Comment from writerjen

Excellent

Sad poem. I liked how you wrote it from the perspective of a young child-not too much detail but enough to realize the total story. Well done.

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2008

---

reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008

Thanks writerjen. I'm pleased you "got" the tone I was trying to bring out here. Your comments and rating are very much appreciated! xoxoxoxxo

Comment from Goinup

Excellent

Hey alpacalady
This was a very good write. A tale to be sure but it need said sometimes. Good the way it was told from the little guy's perspective. It flowed very well. It was an easy read. The rhyming was effortlessly smooth. I liked it.
Great job.
Ian

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2008

---

reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008

Thanks so much Ian. I appreciate your comments, thoughts and the rating as well! I'm very grateful you took the time to read and review xoxoxoxxo

Comment from kassey

Excellent

First of all I don't have a sixer or it would be yours. What an amazing interpretation of the picture, and all spoken through the eyes and words of a child. A very wise child. possibly learnt by the lifes experiences he has had. I just loved the whole thing, the rhyme, the rhythm, the images and in a way the pure simplicity of it as it was coming from an innocent child.
Excellent work Kay

 Comment Written 11-Jul-2008

---

reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008

Thanks so veyr much Kay. Yes, I didn't want to turn out a "complex" poem here, so thought writing from the child's perspective would give it a less sombre tone. From your comments, it appears I've achieved that! Thank you again for another excellent review xoxoxoxoxo

Comment from earthlybeing

Excellent

A very sad tale but it is written very well. It flows wonderfully and was very easy to read and understand. Love that you wrote it form the child's POV. Well done. Thanks, Jeanette

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2008

---

reply by the author on 11-Jul-2008

Thanks Jeanette. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and also that you liked it being written from the child's pov. Your comments are appreciated as always xoxoxoxoxo

Comment from honeytree

Excellent

How true the message of this poem is.
"Iam taking us somewhere nice, where the sun shines all year round. I think it will good for us to walk upon new ground."

I don't blame the mother leaving her husband. One cannot change him, he has to change himself. Changing and not drinking is a tough road ahead. IF this man wants to see his family again, he will have to change. I guess having worked in a Drug and Alcohol unit , I observed the attitude of patients.

They have a long hard road ahead.

Great writing.

honeytree.

Honeytree.

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Jul-2008

Thank you so much honeytree. For someone like yourself who has worked with this sort of thing, I take your review as very high praise indeed. xoxoxoxox

Comment from Falafa

Excellent

What a poignant poem of desperation and sadness. This is a wonderful story told poetically. It is sad to realize that this happens to real families. Great job! Thanks for sharing it and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Jul-2008

Thank you so very much Falafa. I'm glad you enjoyed it! xoxoxoxoxo

Comment from bard owl

Excellent

This poem is riveting. It is absolutely perfectly written. The rhythm and rhyme are without flaw and the imagery, both physical and emotional, is so vivid that the mother and her children are very clear in my mind. I am truly sorry that I don't have a six for this exceptional poem. It is the best of all the contest entries I have read. Best of luck to you. Blessings and love, Linda

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Jul-2008

Thank you Linda. The sentiments you've expressed here are more important than the appearance of six stars. I thank you, most humbly, from the bottom of my heart for what you've said xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

A well writen poem about domestic abuse. It has a good rhyming scheme and cadance. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good luck in your contest.

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Jul-2008

Thank you so much c_lucas, for this great review and your good luck wishes xoxoxoxoxo

reply by c_lucas on 10-Jul-2008

ou're welcome, Alpacalady. Charlie

Comment from BLACKDYKE

Excellent

Blimey 'lady! this is so dismal and sobering. Well written though and at times quite funny. The underlying theme though is very serious as we all know. Violence is the bane of this world. I wonder why? I enjoyed it non the less.....

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Jul-2008

It is a tad dismal, eh? I tried to keep it reasonably light, by talking from the child's point of view, but still and all, it is of sobering and dismal content. But that's how I saw the picture! What does that say about my basic nature?? Oh, dear...

Thank you for your comments and review, and I'm glad that even though you found this depressing, you still enjoyed it! xoxoxoxoxoxo

Comment from scarlett_letter

Excellent

You tell a very strong story in this piece my friend!

The sing-song rythm and rhyme scheme here compliment the childs voice throughout the piece, and the rain in the picture parallels the mothers tears.

A very good entry into the contest! :)

 Comment Written 10-Jul-2008

---

reply by the author on 10-Jul-2008

Thanks so much scarlett! I'm glad you liked this offering of mine. Your review and comments are very much appreciated xoxoxoxoxxo