The Cook and the Time Traveller
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Sandwiches and Sensuality"Love blossoms under impossible circumstances
13 total reviews
Comment from babylonia
Mike,
LOL And of course we have to read the next chapter to find out what exactly happened. Good on ya. Nicely done. Easy to read and follow. A few spaggies.
"You say this is made from the green egg I brought back?" he asked eventually. She nodded. "And you can make more with what you have?"(Should read like this ...
"You say this is made from the green egg I brought back?" he asked eventually.
She nodded.
"And you can make more with what you have?"
This way it is clear who is speaking.)
"Perhaps another two or three cups, my lord."
Why(,) Raff, whatever did you see?"
Imagery is excellent. Can't wait to read more.
Love,
Barbara
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
  |
Mike,
LOL And of course we have to read the next chapter to find out what exactly happened. Good on ya. Nicely done. Easy to read and follow. A few spaggies.
"You say this is made from the green egg I brought back?" he asked eventually. She nodded. "And you can make more with what you have?"(Should read like this ...
"You say this is made from the green egg I brought back?" he asked eventually.
She nodded.
"And you can make more with what you have?"
This way it is clear who is speaking.)
"Perhaps another two or three cups, my lord."
Why(,) Raff, whatever did you see?"
Imagery is excellent. Can't wait to read more.
Love,
Barbara
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
-
Thank you :-). I originally wrote this in two parts, each about 4,000 words, so the main challenge has been editing in chapter break points for more fanstory-friendly segments. It's good practice because it makes me think about the flow of the story.
Oh, and spag catches once again appreciated!
Mike
-
Mike,
That's not easy to do, I know. I wish I had done that with my first book. Made it more reader friendly. I have learned since then.
Love,
Barbara
Comment from barbara.wilkey
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He has to be a great guy. He has too. I already like him. You can't make him evil. NO!! I did enjoy reading this post and can't wait to read the next one, but I'm afraid too.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
|
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He has to be a great guy. He has too. I already like him. You can't make him evil. NO!! I did enjoy reading this post and can't wait to read the next one, but I'm afraid too.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
-
Hehe, you'll just have to see where it goes from here :-). I'm so glad you're enjoying it!
Mike
Comment from adewpearl
interesting meals every day, but - I added the comma
I love how she's using the time traveler's ingredients and recipes to please the old fart employer
great description of the appearance of the old codger as he feasts on a new meal made with the flavor weapons
I like the cliffhanger closing of this chapter as I await Raff's information
Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
|
interesting meals every day, but - I added the comma
I love how she's using the time traveler's ingredients and recipes to please the old fart employer
great description of the appearance of the old codger as he feasts on a new meal made with the flavor weapons
I like the cliffhanger closing of this chapter as I await Raff's information
Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2014
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2014
-
Thanks again, Brooke :-). This was the single chapter break in the original version and represents the moment it turns round and we see Darren's point of view. Great fun!
Mike