The Challenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Challenge, Act I, Scene 2"Young Man Has Doubts About Becoming a Priest
38 total reviews
Comment from Mary Shifman
I did go back and read the previous chapter. I think I was right about Margaret. She is a controlling person. I don't believe that she didn't know that she was interfering. Or maybe I just don't like her. Phillip seems to be totally cowed by her. I'm wondering what happened that night that they are currently discussing.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
  |
I did go back and read the previous chapter. I think I was right about Margaret. She is a controlling person. I don't believe that she didn't know that she was interfering. Or maybe I just don't like her. Phillip seems to be totally cowed by her. I'm wondering what happened that night that they are currently discussing.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
-
Thank you for reading, Mary. Margaret actually doesn't play that much of a part in the drama. I think you'll get into it in the ensuing scenes. Thanks for your kindness.
-
You are welcome. I enjoyed both scenes, actually and I look forward to the next one.
Comment from RGstar
Yes, and I did read the first before reading this Jay.
Not much I can say that has not been said before.
Just fantastic.
In the first scene, I thought the props section (description f the stage etc) was a little long...the first part. But then, even if a little long, along with this length of scene two, again a little long, how I found excellence in reading.
The characters, immediately falling into character... meaning; their characters so poignant, and, if I may say so, uncannily believable, as if you have known them for years.
Barbara's persona, or personality, as described, was in stark contrast to the other two, which interjected well in giving the scenes interest and balance.
Bravo.
Never tire to read from you because I know, whatever it is, it is always interesting and well worth reading.
Good luck with this.
Best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
 |
Yes, and I did read the first before reading this Jay.
Not much I can say that has not been said before.
Just fantastic.
In the first scene, I thought the props section (description f the stage etc) was a little long...the first part. But then, even if a little long, along with this length of scene two, again a little long, how I found excellence in reading.
The characters, immediately falling into character... meaning; their characters so poignant, and, if I may say so, uncannily believable, as if you have known them for years.
Barbara's persona, or personality, as described, was in stark contrast to the other two, which interjected well in giving the scenes interest and balance.
Bravo.
Never tire to read from you because I know, whatever it is, it is always interesting and well worth reading.
Good luck with this.
Best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
-
You are too kind, RG. This will be a much different play than "Genius". I think you'll enjoy it. Yes, the setting was long. I will consider shortening it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
DARN!! Mrs. Dellaney I'm going to have to wait until later to discover what happened. My imagine is running wild.
Funny, As good as you were, (lower case 'a' on 'as')
You sure made up for it At Notre Dame, though. (lower case 'a' on 'at')
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
|
DARN!! Mrs. Dellaney I'm going to have to wait until later to discover what happened. My imagine is running wild.
Funny, As good as you were, (lower case 'a' on 'as')
You sure made up for it At Notre Dame, though. (lower case 'a' on 'at')
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
-
Goodness, I'm making some rookie mistakes, Barbara. Thanks for catching them. I corrected the first earlier (after you pointed it out), but missed the second. I'm going to fix it now. Bless you.
Comment from chatterbox1
The suspense is building. One's mind flashes on the probabilities for the reason for the girls' visit.
So far it looks like a confession to a seduction. But I don't like to assume.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
|
The suspense is building. One's mind flashes on the probabilities for the reason for the girls' visit.
So far it looks like a confession to a seduction. But I don't like to assume.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
-
The mystery will be demystified next scene. I"m glad you;re enjoying this. *(I've already thanked you and 13 others, only to have them be erased.
-
This site did some weird stuff to me, too.
Comment from Judy Lawless
Oh I love this scene, Jay. Full of mystery and innuendos that peak our curiosity. Well-written, and of course I'll be back for the next one.
As for your note at the beginning, I can empathize with that.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
|
Oh I love this scene, Jay. Full of mystery and innuendos that peak our curiosity. Well-written, and of course I'll be back for the next one.
As for your note at the beginning, I can empathize with that.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
-
Judy, thank you for your kindless and the lovely six stars. I'm thrilled to have you excited for the next installment.
Comment from Theodore McDowell
That's the way to hook in a reader Jay. I HAVE to keep reading to find out what happened. A minny cliffhanger to start out the play. What is your favorite medium to write in--plays, short stories or novels?
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
|
That's the way to hook in a reader Jay. I HAVE to keep reading to find out what happened. A minny cliffhanger to start out the play. What is your favorite medium to write in--plays, short stories or novels?
