Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Beautiful and uplifting, this is a wonderful poem about faith. Loved this stanza, especially:

I'm heartless and hopeless, yet know I must hold
To a glimmer, a speck of warm light in the cold
Though beaten by guilt and restrained by remorse
I'll kneel here before You and beg for recourse


you have a keen sense of musical cadence and melody in your phrasing. Rhythmically flows with well rhymed lines. Very fine work.!

Warm Regards,
rama devi

PS
Best of luck in the contest.

;D

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2008

---

reply by the author on 13-Sep-2008

Thanks so much rama for this very fine review and your good luck wishes. I love the comments about musical cadence and melody as this is how I always try to write poetry. Good luck to you also, I think you've entered this one too, did you? xoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

Comment from Peter@Poole

Excellent

This is an ingenious poem, rhyming and scanning well. You certainly sound aware of how sinful you are, something most people avoid contemplating. Of course, if you do believe in Christ's atoning death, you are already forgiven and God will not remember your sins, something that you clearly cannot. Regards, Peter.

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2008

---

reply by the author on 11-Sep-2008

Peter, thanks so very much for a thoughtful review and the five stars. Thankfully though, this poem was not written about me personally! Yet, when I think about it, to a degree it could very well apply, like most of us....xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Comment from kassey

Excellent

This is a very heartfelt plea from someone who is asking forgiveness for all their sins and promising his faith is strong. It is well presented in the stark black and white and the rhyme and rhythm are consistent throughout, Good Luck in the contest Kay

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008

Thank you so very much Kay for your kind review and good luck wishes xoxoxoxoxoxo

Comment from Margaret Snowdon

Excellent

This is a beautiful piece of

verse... with a smooth flow

to the words that tell of your

faith.... and to both rhythm

and rhyme.

An ideal entry for the contest,
which I feel surely is the winner.

Good luck.

Regards,
Margaret.

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008

Thanks so much Margaret. I'm very happy you enjoyed this one! xoxoxoxoxo

Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards

Excellent

Oh wow a great "sinners prayer." I love that you put it is an older person. I don't like it when I hear that anyone over 50 has less than a 10% chance of saying that prayer. Hogwash and poppycock! Thank you...hope everyone in hear reads this.

Dave

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008

So do I!!! But that's a pipe dream considering lack of being able to promote it too high! But your review is more than enough anyway. I truly appreciate what you've said here, and am happy you picked up on the "older" person slant. I feel it's more those over the 50 age group who truly do look back on their lives, realise how much of it they DON'T have left and want to make amends.

Thank you so very much for a thoughtful and encouraging review xoxoxoxoxxo

Comment from bard owl

Exceptional

Another six star effort! This is such a solomn and heartfelt plea for forgiveness and just the kind of plea that God hears and forgives. I believe God in His goodness, forgives us much easier sometimes than we forgive ourselves. The soul in your poem is truly tortured and repentant. I find that poems telling of a mortal soul in conversation with God extremely touching. Exceptional work, my dear Chris. Blessings to you and best of luck in the contest. Linda

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008

As said in pm, your review and stars is so much appreciated my friend xoxoxoxoxo

Comment from chesli

Excellent

This part I absolutely loved:
Weakened and wizened, I am desert within
Barren and arid, dried out in hell's wind

This part I didn't understand:
As joy slides away through thorns on a noose

I'm giving 5 stars (out of 6's) because this was beautiful... and haven't we all felt that way to an extent, at least once in life?

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008

G'day chesli! Firstly, thanks so much for a great reivew and the 5 stars, even though you didn't understand that line. What it actually means is where the previous line says ".....my grip has been loosed....as joy slides away through thorns on a noose" the repenting soul has lost all joy as it slips way through a noose he may be contemplating hanging himself with, but those thorns are too threatening to him so there's no way he'll consider suicide, or even trying to put his hands thru the thorny noose to retrieve his joy. Hence his final plea to God.

Hope that clears it up a bit for you!

Again, thanks so very much for your comments and thoughtfulness, and for still rating a 5 even though a part of it wasn't entirely clear. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

reply by chesli on 11-Sep-2008

You are so welcome. And yes, it does make better sense now that you explained it. It may just be me... some days I don't understand anything... LOL

reply by the author on 11-Sep-2008

No need to worry! We all have those days and frankly, the meaning of poetry can be so bloody obscure to all except the writer. I appreciate - hugely - that you asked, I answered, and you replied saying my answer had cleared it up for you. That's all that matters at the end of the day. You know what they say: "if you don't ask, you don't get"! So good on ya and as said, don't worry - you did great! xoxooxoxxoxo

Comment from charliecheshire

Excellent

Absolutely super piece. Loved this: For You can deliver my soul from black skies By viewing it through Your benevolent eyes. Powerful and good rhythmn.

All the best
Charlie Cheshire
The Cheese People

 Comment Written 10-Sep-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008

Thanks so much Charlie! Is that your real name "Charlie Cheshire"? If so, do you have a biiig grin like the Cheshire cat? Bet you hear that all the time...

Again, thanks so much for stopping by and reviewing this; it's very much appreciated. xoxoxoxoxoxo

reply by charliecheshire on 10-Sep-2008

Hi,
just to let you know that when in Cheese People land yes my real name is Charlie Cheshire and in wensleydale Vale are 39 other characters with cheese names
All the best
CC

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008

so, would my name be cheesy enough for Wensleydale Vale?

reply by charliecheshire on 11-Sep-2008

i think so. Maybe we could hook you up with The Duke of Roquefort or Mozzarella Mike and double barrell your name just to add a little extra something. Only joking.
Have a super day.
CC

reply by the author on 11-Sep-2008

what about pacapacapunch then? Like the sound of Mozzarella Mike too by the way...

Comment from nancyjam

Excellent

A beautiful prayer and poem. Dark with a glimmer of hope but that is the truth of life for many and a prayer like this would be helpful.. Hopefully it would be published some day. Beautiful job. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008

Thank you so much nancyjam for these kind thoughts and words. Ah, published some day...! Now, there's a thought! Maybe, just maybe one day my friend. Again, thanks so very much for your terrific review xoxoxoxxoo

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

I love that you use slant rhyme. Do the poetry police dock you stars for it as they do me? If so, we can form a support group. I've actually had people tell me which of my rhymes did not exactly rhyme, as if I didn't know. :-) This is quite beautiful, my sister poet of slant rhymes. :-)

 Comment Written 09-Sep-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Sep-2008

Yeh, I wonder about this slant rhyme thingamebob. I just write 'em as they come really! If I end up with an ab-ab rhyme or slant or whatever, then that's what I turn out. Also don't know if stars are deducted due to that - I'm not aware of this being a poetic 'no-no'! I'd ask Tom just to be sure my friend.

So from one slant-sister to another, I thank you from the bottom of me heart for your kind words, AND five stars! xoxoxoxoxo