Comment from Roxanna Andrews

Excellent

Well done. I didn't see any errors. Poor Gladys. She may be safer in prison. Now that they have gone back to their own time, I wonder what they will find when they return. Looking forward to the next chapter. Rox

 Comment Written 18-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018

Thank you so much for reading this part, Rox, and for the lovely review. Yes, they are in for a surprise when they return to the past again. Stay tuned! :)) Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx

Comment from rspoet

Exceptional

Hello Sandra,
Another excellent chapter with solid information about the suffragette movement.
Excellent description of the confrontation and the conditions of the prison.

I like "Robert". What a great name for a character in the story and he's a good guy.

So, Mildred escapes into thin air! Sir Arthur Conan Doyle should be called in to consult on this in-explainable development. He was alive at this time. Wouldn't that be fun.

One note from a writing perspective, we're in chapter seven and we still don't know why Mildred and Veronica have been sent to this time period. If I remember right, Veronica said it wasn't to help Gladys.

Excellent story. Should be interesting to see what develops.

Robert (the one in New Jersey)

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018

Yes, I thought 'Robert' sounded quite the dashing hero type, didn't you? :)) I did hear that Sir Conan Doyle was approached, but when he learned it was Mildred, he just smiled and said it was an impossible task! LOL.

The reason for Veronica and Mildred's trip into the past will be coming very soon. These seven chapters were needed to lay the foundation of what will be happening when they go back in time again. I'm not saying any more! :))

Thank you so much for the lovely 6 stars, Robert, (gosh, what a nice name!) you are so kind. And thank you for another really nice review. Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

Comment from Pam (respa)

Exceptional

-A good follow up chapter to the
imprisonment of the suffragettes, Sandra.
-You do a good job of showing the their conditions
as they are taken away in the police van.
-I feel badly for the women, but especially for Mildred.
-Ver. has a way of perking her up by mentioning
the options they have with the powers.
-The focus then turns to Gladys; it seems things
have been taken care of, and she is going home;
however, there has to be concern over what
her fate will be when she gets there.
-I wonder if the powers sent Ver. and
Mildred back to their own time because
they need to formulate a plan for them to
aid Gladys further, or if they were concerned
with Mildred, and maybe there was nothing
left for them to do there; only time will tell.

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018

It's a mystery, isn't it, Pam? lol. What is their mission? They are going to find out very soon, but, will they be able to sort this humongous problem out, as you say, only time can tell. Don't you just love it when you can't guess what they are there for?

Thank you so very much for another lovely 6 star review, my wonderful friend, you always pick out the main areas that are very relevant to the story. You will see why very shortly. Thank you, my friend. Bug hugs, and lots of love, Sandra. xxx

reply by Pam (respa) on 18-Oct-2018

There's nothing like a good mystery waiting for a good solution! Yes, I love it very much when I can't guess-I used to be able to do that, but you are getting better at keeping it a secret!

You are welcome for the stars and review, my friend, and I am glad you like my comments.

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

Good writing Sandra. The story has not lost its excitement, and I found, even if missing episodes, or chapters, the narrative and scenes still seemed full of vigour and relayed events as would make the reader seem present, which is always a plus.

The fact that much of this takes place, at least this scene, is even more eye opening and gives insight t how it could have been in the past.

My best wishes.
RG

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018

Thank you so much, RG, for this really lovely review! I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part, they were really harsh times for the suffragettes, they didn't get the vote easily. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx

Comment from l.raven

Exceptional

OMG Sandra, what an awesome chapter my sweet friend...I was on my toes...poor Mildred...but what will happen to Gladys...I guess they had to bring you two back...but your going to have to get back again...who knows what her husband will do sweet girl...and her son...no I don't think Mildred would be able to do prison...WOW!!!!...really a great chapter you...now go help Gladys before the husband gets home...LOL...very well do you... love you much my wonderful sweet friend...Linda xxoo

I just got back to Kristy's...I didn't read the other story because I want Noah to be here...my daughter painted the house a day before I got here...so I am staying nights at a friends house...should only be a few days and the smell should go...don't ask why...LOL...Noah asked me to read the small story to him last night...but he had to go to bed...so I will get it in the next day or so...she said she though the smell would be gone by morning...LOL...love xxoo

say hi to Ian for me....I hope he is still doing well...love xxoo

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018

Hi Linda, LOL! Of course I'll come back, (which one do you think is me???) I think Gladys would have been better off staying in prison, but we will see. :)) Thank you so much for the lovely six stars, my friend, and your wonderful, fun, amazing review! Love you loads, too, dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx

I can understand you staying at a friends house overnight, the smell of paint affects my breathing terribly, but it has to be done. I'm sure it looks lovely. I hope Noah likes the next part, I hope it's not too scary for him. :( the part I'm writing now will make everyone sigh with relief! lol. Can't say any more. Give him a hug from me.

Ian is doing fine, touch wood he stays okay for his holiday in December. He's up at the hospital now having his other foot looked at because he knocked his remaining toe, but they have looked at it and said it's okay. He is SOOOO clumsy!! I told him that and he laughed. xxxx :)) xx

reply by l.raven on 18-Oct-2018

I don't think Gladys had a choice...but if I were her I would grab my son...and take a early vacation...without the hubby...you would be Mildred...you are the meek...and the mild...caring for all...now me...where's Lady Ann...LOL...love you much...and you are so welcome...smiling back at you...love xxoo


I'm sure it won't be to scary for him...but he asked me again...hopefully tonight

I am so sorry for Ian...but I must say...O am always breaking my toes...they have become good friends...because every time I it...they buddy them together...LOL...so glad he is ok...much love to you both...xxoo

Comment from rwilliam

Exceptional

Maybe I forgot or missed something, but when did Veronica become invisible? I don't recall. Last I rem. ( I apologize if I forgot), she could be seen at Glady's house.

Oh wow, what an amazing chapter. I felt the fear and apprehension as they were caught and put in prison. And that poem at the end... PERFECT!! It gave me goosebumps. It makes your story feel all the more real.

Wonderful writing.

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018

Thank you so much, Rebecca, I'm so pleased you liked this part. After Veronica and Mildred were sent back to their own time at the end of part 4, the powers that be decided, (beginning of part 5) that it would be better for Veronica to be invisible again so she had more freedom to find out things. Mildred would be the only one to see her.
Thank you, my dear friend, for the lovely 6 stars! And then your comments after were fabulous, thank you!!! Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx

reply by rwilliam on 17-Oct-2018

OH yes, I remember now. I apologize. I do remember that now. Still loving the story! :-))

Comment from Ben Colder

Exceptional

This one is great. You made it seem so real and the prison scene seems right on.
Grumpy Charles came to the rescue behind the scenes. Poor Mildred she got a taste of reality. Good one Sandy.

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018

Thank you so much, Chuck for this brilliant review, and all those lovely stars. The comment about it seemed so real, was so nice, it's such a lovely compliment! Thank you my dear friend. Big hugs, :)) Sandra

Graham has almost finished reading your book. He is really enjoying it. Last night he was reading until 1 am, he's going to be tired today!! LOL, My turn next. I know I read it on FS, but it will be lovely to read it right through without waiting for you to post the next chapter! I hope the sales are going well . I'll put a review on it when Graham has finished it. :)) xxx

reply by Ben Colder on 18-Oct-2018

Tell Graham, the tables seemed to have turned now days. Pine Bluff is 90% African with many gangs, much like when the British fought the Zulu. There are many who are very good people and well educated. I enjoy their company and wish all were Christians.

Comment from damommy

Excellent

it goes without saying this was a great chapter. Gladys is going to wish she was back in prison when she has to face Charles. I'm afraid of what the son may do to him if he attacks Gladys again. I can't wait to see how they explain Mildred's absence.

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018

Thank you, Yvonne, for another of your lovely reviews. It will all come out soon. lol, I'd love to see this pan out in real life. The Great Escape, would have nothing on Mildred. LOL! Thanks, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

Comment from alexisleech

Exceptional

What a fantastic chapter! You managed to pull me in and feel as though I was beside Veronica and watching everything that was going on in the jail. I can't wait to find out what happens when the wardens find out a prisoner has seemingly disappeared, but I'm not looking forward to Charles' reaction - gulp!

