Dead Echoes of the Past
Two killers, two detectives, two times59 total reviews
Comment from Asyraf N. Jamsari
A very well written story. I think you've put plethora of effort to come out with this. Interesting story line and I like the way you arrange the chronology according to the give picture. Thanks for sharing. Good luck
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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A very well written story. I think you've put plethora of effort to come out with this. Interesting story line and I like the way you arrange the chronology according to the give picture. Thanks for sharing. Good luck
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Thanks so much, Asyraf! I'm so glad you liked it. It's always hard to know if my stories are any good until I post them.
Mike
Comment from fictionwriter
This was very well written, although at the end I kept saying Who's Charles. I tried to go back and pick out someone named Charles earlier in the story, but couldn't find it. Did I miss something? or was that just the bums name. I would think you need to clear that up. other than that just one nit and well done.
or publicised has the killer scared, so they've change to throw us off the scent."
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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This was very well written, although at the end I kept saying Who's Charles. I tried to go back and pick out someone named Charles earlier in the story, but couldn't find it. Did I miss something? or was that just the bums name. I would think you need to clear that up. other than that just one nit and well done.
or publicised has the killer scared, so they've change to throw us off the scent."
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Eagle eye! Thanks so much for the catch :-). I've fiddled with the end to mention Charles' tramp garb in the first sentence, so that should clear up that he's the tramp.
I really appreciate the special rating and your helpful pointers - I'm glad you enjoyed my story :-).
Mike
Comment from Blurch
Dead hookers is a cliche, serial killers are overdone as are cops who are really the criminals. Btu you pulled it off at the end. The writing is good even if you shuld have shortened many parts.
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Dead hookers is a cliche, serial killers are overdone as are cops who are really the criminals. Btu you pulled it off at the end. The writing is good even if you shuld have shortened many parts.
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 23-May-2012
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Thanks Blurch; I'm glad you enjoyed it despite your misgivings.
Mike
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey there Mike
This story for the Write About This contest is such a harsh look at how evil Satan can be. It is full in intrigue, mystery, and devilish plans for mankind. Best wishes in the contest
Bear
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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Hey there Mike
This story for the Write About This contest is such a harsh look at how evil Satan can be. It is full in intrigue, mystery, and devilish plans for mankind. Best wishes in the contest
Bear
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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Thank you, Bear. I'm glad you enjoyed the read.
Mike
Comment from starkat
Hi Mike -
If only the ghosts of Sherlock Holmes and Watson could have intervened, then Booker's balls might not have been devoured by ravenous wolves roaming the woods next to the park. Now the horrific mutilations and murders may run rampant and beyond St. James Park to engulf the rest of London. Even if DS Booker had come to a sudden satori regarding the Mason-connection and malevolent murders in the Park, he's like a lobster that can't escape the slow-boiling pot. Could Clem climb through the psychotic misama of ancestral stew where Jack the Ripper feasts to somehow blindside Jack's ghost? Such dimensional dilemmas hold out hope. Poor Phil was doomed through no fault of his own.
This is a very well written, thoroughly engaging story that grips the reader from the start and leads him through the ever-thickening fog to revisit the park bench where mystery behind these horrific murders may be linked to ancient ancestoral monster-ghosts that perhaps can't be stopped or killed. This is a Twilight Zone story on steroids.
Loved how you used the Contest Image to conjur up this whale of a tale. Revisiting this bench in Saint James' Park is quite effective as we ferret out the supernatural nature of what's behind it all.
I could see this story as the beginning of a novel. The scenes flow well with mystery and intrigue. I imagine after Booker's balls are devoured that we switch to several years into the future where Booker's son has grown up to be a detective amd ghosts of Phil and Clem feverishly work together to counsel him to end the dimensional depths of devilery dwelling deep in Saint James' Park, thus destroying Jack the Rippers reign of terror.
One lesson learned: Never sit on a bench with a tramp when you go to St James' Park.
Truly an outstanding contest entry and well-deserving of a 'Sixer' - Exceptional writing ... ;o) Art
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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Hi Mike -
If only the ghosts of Sherlock Holmes and Watson could have intervened, then Booker's balls might not have been devoured by ravenous wolves roaming the woods next to the park. Now the horrific mutilations and murders may run rampant and beyond St. James Park to engulf the rest of London. Even if DS Booker had come to a sudden satori regarding the Mason-connection and malevolent murders in the Park, he's like a lobster that can't escape the slow-boiling pot. Could Clem climb through the psychotic misama of ancestral stew where Jack the Ripper feasts to somehow blindside Jack's ghost? Such dimensional dilemmas hold out hope. Poor Phil was doomed through no fault of his own.
This is a very well written, thoroughly engaging story that grips the reader from the start and leads him through the ever-thickening fog to revisit the park bench where mystery behind these horrific murders may be linked to ancient ancestoral monster-ghosts that perhaps can't be stopped or killed. This is a Twilight Zone story on steroids.
Loved how you used the Contest Image to conjur up this whale of a tale. Revisiting this bench in Saint James' Park is quite effective as we ferret out the supernatural nature of what's behind it all.
