Say WHAT? No RHYME???
A lament upon the nature of blank verse26 total reviews
Comment from royowen
A clever lighthearted and well crafted parody I think of modt poetic disciplines, I've never thought that form was important, but always with the skill of language and expressive wording, well done, Sharyn, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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A clever lighthearted and well crafted parody I think of modt poetic disciplines, I've never thought that form was important, but always with the skill of language and expressive wording, well done, Sharyn, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 22-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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Hey Roy - thank you very much! I actually enjoy writing (true) blank verse a lot. It's a really POWERFUL form, but powerful shouldn't mean ponderous, so I seized the chance to be a little light hearted ...
Blessings, as always,
Sharyn
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Well Done Sharyn
Comment from dmt1967
This is a breath of fresh air and music to my ears lol. As someone who cannot write a sonnet to save her life, it is nice to read one with no set rules. I enjoyed it and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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This is a breath of fresh air and music to my ears lol. As someone who cannot write a sonnet to save her life, it is nice to read one with no set rules. I enjoyed it and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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Bless you Janet (?) (please tell me I have your name correct! I haven't been on Fanstory in forever!) Do Pantygynt's upcoming class - it's in poetic meter and I'm sure it will be marvellous. Then you'll be creating gorgeous sonnets, for sure!!
:)Sharyn
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Actually, its Jackie lol.
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Well at least I got the 'J' right, right?? Bless you Jackie - thank you so much for reading and enjoying! And I think you're probably under-selling yourself!
:)Sharyn
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Well - what can I say, except I agree with you. A great, witty piece and so well written. What a pity you slipped up and two of your lines rhymed - line 11 and the last one LOL LOL..........repeated DUM! Only joking, nice to see you back on FS.
But, stay a while, and smile with me
for members of the Meter Bleater's Club
will surely understand that mastery
of form precedes all variations. Yes? ...................
This is surely a winner! Warm regards Dorothy x
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reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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Well - what can I say, except I agree with you. A great, witty piece and so well written. What a pity you slipped up and two of your lines rhymed - line 11 and the last one LOL LOL..........repeated DUM! Only joking, nice to see you back on FS.
But, stay a while, and smile with me
for members of the Meter Bleater's Club
will surely understand that mastery
of form precedes all variations. Yes? ...................
This is surely a winner! Warm regards Dorothy x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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Hahaha ... thank you Dorothy ... all were intentional, rest assured ... though I have had people scream at me for using assonance (and confusing it with rhyme) which really really irks me. I'll try not to 'slip up' in future ... promise ... (but my fingers are crossed behind my back).
:)Sharyn
Comment from rama devi
Absolutely delightful, dear friend. So thrilled to see you posting again. MISSED YOU!!!!
This is fluid smooth meter (with feminine endings, etc.) with outstanding enjambments - so inventive! Lots of resonant rhyme and internal rhyme and assonance, alliteration consonance, etc. Flawless crafting! Sounds great read aloud.
Fun satirical overtones and wit. Enjoyed it!
NOTES
* one suggestion:
But 'read' and 'head' are irresistible(,)
Love: cheeky variations
LOVE THE IRONY HERE:
and there? A rhyme, an iamb incompletely
placed, to dangle feckless there, to challenge
LAUGHED ALOUD AT THIS:
motley fools, obsessed by need to count
in strict, unvaried order. DUM. Da DUM ...
'til, snoozing now, I fall upon the floor
HILARIOUS PUN ON DUMB DUMB IN THE CLOSING COUPLET.
But hark! Let high and mighty drama now
ensue, and strike us DUM ... da DUM da DUM ...
Chuckling,
rd
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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Absolutely delightful, dear friend. So thrilled to see you posting again. MISSED YOU!!!!
This is fluid smooth meter (with feminine endings, etc.) with outstanding enjambments - so inventive! Lots of resonant rhyme and internal rhyme and assonance, alliteration consonance, etc. Flawless crafting! Sounds great read aloud.
Fun satirical overtones and wit. Enjoyed it!
NOTES
* one suggestion:
But 'read' and 'head' are irresistible(,)
Love: cheeky variations
LOVE THE IRONY HERE:
and there? A rhyme, an iamb incompletely
placed, to dangle feckless there, to challenge
LAUGHED ALOUD AT THIS:
motley fools, obsessed by need to count
in strict, unvaried order. DUM. Da DUM ...
'til, snoozing now, I fall upon the floor
HILARIOUS PUN ON DUMB DUMB IN THE CLOSING COUPLET.
But hark! Let high and mighty drama now
ensue, and strike us DUM ... da DUM da DUM ...
