New York's Best: the NYDOE
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "NYCDoHD Spells Jobs"A Musical in One Act
30 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
What a very different arena, you placed us in! I do like musicals but usually, they set up the characters more with regular speaking so we get to know them before they jump right in with the singing/dancing/rapping etc.
I felt like Mr. Kincade was too full of self-importance and his employees were all sycophants. Was that your intention? Very creative, Jay!
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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What a very different arena, you placed us in! I do like musicals but usually, they set up the characters more with regular speaking so we get to know them before they jump right in with the singing/dancing/rapping etc.
I felt like Mr. Kincade was too full of self-importance and his employees were all sycophants. Was that your intention? Very creative, Jay!
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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That's a very interesting observation, Helen. A tyrant and a group of sycophants. No, not my intention: or, less so the character of Mr. Kincade. He is not chummy with his employees. The danger with his employees comprising the chorus is that they play off his words. That could make them seem servile. I'll have to work on that. Thank you for pointing it out. Betty and Marshall are in the most danger of being so stereotyped, but I think it's because they truly love and care for his feelings, and he responds to them directly. Anyway, I'll watch out for it. You are a dear!
Jay
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Thanks for clarifying, Jay! Will keep my eyes open to see Kincade in a broader light!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I envisioned Robert Preston from the Music Man playing Bartholomew Johnathon Kincade. Just my thought as I read. LOL I did enjoy and can't wait for more.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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I envisioned Robert Preston from the Music Man playing Bartholomew Johnathon Kincade. Just my thought as I read. LOL I did enjoy and can't wait for more.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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You know, I can see Robert Preston doing that. I'm working on the second scene now. I don't think I'll have it ready for Saturday, though. I'm so slow! Thanks for the six, Barbara.
Jay
Comment from judiverse
Mr. Kincade seems the very model of a dedicated public servant. What a unique topic you chose for a musical--the Great Depression. He wants to believe he can make a difference and help people find work in difficult times. I fear we're sliding into those times again. People don't want to go to work in the office anymore. It's safer to work from home. Great work with the song, and I like the way they eventually glide into the word "unemployed." Staging is very effective. I seem to recall a play you wrote about a man seeking employment who was lacking in skills. Best of luck with your musical venture. judi
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Mr. Kincade seems the very model of a dedicated public servant. What a unique topic you chose for a musical--the Great Depression. He wants to believe he can make a difference and help people find work in difficult times. I fear we're sliding into those times again. People don't want to go to work in the office anymore. It's safer to work from home. Great work with the song, and I like the way they eventually glide into the word "unemployed." Staging is very effective. I seem to recall a play you wrote about a man seeking employment who was lacking in skills. Best of luck with your musical venture. judi
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Thank you, Judi! The jury's out on whether this should qualify as a musical. It does raise a question, though: I wonder how other musical scripts work to convey that part of the play? It'll be fun working it out, though.
Jay
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You're welcome. If it's got music, it's a musical. It'll be interesting to see a 1939s setting. Are you really letting this go with just one act? judi
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A 1930 setting. Yes it will be one act, but multiple scenes (I'm thinking 7...)
Jay
Comment from humpwhistle
Jay, I haven't read yet, but I beg you to change the font of 'Pre-Play Request'. It hurts my eyes. Am I the only one?
Okay, off to read the stuff I can actually read.
I love it, Jay. Love the rapid-fire 'lyrics'. Brought to mind Professor Hill doing Trouble in River City.
Don't know where you're going, but I like so far.
Peace, Lee
Oh, by the way, musicals are all about suspension of belief.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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Jay, I haven't read yet, but I beg you to change the font of 'Pre-Play Request'. It hurts my eyes. Am I the only one?
Okay, off to read the stuff I can actually read.
I love it, Jay. Love the rapid-fire 'lyrics'. Brought to mind Professor Hill doing Trouble in River City.
Don't know where you're going, but I like so far.
Peace, Lee
Oh, by the way, musicals are all about suspension of belief.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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I'll increase that font-size straight away. I agree; I just didn't want a smaller scroll-bar. I am so pleased to have you aboard, Lee. I think you'll like what follows.
Jay
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Jay, put this in the 'for what it's worth column'. I spent 20 years as Creative Director for various ad agencies when print was an important medium. My biggest battles came from art directors who insisted on artsy fonts. It almost never worked well, so I wouldn't allow it. People won't read ads that require too much effort to read. My rule was: Big type, go crazy. Small type: Stick to the tried and true. Me, I always post in Times New Roman 18 pt on FS. Dull? Maybe. But you can read the shit out of it. Just my take, Jay. Looking forward to the next scene. Lee
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I appreciate your experience, Lee. Thank you for sharing it with me. I'm going to increase the font for it. Next time I probably will stick with Tahoma, my usual go to. Much obliged, friend!