I could see this story as the beginning of a novel. The scenes flow well with mystery and intrigue. I imagine after Booker's balls are devoured that we switch to several years into the future where Booker's son has grown up to be a detective amd ghosts of Phil and Clem feverishly work together to counsel him to end the dimensional depths of devilery dwelling deep in Saint James' Park, thus destroying Jack the Rippers reign of terror.
One lesson learned: Never sit on a bench with a tramp when you go to St James' Park.
Truly an outstanding contest entry and well-deserving of a 'Sixer' - Exceptional writing ... ;o) Art
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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Thanks so much, Art - it's great to know it came across the way it appeared in my head.
I'm certainly formulating novel ideas in my head - either a re-imagining with a lot more substance or, as you suggest, a sequel. Thos might be a good choice for NaNoWriMo in November.
The initial idea was simply that the bench connected people to ancestor's who'd sat on it, but it grew somewhat from there, and I spent ages coming up with a way to make the bench plot-integral, rather than just a set-up device. By the time I posted this, I had no idea if it made sense at all!
Thanks again for the great review.
Mike
Comment from N.K. Wagner
I enjoyed this, Mike. As always, your attention to detail is remarkable. Two things to look at:
It's the symbol of the Fre-" - oops!
But we have POWER, Detective, when we choose to take it.- use it?
An interesting twist to the Ripper case.
:) Nancy
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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I enjoyed this, Mike. As always, your attention to detail is remarkable. Two things to look at:
It's the symbol of the Fre-" - oops!
But we have POWER, Detective, when we choose to take it.- use it?
An interesting twist to the Ripper case.
:) Nancy
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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Thank you, Nancy :-). The first of your pointers is where I'm indicating Phil being cut off mid-sentence. I see it done that way in novels, so I think it's okay. Good point on take/use - I'll go fix that!
I'm so glad you liked it :-).
Mike
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It's the way it appeared on the screen, Mike. The end quotes were on a line all by themselves. :) Nancy
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Oh I see! Apologies if I was patronising :-/
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You weren't, Mike. Sometimes what the writer sees on the screen isn't what the rest of the membership sees - and I have no idea why. EE playing with our minds, I guess. :) Nancy
Comment from Jane Johnson
quick-dailled Moore. (dialed)
....Still I must away. Until next time. (still I must be on my way)
Very interesting and mysterious. I liked it a lot and you write well. I made a couple suggestions above. Great reading to go with the artwork. Thanks!
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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quick-dailled Moore. (dialed)
....Still I must away. Until next time. (still I must be on my way)
Very interesting and mysterious. I liked it a lot and you write well. I made a couple suggestions above. Great reading to go with the artwork. Thanks!
Comment Written 22-May-2012
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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Thank you, Jane? I really appreciate the help, and I'm thrilled you enjoyed the read :-).
Mike
Comment from Essence16
I think this was a very creative and interesting story. I liked the plot and I think the numerous details you used were very helpful. Great job on this!
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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I think this was a very creative and interesting story. I liked the plot and I think the numerous details you used were very helpful. Great job on this!
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 22-May-2012
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Thank you, Essence - I'm really glad you enjoyed the read :-).
Mike
Comment from jlsavell
Fleedleflump, goodness sir, this was the story to top all stories. Why am I not surprised. I will take my amateur offering and slither under the bench. This is one of the best I have read for this entry, truly. Development, setting, rising action, falling action, character development, scene setting,, believeable dialogue.. all of it.. kept me glued to the last word, so glued I could not let go.. bravo to you my friend.. bravo.. jimi
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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Fleedleflump, goodness sir, this was the story to top all stories. Why am I not surprised. I will take my amateur offering and slither under the bench. This is one of the best I have read for this entry, truly. Development, setting, rising action, falling action, character development, scene setting,, believeable dialogue.. all of it.. kept me glued to the last word, so glued I could not let go.. bravo to you my friend.. bravo.. jimi
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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Aww, thank you, Jimi. This took bloody ages to get straight in my head, despite having the idea weeks ago! Definitely fodder for a longer story at some point, methinks! So glad you enjoyed it :-).
Mike
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I learn so much about writing from you, truly I do.. are yuo going to enter story in a poem.. Hitcher is. I told him he has thrown the gauntlet down with the last one. I am on a war path.. lol.. now I am going to have to be that way with you, I see.. lol
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Taking on Hitch at Story in a Poem is a dangerous game ...
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Tell me about it
Comment from RaymondJohn
You took a prompt and ran with it for dear life. It could have been Whitechapel. I didn't expect cannibalism, but then no one expects the Spanish Inquisition, either. It's been far too long, my friend. And I'm not referring to the story. I mean too long since I've read you. This should be a great entry in the contest. Best wishes. Ray.
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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You took a prompt and ran with it for dear life. It could have been Whitechapel. I didn't expect cannibalism, but then no one expects the Spanish Inquisition, either. It's been far too long, my friend. And I'm not referring to the story. I mean too long since I've read you. This should be a great entry in the contest. Best wishes. Ray.
Comment Written 21-May-2012
reply by the author on 21-May-2012
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Thank you, Ray - I really appreciate it. This was quick to get started, but then took me ages to finish off the way I wanted. Glad you enjoyed it :-).
Mike