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
-
I answered this once, Tim. I'm so appreciative, though that you enjoyed this. My preference, since you asked, is the short story ... but they always come out too long. Thanks so much for the six stars.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm not even sure where this scene is leading to, but it's already taking me back to those days of boy and girl magic as I think I do. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
|
I'm not even sure where this scene is leading to, but it's already taking me back to those days of boy and girl magic as I think I do. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
-
Good to have you back, Ric. I heard you were having an operation. If you did, I hope it came out well, and reading my play. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from SimianSavant
I did read both scenes. This is excellent. The scene gives us just enough detail to start with, then begins filling in colors, connecting the dots of the backstory, while letting the reader guess ahead. I don't know if you made this up as a style, or if it is a thing (I have not read a lot of plays), but your use of bold text is very helpful as an alternative to the quotes, which become tedious to read and keep track of in protracted dialogue. On the whole it was easy to read, and engaging.
Two very small observations:
You were so good, I always wondered by **why** you didn't play there as a freshman
With two games left, you would have easily beaten the record ... **for 1950s prose this might be the best way to say it. I can imagine my Aunt Melinda, in her late 70s, speaking this way. For a slightly modern feel with more feeling, less wordiness, you might try something like "Just two games left! You would have easily etc." This sort of shortened prose in places might energize the actors and the scene slightly but I'm not sure if it feels authentic to the era. Naked dialogue is a very challenging form to keep pacing, especially when recollecting past events, but you certainly managed to keep the attention of the reader with the intrigue of what happened at the slumber party.
Thanks for the read, and looking forward to the next scene.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
|
I did read both scenes. This is excellent. The scene gives us just enough detail to start with, then begins filling in colors, connecting the dots of the backstory, while letting the reader guess ahead. I don't know if you made this up as a style, or if it is a thing (I have not read a lot of plays), but your use of bold text is very helpful as an alternative to the quotes, which become tedious to read and keep track of in protracted dialogue. On the whole it was easy to read, and engaging.
Two very small observations:
You were so good, I always wondered by **why** you didn't play there as a freshman
With two games left, you would have easily beaten the record ... **for 1950s prose this might be the best way to say it. I can imagine my Aunt Melinda, in her late 70s, speaking this way. For a slightly modern feel with more feeling, less wordiness, you might try something like "Just two games left! You would have easily etc." This sort of shortened prose in places might energize the actors and the scene slightly but I'm not sure if it feels authentic to the era. Naked dialogue is a very challenging form to keep pacing, especially when recollecting past events, but you certainly managed to keep the attention of the reader with the intrigue of what happened at the slumber party.
Thanks for the read, and looking forward to the next scene.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
-
Thank you so much, Mr. President. I corrected the piece of SP'AG. That was a rookie mistake. Thanks for catching it. I'll take a bit longer on the other, but will DEFINITELY consider it carefully. In plays dialogue is all we have. I want it to be crisp and meaningful. I did live through those times and it's difficult to be truly authentic since some of the slang we used back then would be met with blank stares. And the rhythm was different, as well. But a spoken sentence, through all of time, always took the shortest, easiest, laziest path from brain to mouth to ear. Again, thanks for taking the time to think with me through this piece.
Comment from Soledadpaz
Starts slow but heats up. And the mother's interruption just revs up the tension. This is almost like a tender interrogation. What did those mean girls do to innocent Phillip back in high school?
One thing about Catholicism. You can be wiped clean every day. Absolution.
Can a man Phillip's size be gangly?
Intrigued by what revelations come next.
Sol
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
|
Starts slow but heats up. And the mother's interruption just revs up the tension. This is almost like a tender interrogation. What did those mean girls do to innocent Phillip back in high school?
One thing about Catholicism. You can be wiped clean every day. Absolution.
Can a man Phillip's size be gangly?
Intrigued by what revelations come next.
Sol
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2021
-
That's a very good point about gangly! Thank you for pointing it out. It is noted. I need to search for another word that connotes ... um ... if I knew what I want it to connote I'd have made the change already! Thanks again, Sol.
-
Perhaps: ungainly?
Or simply: rather uncomfortable
Comment from MissMerri
I'm glad to see a new play in the works Jay. Like the previous one, you manage to create a scene so vivid and real, it is impossible to not get caught up in the feelings and thoughts of the characters. I am very much looking forward to reading the next scene. I have only one editing suggestion:
"You were so good, I always wondered by (why) you didn't play there as a freshman."
An excellent scene two. I'll be back for #three. ;p
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2021
|
I'm glad to see a new play in the works Jay. Like the previous one, you manage to create a scene so vivid and real, it is impossible to not get caught up in the feelings and thoughts of the characters. I am very much looking forward to reading the next scene. I have only one editing suggestion:
"You were so good, I always wondered by (why) you didn't play there as a freshman."
An excellent scene two. I'll be back for #three. ;p
Comment Written 14-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2021
-
Bless you, Adonna, for your always kind words. I do hope you find the rest of the play worthwhile. I will be taking an abruptly sharp turn a few scenes ahead into a controversial area. (At least controversial for the 50s ... rather mild for our double-aught generation. Still, I'm afraid I will lose a few of my regular followers. But what's writing for if not to stretch our sensitivities and awareness?