Child Abuse
Warning! This is a raw biographical write41 total reviews
Comment from forestport12
Your tragic true story ranks up there with the most deeply horrific when you read it and then ponder as a reader how life must have been. No safety nets back then. The thing about being on the street until sunrise is now etched in my mind.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Your tragic true story ranks up there with the most deeply horrific when you read it and then ponder as a reader how life must have been. No safety nets back then. The thing about being on the street until sunrise is now etched in my mind.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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Next to the garbage cans...
Comment from eliz100
This is a very powerful piece and the message is just as powerful. As a psych nurse I have many memories of the women I listened to and believed their stories. I am glad they had the courage to talk about their lives with me.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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This is a very powerful piece and the message is just as powerful. As a psych nurse I have many memories of the women I listened to and believed their stories. I am glad they had the courage to talk about their lives with me.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2012
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They were lucky to feel safe enough to talk with you! Thanks for so much glitter. Your reading and review are appreciated.
Comment from Melspoems
I personally want to thank you for writing this.
I have written some stuff about my past. I'm only just recently (in the last 3 years) remembering some of mine. I write about it here because I can't talk about it yet. But I feel so much guilt when I do write about it, and I imagine the thoughts of some who will read it and think I should just get over it all already and stop going on and on about it.
Reading your piece makes me feel less guilt...that's the point I was trying to make.
And it gives me hope, which I'd almost lost these last few days...I've been realising it's impossible to ever get over this and so feeling very lost... But now instead perhaps I just need to get past it instead.
Sorry to talk so much about myself in my review of your work ...which was very well written, but I wanted you to know why reading it meant so much.
Thank you!!
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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I personally want to thank you for writing this.
I have written some stuff about my past. I'm only just recently (in the last 3 years) remembering some of mine. I write about it here because I can't talk about it yet. But I feel so much guilt when I do write about it, and I imagine the thoughts of some who will read it and think I should just get over it all already and stop going on and on about it.
Reading your piece makes me feel less guilt...that's the point I was trying to make.
And it gives me hope, which I'd almost lost these last few days...I've been realising it's impossible to ever get over this and so feeling very lost... But now instead perhaps I just need to get past it instead.
Sorry to talk so much about myself in my review of your work ...which was very well written, but I wanted you to know why reading it meant so much.
Thank you!!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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You are exactly the person I was trying to reach with my essay. There are some key things for you to think about, one that you already took from my words and that is "moving past" that part of your life. In my opinion understanding WHY a person did that to you or thinking that an apology can erase the harm done is senselss. My grandson broke an expensive statue recently and he thought a simple 'sorry' would change things. My explanation was that being sorry doesn't fix my statue.He's in atonement right now having to earn 100 stars for exceptional behaviour before I will consider letting the issue go...that is the kind of power an adult has over a kid and conversley the negative power of abuse was used in the same way. No such luck with an adult.
But, it's not unusual for someone to have repressed memories and when they begin to surface it's important to look at how this part of your past has influenced who you are today. To understand the tools you used (one of which was repression of the memories) and how they influence, often negative behaviours in your current life,
You will never get over it, but if you are constantly needing to talk with best friends or spouse about this or use it as a crutch those people will become very bored, angry and may distance themselves, not because of what happened to you, but rather because they only care about the person you are today. If any of that is happening to you I strongly suggest you find a pais councillor or support group who will LSTEN to you. You need to be able to rage about the unfairness about what happened to you with people who understand the effects and pain of facing the truth.
This essay was never about the quality of my writing, but rather to throw open the convesation for people who are still afraid and ashamed. Writing it out often helps. I haven't written on this subject for years. I did so now to try to help some of the people who like you are showing signs on this site of carrying burdens not of their own making.
I hope you find a way through your own dark journey of introspection and self discovery. ingrid
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Wow. Bravo. This is quite the laying bare, my friend.
Our father never did touch us sexually. With him, it was just bullying. So I can't begin to imagine your trauma as a child. It's beyond my comprehension. Why, and how, can grown men do such things?
Bastards.
And then your mother, turning on you like that. That was bitterness, leaching out from her soul and souring your life as much as it soured hers.
