One man's journey to get clean
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Gary accepts treatment"Getting clean from meth isn't easy
25 total reviews
Comment from bookishfabler
It wasn't long, it was interesting. My mother had Bi-polar and it was no joke.
The counselors promised a group walk later in the day when the rain was supposed to clear.
(I would imagine fresh air and sunshine would be beneficial to their progress.)
She was (+the) therapist to some of the other guys, and they all said she was good at her job.
Thanks for sharing
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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It wasn't long, it was interesting. My mother had Bi-polar and it was no joke.
The counselors promised a group walk later in the day when the rain was supposed to clear.
(I would imagine fresh air and sunshine would be beneficial to their progress.)
She was (+the) therapist to some of the other guys, and they all said she was good at her job.
Thanks for sharing
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 10-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Thanks again for your thoughtful review. I am enjoying writing Gary's story. It is my hope people will learn more about mental illness and the work that goes into getting to a point that one can live without the destructive behaviors.
~patty~
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
In this chapter of the fiction, author tries to show us how the prime character Gary Thompson, an addict who seeks for recovery, and he accepts Dr. Wilbert's treatment plan; I liked this work has nice thematic progression thru plot; I enjoyed the questions and answers and the end.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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In this chapter of the fiction, author tries to show us how the prime character Gary Thompson, an addict who seeks for recovery, and he accepts Dr. Wilbert's treatment plan; I liked this work has nice thematic progression thru plot; I enjoyed the questions and answers and the end.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Thank you for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate your kind words and the generous stars,
~patty~
Comment from Sis Cat
Your chapter brought back painful memories of my mother being committed to a psychiatric ward after a mental breakdown. I also thought about a gay friend who became an addict and then homeless. There is a rawness in Gary's story in the sense that psychiatric problems and addiction affect all families. No one is untouched. Although he is fictitious, Gary inspires me that there is hope for our loved ones facing similar challenges.
As you your writing, I was impressed by you clarity and the professionalism of your prose to tell a story that hooked me and engaged my imagination. Gary's realization echoes the clarity of your prose:
"At the end of it all, it was decided he wasn't addicted to the drugs because of an addiction disorder, but he had become addicted after self-medicating his inner demons."
I found your writing riveting and engaging. I do not mind your long chapter because it held my attention and my heart.
Thank you for sharing and for telling a story that needs to be told.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Your chapter brought back painful memories of my mother being committed to a psychiatric ward after a mental breakdown. I also thought about a gay friend who became an addict and then homeless. There is a rawness in Gary's story in the sense that psychiatric problems and addiction affect all families. No one is untouched. Although he is fictitious, Gary inspires me that there is hope for our loved ones facing similar challenges.
As you your writing, I was impressed by you clarity and the professionalism of your prose to tell a story that hooked me and engaged my imagination. Gary's realization echoes the clarity of your prose:
"At the end of it all, it was decided he wasn't addicted to the drugs because of an addiction disorder, but he had become addicted after self-medicating his inner demons."
I found your writing riveting and engaging. I do not mind your long chapter because it held my attention and my heart.
Thank you for sharing and for telling a story that needs to be told.
Comment Written 10-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Your review makes me so proud of the work I've put into Gary's story. I am hoping it will strike a chord with the readers, and it sounds like it did just that for you. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I know that a mental illness of a parent is devastating to the children. I appreciate your kind words and generous stars.
~patty~
Comment from MelB
Did he often he feel so low, getting out of bed was a chore? - Did he often (he) feel
A well written chapter. It becomes a little more clear why Gary started using. It's nice he felt comfortable enough to start talking.
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Did he often he feel so low, getting out of bed was a chore? - Did he often (he) feel
A well written chapter. It becomes a little more clear why Gary started using. It's nice he felt comfortable enough to start talking.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you finding the error, and I have gone back and edited. Thanks for following along.
~patty~
Comment from ciliverde
Very interesting. This is my first reading of your story, but I'm really curious to see how this evolves. I agree that the chapter should not be split up - he must complete his sharing here, before moving on to the psych ward. I can only imagine the feelings someone would have, learning they suffer from BPD and Bi Polar Disorder - not easy. I think you are humanizing these diseases for us...
Carol
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Very interesting. This is my first reading of your story, but I'm really curious to see how this evolves. I agree that the chapter should not be split up - he must complete his sharing here, before moving on to the psych ward. I can only imagine the feelings someone would have, learning they suffer from BPD and Bi Polar Disorder - not easy. I think you are humanizing these diseases for us...
Carol
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for your generous stars! I appreciate your positive comments and I would love it if you joined me on the journey to get Gary the help he needs. I hope I am humanizing the diseases, and I hope I can generate more empathy for anyone suffering from any mental illness.
