Forget Me Not
A Crown of Heroic Sonnets for the contest55 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
It is no small wonder you had no time for creating epigrams when you were chiselling this lovely piece into being. I still have to make a start on mine -- I feel an obligation to enter having won the thing last year, but not I fear with a poem as well created as this is.
I am impressed with the way this starts with the flower that is the crown's title and then, while retaining the essence of that title in each of the subsequent jewels in the crown, proceeds to tell a story of a reconstruction of a building, via the reasons for such reconstruction, that incorporates a lifetime of precious memories. In tune with the title, nothing is forgotten here, not ancient building methods faithfully reproduced nor the memories induced by your father's ninety year old golf clubs, and the ancient mandolin. The 'may be useful sometime piles' I could instantly identify with, as well as the gradual encroachment of old age.
This is one hell of a poem and I cannot possibly let this critique go forward with anything less than six stars. So I had better take a copy of this review just in case, because this will have to wait until tomorrow.
Which I did and now tomorrow is today and the new issue of sixes has been made so here we go.
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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It is no small wonder you had no time for creating epigrams when you were chiselling this lovely piece into being. I still have to make a start on mine -- I feel an obligation to enter having won the thing last year, but not I fear with a poem as well created as this is.
I am impressed with the way this starts with the flower that is the crown's title and then, while retaining the essence of that title in each of the subsequent jewels in the crown, proceeds to tell a story of a reconstruction of a building, via the reasons for such reconstruction, that incorporates a lifetime of precious memories. In tune with the title, nothing is forgotten here, not ancient building methods faithfully reproduced nor the memories induced by your father's ninety year old golf clubs, and the ancient mandolin. The 'may be useful sometime piles' I could instantly identify with, as well as the gradual encroachment of old age.
This is one hell of a poem and I cannot possibly let this critique go forward with anything less than six stars. So I had better take a copy of this review just in case, because this will have to wait until tomorrow.
Which I did and now tomorrow is today and the new issue of sixes has been made so here we go.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks, Jim. This one certainly took a while to put together, and I'm delighted that you thought the result worthwhile. I appreciate your delayed response to award of six stars. Best wishes, Tony
p.s. I'm reading an excellent book at the moment called, "The Sounds of Poetry: A Brief Guide" by Robert Pinsky
It has some useful comments about rhythm and stress in free verse and about the selection of line breaks. I'll email you a couple of sections from it if you're interested.
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That would be very kind of you. I would appreciate that.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Wow what an accomplishment Tony this Crown of Heroic (I think they mean the poet's) Sonnets. Beautifully written as you take us through life starting with the little forget-me-nots pushing up through the bitumen to the -phantom guests, forgotten ghosts
that hover over my declining years.
Well done,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Wow what an accomplishment Tony this Crown of Heroic (I think they mean the poet's) Sonnets. Beautifully written as you take us through life starting with the little forget-me-nots pushing up through the bitumen to the -phantom guests, forgotten ghosts
that hover over my declining years.
Well done,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks, Valda. This one certainly took a while to put together, and I'm delighted that you thought the result worthwhile. I appreciate your award of six stars. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from alf collier
Beautiful sentiments expressed in this write!! I have not yet attempted to write in this format, but I think I shall have to make a try...or part thereof LOL
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Beautiful sentiments expressed in this write!! I have not yet attempted to write in this format, but I think I shall have to make a try...or part thereof LOL
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks for your kind review, Alf. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from valmay
So wonderfully evocative, renovating an old house, Linking the past to the present. The only word I didn't know was muntin, although of course the poem made an approximation of meaning easy, but I did do a double take at stoep. I was born in England grew up in South Africa, and now live in Australia. The circle of life. The soul of yesteryear. The kaleidescoping merge. A beautiful view in every line. I don't have enough words of admiration.
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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So wonderfully evocative, renovating an old house, Linking the past to the present. The only word I didn't know was muntin, although of course the poem made an approximation of meaning easy, but I did do a double take at stoep. I was born in England grew up in South Africa, and now live in Australia. The circle of life. The soul of yesteryear. The kaleidescoping merge. A beautiful view in every line. I don't have enough words of admiration.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks, Valmay. This one certainly took a while to put together, and I'm delighted that you thought the result worthwhile. I appreciate your award of six stars. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from frierajac
A great poem of the form Heroic Sonnet. The second modern one I've ever read.
Actually an amazing poem. And reflects perhaps the mood of the person who is
speaking as being seriously contemplating the end of days as humans always have in a meditative mood.
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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A great poem of the form Heroic Sonnet. The second modern one I've ever read.
