Straight Arrow
Fiction37 total reviews
Comment from azwildrosa
i know this story, remember meeting my dad for the first time when i was a little girl. it's a sad one, but one lived by many. thank you for sharing and good luck!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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i know this story, remember meeting my dad for the first time when i was a little girl. it's a sad one, but one lived by many. thank you for sharing and good luck!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Yes, it is sad that children have to be separated from Dad, no matter what the reasons. Thanks for sharing your comments.
Comment from miss joyce
Wonderful story, makes me teary eyed in a warm way. You've done well with the limits set for the story. It was a great pleasure to read.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Wonderful story, makes me teary eyed in a warm way. You've done well with the limits set for the story. It was a great pleasure to read.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you so much for this review, which was, by the way, a great pleasure for ME to read. :^)
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Oh, it was a pleasure!
Comment from Jnetgame
Excellent story. This is well written (I didn't notice any SPAG) and I like the word picture you created. Good luck in the contest. This should do well.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Excellent story. This is well written (I didn't notice any SPAG) and I like the word picture you created. Good luck in the contest. This should do well.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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I thank you for this great review and your specific comments about "word pictures." That's most encouraging to hear.
Comment from Alison Williams
OH lovely, and what a perfectly innocent picture of a child sleeping. Aren't they gorgeous when they are like that?
Lovely story, nicely written. You've used the words very well in your narrative. One thing I would look at however,
"Where are you going?" Cassie said, sounding whiney. I would perhaps use, Cassie asked in a whine. or Cassie whined.
Good luck!
Alison.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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OH lovely, and what a perfectly innocent picture of a child sleeping. Aren't they gorgeous when they are like that?
Lovely story, nicely written. You've used the words very well in your narrative. One thing I would look at however,
"Where are you going?" Cassie said, sounding whiney. I would perhaps use, Cassie asked in a whine. or Cassie whined.
Good luck!
Alison.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you so much for your great suggestion, and I did try to fix that. Since I was at the limit for number of words allowed, it is incredibly difficult to say things the way I'd like to, but I did change it. Thanks so much for your help.
Comment from highlander104
You did well fitting all the words into this charming story. What a nice surprise for a little girl to have her wish come true. Saw no obvious spags, and the story flowed nicely.
Good luck in the contest.
Jean K.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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You did well fitting all the words into this charming story. What a nice surprise for a little girl to have her wish come true. Saw no obvious spags, and the story flowed nicely.
Good luck in the contest.
Jean K.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you Jean. Your comments are encouraging and most appreciated by this writer. :^)
Comment from patwannabe
author, one way you could cut a couple words would be to use "Cassie whined." instead of "Cassie said, sounding whiney." It would take out the passive voice, also.
Nice story, pat
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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author, one way you could cut a couple words would be to use "Cassie whined." instead of "Cassie said, sounding whiney." It would take out the passive voice, also.
Nice story, pat
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you SO much Pat. I did try to fix that, and appreciate your helpfulness immensely.
Comment from BethShelby
I love this little story. You have used the words so smoothly they aren't even noticable. What a happy ending to a little girl's fantasy. Good luck in the contest.
Beth
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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I love this little story. You have used the words so smoothly they aren't even noticable. What a happy ending to a little girl's fantasy. Good luck in the contest.
Beth
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thanks Beth. I truly appreciate your kind review and good wishes.
Comment from MizKat
I really like your story. It is both well written and touching. I also am glad the little girl got her wish and her daddy came home. Very good.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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I really like your story. It is both well written and touching. I also am glad the little girl got her wish and her daddy came home. Very good.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you so much for your generous review and encouraging comments. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from warbler
This is a heart warming and emotional little story. I enjoyed the surprise ending. The required words were all part of the story in a very natural way.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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This is a heart warming and emotional little story. I enjoyed the surprise ending. The required words were all part of the story in a very natural way.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your most encouraging comments. I'm glad you found it heart warming.
Comment from sugardog
Oh, I loved this story! You did a great job setting us up to believe she was coming home with a stranger only it ends up being Cassie's father. Good job with the characters, the emotions and using the required words, in this flash fiction piece! I love the happy ending. Dana
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Oh, I loved this story! You did a great job setting us up to believe she was coming home with a stranger only it ends up being Cassie's father. Good job with the characters, the emotions and using the required words, in this flash fiction piece! I love the happy ending. Dana
Comment Written 09-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2010
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Thanks so much Dana! I'm truly glad you liked the story.
