Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

This is a very composed fiction flash, Paul. Characters, conflict, resolution and most importantly no animals were hurt in the making of this fun flash.

Wishing you great luck with the Contest Committee.:))

Gloria

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023

Thanks, Gloria. Hurting animals is usually the kiss of death in a contest.

Comment from jessizero

Excellent

This was a nice play on the term "blind date." You did a great job telling the story in a few words. Thank you for sharing this story here, and best wishes to you.

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2023

Thanks, Jessi. These short ones are tough.

Comment from shelley kaye

Excellent

lol! did not see that ending coming!
great flash story!


thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest

shelley ð?¦?

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023

Thanks, Shelley. Neither did he.

Comment from Olivanne Marsh

Excellent

Ironic. I am in awe of a writer who can convey so much in so few words. I think that makes you awesome for the effort and the writing is good too... I loved the straight forward simplicity of it. Of course, I wished there was more detail and depth, but I understand the perimeters of the contest. I think a telling detail or two might be useful and could be added if some unnecessary qualifying words were eliminated. For example, just say nervous, not quite nervous. Just say eased her mind, some is not strictly needed. Either way, for what was required, you did an excellent job. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023

Thanks, Olivanne. Those short ones are tricky.

Comment from Ginda Simpson

Excellent

This was very amusing. You had us with this play on words-inspired story. A clever idea and it made for a great 75 word flash contest entry. Best of luck.

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023

Thanks, Ginda. Probably the dog will get all her attention.

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Ha ha ha - blind date pun--what fun. Great closing twist. Effective and entertaining. Good POV. Good pacing. I have three suggestions:

1)
She had heard all the horror stories and was quite nervous.

WAS is a bland and overused verb. I suggest either using FELT (or an alternative) or maybe try 'show' her nervousness using a simile.

2) Two issues in this sentence:

While waiting on a bench outside the restaurant a taxi pulled up to the curb, and the first to get out was the seeing eye dog.

Firstly, the grammar is such that the verb acts on the word taxi, since there is no pronoun.

Secondly, it's a bit wordy for flash fiction. Unnecessary filler words--or redundant words, like 'to the curb' (which is implied without being stated, since the curb is already mentioned).

Thirdly, it would be more in line with the genre if you use three short sentences instead of one long one. Or maybe one short and one compound sentence would work.

Example edit:

She waited on a bench outside the restaurant. A taxi pulled up, and the first to get out was the seeing eye dog.

Of course, if you make edits, the word count would alter, but you could maybe add in descriptive detail if you need more words....?

This is a strong entry, and would be even stronger if tweaked a bit. I wish you luck!

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023

Thanks for all the suggestions, rama. I should have spent a little more time on this.

reply by rama devi on 04-Apr-2023

It was very good, nonetheless! :)

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

Very clever twist there, Paul. I'm left to wonder who set this up.

I guess she didn't have to worry about the outfit, after all.

I would consider commas after known and restaurant.

Good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023

Thanks, Pam. You are right about the commas.

Comment from LJbutterfly

Excellent

Your flash fiction contest entry is short, clear, and succinct. Your well chosen words describe the protagonist and tells how she feels about a 'blind' date. Your ironic twist at the end tells the reader her date is literally 'blind.' Great story. Best wishes in the contest.

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023

Thanks, LJ. I'll bet she's wondering what he's going to order.

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

Lol. Well done. So it was literally a blind date! Loved the twist at the end. You did it very cleverly. Sending you best wishes for the contest.
Wendy

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 04-Apr-2023

Thanks, Wendy. Luckily, she always keeps a few doggie treats in her purse.

reply by Wendy G on 04-Apr-2023

Then she?s off to a great start.

Comment from Mary Vigasin

Excellent

A real blind date! A clever story here she dresses to impress and her date is blind.
Quite a surprise ending.
Very clever.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes
Mary

 Comment Written 03-Apr-2023

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reply by the author on 03-Apr-2023

Th_nks, M_ry.