Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Kaskeya Moon, Part 1"Murder Mystery
51 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
And the plot thickens. Well, it will be interesting to see where you go with this. I liked the hook you left. You have a great addition to your previous posts.
reply by the author on 26-May-2012
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And the plot thickens. Well, it will be interesting to see where you go with this. I liked the hook you left. You have a great addition to your previous posts.
Comment Written 26-May-2012
reply by the author on 26-May-2012
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Thank you, barbara. A bit more on Father Brian's mental state in the next chapter. Thanks so much for the great review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from whispersofthesoul
Hiya,
I like this, you have a very interesting idea going on. It seems to have been well thought out producing a very detailed piece of writing and a strong narrative. Your characters are great and work well and not over crowded and there is no head hopping. Your dialogue is realistic.
Well done, nice read xx
reply by the author on 26-May-2012
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Hiya,
I like this, you have a very interesting idea going on. It seems to have been well thought out producing a very detailed piece of writing and a strong narrative. Your characters are great and work well and not over crowded and there is no head hopping. Your dialogue is realistic.
Well done, nice read xx
Comment Written 26-May-2012
reply by the author on 26-May-2012
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Thank you so much for this excellent and generous review. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on what worked in the chapter - that's always so helpful. Take care! Bev
Comment from volcomfury
A fine part to what I hope will be a continuing and escalating story. Thank you for the sharing and I look forward to more.
reply by the author on 26-May-2012
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A fine part to what I hope will be a continuing and escalating story. Thank you for the sharing and I look forward to more.
Comment Written 26-May-2012
reply by the author on 26-May-2012
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Thanks so much for your excellent review and support for my chapter. I really appreciate your interest. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from RaymondJohn
The idea of conflict about who is going to take the confession is an interesting idea. I like the narrative and the characters. Well done. Ray.
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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The idea of conflict about who is going to take the confession is an interesting idea. I like the narrative and the characters. Well done. Ray.
Comment Written 25-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Thank you, Ray. I appreciate your generous review. Bev
Comment from missy98writer
Bev,
Chapter 10 is riveting, well-thought-of and magnificently written with wonderful imagerty that draws the reader in the action. Your serial killer character is chilling. I enjoy your dark narrative voice, very goodI immensely enjoy your strong narrative voice and excellent detailed writing dialogue and excellent characterization and great detailed writing. I would recommend your latest chapter to other reviewers as a ā??mustā?? read for a good time. Iā??d encourage you to keep moving forward with your entertaining story, my friend. I hope to catch your next chapter. Lovely day to you, my friend.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Bev,
Chapter 10 is riveting, well-thought-of and magnificently written with wonderful imagerty that draws the reader in the action. Your serial killer character is chilling. I enjoy your dark narrative voice, very goodI immensely enjoy your strong narrative voice and excellent detailed writing dialogue and excellent characterization and great detailed writing. I would recommend your latest chapter to other reviewers as a ā??mustā?? read for a good time. Iā??d encourage you to keep moving forward with your entertaining story, my friend. I hope to catch your next chapter. Lovely day to you, my friend.
Melissa.
Comment Written 25-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Thank you so very much, Melissa. How kind of your to send along your wonderful review and very supportive insights. I sure appreciate your support. Hope you have a beautiful weekend! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Glasstruth
I haven't been following this, but it was still a pleasant, enjoyable read. Love your opening line which continues on, and Derek Oleson and the other characters are portrayed with such flavor. Wonderfully written. Les
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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I haven't been following this, but it was still a pleasant, enjoyable read. Love your opening line which continues on, and Derek Oleson and the other characters are portrayed with such flavor. Wonderfully written. Les
Comment Written 25-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Thank you, Les, for this lovely review. I really appreciate you taking time to read this chapter. That's very generous of you. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Tina55
I love that opening line. :-)Which continues into a great opening paragraph: gritty mood, great imaptience pitted against he spider instead of the detectives. It has a passive aggressive feel.
Chet's a great character.
As is Sheriff Oleson. You do a great job of carrying each character's personality and attitude through your story, Bev.
But the secretary told me the(should be 'that') the person responsible for the majority of complaints that got Chet Lapinski fired was Darcy Shaw, on behalf of her Aunt Debra."
Nice smooth writing with a good balance of description, action, and inner dialogue. You are moving us forward really well, Bev.
Keep it up!!
Love,
Tina
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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I love that opening line. :-)Which continues into a great opening paragraph: gritty mood, great imaptience pitted against he spider instead of the detectives. It has a passive aggressive feel.
Chet's a great character.
As is Sheriff Oleson. You do a great job of carrying each character's personality and attitude through your story, Bev.
But the secretary told me the(should be 'that') the person responsible for the majority of complaints that got Chet Lapinski fired was Darcy Shaw, on behalf of her Aunt Debra."
Nice smooth writing with a good balance of description, action, and inner dialogue. You are moving us forward really well, Bev.
Keep it up!!
Love,
Tina
Comment Written 25-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Hi, Tina. Thanks for your great review, buddy. I so appreciate your taking time to read and offer your words of support for the write. Thanks, also, for letting me know the elements that worked for you.
I'm a bit paranoid about using THAT too much. I've been told that I use it needlessly sometimes (all true). But, I think it does sound better, so will change it.
You rock, girlfriend. Love ya, Bev
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Don't use 'that' if you don't want to, I was simply pointing out that you had two 'the's...:-)
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I saw my double dipping after I went back to make the change -sorry for the confusion. Thanks for your help, once again, Tina. I appreciate you! Bev
Comment from amused muse
Very good. Draws the reader right into the story. Good presentation, you set the stage for someone coming into the middle of the story. Good hook at the end. I would definitely like to read the rest of this story. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Very good. Draws the reader right into the story. Good presentation, you set the stage for someone coming into the middle of the story. Good hook at the end. I would definitely like to read the rest of this story. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Hi, amused muse. Love your name! Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. I appreciate, also, your generous review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Auroraboreal800
WOW!! You're really good! I think this is a superb job. I loved how you portrayed Derek Oleson, and the others characters. Love this story, so well written.
Lots of hugs to you for a job wonderful done.
:)
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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WOW!! You're really good! I think this is a superb job. I loved how you portrayed Derek Oleson, and the others characters. Love this story, so well written.
Lots of hugs to you for a job wonderful done.
:)
Comment Written 25-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Thank you, Aurora. I really appreciate your wonderful review and words of support. Glad you stopped by! Hugs, Bev
Comment from juliaSjames
Suggested edits
"Certain types of killer" - either "A certain type of killer" or "Certain types of killers"
This chapter is a kind of hiatus that allows readers to catch up with events. You switch POVs from Chet to Derek to Jolly and then back to Derek. But it was handled smoothly.
Good ending that keeps the reader anxious to know what happens next.
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Suggested edits
"Certain types of killer" - either "A certain type of killer" or "Certain types of killers"
This chapter is a kind of hiatus that allows readers to catch up with events. You switch POVs from Chet to Derek to Jolly and then back to Derek. But it was handled smoothly.
Good ending that keeps the reader anxious to know what happens next.
Comment Written 25-May-2012
reply by the author on 25-May-2012
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Thanks so much, JJ. You make a good point. Bev