The Heart of Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Bongo boy"'Tis not the Bard, but pretty good poetry anyway
27 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
overall you avoid rhyme well - the air/care rhyme in the third stanza is an exception to this
I also think the strong internal rhyme in the first line might need looking at
beat his bongo, not noticed, streaked and smeared - nice use of alliteration
sweet toddler's face - add apostrophe for possessive
vivid and compelling descriptive detail of this poor boy
excellent use of iambic meter
Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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overall you avoid rhyme well - the air/care rhyme in the third stanza is an exception to this
I also think the strong internal rhyme in the first line might need looking at
beat his bongo, not noticed, streaked and smeared - nice use of alliteration
sweet toddler's face - add apostrophe for possessive
vivid and compelling descriptive detail of this poor boy
excellent use of iambic meter
Brooke :-)
Comment Written 25-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2013
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I followed both your suggestions. Air is now breeze. I am a rhymerrrrrrrrrr at heart so this form was actually a challenge. Glad you liked it Brooke, :-) Carolyn
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I agree about how challenging blank verse is for rhymers like us - I won the previous blank verse contest but almost killed myself in the process LOL
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I am still working on a win from the committee ... LOL .. I just keep 'plugging along'.
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It's such a crap shoot - I can't begin to tell you why I've won with some poems and not even received a tie for third place with other poems that I considered superior to my winners :-)
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I understand :-)
Comment from Spitfire
Powerful ending. You see this in third world countries a lot. Not sure if it is trafficking though or a necessary means of survival. Clever use of the Bongo to bring mother and child together. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Powerful ending. You see this in third world countries a lot. Not sure if it is trafficking though or a necessary means of survival. Clever use of the Bongo to bring mother and child together. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Thanks Shari, Glad you liked it and I appreciate the good wishes. Carolyn
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written my friend on such a sad subject it makes you wonder how many children you pass on the street that are lost well done on this write regards Jill and Erick
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Yes this is well written my friend on such a sad subject it makes you wonder how many children you pass on the street that are lost well done on this write regards Jill and Erick
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 24-Oct-2013
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Thank you both, this is a sad subject as you said , Carolyn
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Carolyn,
A powerful post with reality a sobering notion.
This brings such deep awareness to this travesty. Children should be protected and loved no matter where they are born.
Thanks for sharing this reminder. Good luck in the contest.
Much love
Maureen
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Dear Carolyn,
A powerful post with reality a sobering notion.
This brings such deep awareness to this travesty. Children should be protected and loved no matter where they are born.
Thanks for sharing this reminder. Good luck in the contest.
Much love
Maureen
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Thanks Maureen, it is so sad indeed that little children are exploited like this. In our imaginary eye it can all turn out fine, in reality it doesn't always. Thanks for your comments and good wishes my friend. I hope you are having a great day. Love, Carolyn
Comment from MizKat
Hi Carolyn,
Your blank verse poem is beautifully written and tells an interesting story even in it's sadness. I'm sure glad his mother found him again.
Kat
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Hi Carolyn,
Your blank verse poem is beautifully written and tells an interesting story even in it's sadness. I'm sure glad his mother found him again.
Kat
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Thanks Kat, yes this story of 'my mind' had a wonderful ending. I appreciate your kind remarks. :-) Carolyn
Comment from w.j.debi
What a poignant tale and so sad that it could be true. How heartwarming that mother and child are reunited in your story. This is well told. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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What a poignant tale and so sad that it could be true. How heartwarming that mother and child are reunited in your story. This is well told. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Thanks for this wonderful review, rating and good wishes. I am glad you found the poem heartwarming. :-) Carolyn
Comment from tbacha58
Bongo beat or coins tinkling in a cup
May not be music made by street-side band
That is a very sad poem Carolyn, but so well written, it got me tears reading it and watching the picture. God Bless all the children and keep them safe. Hugs Terry
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Bongo beat or coins tinkling in a cup
May not be music made by street-side band
That is a very sad poem Carolyn, but so well written, it got me tears reading it and watching the picture. God Bless all the children and keep them safe. Hugs Terry
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Thanks Terry, yes it made me sad to think it up. There are so many little lost children. I appreciate your comments. Carolyn
Comment from Curly Girly
Yes, I have heard of this problem. I think it is fairly new in the UK. Street children are a huge problem in Africa. They can be victims, but they also tend to be shrewd and stick together in gangs. But, sadly, not all are shrewd enough. And some have to do what adults make them do.
Your poem draws attention to this international problem which is ever increasing.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Yes, I have heard of this problem. I think it is fairly new in the UK. Street children are a huge problem in Africa. They can be victims, but they also tend to be shrewd and stick together in gangs. But, sadly, not all are shrewd enough. And some have to do what adults make them do.
Your poem draws attention to this international problem which is ever increasing.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013
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Thanks Nicole for the comments. Yes, I do believe it is an international problem. The little girl discovered in Romania in the last few days is still not home. Have a good night. Carolyn
Comment from krys123
My gratitude to you Teresa for sharing this also true and prolific provocative poem with fans, myself another reader/writer. I myself and another fanstorian have written one a story in another a poem on this very subject. But with your imagery and excellent rhythm and tempo and meter you are able to bring in across in a fluid most temperate manner. Your metered verse style was done to perfection. There are over 15,000 children a day that comes from the areas of Thailand, Burma and the Indochina area. And over 15,000+ are here just in the US. An amazing but true story that people should listen to an open their eyes to. I myself never give money to children under streets but it I have report them to the authorities. My wife and I are components against this horrible deed and trafficking. You have a Goodwin and God bless.
AK
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013
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My gratitude to you Teresa for sharing this also true and prolific provocative poem with fans, myself another reader/writer. I myself and another fanstorian have written one a story in another a poem on this very subject. But with your imagery and excellent rhythm and tempo and meter you are able to bring in across in a fluid most temperate manner. Your metered verse style was done to perfection. There are over 15,000 children a day that comes from the areas of Thailand, Burma and the Indochina area. And over 15,000+ are here just in the US. An amazing but true story that people should listen to an open their eyes to. I myself never give money to children under streets but it I have report them to the authorities. My wife and I are components against this horrible deed and trafficking. You have a Goodwin and God bless.
AK
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013
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Thank you AK for this great review and comments about lost children. Good luck in your own pursuit of a solution.
My best to you, Carolyn
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You are so welcome Carolyn
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You are so welcome Carolyn
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You are so welcome Carolyn
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You are so welcome Carolyn
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You are so welcome Carolyn
Comment from JMUwrites
Whoa, this is powerful stuff right here...quite the emotion producer! Sad to think that it actually happens, and you brought the sadness to bear by wording perfectly this poem. The photograph alone speaks a thousand words...so many conclusions can be made by looking into those eyes!
Thanks so much for sharing this, as always!
Warmly...
JMU
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013
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Whoa, this is powerful stuff right here...quite the emotion producer! Sad to think that it actually happens, and you brought the sadness to bear by wording perfectly this poem. The photograph alone speaks a thousand words...so many conclusions can be made by looking into those eyes!
Thanks so much for sharing this, as always!
Warmly...
JMU
Comment Written 22-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013
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Thanks Jeffrey, Sometimes the news inspires a write like this. It is so sad, I appreciate your continued encouragement. Yes, those little eyes tell their own story. Best to you, Carolyn