Blind Trust
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "More About Rudy"A woman is stalked by a fan
16 total reviews
Comment from shelley kaye
i believe in miracles!
(love how you ended this chapter! :-)
didn't notice any spaggies or typos
but there was a sentence i thought i should mention
[Then one day I got a call from an old friend I knew from the Seals. We met and over a couple of drinks he mentioned how high the demand was for military dogs, ....]
the beginning says it was an old friend (meaning he knew him) but the "we met" part sounds like they just met - know what i mean?
suggestion....
Then one day I got a call from an old friend I knew from the Seals. We met and had a couple of drinks, talking over old times; he mentioned how high the demand was for military dogs, ....
just a thought you could kick around
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
p.s. how's your pet spider? what's his name again? sebastian? or something like that?
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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i believe in miracles!
(love how you ended this chapter! :-)
didn't notice any spaggies or typos
but there was a sentence i thought i should mention
[Then one day I got a call from an old friend I knew from the Seals. We met and over a couple of drinks he mentioned how high the demand was for military dogs, ....]
the beginning says it was an old friend (meaning he knew him) but the "we met" part sounds like they just met - know what i mean?
suggestion....
Then one day I got a call from an old friend I knew from the Seals. We met and had a couple of drinks, talking over old times; he mentioned how high the demand was for military dogs, ....
just a thought you could kick around
thanx for sharing!
shelley :)
p.s. how's your pet spider? what's his name again? sebastian? or something like that?
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Reginald! Norma gave him a new name. He's Reginald, the Obermeisterspider. I'm not sure what it means, but he's impressed!
Lol, will check that out and I love your poem.
Hugs,
Gayle
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LOL! now where the heck did i get sebastian from? :-P
Comment from rwilliam
"His body. All she'd really 'seen' about him thus far was his arm as he helped her across the street. It felt rock-hard and muscular, although not in that burly, lumpy way she found off-putting and vaguely threatening. His upper arm felt like that of a marble statue and her mind immediately knew what she had to do. She'd recreate him in plaster."
I LOVE this part! I feel like I am experiencing what a blind girl would and that makes this story so unique for me Great work!
"The delicious aroma of cinnamon wafted her way. "Thank you, Thomas. It's a lovely afternoon. We had a great time shopping."
I am a bit confused by the aroma of cinnamon in this part? Aren't they back at her apartment building? It isn't clear to me?
"Rudy smiled down at her, usually cold black eyes soft, tender and caring." I think you should remove the comma after her. It was confusing when I first read it. I had to re-read it to get what you were saying. There shouldn't be that pause after her. what do you think?
I like the ending. It grabs at my heart strings and keeps me wanting to read. Great job!!!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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"His body. All she'd really 'seen' about him thus far was his arm as he helped her across the street. It felt rock-hard and muscular, although not in that burly, lumpy way she found off-putting and vaguely threatening. His upper arm felt like that of a marble statue and her mind immediately knew what she had to do. She'd recreate him in plaster."
I LOVE this part! I feel like I am experiencing what a blind girl would and that makes this story so unique for me Great work!
"The delicious aroma of cinnamon wafted her way. "Thank you, Thomas. It's a lovely afternoon. We had a great time shopping."
I am a bit confused by the aroma of cinnamon in this part? Aren't they back at her apartment building? It isn't clear to me?
"Rudy smiled down at her, usually cold black eyes soft, tender and caring." I think you should remove the comma after her. It was confusing when I first read it. I had to re-read it to get what you were saying. There shouldn't be that pause after her. what do you think?
I like the ending. It grabs at my heart strings and keeps me wanting to read. Great job!!!
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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They're walking slow, lol. No, they're coming up the steps to the veranda. I didn't want to interrupt the flow too often, but it was a lot of dialogue. Needed a bit of white space.
Thanks so much for the great review!
Gayle
Comment from Sasha
This is a terrific chapter. You have introduced a great character with Rudy. You have also done a very good job informing the reader who Cathy is by describing her past and the amazement she finds in learning there is still so much she is capable of doing. I was so preoccupied with reading this I didn't notice any spags. Very good work.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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This is a terrific chapter. You have introduced a great character with Rudy. You have also done a very good job informing the reader who Cathy is by describing her past and the amazement she finds in learning there is still so much she is capable of doing. I was so preoccupied with reading this I didn't notice any spags. Very good work.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Hi there, yes, I love Rudy. He's been a long time in the making but I think it's been worth the wait. He's not perfect, but close!
Thanks for the great R&R!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from obsidian-angel13
A very good read. Kept my attention through out, though I think go and read previous chapters to catch up on what is happening. Apart from that, I could easily picture the story and can't wait to read more.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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A very good read. Kept my attention through out, though I think go and read previous chapters to catch up on what is happening. Apart from that, I could easily picture the story and can't wait to read more.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Hi, and thanks for the fine review. I appreciate the encouraging words and your input.
Gayle
Comment from Korton
Terrific chapter, Gayle. I really like the way that these two are getting along. I wonder though when the darker side of Rudy's past will come to the surface. Being an ex seal, I have no doubt that he has some unresolved issues from that part of his life. One of my best friends was Naval Intelligence and he's been dealing with those issues for over forty years. Very well done.
"What [do?]you do when you're not training dogs?"
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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Terrific chapter, Gayle. I really like the way that these two are getting along. I wonder though when the darker side of Rudy's past will come to the surface. Being an ex seal, I have no doubt that he has some unresolved issues from that part of his life. One of my best friends was Naval Intelligence and he's been dealing with those issues for over forty years. Very well done.
"What [do?]you do when you're not training dogs?"
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Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Hey Frank,
Actually, I'm grappling with that in a much later chapter. I may just knock on your door for a 'mano y mano' moment. I don't know much about being a seal, lol, although my dad served as a boat captain fighting against the Japs. He went in and cleared the islands before they'd let the SeaBees in to start 'reconstructing' the place. Go figure.
Anyway, thanks for the great words, will fix the edit!
Hugs,
Gayle
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Hi Gayle,
My friend that I spoke of in the review tells me that there is a writer out there who is more knowledgable about seals and seal operations than anyone he has ever read. Her name is Suzanne Brockmann and I just acquired one of her books called Into The Night. Might give you some additional insights.
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I'll check out Google and see where she lives, plus I think I gotta have that book!
Thanks, buddy!
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She has a whole series of books about the seals.
Comment from Nomar Chagrin
You spice up the narrative very well with the back-and-forth dialogue. You also seem to capture the experience of being blind very well.
I'm a horse lover so that part piqued my interest as well. Nice, well-polished chapter.
~ Jack
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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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You spice up the narrative very well with the back-and-forth dialogue. You also seem to capture the experience of being blind very well.
I'm a horse lover so that part piqued my interest as well. Nice, well-polished chapter.
~ Jack
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2010
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Oh Jack,
You need to read my Riding Blind. It's not published yet, but in the hopper. What kind of riding do you do? If you checked out my profile, you'll see I'm into jumping, or was. Hope to chat with you again. Y'know how it is with horselovers!
Thanks again for the read and great comments.
Gayle