Jose's Paycheck
...will the embezzler get caught?36 total reviews
Comment from MJ McIntire
When I read the description of Janet, I chuckled because I have worked with Janet. Her desk was "organized chaos" we didn't have any idea how she found anything, but, she did and it was just one of her character traits we co workers loved.
Michael, this character, I felt sorry for, but, I also felt he could be the one person in the firm that could flip out and shoot the place up. I could feel his anxiety of getting caught.
All through the story I kept saying, "oh, he is going to get caught." I thought for sure Bill was going to call him out in the meeting. Then when he read the resume, I could just feel that pit in his stomach form.
Another well written piece.
MJ
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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When I read the description of Janet, I chuckled because I have worked with Janet. Her desk was "organized chaos" we didn't have any idea how she found anything, but, she did and it was just one of her character traits we co workers loved.
Michael, this character, I felt sorry for, but, I also felt he could be the one person in the firm that could flip out and shoot the place up. I could feel his anxiety of getting caught.
All through the story I kept saying, "oh, he is going to get caught." I thought for sure Bill was going to call him out in the meeting. Then when he read the resume, I could just feel that pit in his stomach form.
Another well written piece.
MJ
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi MJ;
thank you so much for this lovely review. I worked very hard on this story; building a truly strong character within a limited amount of space was much more difficult than I realized at first.
I appreciate your comments about your thoughts while reading. This was exactly what I hoped the readers would feel.
Funny how you could relate to Janet, too.
~patty~
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Very good story. I was completely absorbed. How do you know so much about accounting? This is all so believable, as if it's a true story. Good job! :)
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Very good story. I was completely absorbed. How do you know so much about accounting? This is all so believable, as if it's a true story. Good job! :)
Comment Written 16-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi Phyllis;
I was an accountant, or in the accounting department, for most of my career.
The story is based in some truth. I was hired as the Assistant Controller for a company about ten years ago, and in my second month there, I came across fraud in the payroll records.
He was prosecuted and sent to prison for two years. Crime doesn't pay,
~patty~
Comment from bluedragon776
I got to be honest here. I was enjoying this story until you mixed the aspiring writing, fanstory stuff. That pulled me out of the story, big time. Other than that I found your piece enjoyable. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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I got to be honest here. I was enjoying this story until you mixed the aspiring writing, fanstory stuff. That pulled me out of the story, big time. Other than that I found your piece enjoyable. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2017
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Hi there;
thank you so much for your comments. I purposely added the aspiring writer stuff to make the character more relatable to FanStorians.
I need to think about this,
~patty~
Comment from Curly Girly
Good character portrayal here, Patty.
I enjoyed the story and it held my attention through to the end.
I kept wondering if he would get caught, and I'm still wondering....
Listed under the skills section were the words, 'specializing in forensic accounting.' The downward spiral of the economy was taking another bite of his soul.
Maybe ....
Nicole
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Good character portrayal here, Patty.
I enjoyed the story and it held my attention through to the end.
I kept wondering if he would get caught, and I'm still wondering....
Listed under the skills section were the words, 'specializing in forensic accounting.' The downward spiral of the economy was taking another bite of his soul.
Maybe ....
Nicole
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Hi Nicole; thank you so much for your time to read and review this lengthy contest entry. I based this story on a fraud case I discovered when I went to work for a company. I was hired as the Assistant Controller, and I discovered the ploy during my second month of closing the books. Had the Comptroller been doing his job, it never would have gone on for almost five years.
Said employee DID go to prison for two years and he was ordered to pay back the amount he embezzled,
~patty~
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Phew! I hope he doesn't know where you live. On the other hand, he had 2 years to save for his repayments, but I bet he never got employed again.
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Pretty sure he can't find me. I'm not sure what happened to him after it was all over - but since every Accounting job requires a bond here in Oregon - no, he won't be able to work as an accountant ever again.
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Oh, he was a silly fool. Hamburger Hut--here he comes.
Comment from pbomar1115
I love this story, Patty. Micheal starts out worried about his pilfering funds from the company and the IRS audit will find out. But his worry increases after the dismissed of two employees from the audit and the hiring of a specialist in forensic accounting. Great story.
Phillip
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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I love this story, Patty. Micheal starts out worried about his pilfering funds from the company and the IRS audit will find out. But his worry increases after the dismissed of two employees from the audit and the hiring of a specialist in forensic accounting. Great story.
Phillip
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Hi Phillip; I'm so glad you enjoyed this story and I'm honored by the shining sixth star. I put a great deal of work into this one - I think I found myself thinking and writing notes for almost a month before I put it on paper - then lots of editing as I re-read each draft.
~patty~
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It is an excellent story, Patty. I know it took a lot of work because it is excellently written.
