Midnight Echoes
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Midnight Echoes"A Wreath of Sicilian Sonnets
61 total reviews
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, this is an epic poem, I don't think I have seen one of these written before. I enjoyed it, so jam-packed with imagery one doesn't know where to start. I think you have done an admirable job sticking to this form for so many verses, and thanks for writing and sharing it, Ana.
reply by the author on 21-May-2018
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Hello, this is an epic poem, I don't think I have seen one of these written before. I enjoyed it, so jam-packed with imagery one doesn't know where to start. I think you have done an admirable job sticking to this form for so many verses, and thanks for writing and sharing it, Ana.
Comment Written 21-May-2018
reply by the author on 21-May-2018
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Very many thanks, Ana, for your positive words. Thanks for taking the time to read this lengthy sequence. I appreciate your kind response. All the best, Tony
Comment from Sarah B Sullivan
Spectacular round of sonnets, following a story, great flow from the last line of one to the first of the next. There is one twelve syllable line
in vain pursuit of wealth. For that, his life was sold;
and one that was 11 syllables, ending in changing.
I just noticed because the rhythm was off, not because I was counting each of your lines. I really enjoyed that. I will need to read again in more detail. The first couple reads are just orienting myself, and that was a lot to get oriented to! Thank you!
-Sarah
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
 |
Spectacular round of sonnets, following a story, great flow from the last line of one to the first of the next. There is one twelve syllable line
in vain pursuit of wealth. For that, his life was sold;
and one that was 11 syllables, ending in changing.
I just noticed because the rhythm was off, not because I was counting each of your lines. I really enjoyed that. I will need to read again in more detail. The first couple reads are just orienting myself, and that was a lot to get oriented to! Thank you!
-Sarah
Comment Written 20-May-2018
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
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Very many thanks for your review, Sarah, and for the six stars. Much appreciated. Thank you, too, for pointing out the glaring error in the first sonnet, which no-one else picked up and which I have now corrected. The three or four 11-syllable lines are intentional, as noted in the author notes. It is not uncommon. within the constraints of iambic pentameter, to have lines occasionally ending with a weak 13th syllable.
Comment from Warren Rodgers
Hi Tony,
I feel like six stars are not near enough reward for your masterpiece! This was quite an endeavor and you should be applauded just for seeing it through but you went above and beyond with superb writing and taught me about a new (to me) type of sonnet. I'm crossing the Rhyming poem contest off my list!
All the best,
Rodger
reply by the author on 21-May-2018
|
Hi Tony,
I feel like six stars are not near enough reward for your masterpiece! This was quite an endeavor and you should be applauded just for seeing it through but you went above and beyond with superb writing and taught me about a new (to me) type of sonnet. I'm crossing the Rhyming poem contest off my list!
All the best,
Rodger
Comment Written 20-May-2018
reply by the author on 21-May-2018
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Very many thanks, Warren, for your positive words and six stars. For every sonnet in the sequence there's probably one in the trash can! This one took quite a bit of fiddling over several days! All the best, Tony
Comment from rspoet
Hello Tony,
I had to wait till today to review, for I could not in all conscience
give this wonderful Wreath of Sonnets anything but a six.
Each individual sonnet is inspiring, if you had posted them separately,
that would be ninety stars.
Reading this wreath is like the "joy of being free in space and time."
You've untangled the weeds of words so now they sway to Midnight's Echo.
Six constellations
Robert
reply by the author on 21-May-2018
|
Hello Tony,
I had to wait till today to review, for I could not in all conscience
give this wonderful Wreath of Sonnets anything but a six.
Each individual sonnet is inspiring, if you had posted them separately,
that would be ninety stars.
Reading this wreath is like the "joy of being free in space and time."
You've untangled the weeds of words so now they sway to Midnight's Echo.
