Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "Okoka Moon, Part 1"Murder Mystery
49 total reviews
Comment from cbour3391
Wow this is excellent. I really like the beginning with the calm feel of the mass ceremony touched by a little conflict over the wine. Then the ending was definitely unexpected.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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Wow this is excellent. I really like the beginning with the calm feel of the mass ceremony touched by a little conflict over the wine. Then the ending was definitely unexpected.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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Thank you very much for the generous review. I appreciate that you picked up on the the intended mood for the opening.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from irishauthorme
Excellent! You already received some great reviews on this chapter, and I have some catching up to do. The allegories are great, the chair sounds when Maureen moved, and your description of her put a picture in my mind. Great tension, actually got a chill when I read "You're killing me!" Your story moved forward at a good pace, with no stumbles or bumps. Very good work! irish
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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Excellent! You already received some great reviews on this chapter, and I have some catching up to do. The allegories are great, the chair sounds when Maureen moved, and your description of her put a picture in my mind. Great tension, actually got a chill when I read "You're killing me!" Your story moved forward at a good pace, with no stumbles or bumps. Very good work! irish
Comment Written 18-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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Hiya, Irish. Thank you so much for your awesome review. I really appreciate you taking time out of your schedule to read my chapter. Means a lot! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
That was chilling, Bev. George, the man, who might have been able to give them a clue to the killer, may have just died. Maybe, they can resuscitate him?
Your description of Maureen from her size to walk to complaining attitude is wonderful. I could see her and she's not a pleasant sight. Celluitis, unibrow, pale face and asthma. LOL
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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That was chilling, Bev. George, the man, who might have been able to give them a clue to the killer, may have just died. Maybe, they can resuscitate him?
Your description of Maureen from her size to walk to complaining attitude is wonderful. I could see her and she's not a pleasant sight. Celluitis, unibrow, pale face and asthma. LOL
Comment Written 18-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much, Ellen. I'm glad you liked my description of Maureen, and appreciate your encouragement. :0) Bev
Comment from Thatguypk
This is the first time I have looked at this novel, and there's little else to say except... I'm hooked. I will have to go back and start from the beginning.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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This is the first time I have looked at this novel, and there's little else to say except... I'm hooked. I will have to go back and start from the beginning.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much for your interest and great review. I appreciate both! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from JM daSilva
The suspense continues. We expect people to be holy in church, but alas, that doesn't happen. People will be people. Good writing.,
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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The suspense continues. We expect people to be holy in church, but alas, that doesn't happen. People will be people. Good writing.,
Comment Written 18-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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Thanks so much, JM. I appreciate you taking time to read and review. :0) Bev
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Welcome.
Comment from DALLAS01
What a haunting piece of art. Perfect choice. Your depiction of the folks at Tender Care is spot on. I should know, I spend enough time around it. The animosity between Father Brian and Maureen lends him an opportunity to have the same likes and dislikes as the rest of us have, periodically. Your transition back into the spiritual world was very smooth. Ending with Father Brian glued to his fear is a good place to leave off.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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What a haunting piece of art. Perfect choice. Your depiction of the folks at Tender Care is spot on. I should know, I spend enough time around it. The animosity between Father Brian and Maureen lends him an opportunity to have the same likes and dislikes as the rest of us have, periodically. Your transition back into the spiritual world was very smooth. Ending with Father Brian glued to his fear is a good place to leave off.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2013
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I really appreciate your encouragement for this chapter, Dallas. And I'm glad that I was able to accurately portray the nursing home setting. Thanks for mentioning that and for the beautiful six stars. :0) Bev
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You're welcome.
Comment from Aussie
'muddled-eyed' never heard the term, could you think of another description like 'confused faces struggling to remember..." I liked the description of Maureen Penfold - very good. And "A sound like a knife slamming into steel emanated from it." This is the first read of your writing and I enjoyed the plot and the build up of tension. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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'muddled-eyed' never heard the term, could you think of another description like 'confused faces struggling to remember..." I liked the description of Maureen Penfold - very good. And "A sound like a knife slamming into steel emanated from it." This is the first read of your writing and I enjoyed the plot and the build up of tension. Well done.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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THANKS FOR THE REVIEW, AUSSIE. I APPRECIATE YOUR SUGGESTION AND WILL CONSIDER MAKING THE CHANGE. WARM REGARDS, BEV
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Hi, Bev. I thought I would stop by and see what was happening. This is well written. I worked on an Alzheimer's unit for 10 years and can identify with the dementia behavior. Take care~Debbie
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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Hi, Bev. I thought I would stop by and see what was happening. This is well written. I worked on an Alzheimer's unit for 10 years and can identify with the dementia behavior. Take care~Debbie
Comment Written 17-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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DEBBIE, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STOPPING BY TO READ. I APPRECIATE YOUR GRACIOUS REVIEW AND SUPPORT. WARMEST REGARDS, BEV
Comment from JW
Overall, this was a good chapter. Written well. However, there was a couple of places where what was written is not in error - however, I tend to think unneeded words exist.
I.E.
Brian's face registered alarm. "What about him?" he blurted.
The "he blurted" isn't really needed.
"He said the dead man's name was Fritz Buell and that he was killed by a devil. A devil he claims lives in the rectory -- your rectory, Father," she hissed.
"she hissed" Again, isn't really needed.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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Overall, this was a good chapter. Written well. However, there was a couple of places where what was written is not in error - however, I tend to think unneeded words exist.
I.E.
Brian's face registered alarm. "What about him?" he blurted.
The "he blurted" isn't really needed.
"He said the dead man's name was Fritz Buell and that he was killed by a devil. A devil he claims lives in the rectory -- your rectory, Father," she hissed.
"she hissed" Again, isn't really needed.
Thanks for sharing this. JW
Comment Written 17-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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Thank you for your suggestions, Jonathon. I appreciate your stopping by to read and review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from CR Delport
This sounds like such an interesting story and is very well written. I really need to make the time to sit down and read the whole thing. So far I've only caught bits and pieces but really liked what I saw.
Christelle.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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This sounds like such an interesting story and is very well written. I really need to make the time to sit down and read the whole thing. So far I've only caught bits and pieces but really liked what I saw.
Christelle.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much, Christelle. I appreciate your support and interest! Warmest regards, Bev