammyGail
I don't know what to say, really almost totally bemused at what people do to the innocent, I was rapped in high school and that was almost 11 years ago I still can't get over the shit, I can't even fathom this I just can't I know I wouldn't have made it, I can see why your sister wanted nothing to do with men, I would 't either and your other sister god rest her soul some use all means to numb the pain its all they can do to get thorough the day, and you well your one hell of a woman, its a shitty deal that all our your cards were tossed in foul order, the whole turn a eye and keep out of it happens more than most care to think of because people don't want to get involved its sad and sick not to try and help if you know or think abuse is taking place, your mother well my grandmother was like your mother ran from one shit head to the next she always had to have someone whether they treated her like a human or not, this was just heart breaking thank you for sharing with hopes even one person that truly needs to see this will..
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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I don't know what to say, really almost totally bemused at what people do to the innocent, I was rapped in high school and that was almost 11 years ago I still can't get over the shit, I can't even fathom this I just can't I know I wouldn't have made it, I can see why your sister wanted nothing to do with men, I would 't either and your other sister god rest her soul some use all means to numb the pain its all they can do to get thorough the day, and you well your one hell of a woman, its a shitty deal that all our your cards were tossed in foul order, the whole turn a eye and keep out of it happens more than most care to think of because people don't want to get involved its sad and sick not to try and help if you know or think abuse is taking place, your mother well my grandmother was like your mother ran from one shit head to the next she always had to have someone whether they treated her like a human or not, this was just heart breaking thank you for sharing with hopes even one person that truly needs to see this will..
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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that's my hope, Tammy that it changes someone. I have no need to write about this, no therapy in that, but there's so much pain about thos subject still oozing into stories/poems and essays, that I thought my story might help someone.
Comment from WLHall
I don't know if you read one of mine, but I did post a poem called "Lost Innocence" since I've been on FS (Jan. this year). Maybe you came across it. I was abused sexually, verbally and physically by my brother while my parents did nothing. I think it was because he was so good at hiding it and I was ashamed. I recently told my mother about it, but she seems to think I can "get over it." Not that she doesn't care or is not horrified, I think she is just ignorant of how devastating it is to a child, even if it's been 40 years since it's happened. She pushes me to confront my brother, but I'm not ready. Do you think I should? What am I expecting? For him to get on his knees and apologize profusely? Anything less would be worst than what he did, so that's why I leave it alone. I'm sure you will get many of these reactions to your experience, so I won't go on any longer. Just to say, thank you for sharing this, it makes me feel not so alone. No, you never "get over it." I have forgiven in my brother in my heart only because I know it would eat me alive if I didn't, and I have too much to live for than that to spoil the rest of my life. Still rambling, sorry.
This is so well written, getting to the heart of the matter that it is NOT the victims' fault these things happened to them. It took me a while to believe that. It still haunts me, though.
Just thought I would tell you a couple of misspelled words:
"labeled" which you spelled "labelled" and "judgment" which you spelled "judgement". Maybe it's the Canadian spelling?
At any rate, thanks again for this post, I'm crying with you and all the other victims out there. I can't stand to watch the news about child abuse cases, it makes me so sick.
Wanda
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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I don't know if you read one of mine, but I did post a poem called "Lost Innocence" since I've been on FS (Jan. this year). Maybe you came across it. I was abused sexually, verbally and physically by my brother while my parents did nothing. I think it was because he was so good at hiding it and I was ashamed. I recently told my mother about it, but she seems to think I can "get over it." Not that she doesn't care or is not horrified, I think she is just ignorant of how devastating it is to a child, even if it's been 40 years since it's happened. She pushes me to confront my brother, but I'm not ready. Do you think I should? What am I expecting? For him to get on his knees and apologize profusely? Anything less would be worst than what he did, so that's why I leave it alone. I'm sure you will get many of these reactions to your experience, so I won't go on any longer. Just to say, thank you for sharing this, it makes me feel not so alone. No, you never "get over it." I have forgiven in my brother in my heart only because I know it would eat me alive if I didn't, and I have too much to live for than that to spoil the rest of my life. Still rambling, sorry.
This is so well written, getting to the heart of the matter that it is NOT the victims' fault these things happened to them. It took me a while to believe that. It still haunts me, though.
