Jonathan's Story
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Nothing else we can do ..."Our fostering journey with a severely disabled boy
26 total reviews
Comment from jmdg1954
Wendy,
What an incredible chapter about the strength and love of this young man! I loved reading the part when you would enter his room he would turn his head and reach out with his hand for yours!
The other thing which brought a smile to my face was that fact of your three children, leading now there own lives with family of there own continue to make the time to visit with Jonathan, their brother!
And finally, you've gotten the recognition of his care giver by this medical staff and how they facilitated your love and strength to assist in the lung draining procedure!
An amazing story.
John
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
  |
Wendy,
What an incredible chapter about the strength and love of this young man! I loved reading the part when you would enter his room he would turn his head and reach out with his hand for yours!
The other thing which brought a smile to my face was that fact of your three children, leading now there own lives with family of there own continue to make the time to visit with Jonathan, their brother!
And finally, you've gotten the recognition of his care giver by this medical staff and how they facilitated your love and strength to assist in the lung draining procedure!
An amazing story.
John
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
-
Thank you again, John. Yes, those (your first two paragraphs especially) were very meaningful things for me.
Such things make all the previous challenges worthwhile. What a lovely review. Your kind words are almost bringing me to tears! Many thanks for the six stars. I cannot tell you how much they mean. Suffice to say - a lot!
Wendy
Comment from Wayne Fowler
What can a person say, except "nicely written" - clear and concise?
Jonathon's life would be no life without you and your family's love. It goes without saying that your attentiveness and advocacy has saved his life physically, but your love has provided so much more.
(I'm with you, it would appear that someone attempted to kill Jonathon.)
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
 |
What can a person say, except "nicely written" - clear and concise?
Jonathon's life would be no life without you and your family's love. It goes without saying that your attentiveness and advocacy has saved his life physically, but your love has provided so much more.
(I'm with you, it would appear that someone attempted to kill Jonathon.)
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2024
-
Thank you very much Wayne. You are always so encouraging and supportive in your kind reviews. It actually makes my blood run cold to think how easily someone could have killed him, and gotten away with it!
Wendy
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This poor boy has been through so much in his short life Wendy and he probably would have died a long time ago had he not had the care from you and your family. The car home seems to up and down with staff, some of them attentive and some of them ignorant to jonothan's needs. Those lung draining procedures were touch and go and I am glad to hear he pulled through with your assistance as you aided the doctor. This is such a sad story and also the brief mention of Suzy who was abused as a baby and now still suffers with the effects, how cruel people are in life Wendy. Another fine chapter with heart rendering events, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
|
This poor boy has been through so much in his short life Wendy and he probably would have died a long time ago had he not had the care from you and your family. The car home seems to up and down with staff, some of them attentive and some of them ignorant to jonothan's needs. Those lung draining procedures were touch and go and I am glad to hear he pulled through with your assistance as you aided the doctor. This is such a sad story and also the brief mention of Suzy who was abused as a baby and now still suffers with the effects, how cruel people are in life Wendy. Another fine chapter with heart rendering events, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
-
Thank you so very much, Dolly. You are right, I think he would have died quite young. Yes, Poor Suzy too. A life sentence for her, and jailing her father does not give her back any sort of life. I am so encouraged by your continued interest, and insightful and thoughtful reviews. Many thanks as well for the beautiful six stars. They always mean a lot.
Wendy
Comment from kiwisteveh
Wendy, what stands out in your writing is the careful organisation and precision of your sentences and paragraphs - a big plus when describing detailed, real-life scenes.
A good mix too of more general observations with specific events, including conversations. All this adds to the realism of your story. Not for a moment does the reader question the truth of what you write.
Excellent non-fiction reporting.
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
|
Wendy, what stands out in your writing is the careful organisation and precision of your sentences and paragraphs - a big plus when describing detailed, real-life scenes.
A good mix too of more general observations with specific events, including conversations. All this adds to the realism of your story. Not for a moment does the reader question the truth of what you write.
Excellent non-fiction reporting.
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
-
Thank you so much Steve, that?s so very encouraging especially as I think you are new to the story (this will be chapter 26 when all the stories are compiled into a book (Jonathan?s Story). I wanted each chapter to be able to stand alone, so your words are very affirming and helpful.
Wendy
Comment from SimianSavant
Nursing staff and doctors were amazed AT THE FACT that his family came every day to visit him in the hospital. <= you can omit the capitalized words
On-line doesn't need to be written with a hyphen. It's much more common in the 21st century to write "online". The latter tends to come across as old-fashioned.