Phillip
Comment from apky
Fabulous writing as usual. This was one of your longest posts that I ever read, I think. I enjoyed it thoroughly. A shame with the "illegals" but poor Michael might have to made to answer for his actions.
Deep in thought, he unconsciously picked at the lint on his tie. - just out of personal interest, Patty: to my European English "unconsciously" suggests the person is out cold. I would, for eaxample, use "subconsciously" if I were writing that, meaning doing it without deliberately/consciously being aware of what he's doing.
"Oh, Bill won't mind. He's such a pussy cat." ~ shouldn't pussycat be one word?
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Fabulous writing as usual. This was one of your longest posts that I ever read, I think. I enjoyed it thoroughly. A shame with the "illegals" but poor Michael might have to made to answer for his actions.
Deep in thought, he unconsciously picked at the lint on his tie. - just out of personal interest, Patty: to my European English "unconsciously" suggests the person is out cold. I would, for eaxample, use "subconsciously" if I were writing that, meaning doing it without deliberately/consciously being aware of what he's doing.
"Oh, Bill won't mind. He's such a pussy cat." ~ shouldn't pussycat be one word?
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Hi Aki; yes, this was one of my longest posts. I give myself permission to be verbose when its for a contest entry. (The recommended length was between 2000 to 3000 words.)
I took your suggestion about 'subconsciously versus unconsciously' and I have found both pussy cat and pussycat to be acceptable.
Thank you so much for your thorough and concise review. I know it gets easy to feel bogged down by a lengthy story.
~patty~
Comment from Rasmine
Hello,
Good story! He will get caught, LOL, he thought he got away with it. I learned a lot from your writing. It takes a lot to run a company. Do you have experience? It sounds like you do, or did a lot of research.
Hey, have a good week.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Hello,
Good story! He will get caught, LOL, he thought he got away with it. I learned a lot from your writing. It takes a lot to run a company. Do you have experience? It sounds like you do, or did a lot of research.
Hey, have a good week.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Hi there; thank you so much for your time to read and review this piece.
I ran several companies at different times during my career. I usually held the position of Chief Financial Officer, and sadly this is based on a true story that happened at a company where I worked. Initially hired as the Assistant Controller, I discovered the fraud in the second month I was there. He did go to prison for two years and was ordered to repay the funds he stole.
~patty~
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
An excellent story, Patty --- you've told it so well. Michael shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. Sadly, these things do go on.
twenty-five
three-piece
Sure that Bill was hoping for encouragement, Michael nodded and looked [Bill](him) squarely in the eye - no need to repeat "Bill" here - suggest change to "him"
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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An excellent story, Patty --- you've told it so well. Michael shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. Sadly, these things do go on.
twenty-five
three-piece
Sure that Bill was hoping for encouragement, Michael nodded and looked [Bill](him) squarely in the eye - no need to repeat "Bill" here - suggest change to "him"
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Hi Margaret;
thank you so much for this wonderful review. I appreciate you having my back with the nits. I took care of them and I'm just hoping the entry works well for the contest,
~patty~
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was so good, Patty! What a story! At least Michael will get caught now, lol, serves him right. It would have been wrong for him to have gotten away with it. Loved it. You've created a great character for the contest. Good luck! :) xx
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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That was so good, Patty! What a story! At least Michael will get caught now, lol, serves him right. It would have been wrong for him to have gotten away with it. Loved it. You've created a great character for the contest. Good luck! :) xx
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Hi Sandra; thank you so much for this lovely review. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and the character of Michael.
I appreciate your good wishes for the contest,
~patty~
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Hello Patty, This was a very well written story. It was very long but easy to follow along. It is something that definitely happens in many of the companies and you told it so well. Did you do research on this situation to be so thorough or is your imagination just that extraordinary. I love the ending, the one thing he was worried about - was about to become a reality. (It was eventual)
Listed under the skills section were the words, 'specializing in forensic accounting.' The downward spiral of the economy was taking another bite of his soul.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Hello Patty, This was a very well written story. It was very long but easy to follow along. It is something that definitely happens in many of the companies and you told it so well. Did you do research on this situation to be so thorough or is your imagination just that extraordinary. I love the ending, the one thing he was worried about - was about to become a reality. (It was eventual)
Listed under the skills section were the words, 'specializing in forensic accounting.' The downward spiral of the economy was taking another bite of his soul.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2017
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Hi Tier;
thank you so much for the lovely review for this contest entry. Michael is loosely based on an accountant I knew way back. I was hired as the assistant controller for the company he worked for, and in the second month I was there, I discovered his fraud. He was sent to prison for two years and was ordered to pay back the money. I was able to catch him because of the great professor I had for accounting. It was easy to track the difference in the hours reported by the supervisors and the actual payroll. He would have been caught much sooner if the Comptroller hadn't been so lazy.
Thanks for reading!
~patty~