~patty~
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for this excellent inside look at what a rehab center looks like from someone undergoing treatment. I especially liked the beginning paragraphs that captured the mood so poetically. I am alarmed that they will be treating Gary with more drugs but I guess that's the only solution modern medicine can offer.
Minor point: To the question, "How often did he feel totally out of control?" Gary answers "Yes" which wouldn't work since it's an adverb expected here.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you for this excellent inside look at what a rehab center looks like from someone undergoing treatment. I especially liked the beginning paragraphs that captured the mood so poetically. I am alarmed that they will be treating Gary with more drugs but I guess that's the only solution modern medicine can offer.
Minor point: To the question, "How often did he feel totally out of control?" Gary answers "Yes" which wouldn't work since it's an adverb expected here.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you for your thoughtful review of the latest chapter in Gary's story. I will work on revising the answer to the control question. Thank you for pointing that out,
~patty~
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend this is well written and it seems now that Gary is able to move forward because he understands what is now going on well done again regards Jill
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Yes my friend this is well written and it seems now that Gary is able to move forward because he understands what is now going on well done again regards Jill
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you for your pleasant review. I'm hopeful Gary will be able to stay in the program, and learn to confront life's problems instead of self-medicating.
~patty~
Comment from epona
Your character, Gary, is believable and likeable. I can become invested in his outcome. That makes me want to read more, good job. The fact that you have done your homework on Gary's diagnoses really adds to the story, I can become immersed in the story. Nothing makes me stop and say, "That doesn't make sense", which I run into with a lot of stories involving medical issues. I see a long journey for Gary, but not an easy one. I think getting clean from drugs will be easier than dealing with his psychiatric problems long term. Very good story!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Your character, Gary, is believable and likeable. I can become invested in his outcome. That makes me want to read more, good job. The fact that you have done your homework on Gary's diagnoses really adds to the story, I can become immersed in the story. Nothing makes me stop and say, "That doesn't make sense", which I run into with a lot of stories involving medical issues. I see a long journey for Gary, but not an easy one. I think getting clean from drugs will be easier than dealing with his psychiatric problems long term. Very good story!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you for stopping by to read and review. I appreciate you noticing my attention to detail in this piece. I've done a lot of research to make sure the information I'm giving about these two mental health issues is true and concise.
~patty~
Comment from humpwhistle
I'm jumping in midstream, Patty. My fault, not yours.
Your prose is clear and lucid. I can tell you have strong feelings
on this topic. And you've done the research.
If I have a concern, it has to do with the 'showing' verses 'telling' bugaboo.
Some of this has to do with the 'reporting' style of this segment.
You're writing as an outsider. You tell us what Gary's feeling and thinking,
but you don't 'show' us much. Telling makes the reader a passive bystander.
When you 'show' us, we can draw our own conclusions--we can be active participants in the story.
Dialogue is a great technique for showing. The segment between the shrink and Gary is a great opportunity to set up a dialogue. You can show us about Gary instead of just telling us.
Patty, I know you're deep into this piece already. Probably can't change it even if you wanted to. But consider using more dialogue. When Gary speaks, he 'shows' us who he is.
My best advice.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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I'm jumping in midstream, Patty. My fault, not yours.
Your prose is clear and lucid. I can tell you have strong feelings
on this topic. And you've done the research.
If I have a concern, it has to do with the 'showing' verses 'telling' bugaboo.
Some of this has to do with the 'reporting' style of this segment.
You're writing as an outsider. You tell us what Gary's feeling and thinking,
but you don't 'show' us much. Telling makes the reader a passive bystander.
When you 'show' us, we can draw our own conclusions--we can be active participants in the story.
Dialogue is a great technique for showing. The segment between the shrink and Gary is a great opportunity to set up a dialogue. You can show us about Gary instead of just telling us.
Patty, I know you're deep into this piece already. Probably can't change it even if you wanted to. But consider using more dialogue. When Gary speaks, he 'shows' us who he is.
My best advice.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I appreciate your comments and advice. Dialogue isn't my strong suit as it is for you, but I can see the merit in your words. The first few chapters had a great deal more dialogue. Gary's conversation with his mother was told in that manner. Unfortunately, there is no longer any pay in going back to read - but hey there's a whopping ONE point! LOL
~patty~
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When I first joined FS, I read and reviewed everything. It made me dizzy.
I've always been the kind of reader who can read only one book at a time. I tend to be a binge reader. the installment plan is difficult for me to handle.
I hope you understand. I hate breaking my stories into installments--even two--but reality makes certain demands.
Patty, if you think I can help, I'll be happy to.
Peace, Lee
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Hi Lee; I can relate to reviewing 'making one dizzy,' as I'm trying to move up the rankings to make it to the top 20. I always appreciate your help, along with the other top authors that stop by to read.