Six constellations
Robert
Comment Written 20-May-2018
reply by the author on 21-May-2018
-
Very many thanks, Robert, for your positive words and six stars. For every sonnet in the sequence there's probably a score of weedy words in the trash can! This one took quite a bit of fiddling over several days! All the best, Tony
Comment from Ulla
Wow Tony, this was a fantastic read. What joy it gave me. Just beautifully composed and written. You've got such a talent, and I'm sure you'll do very well in the contest. Good luck. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Wow Tony, this was a fantastic read. What joy it gave me. Just beautifully composed and written. You've got such a talent, and I'm sure you'll do very well in the contest. Good luck. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 20-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Very many thanks for your very kind words, Ulla, and for the six stars. Much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
Hi Tony
This was an epic read that took me on a wonderful journey, the quality of writing is sublime and the subject matter intriguing. A wonderful educational write that drenched my learning tree.
Loved it
Mitchell
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Hi Tony
This was an epic read that took me on a wonderful journey, the quality of writing is sublime and the subject matter intriguing. A wonderful educational write that drenched my learning tree.
Loved it
Mitchell
Comment Written 20-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Very many thanks for your very kind words, Mitchell, and for the six stars. Much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Tony, this is a mammoth, dream of a poem. I waited till today to give a six - less would have been ridiculous. I loved it all and to choose favourite lines would be hard. The following moved me -
so like the seals, ecstatic in free fall,
for joy of being free in space and time,
a brief eternity that touches all
who dare to put their lives upon the line
with death-defying antics that enthral.
But in these latter days, a slower pace
allows me to examine my life's hoard,
reflecting on those times that made me shake,
enjoying what I've gained; a sense of place,
where I may wake old dreams, and climb aboard
haphazard, daring flights that man can take........ moving and inspiring.
Good luck in the contest (as if you needed it!) Dorothy
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
|
Hi Tony, this is a mammoth, dream of a poem. I waited till today to give a six - less would have been ridiculous. I loved it all and to choose favourite lines would be hard. The following moved me -
so like the seals, ecstatic in free fall,
for joy of being free in space and time,
a brief eternity that touches all
who dare to put their lives upon the line
with death-defying antics that enthral.
But in these latter days, a slower pace
allows me to examine my life's hoard,
reflecting on those times that made me shake,
enjoying what I've gained; a sense of place,
where I may wake old dreams, and climb aboard
haphazard, daring flights that man can take........ moving and inspiring.
Good luck in the contest (as if you needed it!) Dorothy
Comment Written 20-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
-
Very many thanks for your very kind words, Dorothy, and for the six stars. Much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Aussie
What a clever writer you are! I wish you well with your rhyming poetry entry. I loved it and it must have taken you ages to write. I just went and made a cuppa while I read it! Your knowledge of ancient history and your love for words and even Acrostic to boot! Well done friend (my tea got cold from being more interested in your wonderful writing XXK.
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
|
What a clever writer you are! I wish you well with your rhyming poetry entry. I loved it and it must have taken you ages to write. I just went and made a cuppa while I read it! Your knowledge of ancient history and your love for words and even Acrostic to boot! Well done friend (my tea got cold from being more interested in your wonderful writing XXK.
Comment Written 20-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
-
Very many thanks for your very kind words, Kay, and for the six stars. Much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rama devi
WOW. This took my breath away in the end (and impressed me greatly numerous times!) Amazing how all those first lines blend so well and also in acrostic. What a complex form. OUTSTANDING WORK! A masterpiece of poetic craft and storytelling combined. Fine POV and characterization too.
Masterfully crafted with flawless meter and fluid flow (though I did make a number of comma suggestions noted below)
This is certainly worthy of a six in spite of nits. I thought I had one left, but, alas, I do not. I suggest submitting a book for a seal of quality, as I think they would approve it!
Your eloquent storytelling
Favorite lines (well there were many, actually):
for in our quest for truth, we murder myth
with tangled weeds of words when sea bells ring,
NOTES
*
for if we're left behind(,) there's only shame.
There's always work enough to fill the day, (no ,)
and night as well. For slaves, they're just the same.
Utterly outstanding lines (and alliteration):
his days were dun and draped with shades of drab.
He never heard the distant echo call,
in dreamfault shimmerings, on paths of gold.