Just thought I would tell you a couple of misspelled words:
"labeled" which you spelled "labelled" and "judgment" which you spelled "judgement". Maybe it's the Canadian spelling?
At any rate, thanks again for this post, I'm crying with you and all the other victims out there. I can't stand to watch the news about child abuse cases, it makes me so sick.
Wanda
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Truthfully, Wanda I don't read a lot of poetry. I follow a few, but I'll make a point of looking up your poem.
I'm glad you told your mother, when the three sisters met for the first time in 30 years, the 80th birthday we sat and told our mother without real accusations, not her blindness or anythiing other than to acknowledge, we wanted her to hear us, even pretend she was hearing it for the first time, and she was disgusted by our conversation, dismissed us and accussed us of coming to her b/day to ruin it for her. We'd flown from Florida, far western Canada, spending thousands to try to put peace to the issue and once again, we were negated. I guess what I might do in your case is mail him this post with a post it and a note that says...Isn't it amazing how long something like this can affect you....then see if he comes back to you...likely not, but then no matter how he might convince himself you might have 'forgotten' he'll know that you know, Before you do anything tho, know this, it won't change anything for you and I wonder if it would give you any solace ir satisfaction, change anything, even if he had a heartfelt apology. You are the only one who can decide.
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I'll probably leave it alone, at least for now. I couldn't mail anything to him, because his wife intercedes everything and she and I are not on good terms. I have always leaned toward leaving it alone, so let it be. My shame is gone, thanks to therapy and a lot of prayer. So I'm living a good life now, except when it pops into my brain every once in a while, but is quickly dismissed. Thanks for the quick reply.
Wanda
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The best that you can do with your sad reminders is be vigilant and if something doesn't seem right, get invloved.
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Yes, you are so right.
Comment from joann r romei
Yes, this is an epidemic that has hit every generation and time, we feel tremendously for these victims, who were taken advantage of simply because they were to small, poor, or neglected, to know what was even going on, We will pray.God Bless your courage.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Yes, this is an epidemic that has hit every generation and time, we feel tremendously for these victims, who were taken advantage of simply because they were to small, poor, or neglected, to know what was even going on, We will pray.God Bless your courage.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Maybe that is the legacy, the fact that it took no courage at all to write this and put it out there for all to see. the courage, for me, was not letting the garbage men haul me away, having enough of a survival instinct that I fought for my life.
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Bless you i hope your energy filters into the ones who need it.
Comment from judiverse
This is quite an absorbing story. The fact that abuse seemed to run in the family is a sobering thought. Your comment about your uncle, who was a respected citizen, reminds us that it isn't only alcoholics and low-life's who can be abusers. Your comments about abuse in your last two paragraphs are really insightful and would help other women who have been subjected to abuse. You were fortunately strong enough to rise above your situation, but there are lingering scars, as you note at the end. Excellent presentation. judiverse
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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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This is quite an absorbing story. The fact that abuse seemed to run in the family is a sobering thought. Your comment about your uncle, who was a respected citizen, reminds us that it isn't only alcoholics and low-life's who can be abusers. Your comments about abuse in your last two paragraphs are really insightful and would help other women who have been subjected to abuse. You were fortunately strong enough to rise above your situation, but there are lingering scars, as you note at the end. Excellent presentation. judiverse
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Thank you. This essay doesn't catalog every shameful piece of flesh that was peeled away from me, but hopefully enough to make those that are in vile situations or those that know about their existence to pay attention.
Comment from ajdevore
My God woman what a long road you've traveled. I admire and respect you and though I have never met you, I love you. If you cannot see in yourself what you have been able to achieve, others can. You may be scarred for the rest of your life, but certainly not tainted. You are bringing so much that is good and positive into the world with your writing.
btw, a caalled, a typo escaped your notice, and naive was garbled by copy/paste.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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My God woman what a long road you've traveled. I admire and respect you and though I have never met you, I love you. If you cannot see in yourself what you have been able to achieve, others can. You may be scarred for the rest of your life, but certainly not tainted. You are bringing so much that is good and positive into the world with your writing.
btw, a caalled, a typo escaped your notice, and naive was garbled by copy/paste.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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thank you for your very generous review. Yes, and publicly we survivors have armour and all the tools to appear terrific, but in our private and darkest moments we still have feelings of self-loathing. And, yes, I know. Perhaps one day they'll find a pill to connect intellect with emotion. Corrected the spag, thanks.
Comment from LilHippie
Hard to "rate" such pain and honesty. I am numb. I will write you a prvate message. Your piece is honest, painful, meant to educate and enlighten people about the reality of childhood sexual abuse, the resulting trauma, and to never ignore it if you know of a child being harmed in any way at all. The results are all too apparent. Either isolation, addiction, self mutilation, or emptiness. Many women do not even begin to heal until they are in their forties or fifties. And those convicted of sexual assault of a child get seven or so years. The sentence for the survivor is a lifetime. Thank you so much for sharing this. God bless you for that. And yes, there is no shame for a survivor. It was not the survivor's fault, certainly. There should be mandatory life imprisonment for those who destroy a child's innocence and give them a lifetime of sorrow, self-medication/addiction, or whatever harm that individual person suffers. God bless you. God bless every single child hurt by a monster. May God watch over all of them and help them heal.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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Hard to "rate" such pain and honesty. I am numb. I will write you a prvate message. Your piece is honest, painful, meant to educate and enlighten people about the reality of childhood sexual abuse, the resulting trauma, and to never ignore it if you know of a child being harmed in any way at all. The results are all too apparent. Either isolation, addiction, self mutilation, or emptiness. Many women do not even begin to heal until they are in their forties or fifties. And those convicted of sexual assault of a child get seven or so years. The sentence for the survivor is a lifetime. Thank you so much for sharing this. God bless you for that. And yes, there is no shame for a survivor. It was not the survivor's fault, certainly. There should be mandatory life imprisonment for those who destroy a child's innocence and give them a lifetime of sorrow, self-medication/addiction, or whatever harm that individual person suffers. God bless you. God bless every single child hurt by a monster. May God watch over all of them and help them heal.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2012
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I do hope God watches over me. today a man who was a hockey coach, molesting two NHL hockey players was given his sentence. The two very brave men who came out to say what Stuart Graham did to them, assaulting them each at least 100 times. Imagine the courage, especially for a public sports figure, to admit to being sodomized by his coach,,,and today the man got 2 years for ruining two lives and that is only the two we know about. Sad and brave in the same story.
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WOW!!! TWO YEARS!!!! Dear God!! What is wrong with our laws, our criminal justice system. Dear God. I know that the more the child loved the person that hurt them, the deeper the betrayal, the more severe the trauma. This is, to me, the worst crime there is. Over 72% of female heroin addicts were sexually abused in childhood. And what happens to them then? They are hated, judged and treated like garbage by society. Treatment facilities can only deal with the addiction, not the core reason for it. REvolving door of more pain. A lifetime of pain. We need to do something about these laws. If we can not protect the most innocent in our society, by at least reducing the amount of children one monster will harm by life imprisonment of that monster, what does that make us? You know what I will never understand? We accept death in war, we say it is for the greater good of the world, to keep it free, to stop monsters like Hitler, Bin Laden, etc., so if there are thousands of casualties, that is still for the greater food. Why then, can we not put these monsters to death? Why is that not for the greater good? I will never understand it. God bless you.
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The entire country is appalled by the sentence. Radio talk shows, all of them were at it all day and most people if not all agreed with you.
I think the judge who handed down the sentence should watch his back as well.
Many people who suffer the aftermath of trauma that fall into a self created hate are reviled. Healthy people wonder why they cn't get over it, get on with life. Snap out of it they'll tell a depressed person. How would they know? Where would that person learn how to be a poster boy/girl? You feedback and comments are dearly appreciated and I hope your blessing for me has an inside track, ingrid
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I know all too well what you are talking about. Snap out of it!!! How dare they? How dare anyone not understand a person self medicates a deep inner pain, a trauma. Why is medical illness/ailments/trauma of the body completely accepted and understood, garnering sympathy for the person, but a trauma to the brain, depression, post traumatic stress disorder/mental anguish/addiction, that is not only misunderstood, but people will actually say "oh bullshit, that person uses drugs cause they want to get high." or "bullshit, he just tells people he's depressed so he does not have to work as hard as the other guys." It is cruel, ignorant, insulting and amazing, that otherwise intelligent people could care less about these facts.
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100% agreement in all you say.