My God, Ingrid, you went through so much. You should be so very proud of yourself, achieving everything you have with all this lingering in the background. That last paragraph is bloody brilliant.
I was just outside with the wee pups, and looked over towards Cambridge. I can see your light shining from here.
Love Av
xx
A couple of wee nits. (Oh, aye. Back to the reality of FS!)
That was a fierce some accusation, - fearsome
She turned to prostituition - prostitution
My survival tools were influenced by the voices of many feminists who screamed mightily that we(,) as() women(,) counted as something.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
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Wow. Bravo. This is quite the laying bare, my friend.
Our father never did touch us sexually. With him, it was just bullying. So I can't begin to imagine your trauma as a child. It's beyond my comprehension. Why, and how, can grown men do such things?
Bastards.
And then your mother, turning on you like that. That was bitterness, leaching out from her soul and souring your life as much as it soured hers.
My God, Ingrid, you went through so much. You should be so very proud of yourself, achieving everything you have with all this lingering in the background. That last paragraph is bloody brilliant.
I was just outside with the wee pups, and looked over towards Cambridge. I can see your light shining from here.
Love Av
xx
A couple of wee nits. (Oh, aye. Back to the reality of FS!)
That was a fierce some accusation, - fearsome
She turned to prostituition - prostitution
My survival tools were influenced by the voices of many feminists who screamed mightily that we(,) as() women(,) counted as something.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2012
Corrected the nits. Both your essay and mine brought out some heart felt appreciation for making the reader's circumstances easier to bear. Have read your reviews and I think we did some good, girl
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this si very well written, spiritual echo, you did a great job writing this essay about the childhood that you grew up with and the way it affected you and your sisters...
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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this si very well written, spiritual echo, you did a great job writing this essay about the childhood that you grew up with and the way it affected you and your sisters...
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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I appreciate you reading this difficult subject matter.
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I'm giving you a six because I was abused and I don't think it can be talked about or wrote about enough. I think we all need to get our stories out there somehow so other "victims" can see that they are not alone. I put "victims" in " " because being a victim is only, or can be only if you choose, temporarily. I want to get a tattoo of a person with their arms up in the air looking up with the rain falling on them and underneath I want it to say: Once a victim, always a survivor.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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I'm giving you a six because I was abused and I don't think it can be talked about or wrote about enough. I think we all need to get our stories out there somehow so other "victims" can see that they are not alone. I put "victims" in " " because being a victim is only, or can be only if you choose, temporarily. I want to get a tattoo of a person with their arms up in the air looking up with the rain falling on them and underneath I want it to say: Once a victim, always a survivor.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Very wise mantra at the end of the tunnel. I hope you are one of the ones who bears no shame in the telling. I wrote this entirely because of a few posts that were still bleeding and asking WHY? won't answer why questions, ot even to my 3 year old granddaughter. She has to rephrase...what makes the sky blue, because I will never understand WHY that could happen to us. Thanks for the stars and feedback.
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That's a good one. I like how you respond to your granddaughter. I've never thought of it that way but you make a very valid point. :)
Comment from robyn corum
But some of us are still so cloaked in the atmosphere of decades-ago, where we still dare not shame the family or embarrass our friends with the truth. Isn't that sad? Why do we long to protect? That's a question for the ages.
A wonderful write.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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But some of us are still so cloaked in the atmosphere of decades-ago, where we still dare not shame the family or embarrass our friends with the truth. Isn't that sad? Why do we long to protect? That's a question for the ages.
A wonderful write.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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I guess if you've held the truth in and are still partaking meals with the villain, then it's far too late, but I think with hose who you have chosen to love and hold dear, well those people will respec you and love you more for the truth. If you have kept it secret for all these years, then you need to tell someone, even a therapist because i has influenced your life decisions and choices. My enaswer to the protection clause is that that is also one of the tools, your not telling keeps some kind of order in the house and you've chosen negotiated peace.
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Thanks, SE. Hugs-
Comment from Chrisfiore
Hello SE, You know, awarding stars to this seems trite but it is the best I can do with the format we have signed up for.