She lived nearly eight hours' drive away. <= hours cannot be possessive. Try: She lived nearly an eight-hour drive away.
we found out about some alarming changes within the disability service .... WE REALISED THAT most of the staff from the Group Home were relatively new <= text in caps is redundant
The question was whether OR NOT <= caps text is redundant
Anna arrived from her country town eight hours' drive away. <= see previous. This is a common way to say it in vernacular speech but isn't the right way to write it.
Gradually, ever so slowly, the corner was turned. <= passive voice. If you want to use that idiom, go for "he turned the corner"
This sounds like one hell of a harrowing story to have gone through with your son. Thanks for sharing.
SS
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
|
Nursing staff and doctors were amazed AT THE FACT that his family came every day to visit him in the hospital. <= you can omit the capitalized words
On-line doesn't need to be written with a hyphen. It's much more common in the 21st century to write "online". The latter tends to come across as old-fashioned.
She lived nearly eight hours' drive away. <= hours cannot be possessive. Try: She lived nearly an eight-hour drive away.
we found out about some alarming changes within the disability service .... WE REALISED THAT most of the staff from the Group Home were relatively new <= text in caps is redundant
The question was whether OR NOT <= caps text is redundant
Anna arrived from her country town eight hours' drive away. <= see previous. This is a common way to say it in vernacular speech but isn't the right way to write it.
Gradually, ever so slowly, the corner was turned. <= passive voice. If you want to use that idiom, go for "he turned the corner"
This sounds like one hell of a harrowing story to have gone through with your son. Thanks for sharing.
SS
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
-
Thank you for your very thoughtful and detailed review, and I appreciate your care. It's written as we would speak and write in Australia, and some of the expressions are therefore slightly different (and we do seem to use "whether or not" more often than just "whether" etc.
I will keep "we realised that ..." as there had been a lot of stuff going on in preceding chapters and the realisation was a process and an important conclusion to draw, rather than just stating that the staff were new.
We would definitely use the expression "an eight hours' drive", and it is grammatically correct to use the apostrophe (I just checked.) However, I now realise that I have used the expression twice and that is unnecessary, so I will eliminate the second one. (Thank you!) I may change the first also for the sake of American readers as this will become chapter 26 of a book which I hope to publish ("Jonathan's Story"). I am gradually putting the individual stories into chapters of a book in my portfolio.
Yes, "on-line" is a bit old-fashioned (probably showing my age there) so I will change it.
The story concerns a severely disabled child we fostered from the age of 9 and then became guardians for through a series of shocking circumstances. If you have both time and interest I would love to know your thoughts on the previous chapters, if anything jumps out at you. But unfortunately they have all expired so it is probably not worth your while. Nevertheless I have appreciated your insights on this one, and I'll be making some changes , so thanks again.
Wendy
-
Hi Wendy, I'll try to find some time for that later this week. It's helpful to know about Australian vernacular so thanks for telling me about that. FYI am phasing off the site shortly and have not renewed my membership billing, so I'll just be around for a few more days probably before the site locks me out.
SS
SS
-
Oh, I am sorry to hear that, but I do understand. This is probably my last year as well. You are one of few who review the writing techniques and skills as well as content, rather than content alone. Thank you for your offer. That is wonderful! Best wishes for your own writing and future success.
Wendy
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Wendy, Wendy, Wendy! How you pluck at my heartstrings so with this story!! This chapter kept me on the edge of my seat in between stuffing my heart to capacity with the love of your family for their Jonathan...and vice versa.
And how VALIDATING that the surgeons needed your help in having a successful procedure with draining Jonathan's lungs! You certainly came a long way from your days of being considered a nuisance there! One of my favorite sayings is: Time is The Great Equalizer, and this chapter certainly validates that!
In the paragraph that begins "Bella too had been a source of comfort..." I think 'too' needs to have a comma on each side of it.
Absolutely heart-warming read, Wendy. I couldn't have enjoyed it more. xoxo
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
|
Wendy, Wendy, Wendy! How you pluck at my heartstrings so with this story!! This chapter kept me on the edge of my seat in between stuffing my heart to capacity with the love of your family for their Jonathan...and vice versa.
And how VALIDATING that the surgeons needed your help in having a successful procedure with draining Jonathan's lungs! You certainly came a long way from your days of being considered a nuisance there! One of my favorite sayings is: Time is The Great Equalizer, and this chapter certainly validates that!
In the paragraph that begins "Bella too had been a source of comfort..." I think 'too' needs to have a comma on each side of it.
Absolutely heart-warming read, Wendy. I couldn't have enjoyed it more. xoxo
Comment Written 01-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2024
-
Thank you so much for your lovely review! And for the six stars!! Always valued and meaningful to me. And also for the suggestion which I have acted upon. I am glad you continue to be engrossed, that?s a huge encouragement. Many thanks!!!
Wendy
-
My pleasure, Wendy. xo