~patty~
Comment from robyn corum
Patty,
You didn't have to worry about asking me to read it, typically I would have gotten to it sooner or later in the day! BUT, it turns out that I'm glad you DID ask 'cause we are about to go out of town and so I'm preparing for that and my time is a little more limited. *smile* I'm really glad you put me on this. I've been following it pretty closely.
I'm glad Gary finally opened up. Not only because it was about time in the story, but because it lets the readers in on a great deal of his character and what's happening with him in a way we just can't do from being in his head. It's a different way of listening in. Good job.
There are just a few 'technical' aspects that I think need work, if you don't mind me saying so. I've made notes, below and I'll go over them with you and HOPE they make sense...?
1.) Sunrise had come earlier this morning.
--> really? Sunrise comes pretty much about the same time every morning. You can pretty much set your clock by it. But it may have SEEMED to have come earlier than usual...(?)
2.) Chirping robins herald(ed) the coming of spring.
3.) streaks of the breaking sun (lit) the view
4.) Gary gazed longingly at the outside world.
--> this is classic 'TELLING' the reader instead of 'SHOWING' him. We want to reader to intuit these things by themselves. We want them to FALL INTO the story and see it happen around them. If we just TELL them what's happening, then that never happens, we put up a barrier between us and the story. The reader watches from a distance. What if you said. 'Gary gazed out the window as a leaf skipped past. He couldn't quite remember what cool grass felt like on bare feet or what wind felt like ruffling through his hair. He wanted to be outside so bad he could scream!'
--> see the difference?
5.) The counselors promised a group walk later in the day when the rain was supposed to clear in the afternoon.
--> 'later in the day' and 'afternoon' are pretty much the same. Don't need both.
6.) The appointment with the psychiatrist had gone as well as could be expected, he guessed.
--> since he's talking inside his own head, he wouldn't say 'he guessed'. Just leave that off.
7.) Did he often did he feel so low, getting out of bed was a chore?
--> delete the second 'did', please
8.) Staying home and watching (TV) or a
That's it! Thanks! Keep up the writing - I have bi-polar and I haven't seen anything that was incorrect or misleading so far. *smile* Let me know when you revise, please!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Patty,
You didn't have to worry about asking me to read it, typically I would have gotten to it sooner or later in the day! BUT, it turns out that I'm glad you DID ask 'cause we are about to go out of town and so I'm preparing for that and my time is a little more limited. *smile* I'm really glad you put me on this. I've been following it pretty closely.
I'm glad Gary finally opened up. Not only because it was about time in the story, but because it lets the readers in on a great deal of his character and what's happening with him in a way we just can't do from being in his head. It's a different way of listening in. Good job.
There are just a few 'technical' aspects that I think need work, if you don't mind me saying so. I've made notes, below and I'll go over them with you and HOPE they make sense...?
1.) Sunrise had come earlier this morning.
--> really? Sunrise comes pretty much about the same time every morning. You can pretty much set your clock by it. But it may have SEEMED to have come earlier than usual...(?)
2.) Chirping robins herald(ed) the coming of spring.
3.) streaks of the breaking sun (lit) the view
4.) Gary gazed longingly at the outside world.
--> this is classic 'TELLING' the reader instead of 'SHOWING' him. We want to reader to intuit these things by themselves. We want them to FALL INTO the story and see it happen around them. If we just TELL them what's happening, then that never happens, we put up a barrier between us and the story. The reader watches from a distance. What if you said. 'Gary gazed out the window as a leaf skipped past. He couldn't quite remember what cool grass felt like on bare feet or what wind felt like ruffling through his hair. He wanted to be outside so bad he could scream!'
--> see the difference?
5.) The counselors promised a group walk later in the day when the rain was supposed to clear in the afternoon.
--> 'later in the day' and 'afternoon' are pretty much the same. Don't need both.
6.) The appointment with the psychiatrist had gone as well as could be expected, he guessed.
--> since he's talking inside his own head, he wouldn't say 'he guessed'. Just leave that off.
7.) Did he often did he feel so low, getting out of bed was a chore?
--> delete the second 'did', please
8.) Staying home and watching (TV) or a
That's it! Thanks! Keep up the writing - I have bi-polar and I haven't seen anything that was incorrect or misleading so far. *smile* Let me know when you revise, please!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2017
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Hi Robyn; I truly appreciate your thoughtful and concise review. I am going into make the revisions you suggested. Your critique will only help me to improve my style.
~patty~
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k. Thanks for taking it like a trooper! *smile* Let me know when you're done! OR if you have any questions, k?
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Ok, the edits are made. I DO appreciate all the time you put in to editing. All of it is done. I hope it reads better to you this time. Thanks for continuing to read. The chapters aren't coming as fast as I'd like, but I have to percolate and research the information. ~p~
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modified! looks good!
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Thank you!