Actually an amazing poem. And reflects perhaps the mood of the person who is
speaking as being seriously contemplating the end of days as humans always have in a meditative mood.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks, Frierajac. This one certainly took a while to put together, and I'm delighted that you thought the result worthwhile. I appreciate your award of six stars. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Hitcher
This is a refined write my friend, I love lengthy poems, because they showcase the talent of the poet. It is not easy to keep a reader engaged with long poems so they have to be quality : ) Quality is definitely what you offered up here, This is an exceptional six star poem unfortunately I'm all out so a virtual one will have to make do I'm afraid. Loved it, Good luck!! It will take some beating : )
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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This is a refined write my friend, I love lengthy poems, because they showcase the talent of the poet. It is not easy to keep a reader engaged with long poems so they have to be quality : ) Quality is definitely what you offered up here, This is an exceptional six star poem unfortunately I'm all out so a virtual one will have to make do I'm afraid. Loved it, Good luck!! It will take some beating : )
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thanks, Hitch, for your review and kind comments. Appreciated! Tony
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My Apologies Tony, I have just gone back and tried to give your poem the six star review it deserves but for some reason it won't let me even though my pot of sixes has just been renewed. Hitch
Comment from w.j.debi
Whew, what an accomplishment! I keep thinking I am going to try an Heroic Sonnet someday and have started on it, but it is no easy task. You told an interesting tale, and in the heroic sonnet form. You even made the first and last line be the same as is required, but seldom followed in the ones I've read. Your verse makes sense too, and reads so smoothly as you expertly use enjambment to make the lines flow into each other. I am in awe. You should get ten stars for this.
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Whew, what an accomplishment! I keep thinking I am going to try an Heroic Sonnet someday and have started on it, but it is no easy task. You told an interesting tale, and in the heroic sonnet form. You even made the first and last line be the same as is required, but seldom followed in the ones I've read. Your verse makes sense too, and reads so smoothly as you expertly use enjambment to make the lines flow into each other. I am in awe. You should get ten stars for this.
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks, WJ. This one certainly took a while to put together, and I'm delighted that you thought the result worthwhile. I appreciate your award of six stars. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Thal1959
There is much to like about this work, although I am not sure it is true to the form of the contests. "The Crown of Heroic Sonnets is a sequence of seven heroic sonnets usually addressed to one person." I suppose the key word there is "usually," which I presume means it does not absolutely have to be. But this septet of sonnets seems to be about life in general. I am in no position to judge, but I just don't know if that approach will be seen as legitimate. I am just making an observation. Also;
"The roof, like us, is galvanised, with tin-
tinnabulations ringing out, "Rejoice!"
This is an interesting "trick" to use the first syllable of tintinnabulations to describe the tin roof, but one ends up with an incorrect word starting the next stanza. Again, I don't know if that will be deemed a clever device or an error. But these are just my thoughts. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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There is much to like about this work, although I am not sure it is true to the form of the contests. "The Crown of Heroic Sonnets is a sequence of seven heroic sonnets usually addressed to one person." I suppose the key word there is "usually," which I presume means it does not absolutely have to be. But this septet of sonnets seems to be about life in general. I am in no position to judge, but I just don't know if that approach will be seen as legitimate. I am just making an observation. Also;
"The roof, like us, is galvanised, with tin-
tinnabulations ringing out, "Rejoice!"
This is an interesting "trick" to use the first syllable of tintinnabulations to describe the tin roof, but one ends up with an incorrect word starting the next stanza. Again, I don't know if that will be deemed a clever device or an error. But these are just my thoughts. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks, Thal. This one certainly took a while to put together, and I'm delighted that you thought the result worthwhile. I appreciate your comments. I've checked and find that the 'usually' absolves me from necessity!
Yes, I wondered how splitting a word between two lines would be received. So far the hyphenation seems to have been accepted quite well, though, as you say, it is a trick. I needed the 'tin' for the galvanised iron roof and the tinnabulation for its onomatopoeic effect. Best wishes, Tony
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You're welcome - it was my pleasure, Tony.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Excellent poem, my friend. I don't know whether to try one or not--quite a challenge. Yours is very well done and a great entry for the contest. If I do one, it will be more of a learning experience than expecting to win~Debbie
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Excellent poem, my friend. I don't know whether to try one or not--quite a challenge. Yours is very well done and a great entry for the contest. If I do one, it will be more of a learning experience than expecting to win~Debbie
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 22-May-2017
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Very many thanks, Debbie. This one certainly took a while to put together, and I'm delighted that you thought the result worthwhile. I appreciate your award of six stars. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is a very good contest entry.
When life is on the ebb and thoughts are blue,
and rheumy eyes detect a blur of Heaven,
I'll contemplate these years of richer hue,
forgetting not the smaller gifts we're given.
My favorite stanza. It really says a lot.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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This is a very good contest entry.
When life is on the ebb and thoughts are blue,
and rheumy eyes detect a blur of Heaven,
I'll contemplate these years of richer hue,
forgetting not the smaller gifts we're given.
My favorite stanza. It really says a lot.
Comment Written 20-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thanks, Thomas, for your review and kind comments. Appreciated! Tony