Comment from Pam (respa)

Exceptional

-Another excellent chapter, Sandra.
-You keep us on our toes with suspense in this one.
-Ver. is frantic, and I can't blame her-
the powers seem powerless, for one thing.
-Her frustration has been building, and
when she hears the excited talking of the people
recounting events, she starts to lose it.
-She is trying so hard to help,
and only has herself to rely on.
-In her invisible state, it only makes it more
difficult, but she is crafty and puts together a plan.
-You take us through her steps in her
effort to get people's attention for help with
the people still left behind the locked doors.
-Everything is going well except for
one thing-she forgets that others
will freak out, seeing movement
of the chalk and no visible person!
-Sure enough, they bolt from the room.
-Her desperation and anger pays off
at the end when the door is opened,
but the question is "What is she
going to find; will it be too late?"
-We certainly hope not.

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019

What a lovely, well thought out review, Pam. You certainly got into the mood of this part. I loved how you got Veronica's mood, her anger and frustration, and frustration when she frightened them off with the chalk. Her own fault. (nothing to do with me!!)
I'm working on the next part now. Thank you for this lovely review, Pam, and all the shiny stars. You know how much I appreciate you. Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx

reply by Pam (respa) on 12-Feb-2019

You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Sandra. I am glad you liked it. It is easy to just think about the story and share my thoughts because you present the characters and story so well.
I am glad you referenced the chalk part, as she had just about had it by then; of course, the writer had nothing to do with it!! Big hugs back to you, my friend.

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Exceptional

Hi Sandra, another tense chapter, full of angst for poor Veronica. Once again you manage to leave the reader with a cliff-hanger of an ending - this is proving to be a real page-turner. Hope all's well with you, will ring you shortly with my news. You're doing well in the Book of the Month contest. with another two days to go you could well win - it's very close. Good Luck - Dorothy xxx

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019

Hi, Dorothy, thank you so much for another lovely review and the 6 shiny stars! That is so kind of you, my friend. In the book when it comes out, at least you will be able to turn the page and see what happens. On FS it's quite different, lol.

So, how are you getting on? I haven't heard from you and didn't want to disturb you if you were concentrating hard. I'm in all day tomorrow if you fancy a chat. I'm hoping it will be a 'happy' chat??? Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx

Comment from Treischel

Exceptional

Interesting perspective of the people returning from their air raid shelters.
A very clever solution with the chalk and black cloth. The reactions to the ghost writing were amazing and realistic. All for naught!
What a blessing there were bolts, and a scissors was handy. Veronica is quite the heroine. Wonderfully creative chapter.

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019

Thank you so much, Tom! That is such a lovely review on this part, I really appreciate what you've said. And a big hug for all the lovely stars, my friend! That was so kind of you. Now to find out how they have fared behind that door. :)) Sandra xxx

Comment from wordsfromsue

Exceptional

I was wondering why Veronica didn't write the note first, before getting the men to come over! Brilliant minds think alike. :-) I suppose we couldn't build up suspense if everything was written in logical order. This was really good Sandra! I had a feeling she would get the doors open, but have no idea what will be on the other side, waiting for her.
I did enjoy how she vocally flipped off the Powers that be, that was a great touch!

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019

Thank you so much for all those lovely stars, Sue, and the wonderful review. I'm glad you liked Veronica's rant at the powers. LOL! Now to find out what lies behind that door! :)) Big hugs, my dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx

Comment from Stephanie Launiu

Excellent

I am new to FanStory so haven't read any of your previous writings, but I found this one very intriguing and the chapter fast-paced. You wrote it so well that I felt frustrated too as invisible Victoria tried to figure out how to notify someone about the trapped people. And there was a good amount of humor thrown in too. Great job.

 Comment Written 12-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019

Hi Stephanie, nice to meet you! Welcome to Fanstory, I'm sure you will love it here. I'm so pleased you popped in and read this part and even more pleased that you enjoyed it. Thank you! :)) Sandra xx

Comment from Mistydawn

Exceptional

This was a very suspenseful chapter start to finish. I love the bit of humor you threw in. the chalk and the fabric moving would scare the heck out of me too, lol. I just hope she finds everyone alright. The chapter is very well-written, interesting, great job.

 Comment Written 11-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019

Thank you so very much for the lovely six stars, my friend, and the fantastic review. Veronica is going to have more fun later in the story, so keep reading! :)) Thanks again, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

reply by Mistydawn on 11-Feb-2019

Fun scaring everyone, lol. That's what I'd do. See how many I can make run.

Comment from Roxanna Andrews

Excellent

Poor Veronica, so frustrating. But funny too as she scared everyone to death. I do hope everyone is okay, I'm sure they are. Well done as always. Looking forward to the next chapter. Rox

 Comment Written 11-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019

Thank you so much, Rox. It's a nervous time for Veronica, she doesn't want to peep inside in case she doesn't like what she finds. I'm so pleased you are still enjoying the story, my friend. Big hugs. Sandra xxx

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi, Sandra,

Poor Veronica. You did a great job of showing her growing frustration and then having everything that could go wrong go absolutely wrong. This chapter was carefully crafted to help the reader feel Veronica's growing rage at the Powers, and her fear for Mildred and the patients.

Looking forward to more,

~patty~

 Comment Written 11-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019

Thank you, Patty. I think if I had to deal with all the problems I put Veronica through, I'd walk off the page! lol. Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

Comment from WryWriter

Excellent

I'm dying with anticipation! What's she going to find behind the door? Whew! Such excitement in this chapter!