Chuckling,
rd
Comment Written 22-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2017
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So glad you're chuckling rd ... I felt like creating a chuckle for myself last night and couldn't resist. I haven't been on FS forever, so I was delighted to see the new 'clubs' (with some interesting prompts! Yay!) Are you still thinking of coming over my way next year??? I'd LOVE to meet you in person!!!
Big hugs - and thank you, as always, for your delightful, detailed review.
:)Sharyn
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Thanks, dear. I;d LOVE to come, but have no money. Tickets are costly! However, I've got six or seven people planning to send books, so if they do (as planned) and if those who OWE me pay up, I may be able to!
So glad to see you here. Looking forward to meeting in person (eventually).
Comment from kiwisteveh
I fear you may fall foul of he who stands
as master of the craft within this site,
for he will shun a rhyme of any kind,
though words that thus offend are far apart!
Hi, Sharyn. You are not being disrespectful of the great art of Blank verse, are you. When i pointed out to this fellow that Shakespeare often had accidental rhyme (and of course often ended scenes with intentional couplet rhyme, he just commented, "Yes, but Shakespeare was a genius..."
I enjoyed the playfulness of your piece and of course the cleverness with which you introduced those forbidden fruits!
Hope you are well on your island paradise. If you would like to be entertained, look up the piece two back in my portfolio called 'I saw you dance the tango.'
Steve
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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2017
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I fear you may fall foul of he who stands
as master of the craft within this site,
for he will shun a rhyme of any kind,
though words that thus offend are far apart!
Hi, Sharyn. You are not being disrespectful of the great art of Blank verse, are you. When i pointed out to this fellow that Shakespeare often had accidental rhyme (and of course often ended scenes with intentional couplet rhyme, he just commented, "Yes, but Shakespeare was a genius..."
I enjoyed the playfulness of your piece and of course the cleverness with which you introduced those forbidden fruits!
Hope you are well on your island paradise. If you would like to be entertained, look up the piece two back in my portfolio called 'I saw you dance the tango.'
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2017
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Hey Steve ... I couldn't resist! Haven't been to FS for ages ... so it was fun to hop on tonight and see the 'Clubs' with (finally) some interesting prompts! I'll surely go back to your tango! I see you have a lady PM now!!! Serves you right!!! :):):)
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Jacinda seems 'nice' and it will be good to have someone nice at the top. Will that be enough to make it as PM? She has promised to be unrelentingly positive - big smile, lots of teeth! Also has a bit of gunption, obviously...
Comment from Dawn Munro
I've written very few of these myself;
da DUM is lodged within my brain all right,
yet brings with it a need to make words rhyme.
The struggle isn't at the phrase's end,
it's all the sneaky buggers found within.
Perhaps the bard would take away my pen
or at the very least, de-feather my poor plume...
I'm sorry, but what's in my head right now
is far too close (like "end" and "pen" above).
I give up; blank verse truly is insane
(or if it's not, then I'm afraid it's me,
and I prefer my freedom, not some jail.)
The white coats watch, with jacket held in hand!
Oh, heck, your Bill was surely looney tunes,
and I'm so glad you're here, I cannot care -
you write, I read, and all's well in the world!
A motely fool i am; not my iamb.
(see 'motley fool' describes me well indeed,
for what I wrote just now was too much fun,
and assonance be damned, for I gave up,
which means, of course, that now I'm free to write
what e'er I please this whole, disgusting day.
(Hahahaha - you thought I was gonna write 'night, dint ya? See what yer poems do ta me?)
XX
Don't stay away so long next time!
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2017
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I've written very few of these myself;
da DUM is lodged within my brain all right,
yet brings with it a need to make words rhyme.
The struggle isn't at the phrase's end,
it's all the sneaky buggers found within.
Perhaps the bard would take away my pen
or at the very least, de-feather my poor plume...
I'm sorry, but what's in my head right now
is far too close (like "end" and "pen" above).
I give up; blank verse truly is insane
(or if it's not, then I'm afraid it's me,
and I prefer my freedom, not some jail.)
The white coats watch, with jacket held in hand!
Oh, heck, your Bill was surely looney tunes,
and I'm so glad you're here, I cannot care -
you write, I read, and all's well in the world!
A motely fool i am; not my iamb.
(see 'motley fool' describes me well indeed,
for what I wrote just now was too much fun,
and assonance be damned, for I gave up,
which means, of course, that now I'm free to write
what e'er I please this whole, disgusting day.
(Hahahaha - you thought I was gonna write 'night, dint ya? See what yer poems do ta me?)
XX
Don't stay away so long next time!
Comment Written 22-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2017
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Oh you do make me LAUGH!!!! THANK YOU DAWN! SWEET TO BE BACK ... AND A SPECIAL 'MAHALO' FOR YOUR SIXER!
:)s
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HAHAHAHAHAHA! Very much my pleasure, Sharyn. XX