Alexis xxx

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018

Thank you so much, Alexis, for your great review and lovely shiny stars! You are so kind. It is going to be very interesting when the prison officers find out. I'm sure Mildred and Veronica will find out one day. Big hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Second review

:-))))



First review (Four stars)


My dear friend...I was right there in the prison with them. Great POV, great dialog, great characterization.

Good pacing (but it would be improved further by the suggestions below, especially tightening wordiness).
Good descriptive quality but it could be enhanced by incorporating more details from all senses (sounds, smells, etc.) and also by inserting a few similes here and there.

Decent sentence mechanics, but with room for improvement as noted below.


Tons of spag and passive voicing (which are the reasons for the rating).

NOTES



*I was stunned by what had just happened, and for one dreadful moment my whole body felt as though it didn't belong to me, I couldn't move or scream out.


Wordy, and a long sentence. Try to avoid using WAS as a verb too often, especially in a row.

Example tightening:

Stunned by what had happened,for one dreadful moment my whole body felt as though it didn't belong to me. I couldn't move or scream out.

*My mind was numb.

Consider using FELT instead of WAS...and this would be a good place to insert a simile. (My mind felt as numb as a...)


*Luckily, I managed to get behind two of the policemen(,) who were struggling with another woman, and then I followed them to the van.

*
I was(felt) worried sick.

* change was to became of another verb:
I was suddenly aware of the other women sitting in here.

*Some looked petrified,(;) perhaps they too had husbands like Charles, or family who would not be impressed to find out she was one of the suffragettes who had been arrested.



*passive voicing - consider revising (WERE):

After the van stopped, the ladies were hustled out and taken into a cold, grey room where many of the other suffragettes were standing.


*To say it was a dismal place was an understatement,(; or --) it was terrifying.


*passive voicing:

My uneasiness was growing as I wondered how Gladys and Mildred were faring.

Best to tighten. Example:

With growing uneasiness, I wondered how Gladys and Mildred fared.

*
The silence was eerie, but it meant I was able to shout out for Mildred to raise her hand so I could see her.

AGAIN...overusing was and a bit wordy. Example edit:


The eerie silence meant enabled me to shout out for Mildred to raise her hand so I could see her.




*I went into a room where at least fifty women were being spoken to by a male prison officer. A female warden was standing on either side of him as he sat at his desk.

More wordy passive voicing. Example edit:

I went into a room where a male prison officer spoke to at least fifty women. A female warden stood on either side of his desk.


*After that, you will have a bath(,) and your clothes will be packed away until your release.

*"Your stay here will be as painful, or painless(,) as you wish to make it.

*
After the women had given the wardens their details, they were then taken to their cells.

Wordy. Consider tightening to:

The women gave the wardens their details and were then taken to their cells.


*
We'd been sitting there for over four hours, and(,) now and again, I would pop out and look in on Gladys to see how she was bearing up.

Consider making that two sentences.

We'd been sitting there for over four hours. Now and again, I would pop out and look in on Gladys to see how she was bearing up.

*
"Lady Monkton sent me a message. She was worried about you when she heard that many suffragettes had been arrested,(no comma) and immediately went to see if you were at home. When she found out you hadn't returned from the march, she realised what must have happened,(no ,) and sent me a note.

* and had accidently got caught up in all this mayhem."

accidentally

*
The colour had completely drained from Gladys's face,(.) s(S)he brought her hand up to her forehead and swayed.

* passive voicing:

I could see she was on the point of fainting when Robert caught her in his arms.

Suggest:


I noticed she seemed on the point of fainting when Robert caught her in his arms.

*

Although I was pleased that Gladys was going to be released, I was more worried about Mildred now.

MORE WAS again.
Suggest:

Although pleased Gladys was going to be released, I felt more worried about Mildred now.

*I quickly went back to her cell,(no ,) and saw her worried frown deepen when I passed through the cell door.

Happy to re-rate if you revise.

Love,
rd

 Comment Written 17-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018

Hi Rama,

Thank you so much for going through this part so thoroughly. I do appreciate the time yu spend, and can't really thank you enough. I've gone right through it now, and made changes and the corrections. Now to have a nice cuppa tea!! lol. Thanks, my friend. Big hugs. Sandra xxx

reply by rama devi on 17-Oct-2018

Aw, thanks, dear. HUGE hugs! rd