One man's journey to get clean
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Big Purple Book"Getting clean from meth isn't easy
30 total reviews
Comment from Mabaker
Hmm. He has problems but it's interesting how you cover all the issues. A fine piece of writing. Having been in de-tox and Psychotic hospital for depression I can feel right at home with Gary.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Hmm. He has problems but it's interesting how you cover all the issues. A fine piece of writing. Having been in de-tox and Psychotic hospital for depression I can feel right at home with Gary.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you feel Gary is an authentic character - I appreciate that very much.
~patty~
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
The musing over coffee at the beginning helps to ground this in a reality.
Deep in his own thoughts, Gary put down the cup of coffee - in the interests of editing, you could omit 'cup of' here as it's inferred and it serves no purpose.
Borderline Personality disorder mean - Disorder, for consistency.
Most of them were one night stands, . . ." - if you're using the ellipsis here, you don't need the comma proceeding them.
I have a excellent talent - an excellent.
Well, can you see how you have an inflated image of yourself. - this should have a question mark.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Hi there,
The musing over coffee at the beginning helps to ground this in a reality.
Deep in his own thoughts, Gary put down the cup of coffee - in the interests of editing, you could omit 'cup of' here as it's inferred and it serves no purpose.
Borderline Personality disorder mean - Disorder, for consistency.
Most of them were one night stands, . . ." - if you're using the ellipsis here, you don't need the comma proceeding them.
I have a excellent talent - an excellent.
Well, can you see how you have an inflated image of yourself. - this should have a question mark.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your suggested edits, and I've made the changes. Thank you for such a clear and concise review -- but what did you think about the story?
~patty~
Comment from Kooky Clown
I have only read this instalment so I am not sure how much if any I have missed but reading this instalment I ma interested in reading more as it seems like an interesting story, looking forward to reading some more.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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I have only read this instalment so I am not sure how much if any I have missed but reading this instalment I ma interested in reading more as it seems like an interesting story, looking forward to reading some more.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed this installment of Gary's story. There's more to come.
~patty~
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is well written my friend and you can tell the research you have put into this it shows in the quality of the work the journey for your character will be a long one with so much emotion and he will have to accept what is happening in his life to be able to move on well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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This is well written my friend and you can tell the research you have put into this it shows in the quality of the work the journey for your character will be a long one with so much emotion and he will have to accept what is happening in his life to be able to move on well done regards Jill
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Thank you for continuing to read along, Jill. The six stars are a wonderful reward for the research and writing that went into this latest installment of Gary's journey. I'm glad you've continued to follow along,
~patty~
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Since I suffer from this disorder, this is a fantastically well write write Patty, I disagreed with my P.p.d diagnosis though as I was proven not to be narcissistic, manipulative and I have always been in monogamous relationships. However i do have other symptoms and I am bi-polar. Thank-you so much for bringing this to the world, Patty, it is something everyone should know about, that there is nothing to be ashamed of and we are not bad people. Such a brilliant and incisive write. Kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Since I suffer from this disorder, this is a fantastically well write write Patty, I disagreed with my P.p.d diagnosis though as I was proven not to be narcissistic, manipulative and I have always been in monogamous relationships. However i do have other symptoms and I am bi-polar. Thank-you so much for bringing this to the world, Patty, it is something everyone should know about, that there is nothing to be ashamed of and we are not bad people. Such a brilliant and incisive write. Kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Hi Meia; I'm so glad you read this and felt it put out information to the world. Its been painstaking to make sure I got everything just right, but I'm glad its being well received. More of Gary's story will be coming, and I will explore his treatment and the ups and downs with the cycling.
Thanks for reading and reviewing,
~patty~
Comment from mbroyles2
You had me engaged from the start and held my interest throughout as I read about Gary's ilnesses.
You've seen to have done your research well.
Really good job!
Michael
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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You had me engaged from the start and held my interest throughout as I read about Gary's ilnesses.
You've seen to have done your research well.
Really good job!
Michael
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Thank you for your time to read and review. I'm glad the story held your interest and was easy to follow about Gary's illnesses.
I appreciate your kind words,
~patty~
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Fantastic reality fiction, simply and written in a flow of thoughts, plot of Multiple Personality Disorder for fear of abandonment structured and plotted progressively put in the setting orderly, established cause and resolution well, I enjoyed the read, a nice catch in the beginning and curious ending, a good lesson on personality development read.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Fantastic reality fiction, simply and written in a flow of thoughts, plot of Multiple Personality Disorder for fear of abandonment structured and plotted progressively put in the setting orderly, established cause and resolution well, I enjoyed the read, a nice catch in the beginning and curious ending, a good lesson on personality development read.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Your encouraging comments make me feel very happy and confident to write the next chapters. I'm glad you enjoyed it - come along for Gary's ride to a better life.
~patty~
Comment from robyn corum
Patty,
I really think you're doing a good job with this story - if this chapter had been longer, I would have continued to read. (That's an important thing for every writer!) Although - I do not recommend you REALLY make things longer - you'll get even less reviews! (We just don't have too many prose reviewers left right now!) UGH.
I saw several things I felt were worth mentioning. Please know that you are welcome to chuck everything I say in the nearest trash can! *smile* Only trying to help.
Some notes:
1.) The size of your font is TINY. It's a great help to post in an easily readable size, please. Thank you! (From the old lady!)
2.) The sky outside was dark and dreary.
--> we know the sky is 'outside', just say 'The skies were dark and dreary.'
