empty beer bottles
For now we see through a glass, darkly.80 total reviews
Comment from rspoet
Hello Andre,
This is a very fine tanka you have written
in the traditional 5-7-5-7-7 form
with a strong pivotal third line
and good play on words with
"amber rays of grain"
You have solid imagery and connection
in the bottles and the rays of sunlight
This could do well in the contest
Best wishes to you, my friend
RS
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
  |
Hello Andre,
This is a very fine tanka you have written
in the traditional 5-7-5-7-7 form
with a strong pivotal third line
and good play on words with
"amber rays of grain"
You have solid imagery and connection
in the bottles and the rays of sunlight
This could do well in the contest
Best wishes to you, my friend
RS
Comment Written 23-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
-
Thank you, RS, for your cheerful review and for wishing me the best in the contest. When I saw empty beer bottles in the kitchen window of a nearby condo they captivated my imagination, and I began to write on the spot. The "amber" line was originally the fourth line in my draft, but I trimmed and moved it to the center to serve as the pivot. Thanks again.
Comment from Angela VA
Your poem is thoughtful and thought provoking. The description of the sunlight shining through the bottles and climbing the walls is excellent. I also like your "amber rays of grain." Thanks for sharing this work of yours.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
 |
Your poem is thoughtful and thought provoking. The description of the sunlight shining through the bottles and climbing the walls is excellent. I also like your "amber rays of grain." Thanks for sharing this work of yours.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
-
Yes, Angela, this poem astounded me. On Saturday near the beginning of a two hour, four-and-a-half mile long walk, I saw empty beer bottles in a kitchen window. I wrote on the spot and continued writing and revising on my walk. For a long time I only had three lines as the poem ended with "amber rays of grain." This would make a perfect satori for a haiku. Given that I had miles to walk and the sun was setting, I thought about the bottle prisms of light and shadow climbing the wall before fading into night. So I added those lines to complete my tanka. Thank you for your generous, six star review.
Comment from Trudi Perkins
Well written and I really liked this. I partake with a few liquids myself. The picture you posted is perfect for this poem. Good job and thanks for sharing your craft with us. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
|
Well written and I really liked this. I partake with a few liquids myself. The picture you posted is perfect for this poem. Good job and thanks for sharing your craft with us. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
-
Thank you, Trudi, for your review and for wishing me good luck in the contest. When I saw empty beer bottles in the kitchen window of a nearby condo they captivated my imagination, and I began to write on the spot. I felt it would be too intrusive to photograph through someone's window to get a picture for this post, so am grateful that Sierra Treasures had a photo I could use of bottles in a window. Thanks.
Comment from CD Richards
There's much to like about this. The perhaps slightly cheeky reference to what many people seem to feel should be the national anthem, the biblical reference in the description to a poem about beer...
Very nicely done, with perfect adherence to form. It looks like someone will need to clear a space before the night's activities can commence.
Best of luck in the contest.
Craig
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
|
There's much to like about this. The perhaps slightly cheeky reference to what many people seem to feel should be the national anthem, the biblical reference in the description to a poem about beer...
Very nicely done, with perfect adherence to form. It looks like someone will need to clear a space before the night's activities can commence.
Best of luck in the contest.
Craig
Comment Written 23-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
-
Thank you, Craig, for your intoxicating review. When I saw empty beer bottles in the kitchen window of a nearby condo they captivated my imagination, and I began to write on the spot. Beer connoisseurs sometimes have a patriotic and even a religious love for their favorite beers, thus the references. Thank you also for wishing me the best of luck in the contest.
-
"Nearby" condo, huh? Yeah, OK ;-)
People do indeed go very tribal over their beer selection - not me, I love the stuff (in moderation of course), but will take almost anything handed to me (but keep your Guinness).
"Intoxicating review" - lol
Cheers,
Craig
-
Yes, Craig, I suppose that the homeowner association rules of that condominium complex do not prohibit empty beer bottles in windows.
-
I was just giving you a hard time :)
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Andre. I think this is exceptional writing from a thinking poet. It has a style and class of its own and the way you take the reader on a whirl wind ride of emotion, well it's one of the best I've seen of yours. Good luck. This is a winner all round! xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
|
Hi Andre. I think this is exceptional writing from a thinking poet. It has a style and class of its own and the way you take the reader on a whirl wind ride of emotion, well it's one of the best I've seen of yours. Good luck. This is a winner all round! xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
-
Oh, thank you, Kiwi, for your review. This poem stunned me because I do not drink beer, but when I saw empty bottles in a kitchen window Saturday, they captivated my imagination. Thank you for wishing me good luck in the contest.
Comment from l.raven
Hi Andre, it's a great Tanka poem...it reminds of when I go in my sons house...there are bottles all over the window pane...empty...and you can see the sun making prisms on the wall...so very well written my sweet friend...love your poem...and the perfect picture...love Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
|
Hi Andre, it's a great Tanka poem...it reminds of when I go in my sons house...there are bottles all over the window pane...empty...and you can see the sun making prisms on the wall...so very well written my sweet friend...love your poem...and the perfect picture...love Linda xxoo
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
-
Yes, yes, yes, Linda, thank you for sharing your story about your sons' window decorating talents. Two days ago I went on a walk and saw empty beer bottles in a kitchen window. They captivated my imagination. Thank you for your reaffirming review.
-
you are always so welcome Andre...always...so good to see you...love xxoo
Comment from Ben Colder
Good one Sis. It should do well. Of course it can fit various occasions but I placed a political view within the midst. Cheers my friend. Until we meet again. Let the good times roll.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
|
Good one Sis. It should do well. Of course it can fit various occasions but I placed a political view within the midst. Cheers my friend. Until we meet again. Let the good times roll.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
-
Yes, Ben, let the good times roll. Thank you for your cheerful review.
Comment from jppoet
Bravo, an excellent rendition of this subject, where the photo lends sweet affinity to your poem. You deserve the accolades which Fanstory has
crowned you with. joh
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
|
Bravo, an excellent rendition of this subject, where the photo lends sweet affinity to your poem. You deserve the accolades which Fanstory has
crowned you with. joh
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
-
Oh, thank you, Joh, for your review. At the beginning of a two hour walk on Saturday, I saw in a kitchen window empty beer bottles which captivated my imagination and sparked this poem which I completed by the time I finished the walk and the sun set.
Comment from kleck140
I don't know much about poetry, but
I enjoyed reading this one, and the message
it sent at sunset. Keep on writing. Thanks
for sharing.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
|
I don't know much about poetry, but
I enjoyed reading this one, and the message
it sent at sunset. Keep on writing. Thanks
for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
-
Thank you, Kleck, for your review. It cheers me to write poems that non-poets can appreciate and understand. Thanks.
-
You are welcome
Comment from randman58
Sounds like my place years ago before I married. Who am I kidding; with my kids and friends it still happens from time to time. You paint a vivid picture of a post celebration morning, the suns reflection on last night's dead soldiers. "and fade before night's drinking", here we go again. Short and to the point and puts the reader there, well done my friend and cheers to you.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
|
Sounds like my place years ago before I married. Who am I kidding; with my kids and friends it still happens from time to time. You paint a vivid picture of a post celebration morning, the suns reflection on last night's dead soldiers. "and fade before night's drinking", here we go again. Short and to the point and puts the reader there, well done my friend and cheers to you.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2018
-
Yes, yes, yes, randman58, you wouldn't believe how many reviewers told me that they place empties in windows to catch the sunlight. The last line hints that more bottles will crowd the windowsill come dawn. Thank you for your review.