Suggestions:

It appeared to be a tailors or dressmakers(;) but with no one around, I couldn't be sure.

As a team, we were invincible(;) but alone, I could do nothing to help except

The answer to my prayer was immediate. The piercing sounds of car hooters and shouts of, 'All clear!' coming from above, signalled the end of the raid. Thank you, God! (Doesn't the English use ' instead of " ? Americans mostly use ' when there is a quote within a quote)

I listened as people (slowly) began filtering back(omit tag on slowly,) as if they had all day.

With my heart banging against my rib-cage(ribcage), I felt like throwing things around the room and scaring the hell out of them all(.) (Not that it would do any good.)

Now (that) they were here, I had to find a way to tell them their help was urgently needed to get the people behind the two locked doors out to safety.

I dashed around looking for something, anything(,) I could use to alert them to the imminent death of many patients, nurses and doctors.

[Becoming beyond frantic as the sudden realization that I could do nothing more to help, an answer thankfully presented itself. (Beyond frantic, unable to do nothing more to help, thankfully an answer presented itself.)]

I stopped and spun on my heels when I saw a man, who had rolled out a bale of cloth on one of the tables, take a piece of chalk out of a container. (I stopped, then spun on my heels as a man who had rolled out a bale of cloth on(to) one of the tables, took a piece of chalk from a container.)

Chalk! Of course, that's perfect! I looked for a piece to write with and saw a cabinet beside the sewing machines. I was about to stick my head through the door to have a (look when...one of the men came over and opened it.)

An angry cuss(curse) escaped his lips.

Now I was ready for them(;) but first(,) I had to get their attention. Answers to

He went to the bottom of the stairs and yelled out for someone called Peter to come down(,) immediately.

A young lad bounced down with a worried look on his face.(A young lad with a worried look bounced down.)

I could see the suspicion in his eyes(;) (omit but) it was obvious none of them was close enough to have moved the roll.

The commotion and yells of fear (omit saw) (had) them shouting and thrashing around, bumping into each other as they fought their way over to the stairs.

"NO! Come back!" I screamed! "Please ... come back(;) we need you!"

I gave a last angry look up at the ceiling and then as my eyes trailed down ...(.) "Oh my God! It's not locked ...(;) it's bolted!"

"Ahh! I don't believe it!"(omit space) I need something to hit it with. I looked over at the nearest table and saw a pair of scissors. "That should do it ...(;) if I can lift them."

dashed back and frantically gave the curved end of the rod a bash(.) (It) moved slightly(,) but not enough.

Once there, I frantically felt around the top and bottom of the door. "Yes!" I cried out when I (omit eventually) found the bolt. But, like the one leading from the workroom, this bolt was stiff, too.

"Bloody hell! If you're looking down, I'm telling you now(.) (D)on't you ever show

(omit Then,) (A)t last(!) (T)he bolt was pushed along enough for the door to open, and I dreaded what I might find on the other side....

Enjoyed!

 Comment Written 11-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019

Thank you so much, WW, for another lovely review. Yes, we use the single ' quotes in the UK, but I was asked by one of my regular reader if I would use the double on FS because the single ones don't show up very well. But, my published books are all in single quotes. It's an easy fix when I have to change back with the search and replace app.

I've copied and pasted your suggestions and I'll have a look at them in more detail later. Thank you again, my friend. :) Sandra xx

reply by WryWriter on 11-Feb-2019

May I ask if you wait until you finish your books to begin the process of putting them on Amazon, or do you submit each chapter as you go? I'm at chapter eleven...posted on FS. Actually almost finished with novel...just need to edit. I've never put anything on Amazon before and I'm wondering if I'm supposed to write the novel chapter by chapter on Amazon, or finish completely, then submit. I'm submitting the chapters I post on here through the self-publishers club. Not even sure if I'm supposed to submit EVERY chapter I do on FS. Sigh. Learning!

reply by the author on 12-Feb-2019

HI there, no, you publish it all together as the total finished article, with cover, title, the whole lot. Even your little piece about you, written in third person. Check out any book you have and see the inside how they have done it, and always start your 'chapter one' on the right hand side, which should be an odd number, mine start on page 5 because I can't stop the page numbering beginning at the first page where your title and name is. The page opposite on the left hand side should be blank.

FS is a great place to pick up any errors, tips, structure errors, many things that you don't think of that has no bearing to the basic grammar nits. I don't allow FS to put my chapters on their WW platform where everyone can read it outside FS,

Oh, and don't forget to write a good book cover blurb! Most important because that is the first thing a potential buyer will read. If you need to know anything else, I'll be happy to try and help you. :) xxx

reply by WryWriter on 12-Feb-2019

Thank you so much, friend, for the helpful information! I write, but have little idea what to do from that point on. LOL! Your info will be most helpful! Linda : )

Comment from HealingMuse

Excellent

Hi Sandra,

Oooooh - intriguing story line here. Lots of tension as she is trying to free the trapped, endangered people. It's palpable!

Very nicely done.

Only small suggestion to check punctuation. I saw a couple of places where commas and periods were missing or present, but not warranted.

Thank you for sharing.

Jan

PS - Love the image!

 Comment Written 11-Feb-2019

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reply by the author on 11-Feb-2019

Thank you so much for your lovely review, Jan, I'll take another look through this for the commas and full stops, (periods) I always miss or add then in the wrong places!! lol.

I'm really pleased you like the image, it's the one I've used for all three of these books, but changed the title and the very lower part of the picture to feature what this one is about. I'll be putting suffragettes and Zeppelins for this book. Thanks again, my friend. :) Sandra xx