3.) Rain was hitting against the windows;
--> whenever you can, eliminate 'passive' voice (often designated by the use of 'was'/'were') and restructure your sentences so that the subject is closer to the verb (makes it more powerful)
--> 'Rain hit against the windows.'
--> but I would also caution you to try to use 'working words' that are more vivid.
--> 'Rain pelted against the windows.' (pounded, tinkled, etc.)
4.) Humming fluorescent bulbs lit the dayroom as Gary sat at a table drinking his second cup of coffee.
--> try to put important things first much of the time. Here, Gary is playing second-fiddle to the light bulbs. If you're trying to set the scene, which do you want us to focus on?
--> Gary sat at a table (nursing) his second cup of coffee; above him, the humming fluorescent bulbs lit the day/room.
5.) Deep in his own thoughts, Gary (finally gave up on the coffee, set down his cup with a thump and) walked down to the therapist's office
--> transition us, please from one activity to the other when needed
6.) "Well, can you see how you have an inflated image of yourself.
--> before this, hearing Gary, I didn't hear any grandiose thoughts. It sounded completely natural. If he inserted that he was the best in every play part the school had ever seen or that he still planned to make his million, even after this short stage in his life, etc, THOSE things would sound grandiose.
Hope this helps a little...?
Thanks!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Patty,
I really think you're doing a good job with this story - if this chapter had been longer, I would have continued to read. (That's an important thing for every writer!) Although - I do not recommend you REALLY make things longer - you'll get even less reviews! (We just don't have too many prose reviewers left right now!) UGH.
I saw several things I felt were worth mentioning. Please know that you are welcome to chuck everything I say in the nearest trash can! *smile* Only trying to help.
Some notes:
1.) The size of your font is TINY. It's a great help to post in an easily readable size, please. Thank you! (From the old lady!)
2.) The sky outside was dark and dreary.
--> we know the sky is 'outside', just say 'The skies were dark and dreary.'
3.) Rain was hitting against the windows;
--> whenever you can, eliminate 'passive' voice (often designated by the use of 'was'/'were') and restructure your sentences so that the subject is closer to the verb (makes it more powerful)
--> 'Rain hit against the windows.'
--> but I would also caution you to try to use 'working words' that are more vivid.
--> 'Rain pelted against the windows.' (pounded, tinkled, etc.)
4.) Humming fluorescent bulbs lit the dayroom as Gary sat at a table drinking his second cup of coffee.
--> try to put important things first much of the time. Here, Gary is playing second-fiddle to the light bulbs. If you're trying to set the scene, which do you want us to focus on?
--> Gary sat at a table (nursing) his second cup of coffee; above him, the humming fluorescent bulbs lit the day/room.
5.) Deep in his own thoughts, Gary (finally gave up on the coffee, set down his cup with a thump and) walked down to the therapist's office
--> transition us, please from one activity to the other when needed
6.) "Well, can you see how you have an inflated image of yourself.
--> before this, hearing Gary, I didn't hear any grandiose thoughts. It sounded completely natural. If he inserted that he was the best in every play part the school had ever seen or that he still planned to make his million, even after this short stage in his life, etc, THOSE things would sound grandiose.
Hope this helps a little...?
Thanks!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Thank you SO much for your time to read and review. I took your critique and did some editing. Your suggestions were great, and I'm heartily thankful. There will be more of Gary's story to come.
~patty~
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PERFECT! Great job!
BUT -- do YOU see the difference and are YOU happy with the changes???
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Yes, I DO!! The changes you suggested made the lines have more depth, and it helped to set the scene in the first few paragraphs.
Thank you!
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YAY!
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Loved the additions to his grandiose thoughts. Perfect!
Comment from patcelaw
Patty, from my own experience with bipolar disorder and having to be hospitalized for it on several occasions. I can say the details you give are quite real. I have a very slow cycling of my bipolar and have learned to recognize when I am needing help. Patricia
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Patty, from my own experience with bipolar disorder and having to be hospitalized for it on several occasions. I can say the details you give are quite real. I have a very slow cycling of my bipolar and have learned to recognize when I am needing help. Patricia
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Hi Pat;
Thank you for reading and reviewing. The bright stars and your comment about the real details make my day. This story is important to me. I've done a great deal of research and painstakingly crafted each sentence. The six stars make it all worthwhile.
~patty~
Comment from Aspiredwriterdeeje
I can't wait to read more. It's hard to engage me into a story, but this one sucked me in. The only tip I would have is where you put that it's an acronym. Most readers don't even know what the word acronym means. It's easier and fits the dialogue if you put like it stands for rather than it's an acronym for. If you were talking with a person, you probably wouldn't realistically say it's an acronym for, if you were like me you would say it stands for. I love everything else though. Please share more and do let me know when you get this published!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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I can't wait to read more. It's hard to engage me into a story, but this one sucked me in. The only tip I would have is where you put that it's an acronym. Most readers don't even know what the word acronym means. It's easier and fits the dialogue if you put like it stands for rather than it's an acronym for. If you were talking with a person, you probably wouldn't realistically say it's an acronym for, if you were like me you would say it stands for. I love everything else though. Please share more and do let me know when you get this published!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2017
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2017
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Thank you so much for your generous review. You are the first one to read this (besides my hubby and daughter,) and I was hoping it would make an impression. I'm glad you found it entertaining and I invite you to read the first four chapters in the novel. (I post each chapter as a story and move it into the book after reviewing. I'm trying to make each chapter a stand-alone piece.)
Your kind words mean a lot to me - I will go back and eliminate the words acronym.
~patty~