Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "In the Beginning - part 2"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
11 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Now I really liked this post way better than the first. There is action and you bring us right into and even make us feel the way the phone felt at the bad news.
Typos in your notes:
"THis is a story about Jack, yes, but the tragedy waffected "
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reply by the author on 29-May-2020
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Now I really liked this post way better than the first. There is action and you bring us right into and even make us feel the way the phone felt at the bad news.
Typos in your notes:
"THis is a story about Jack, yes, but the tragedy waffected "
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-May-2020
reply by the author on 29-May-2020
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I've worried that the story starts too slow. But with the chapter put together (not broken up for FS), is it? The first thousand words was yesterdays post -- character intro, set the mood of the day, etc. Is it too much? I've really wondered about that.
Originally, this entire chapter is a flash back. but it was a LONG flash back, to say the least. So I made it its own chapter. Now I'm second guessing myself...
Any thoughts?
Anyway, thank you! I"m glad you were interested enough to return. :)
Thanks for reviewing!
Deb
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Oh, I like the idea of starting here and then doing the flashback but of course, that's a lot of rewriting. You want to get the reader asking questions and then you can shade in the character with details. I think that's how many writers do it. Just sleep on it and maybe you'll feel more confident about the way you have it as is. This is just my two cents but its YOUR book and your style.