Love how this sounds like what it describes - and your eloquent portrayal:
as seals disported, dived and barrel-rolled,
just for the joy they felt in being free.
They leapt with grace, completely uncontrolled,
both masters of themselves,(no ,) and of the sea.
Love the commentary:
Oh, would that we mere mortals were so bold
and profligate, in life's brief spending spree.
assuming that(,) in time(,) it grows again,
Next spring's not ours to own. We feel the ruth. - new word for me! Thanks!
This line is so well voiced:
Abandoning the straightened necktie way,
Although it fired his mind, to his dismay(,)
he found he was too old to play the part,
Superb:
and there were others like himself who'd sold
themselves, for gains ephemeral, exchanging
a life of many masks for one that pleased,
not living as they did in days of old.
*
Not living as they did in days of old,(no ,)
involved some freedoms not enjoyed before.
*
Her fate was sealed(,) and she could only keen
Superb medley of S sounds here:
But, viewed in anguish at the close of day,
the surf still haunted her, with salt suffused.
*
and(,) more and more(,) he felt disquietude.
At length(,) he saw how grievously he erred;
*
Gestalt in mind, revived, (as tales once told),
he swam among the seals,(no ,) and(,) through their lore
Poignant and eloquent:
Our minstrels weave the magic of the lay,
with yarns that last into eternity,
though those who give them life must pass away.
*
The patterns we absorb in infancy,(no ,)
can hold us to ourselves(,) throughout the day,
in counterpoint against reality.
POTENT LINE:
we ought to temper what we see as real.
*
At times(,) we lose our grip and need to source
OUTSTANDING STANZA (all of them are, but this one especially, read aloud)...eloquent and phonetically rich, textured in tone and masterfully crafted imagery, phrasing and flow:
Ephemeral, like life's short, carefree spring,
migrating birds return to the same place.
Lithe swallows dart and swoop while twittering
with tales of winter sun in southern Thrace
where, like the mud of nests, foul deeds still cling,
and myrtles mark the ancient resting place
of Trojan Priam's son, slain by the king;
their branches spouting blood, for his disgrace.
EXCELLENT VOLTA EFFECT:
But in these latter days, a slower pace
allows me to examine my life's hoard,
reflecting on those times that made me shake,
enjoying what I've gained; a sense of place,
where I may wake old dreams, and climb aboard
haphazard, daring flights that man can take.
ELOQUENT, PENETRATING AND POWERFUL section--and with fantastic phonetics, too:
Haphazard, daring flights that man can take
are real in youth, but fade to mandrake dreams;
hypnotic figurines that loom, opaque,
and haunt the toss and turn of sleep with screams.
The restlessness of age cannot unmake
those vivid blood-filled scenes where death still gleams
among the selkie skulls. They make men quake
with fear and salted nightmare sweat, in streams
of sodden guilt, as they recall the slaughter;
for in our quest for truth, we murder myth
with tangled weeds of words when sea bells ring,
forgetting how we loved the seal king's daughter,
a faerie of the waves, in ages sith,
on fragile wings of hope, meandering.
Favorite clever rhyming:
On fragile wings of hope, meandering,
the butterflies will spend their precious day
in search of nectar, and philandering
with flow'rs, whose heady fragrances delay,
engaging them in pleasures, pandering
to honeyed tastes, to tempt them from the way.
Their time like ours is short, and they must wring
the utmost worth from nature's brief ballet.
Should we not, too, enhance the passing hour
in dalliance, enjoying Mardi Gras
before the fast of Lent? Where is the crime
in savouring the sweetness of the bower,
before our flight to seek the evening star,
erratic, as we search for heights sublime?
Love this:
The sceptics hold to truth; their heads will shake.
Secure in how and where but weak on why,
they thrust their facts at dreamers, swarm by swarm;
so close at hand, if only we would wake.