My beautiful girl was abused by her priest in her own home while she was a little girl with her parents downstairs thinking this priest was a representative of God. It went on for several years before she realized he did not 'love' her in the proper way and sought help. It took years passing before he finally faced justice, but my wife is still haunted by the memories and feels very unworthy at times. You are right when you say she or any victim should not feel guilty. She was young, impressionable and not very popular with the other kids. This man doting on her seemed to be some sort of redemption, like a vindication, but little girls are impressionable and easily maneuvered by masters of disguise.
Stories like her's and your's break my heart. There is no one lovelier than my wife despite her painful past. No child deserves to be mistreated in such a way.
I understand you more with each post, Ingrid. ;)
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Hello SE, You know, awarding stars to this seems trite but it is the best I can do with the format we have signed up for.
My beautiful girl was abused by her priest in her own home while she was a little girl with her parents downstairs thinking this priest was a representative of God. It went on for several years before she realized he did not 'love' her in the proper way and sought help. It took years passing before he finally faced justice, but my wife is still haunted by the memories and feels very unworthy at times. You are right when you say she or any victim should not feel guilty. She was young, impressionable and not very popular with the other kids. This man doting on her seemed to be some sort of redemption, like a vindication, but little girls are impressionable and easily maneuvered by masters of disguise.
Stories like her's and your's break my heart. There is no one lovelier than my wife despite her painful past. No child deserves to be mistreated in such a way.
I understand you more with each post, Ingrid. ;)
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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i will reply in pm
Comment from Sasha
This made me cry. The memories of my own childhood will be with me always and although I have survived I know I will never forget. This is a subject that always brings me to tears but not always tears of sadness. I am a survivor and as a survivor I applaud your honesty, spirit, and the message your words send to the rest of the world.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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This made me cry. The memories of my own childhood will be with me always and although I have survived I know I will never forget. This is a subject that always brings me to tears but not always tears of sadness. I am a survivor and as a survivor I applaud your honesty, spirit, and the message your words send to the rest of the world.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Dear friend, I sincerily wrote this knowing I still harbour the scars and the remnants, but more as an awakening that it's ok to talk about it, then use what you have left to try to reconstruct. Have to catch up on your book. Left off at chapter 11. Hate reading single chapters, but I know you've posted...and we both understand well the life and even the generational misunderstandings that come from shaming and destroying...stay safe.
Comment from KiwiGal
The worst of it is that the majority of present and future children who are undergoing the same trauma will probably be adults before they can disclose what they went through, and so the same cycle will repeat itself, with the perpetrators escaping their true justice.
The saving grace may be that Society is more aware, houses are closer, people are more prepared to dob in suspects because they can do it anonymously and children are being instructed in enlightened schools to speak up. Abused mothers also have State aid these days.
Your story is incredibly sad, and I disagree that your oldest sister is the 'best adjusted'. I think you are - you maintained relations with men and you have a son to keep you 'balanced'. Your sister found serenity in avoidance - you found it by carving out your rightful place. You don't do yourself justice in survival and self-esteem.
And we esteem you ... highly - if that helps.....
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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The worst of it is that the majority of present and future children who are undergoing the same trauma will probably be adults before they can disclose what they went through, and so the same cycle will repeat itself, with the perpetrators escaping their true justice.
The saving grace may be that Society is more aware, houses are closer, people are more prepared to dob in suspects because they can do it anonymously and children are being instructed in enlightened schools to speak up. Abused mothers also have State aid these days.
Your story is incredibly sad, and I disagree that your oldest sister is the 'best adjusted'. I think you are - you maintained relations with men and you have a son to keep you 'balanced'. Your sister found serenity in avoidance - you found it by carving out your rightful place. You don't do yourself justice in survival and self-esteem.
And we esteem you ... highly - if that helps.....
Comment Written 21-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2012
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Of course it helps, and often humbles me. While I expect to give, I have a near brakdown when people show me unexpected kindness, that too is an after the fact sadness. No my sister has made peace, carved her own niche and is completely at rest in her mind. I on the other hand tried to survive in a world I was not taught to understand except by evil...so depending on the definition, avoidance might have been the easier route, at any rate the most tranquil, Thanks, for the continued support, ingrid