Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "A Blood-Red Moon "Murder Mystery
56 total reviews
Comment from Tina55
Yikes! I was waiting for a confrontation between Donna and her neice...and then, bam!! Here comes the needle. Nicely done!
Wait a minute...Father Brian called for help...that means...nnoooo!
Ha ha...the Father plays poker...
OOo, your bad guys sounds very tricky...I like him.
Oh! You totally have me hanging by a thread here!!
Kudos, Bev!!
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Yikes! I was waiting for a confrontation between Donna and her neice...and then, bam!! Here comes the needle. Nicely done!
Wait a minute...Father Brian called for help...that means...nnoooo!
Ha ha...the Father plays poker...
OOo, your bad guys sounds very tricky...I like him.
Oh! You totally have me hanging by a thread here!!
Kudos, Bev!!
Comment Written 10-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, Tina. I really appreciate this awesome review, especially from a writer of your talent. I've got some plans for Father Brian that he's not going to like much, hehehe. Hugs, Bev
Comment from adewpearl
leaving behind the human's dwelling - humans' - plural possessive
Excellent description of setting, and you work in this couple's back story well
What an eerie description of the murder
You get inside the killer's mind well - you certainly have grabbed my attention Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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leaving behind the human's dwelling - humans' - plural possessive
Excellent description of setting, and you work in this couple's back story well
What an eerie description of the murder
You get inside the killer's mind well - you certainly have grabbed my attention Brooke :-)
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Hi, Brooke. I sure appreciate you taking time to read my chapter. Thank you for sharing your insights and for your generous review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Rob Caudle
This was GREAT. I loved the small detail you have injected. Switching hands so he could write in his notepad the pillows rearranged to alleviate the pressure on her neck. I especially like what you did with the background of your character Donna, and the encounter with her niece. it is nice if you're are going to have a victim we have some sympathy for the loss. the sexual aspect of you killer was brilliant loved it all I wish once again that I could find someway to help better the piece but I think it is great. Looking forward to following this to its conclusion.
Rob
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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This was GREAT. I loved the small detail you have injected. Switching hands so he could write in his notepad the pillows rearranged to alleviate the pressure on her neck. I especially like what you did with the background of your character Donna, and the encounter with her niece. it is nice if you're are going to have a victim we have some sympathy for the loss. the sexual aspect of you killer was brilliant loved it all I wish once again that I could find someway to help better the piece but I think it is great. Looking forward to following this to its conclusion.
Rob
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Wow, Rob. I am so honored by this review. Having read first-hand your great talent for story-telling, I'm just blown away by the support. And thank you for noticing the details - I struggle with that aspect - so, I especially appreciate that! Your generosity and support are much appreciated. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from Carrie Carson
Exciting story and new info, too. Interesting that a phrase exists to describe what I would call Grace.
Great story, it's got me wondering what happens next.
I appreciate a good read.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Exciting story and new info, too. Interesting that a phrase exists to describe what I would call Grace.
Great story, it's got me wondering what happens next.
I appreciate a good read.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, Carrie. I love that - 'a phrase that reminds me of grace'. Well put! Your time and interest as well as your generous review are much appreciated! Bev
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Sure, you're welcome.
Comment from judiverse
Good presentation of background material at the beginning of your story. You've made Debra an interesting character through her history. She's had a lot of disappointments in life. In her condition, she wouldn't be able to offer much resistance to someone who tried to harm her. Father Brian seems very understanding and a trustworthy advisor. Interesting that the killer made the call to Father Brian. Whoever the killer is, he is getting pleasure in it, and is on the scene observing what's happening out at the crime scene. Looks like he's mostly interested in targeting Father Brian. Very intriguing! judi
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Good presentation of background material at the beginning of your story. You've made Debra an interesting character through her history. She's had a lot of disappointments in life. In her condition, she wouldn't be able to offer much resistance to someone who tried to harm her. Father Brian seems very understanding and a trustworthy advisor. Interesting that the killer made the call to Father Brian. Whoever the killer is, he is getting pleasure in it, and is on the scene observing what's happening out at the crime scene. Looks like he's mostly interested in targeting Father Brian. Very intriguing! judi
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Thanks so much, judi. I really appreciate this great review and for your input into what works for the piece - very helpful going forward. Warm regards, Bev
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You're so welcome, and best wishes as you continue with your book. judi
Comment from barkingdog
Oops ... you changed her name from Donna to Debra. You might want to fix the first chapter to agree with this one.
It would have been nice to have added the encounter between her and her niece to let us see the niece interact with Debra before Debra dies. Especially since the niece may be a suspect.
Good phone conversation.
And the killer watches, sexually aroused from the excitement. And I guess he left a message for Father Brian.
A bit more dialogue between key characters (donna and her aunt) and inner thought of the killer would be nice.
A SECOND LOOK:
Donna seemed caring, making her less of a suspect.
I don't see this as a 'brush with toxic energy ' which is three paragraphs down.
THIRD VISIT:
Now, that's frickin' scary. Thank you for giving him a voice. :) I love it. Don't want to meet him in church.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Oops ... you changed her name from Donna to Debra. You might want to fix the first chapter to agree with this one.
It would have been nice to have added the encounter between her and her niece to let us see the niece interact with Debra before Debra dies. Especially since the niece may be a suspect.
Good phone conversation.
And the killer watches, sexually aroused from the excitement. And I guess he left a message for Father Brian.
A bit more dialogue between key characters (donna and her aunt) and inner thought of the killer would be nice.
A SECOND LOOK:
Donna seemed caring, making her less of a suspect.
I don't see this as a 'brush with toxic energy ' which is three paragraphs down.
THIRD VISIT:
Now, that's frickin' scary. Thank you for giving him a voice. :) I love it. Don't want to meet him in church.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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I think your suggestions of dialogue between Donna and her niece is an excellent one, and I've changed that section. Makes the piece stronger. I'm not sure, though, about where you're coming from in the last line. I hope to produce about 25, chapters, so I'm saving some goodies for later one. Oh, I think I've finally got the name of my OWN character straight, for God's sake! Thanks for caring and sharing, Ellen. Kind regards, Bev
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The killer doesn't have to talk to anyone. He can just think a couple words to himself. A word about the police or his discomfort in the cold. His reaction to seeing Father. One word to show his attitude toward the priest or his exasperation with the moment. It depends what you want to focus on.
Does he hate the priest or is he using him?
Oh, her name is Donna today? LOL
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Ah, I see what you are saying, now. Thanks, Ellen.
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It doesn't change a thing except it becomes the character revealing himself without narration. We like the bad guy to speak ... to reveal his inner twisted thoughts. Think 'Silence of the Lambs.' Shiver.
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I made a slight change which I think will satisfy us both. Thanks again, Ellen. Xx Bev
PS I've never seen that movie LOL.
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What did you do now? I go see.
Comment from JW
In reading this chapter I did not find any spags in it.
However, to be honest - and I presume that is what you would prefer. I found it to be disjointed.
I could not see how the first paragraph related to the chapter. Nor could I see why the Father Brain would do something so irresponsible as kill Debra.
Apparently I have missed something. JW
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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In reading this chapter I did not find any spags in it.
However, to be honest - and I presume that is what you would prefer. I found it to be disjointed.
I could not see how the first paragraph related to the chapter. Nor could I see why the Father Brain would do something so irresponsible as kill Debra.
Apparently I have missed something. JW
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Hi, Jonathon. Thanks for your review, my friend. Father Brian didn't kill Donna Padget. It's not his voice at the end. Thanks for a generous rating considering your feelings on the chapter. Bev
Comment from Showboat
Oooe, another creepy chapter.
I feel sorry for poor Father Brian. I'm a little lost right here. I'm going to have to go back and see where I missed. I know there's stuff going on here I don't know about.
Too good a novel to be guessing.
Will let you know,
Hugs,
Gayle
Okay, Chapter 2. Duh, forget me, got another story mixed up with this one. Blonde today!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Oooe, another creepy chapter.
I feel sorry for poor Father Brian. I'm a little lost right here. I'm going to have to go back and see where I missed. I know there's stuff going on here I don't know about.
Too good a novel to be guessing.
Will let you know,
Hugs,
Gayle
Okay, Chapter 2. Duh, forget me, got another story mixed up with this one. Blonde today!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Hi, Gayle. Yes, I would appreciate you letting me know if the second chapter has some confusing components. I value your opinion and any suggestions. Thanks! Bev
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It's fine, Bev. It's the reader. Extra blonde today. For a moment I mixed it up with another novel! Ignore me! ;)
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Oh, that's really okay, Gayle. When you're following so many writers it gets a little challenging to remember all the details. I just appreciate your follow-up message and support! Love, Bev
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi writingfundimension,
Wow, you've certainly got a nasty twisted mind as the villain in your story. A lot of tension in it, good descriptions and some good character development.
Didn't spot any spag, well done.
Patrick
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Hi writingfundimension,
Wow, you've certainly got a nasty twisted mind as the villain in your story. A lot of tension in it, good descriptions and some good character development.
Didn't spot any spag, well done.
Patrick
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Hi, Patrick. Ah, the bane of all mystery writers - being identified with their twisted killers. Seriously, thanks for taking time to read the chapter, Patrick. The review and support are much appreciated. Bev
Comment from psalmist
I am glad to see this chapter posted. You sparked my interest with the first chapter. I like your cast of characters, so far. You do a great job building the suspense, introducing an mysterious and sinister character, and then leaving the reader wanting more. Thanks for a great read. Linda
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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I am glad to see this chapter posted. You sparked my interest with the first chapter. I like your cast of characters, so far. You do a great job building the suspense, introducing an mysterious and sinister character, and then leaving the reader wanting more. Thanks for a great read. Linda
Comment Written 09-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2012
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Thank YOU, Linda. I really appreciate you sticking with the story and your generous review! The psychological aspects to this story are just being fleshed out at this point. Some fairly twisted (not gory) stuff to come. Warm regards, Bev