This stanza has great thematic impact and fine internal near rhyme too with apt and effective imagery--WOW:
So close at hand, if only we would wake,
are all the things we think that we now know,
and yet, disturbed by withered dreams, we rake
through all the truths we knew, and find they blow
around in autumn winds that howl and shake
our certainties, deluded whims, and crow
now settles on the branch that truths forsake,
then, as we hear its caws, misgivings grow.
*
We all have different truths to sell and buy(, or -- or ;)
but when you buy, beware. Now take your pick;
WOW - my hairs stood on end seeing how the first lines of all the sonnets work so well when blended in the last, especially these lines:
Ephemeral, like life's short, carefree spring
Careening through the air in heady climb,
Haphazard, daring flights that man can take
On fragile wings of hope, meandering,
Erratic, as we search for heights sublime;
So close at hand, if only we would wake.
Six (*thousand*) virtual stars!
Bravo.
Whew!
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
|
WOW. This took my breath away in the end (and impressed me greatly numerous times!) Amazing how all those first lines blend so well and also in acrostic. What a complex form. OUTSTANDING WORK! A masterpiece of poetic craft and storytelling combined. Fine POV and characterization too.
Masterfully crafted with flawless meter and fluid flow (though I did make a number of comma suggestions noted below)
This is certainly worthy of a six in spite of nits. I thought I had one left, but, alas, I do not. I suggest submitting a book for a seal of quality, as I think they would approve it!
Your eloquent storytelling
Favorite lines (well there were many, actually):
for in our quest for truth, we murder myth
with tangled weeds of words when sea bells ring,
NOTES
*
for if we're left behind(,) there's only shame.
There's always work enough to fill the day, (no ,)
and night as well. For slaves, they're just the same.
Utterly outstanding lines (and alliteration):
his days were dun and draped with shades of drab.
He never heard the distant echo call,
in dreamfault shimmerings, on paths of gold.
Love how this sounds like what it describes - and your eloquent portrayal:
as seals disported, dived and barrel-rolled,
just for the joy they felt in being free.
They leapt with grace, completely uncontrolled,
both masters of themselves,(no ,) and of the sea.
Love the commentary:
Oh, would that we mere mortals were so bold
and profligate, in life's brief spending spree.
assuming that(,) in time(,) it grows again,
Next spring's not ours to own. We feel the ruth. - new word for me! Thanks!
This line is so well voiced:
Abandoning the straightened necktie way,
Although it fired his mind, to his dismay(,)
he found he was too old to play the part,
Superb:
and there were others like himself who'd sold
themselves, for gains ephemeral, exchanging
a life of many masks for one that pleased,
not living as they did in days of old.
*
Not living as they did in days of old,(no ,)
involved some freedoms not enjoyed before.
*
Her fate was sealed(,) and she could only keen
Superb medley of S sounds here:
But, viewed in anguish at the close of day,
the surf still haunted her, with salt suffused.
*
and(,) more and more(,) he felt disquietude.
At length(,) he saw how grievously he erred;
*
Gestalt in mind, revived, (as tales once told),
he swam among the seals,(no ,) and(,) through their lore
Poignant and eloquent:
Our minstrels weave the magic of the lay,
with yarns that last into eternity,
though those who give them life must pass away.
*
The patterns we absorb in infancy,(no ,)
can hold us to ourselves(,) throughout the day,
in counterpoint against reality.
POTENT LINE:
we ought to temper what we see as real.
*
At times(,) we lose our grip and need to source
OUTSTANDING STANZA (all of them are, but this one especially, read aloud)...eloquent and phonetically rich, textured in tone and masterfully crafted imagery, phrasing and flow:
Ephemeral, like life's short, carefree spring,
migrating birds return to the same place.
Lithe swallows dart and swoop while twittering
with tales of winter sun in southern Thrace
where, like the mud of nests, foul deeds still cling,
and myrtles mark the ancient resting place
of Trojan Priam's son, slain by the king;
their branches spouting blood, for his disgrace.
EXCELLENT VOLTA EFFECT:
But in these latter days, a slower pace
allows me to examine my life's hoard,
reflecting on those times that made me shake,
enjoying what I've gained; a sense of place,
where I may wake old dreams, and climb aboard
haphazard, daring flights that man can take.