Comment from BethShelby
You have a talent for directing as will as composing scripts. I enjoyed your journey into the 1930 with this musical production. Yes I think Liza Minnelli is the voice your are looking for. This does make me think of stage versions of seen of the Music Man.
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reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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You have a talent for directing as will as composing scripts. I enjoyed your journey into the 1930 with this musical production. Yes I think Liza Minnelli is the voice your are looking for. This does make me think of stage versions of seen of the Music Man.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Thank you for stopping by, Beth. It's always a joy having you read my offerings. You are very kind.
Jay
Comment from John Ciarmello
Omg, Jay, you've done it again! I absolutely loved this and now have a new respect for the written musical. I always wondered how that was done, lol. You are brilliant!
Mr. Kincade singing about moving his bowels was funny enough, but when the chorus sang the repeat: Bow-wow-wow-ELLS? Hahahaha! Pure magic! I'm still cleaning the spray of coffee off my Husky! Loved it! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Omg, Jay, you've done it again! I absolutely loved this and now have a new respect for the written musical. I always wondered how that was done, lol. You are brilliant!
Mr. Kincade singing about moving his bowels was funny enough, but when the chorus sang the repeat: Bow-wow-wow-ELLS? Hahahaha! Pure magic! I'm still cleaning the spray of coffee off my Husky! Loved it! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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John, you can beef up my ego like no other. And I need that from time to time. Don't we all? Your timing, though, was exquisite, coming on the heels of such a long drama that sagged a bit in the middle. Your six was a surfeit beyond my deserving. Thank you so so very much!
Jay
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I didn't notice anything except the fact that I was thoroughly entertained and awed from beginning to end. You'll always be one of my favs, sir!
Comment from Sally Law
This is so wonderful and much easier for me to read, Jay dear. I love your fun and creative writing style. I hate the word unemployed too. We have slid again to a time of not respecting the hard workers among us. Free is handed out daily at no cost. If it doesn't cost something, society forgets to work and to be honest. We the workers are the glue that holds America together.
I love the singing chorus! I'd love to be in that part. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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This is so wonderful and much easier for me to read, Jay dear. I love your fun and creative writing style. I hate the word unemployed too. We have slid again to a time of not respecting the hard workers among us. Free is handed out daily at no cost. If it doesn't cost something, society forgets to work and to be honest. We the workers are the glue that holds America together.
I love the singing chorus! I'd love to be in that part. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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I'm so happy this play struck a chord with you. I'm further made happy by the way it drew other relevant thoughts out of you. I'm finding that the 1930 depression has a lot of touchpoints with today's situation. Bless you. I hope you continue to read this play.
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Will do! Congratulations on your top award! Stellar offering! Sal XOs
Comment from Ulla
Wonderful, Jay. What a joy to follow along. I could see it all in my imagination, that's how well you wrote it and set it up. I like Mr Kincade already.
Yes, I can understand why Liza Minnelli and Frank Sinatra stood out in your mind. I simply love that city. I know it so very well. I can't wait to go there next year before visiting my family in Mass.
Now I'm looking forward to the next scene. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Wonderful, Jay. What a joy to follow along. I could see it all in my imagination, that's how well you wrote it and set it up. I like Mr Kincade already.
Yes, I can understand why Liza Minnelli and Frank Sinatra stood out in your mind. I simply love that city. I know it so very well. I can't wait to go there next year before visiting my family in Mass.
Now I'm looking forward to the next scene. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2022
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Ulla, you are a doll! Thank you so much for reviewing. I'm thrilled that it had such a positive effect on you. Your six was over the top.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I am so happy to see that finally you are not taking time out after Fanny as you 'threatened' to. I have to grow into this oh so different experience, but already I loved Kincaid's chanting of his morning routine. Kate xx PS was smaller font size in the middle deliberate?
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reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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I am so happy to see that finally you are not taking time out after Fanny as you 'threatened' to. I have to grow into this oh so different experience, but already I loved Kincaid's chanting of his morning routine. Kate xx PS was smaller font size in the middle deliberate?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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No, certainly not deliberate. That was a portion I edited in just before posting. I apparently didn't lock in the font size. It's been fixed. And you are a dear! Thank you for reading, Kate. Yes, the chanting is closest to music one can get, on paper, without the warbling voices and blaring instruments one can find onstage.
Thanks again, Dear Kate.
Comment from Ricky1024
This play was well written as well as very rich in the theme as well as the imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no grammar Issues.
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Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while, Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Good luck with this one.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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This play was well written as well as very rich in the theme as well as the imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while, Descriptive Measures Aligned Perfectly.
Good luck with this one.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 09-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2022
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Thank you, Ricky! I so appreciate your reading my play.
Jay