A Marriage Story
Give me Twenty26 total reviews
Comment from estory
I thought you did a great job with this contest. The tensions between the man and the wife really came out in the dialogue with the old reverend, and all that raised voices and slamming of hands on tables and getting out of chairs fleshed out the scene and all the emotion. I thought the dialogue very realistic, and it dug into these tangled issues of obligations in marriage, respect, dignity, and focus. I thought the part where Jason surprised Mary by expressing an interest in things other than sexual, and her reaction by feeling unwanted, was also a big moment in the story. You dove into lots of issues here. estory
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I thought you did a great job with this contest. The tensions between the man and the wife really came out in the dialogue with the old reverend, and all that raised voices and slamming of hands on tables and getting out of chairs fleshed out the scene and all the emotion. I thought the dialogue very realistic, and it dug into these tangled issues of obligations in marriage, respect, dignity, and focus. I thought the part where Jason surprised Mary by expressing an interest in things other than sexual, and her reaction by feeling unwanted, was also a big moment in the story. You dove into lots of issues here. estory
Comment Written 14-Jul-2020
Comment from R. Hiland
Well written, well thought out. Good characters. Good luck in the contest..............................................................................
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Well written, well thought out. Good characters. Good luck in the contest..............................................................................
Comment Written 14-Jul-2020
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello lancellot,
Nice piece of Romance Fiction meeting the desired norms, having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme phraseology, captivating flow ALMOST throughout from the beginning to the end, and beautifully depicting its theme highlighting 'Twenty Minutes' in different situations, particularly the shower-bath in the Bathroom.
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
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Hello lancellot,
Nice piece of Romance Fiction meeting the desired norms, having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme phraseology, captivating flow ALMOST throughout from the beginning to the end, and beautifully depicting its theme highlighting 'Twenty Minutes' in different situations, particularly the shower-bath in the Bathroom.
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2020
Comment from Sylvia Page
So the magic of sharing twenty minutes a day worked out well for the Todds. It proved to be such a success that Rev. Williams started advising everyone to share twenty to everyone's success.
Best wishes in the contest.
Sylvia
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So the magic of sharing twenty minutes a day worked out well for the Todds. It proved to be such a success that Rev. Williams started advising everyone to share twenty to everyone's success.
Best wishes in the contest.
Sylvia
Comment Written 14-Jul-2020
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Great punchline! That earns your stars in itself. This is a charming story--held my interest throughout--snappy dialog, wry humor and potential heartbreak that fortunately did not come to fruition. Cheers. LIZ (hyphenate sixty-eight-year-old)
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Great punchline! That earns your stars in itself. This is a charming story--held my interest throughout--snappy dialog, wry humor and potential heartbreak that fortunately did not come to fruition. Cheers. LIZ (hyphenate sixty-eight-year-old)
Comment Written 13-Jul-2020
Comment from Hopeful2
I enjoyed the roller coaster of emotions through uncertainty and anger and enjoyment of one another's attention. Then the twist at the end was a nice finish when Jason and Mary's experience became a suggested approach for others. And, probably by intention, author lancellot, you were encouraging your readers to give your lesson a try. Thanks!
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I enjoyed the roller coaster of emotions through uncertainty and anger and enjoyment of one another's attention. Then the twist at the end was a nice finish when Jason and Mary's experience became a suggested approach for others. And, probably by intention, author lancellot, you were encouraging your readers to give your lesson a try. Thanks!
Comment Written 13-Jul-2020
Comment from judiverse
Great story, and best of luck in The Sentence Starts the Story Contest. I think it'll be up there in the winners' circle. You do a great job developing the story of Mary and Jacob and Jacob's request for 20 minutes. You show how they began spending their time together. This change made quite a difference in their attitudes. It was funny that the minister used the 20 minutes idea that Jason wanted and advises all the couples he councils to take the 20 minutes. Wonderful idea for your story, and a creative take on the 20 minutes theme. judi
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Great story, and best of luck in The Sentence Starts the Story Contest. I think it'll be up there in the winners' circle. You do a great job developing the story of Mary and Jacob and Jacob's request for 20 minutes. You show how they began spending their time together. This change made quite a difference in their attitudes. It was funny that the minister used the 20 minutes idea that Jason wanted and advises all the couples he councils to take the 20 minutes. Wonderful idea for your story, and a creative take on the 20 minutes theme. judi
Comment Written 13-Jul-2020
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is a wonderful story and it is a believable one. Couples can drift away from each other after they are married. They stop sharing which makes them feel as though they stopped caring. You might make an excellent therapist. Well done my friend. Nancy
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This is a wonderful story and it is a believable one. Couples can drift away from each other after they are married. They stop sharing which makes them feel as though they stopped caring. You might make an excellent therapist. Well done my friend. Nancy
Comment Written 13-Jul-2020
Comment from Mastery
Hi Lance. Very well written from start to finish. Excellent use of the "sentence starts a story first words btw.
I also took note of all the great images ad dialogue used in this piece, my friend
A couple of suggestions, if I may:
I think you should start a new paragraph here: "Unable to read his mind she did the next best..."
And I think you may have missed a word here:
"Mary looked up her husband. Her lips parted ...."
Bravo! : ) Bob
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Hi Lance. Very well written from start to finish. Excellent use of the "sentence starts a story first words btw.
I also took note of all the great images ad dialogue used in this piece, my friend
A couple of suggestions, if I may:
I think you should start a new paragraph here: "Unable to read his mind she did the next best..."
And I think you may have missed a word here:
"Mary looked up her husband. Her lips parted ...."
Bravo! : ) Bob
Comment Written 12-Jul-2020
Comment from Spitfire
When you start a story, do you have an ending in mind or just let it evolve naturally? This take on 'give me twenty' should make readers think about their marriage. It's natural that the wife would think about sex, although twenty would qualify as a quickie in my book. Taking a shower together is often portrayed in movies. Excellent progression of time spent together once it started. The Reverend's thought is a hoot.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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When you start a story, do you have an ending in mind or just let it evolve naturally? This take on 'give me twenty' should make readers think about their marriage. It's natural that the wife would think about sex, although twenty would qualify as a quickie in my book. Taking a shower together is often portrayed in movies. Excellent progression of time spent together once it started. The Reverend's thought is a hoot.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2020
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No ending, usually just a beginning, a picture or a phrase and then I see where imagination takes me. This beginning went two places. One was this story, the other was a poem, which is the exact opposite of this. I was going to enter it into the Ode contest but I doubt anyone would have voted for it. They probably would have cursed my name. LOL
Thank you very much. I appreciate the great review.