ELOQUENT, PENETRATING AND POWERFUL section--and with fantastic phonetics, too:
Haphazard, daring flights that man can take
are real in youth, but fade to mandrake dreams;
hypnotic figurines that loom, opaque,
and haunt the toss and turn of sleep with screams.
The restlessness of age cannot unmake
those vivid blood-filled scenes where death still gleams
among the selkie skulls. They make men quake
with fear and salted nightmare sweat, in streams
of sodden guilt, as they recall the slaughter;
for in our quest for truth, we murder myth
with tangled weeds of words when sea bells ring,
forgetting how we loved the seal king's daughter,
a faerie of the waves, in ages sith,
on fragile wings of hope, meandering.
Favorite clever rhyming:
On fragile wings of hope, meandering,
the butterflies will spend their precious day
in search of nectar, and philandering
with flow'rs, whose heady fragrances delay,
engaging them in pleasures, pandering
to honeyed tastes, to tempt them from the way.
Their time like ours is short, and they must wring
the utmost worth from nature's brief ballet.
Should we not, too, enhance the passing hour
in dalliance, enjoying Mardi Gras
before the fast of Lent? Where is the crime
in savouring the sweetness of the bower,
before our flight to seek the evening star,
erratic, as we search for heights sublime?
Love this:
The sceptics hold to truth; their heads will shake.
Secure in how and where but weak on why,
they thrust their facts at dreamers, swarm by swarm;
so close at hand, if only we would wake.
This stanza has great thematic impact and fine internal near rhyme too with apt and effective imagery--WOW:
So close at hand, if only we would wake,
are all the things we think that we now know,
and yet, disturbed by withered dreams, we rake
through all the truths we knew, and find they blow
around in autumn winds that howl and shake
our certainties, deluded whims, and crow
now settles on the branch that truths forsake,
then, as we hear its caws, misgivings grow.
*
We all have different truths to sell and buy(, or -- or ;)
but when you buy, beware. Now take your pick;
WOW - my hairs stood on end seeing how the first lines of all the sonnets work so well when blended in the last, especially these lines:
Ephemeral, like life's short, carefree spring
Careening through the air in heady climb,
Haphazard, daring flights that man can take
On fragile wings of hope, meandering,
Erratic, as we search for heights sublime;
So close at hand, if only we would wake.
Six (*thousand*) virtual stars!
Bravo.
Whew!
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 20-May-2018
reply by the author on 20-May-2018
-
I can't thank you enough, RD, for taking the time to respond to this in such detail. I seem to have been rather careless with my commas again! I very much appreciate both your specific affirmations and the virtual six. I have incorporated all your suggestions, except in the first octet, where I wanted a deliberate pause before "and night as well". In that instance, I have replaced the comma with a dash.
I have also made a couple of other changes in the first sonnet. I have changed John Thomas to the legal descriptor for an anonymous person: John Doe. and I have reduced the following line to 10 syllables (I had inadvertently written it with twelve, as another reviewer diplomatically pointed out!):
"declaring that John Doe had given all
in vain pursuits, for which his life was sold;"
Once again, very many thanks for your marathon response!
As ever, Tony
-
Thanks for your super-gracious response, my friend. I had thought of recommending a dash instead of comma here...well done!
I failed to notice the twelve syllable line! Wow! Glad someone caught that. Reads fine now.
Your marathon poem deserved the response. You should win a PRIZE!
Love, Light and Blessings,
rd
Comment from Liberty Justice
SIX STARS 6******dear poet. How very well written with musical rhymes bellowing out notes of wisdom and the writer's or character's emotions about time and it's essence and finding and recognizing important things in life. WELL DONE. liberty justice
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
|
SIX STARS 6******dear poet. How very well written with musical rhymes bellowing out notes of wisdom and the writer's or character's emotions about time and it's essence and finding and recognizing important things in life. WELL DONE. liberty justice
Comment Written 19-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
-
Very many thanks for your very kind words, LJ, and for the six stars. Much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony