A Fly on the Wall
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "On...Friendship"A journal musings and assessments about situations
27 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
Wish like heck I had a six left. This was spot on. Especially the weeding part. I used to be the door mat friend. Was understanding about every disappointment or let down. Because I thought a good friend stood by someone through thick or thin. Then I woke up. Letting someone use you and not giving back is just being a sap. I cleaned my friend closet and in my 40s and fifties got a whole new friendship wardrobe. I still have some fond memories of old times with marginal friends but I wouldn't trade my "posse" now for anything. This was a great piece. Gretchen
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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Wish like heck I had a six left. This was spot on. Especially the weeding part. I used to be the door mat friend. Was understanding about every disappointment or let down. Because I thought a good friend stood by someone through thick or thin. Then I woke up. Letting someone use you and not giving back is just being a sap. I cleaned my friend closet and in my 40s and fifties got a whole new friendship wardrobe. I still have some fond memories of old times with marginal friends but I wouldn't trade my "posse" now for anything. This was a great piece. Gretchen
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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I absolutely love this feedback. And I'm really REALLY happy for you. I know what you're saying, too, about being the one who's always so "understanding." Nope. Those days are in the rearview mirror!! Thanks for this great review. xo
Comment from Carol Clark2
I like the way you focused your thoughts around various memes about friendship. Yes, I'd say we are quite wealthy when we have very special friendships. Thanks for sharing. Blessings.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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I like the way you focused your thoughts around various memes about friendship. Yes, I'd say we are quite wealthy when we have very special friendships. Thanks for sharing. Blessings.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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Thanks for such a nice review. It felt warm and encouraging, and I couldn't appreciate it more. (I bet you have many good friends because of your own warm, kind way. You get what you give, after all.) xo
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I agree with everything you say, Rachelle. Real friends are gold, casual friends are nice people but not ones you can truly confide in, or rely on. Not like the real friend. I've had those friends, gone now, sadly. But they live on in my heart. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on friendship, they match my own in many ways. Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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I agree with everything you say, Rachelle. Real friends are gold, casual friends are nice people but not ones you can truly confide in, or rely on. Not like the real friend. I've had those friends, gone now, sadly. But they live on in my heart. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on friendship, they match my own in many ways. Love and hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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Thank you, my wonderful friend, and a million zillion congratulations on your BOTM win on your final chapter!! Outstanding work! xoxox
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Thank you!! 🥰❤️❤️xx
Comment from estory
I think it's a great essay on friendship, and what I really liked about it was how personal you made it. You used very personal language, and you used specific examples of experiences in your own life with your own friends and that made it much more easy for us as readers to relate to friendship in our own lives. I particularly enjoyed the part about sending handwritten letters. I think there is something about that physical connection to the ink written out by someone's unique handwriting that is special, something more than the generic digital versions. estory
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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I think it's a great essay on friendship, and what I really liked about it was how personal you made it. You used very personal language, and you used specific examples of experiences in your own life with your own friends and that made it much more easy for us as readers to relate to friendship in our own lives. I particularly enjoyed the part about sending handwritten letters. I think there is something about that physical connection to the ink written out by someone's unique handwriting that is special, something more than the generic digital versions. estory
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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You are singing my song!!! I absolutely love snail mail correspondence. And thank-you notes! They are my favorite type of correspondence.
I love how specific this review is. It's always so important for a writer to know what "landed" with a reader. I appreciate your feedback very much.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this post of friendship. I am very wealthy too. I have a very dear friend, since 1986. We have lunch every Monday together and I cherish our time together. I enjoyed reading.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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Thank you for sharing this post of friendship. I am very wealthy too. I have a very dear friend, since 1986. We have lunch every Monday together and I cherish our time together. I enjoyed reading.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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I love reading that. I bet you anything that she feels the say way because of you! xo
Comment from Heather Knight
I love how wise you are. I don't usually like non-fiction, but yours is great.
I have to confess maybe I'm still too naive and childish in the way I approach friendship
Sometimes you meet best friends in the most unexpected ways. Debra is an example of that.
Remember the Kenny Rogers' song called 'You can't make old friends'. I thought about it when you wrote about your college friends.
As they say: there are friends for a season, friends for a reason and friends for a lifetime.
Thanks xxx
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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I love how wise you are. I don't usually like non-fiction, but yours is great.
I have to confess maybe I'm still too naive and childish in the way I approach friendship
Sometimes you meet best friends in the most unexpected ways. Debra is an example of that.
Remember the Kenny Rogers' song called 'You can't make old friends'. I thought about it when you wrote about your college friends.
As they say: there are friends for a season, friends for a reason and friends for a lifetime.
Thanks xxx
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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Yes, I've always loved that quote.
I can see why you and Debra are such good friends; you're both such warm and genuine people.
Thanks for the very encouraging review.
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Thanks for the compliment, but I think you're pretty awesome yourself.
Comment from Susan Newell
Rachelle,
What an excellent essay on the many meanings of a common word. I am one who can claim very few, yet extremely valuable, real friends. My motto: Friendly to all (until they prove unworthy), friend with only the most honest, loyal and reciprocating.
I've delved below into some finer points of writing for your consideration, for whatever that may or may not be worth.
Sue
The response these words evokes from you, -- I think it should be evoke to agree with words. -- Isn't "these words evoke" a removable clause, the absence of which wouldn't alter the grammatical correctness of the sentence?
The crucial word there is "Real." Marginal friends will come and go throughout the years, but the Real ones, they remain. -- I have trouble with a subject "doubled" by a pronoun. Better as: but as for the real ones, they remain. OR but the real ones remain. I understand you are doing it for emphasis and may be taking grammatical license for that purpose.
There's just something so special-beyond-words, so "undying friendship" about receiving paper that's been scribed with the handwriting of someone you love and who loves you back. -- Why not use either hyphens or quotation marks for both descriptions? Reads a little bumpy with the mix.
It's not just closets and gardens that require periodic weeding, you know.*****
Although an alliance may begin with an immediate 'click,' -- Above, under similar circumstances, you put the comma outside the quotation mark. I'm at a loss on this one. We were taught in school that if the clause or word isn't a true quotation or integral to the meaning of sentence, the comma comes after. I used to read James Kilpatrick's column faithfully and he once wrote, "Punctuation ALWAYS goes inside the quotation marks." So that's how I've done it since then. I assumed it was a style change since I had taken HS English. I see it done both ways here. Personally, simply from a visual aspect, I like punctuation inside. The whole thing is an issue to which I'd like to find resolution. In any case, it's probably better to adhere to a single method within an individual piece.
I think of them like a recipe that starts with two wonderful -- them and "a recipe" don't jibe. Perhaps better to replace "them" with "a friendship." (Blame my Latin teacher for such nitpicking!)
Some people like lots and lots of attention and daily interaction from the get-go. Others would opt out of that immediately. Some people like to share secrets or feelings or their history right away, but there are those who might insist that such a level of intimacy should not be doled out like candy at a child's birthday party. -- Really, really insightful paragraph.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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Rachelle,
What an excellent essay on the many meanings of a common word. I am one who can claim very few, yet extremely valuable, real friends. My motto: Friendly to all (until they prove unworthy), friend with only the most honest, loyal and reciprocating.
I've delved below into some finer points of writing for your consideration, for whatever that may or may not be worth.
Sue
The response these words evokes from you, -- I think it should be evoke to agree with words. -- Isn't "these words evoke" a removable clause, the absence of which wouldn't alter the grammatical correctness of the sentence?
The crucial word there is "Real." Marginal friends will come and go throughout the years, but the Real ones, they remain. -- I have trouble with a subject "doubled" by a pronoun. Better as: but as for the real ones, they remain. OR but the real ones remain. I understand you are doing it for emphasis and may be taking grammatical license for that purpose.
There's just something so special-beyond-words, so "undying friendship" about receiving paper that's been scribed with the handwriting of someone you love and who loves you back. -- Why not use either hyphens or quotation marks for both descriptions? Reads a little bumpy with the mix.
It's not just closets and gardens that require periodic weeding, you know.*****
Although an alliance may begin with an immediate 'click,' -- Above, under similar circumstances, you put the comma outside the quotation mark. I'm at a loss on this one. We were taught in school that if the clause or word isn't a true quotation or integral to the meaning of sentence, the comma comes after. I used to read James Kilpatrick's column faithfully and he once wrote, "Punctuation ALWAYS goes inside the quotation marks." So that's how I've done it since then. I assumed it was a style change since I had taken HS English. I see it done both ways here. Personally, simply from a visual aspect, I like punctuation inside. The whole thing is an issue to which I'd like to find resolution. In any case, it's probably better to adhere to a single method within an individual piece.
I think of them like a recipe that starts with two wonderful -- them and "a recipe" don't jibe. Perhaps better to replace "them" with "a friendship." (Blame my Latin teacher for such nitpicking!)
Some people like lots and lots of attention and daily interaction from the get-go. Others would opt out of that immediately. Some people like to share secrets or feelings or their history right away, but there are those who might insist that such a level of intimacy should not be doled out like candy at a child's birthday party. -- Really, really insightful paragraph.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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Wow! Thank you for such a thorough review/edit. I appreciate your generosity of time and expertise. I'll take care of these all by day's end. Very much appreciated. xo
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:-)
Comment from Wendy G
An excellent article, with many observations (eg what people want and expect from a friendship, and how friendships are initiated), and truths, (eg the. We'd for honesty, loyalty and time). Love and grace must blend with honesty. I particularly like your favourite meme at the end. One good friend is indeed a valuable treasure. Your writing is careful, thoughtful and well organised and developed.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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An excellent article, with many observations (eg what people want and expect from a friendship, and how friendships are initiated), and truths, (eg the. We'd for honesty, loyalty and time). Love and grace must blend with honesty. I particularly like your favourite meme at the end. One good friend is indeed a valuable treasure. Your writing is careful, thoughtful and well organised and developed.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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I really like this review a lot. It gave me much help in learning what "landed" with you and why. Thank you for being so thorough and specific. Very much appreciated. xo
Comment from Michele Harber
I know exactly what you mean about "real friendship." I have several friends, but only a select handful of truly close friends. When my sister was in the hospital several years ago, and there was no guarantee she'd come out, I sent an email to several friends and family members, briefly telling the story and saying, simply, that I needed a hug. Several of the people I contacted lived far away, some closer. Every single one responded with a virtual hug, and the support felt wonderful. But two of my closest friends actually showed up on my doorstep to give me a genuine hug. I loved them both before, but that one gesture cemented their place in my heart forever.
I certainly agree with your descriptions of levels of friendship, and of ways to express it. (A friend of mine is going into the hospital tomorrow. I sent her an ecard earlier in the week to offer my support, and an email today to say I'm sure she'll come through with flying colors, and I'll be waiting on the side to say "I told you so!")
One thing I might add, though, which is certainly true for me personally, is that with age came self-confidence, and that confidence enabled me to make more friends, because it allowed me to speak up. I made one friend at a bus stop comparing notes about the bus schedule, and another in March at a college open-house, with a mother who, like me, was waiting for her daughter to sign in. We spent the day together, stayed in touch and, as both our daughters wound up going to the same college, had a lovely reunion at the recent Family Weekend. At 25, walking up to someone was terrifying, due to fear of rejection. In my 40's, 50's and now early 60's, I see only the similarities (the bus, the college), and can start up a conversation on that basis with the confidence of the pre-schoolers you mentioned. So yes, as you said, we do become more discerning as we get older, but the self-confidence can also encourage us to take more chances.
Just a couple of quick proofing points:
- Your fifth paragraph should begin, "The response these words evoke" (not "evokes").
- In the paragraph starting, "I have Real friends ...,'' you use two hyphens as a dash before, "--and I'm talking bi-weekly for four-and-a-half decades now-" and only one hyphen as the dash after. Officially a dash is two hyphens. Also, officially, there should be a space before and after the dash. I know, stylistically, you leave out the space. Even if you choose to do it that way, you should at least be sure the dashes are consistent.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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I know exactly what you mean about "real friendship." I have several friends, but only a select handful of truly close friends. When my sister was in the hospital several years ago, and there was no guarantee she'd come out, I sent an email to several friends and family members, briefly telling the story and saying, simply, that I needed a hug. Several of the people I contacted lived far away, some closer. Every single one responded with a virtual hug, and the support felt wonderful. But two of my closest friends actually showed up on my doorstep to give me a genuine hug. I loved them both before, but that one gesture cemented their place in my heart forever.
I certainly agree with your descriptions of levels of friendship, and of ways to express it. (A friend of mine is going into the hospital tomorrow. I sent her an ecard earlier in the week to offer my support, and an email today to say I'm sure she'll come through with flying colors, and I'll be waiting on the side to say "I told you so!")
One thing I might add, though, which is certainly true for me personally, is that with age came self-confidence, and that confidence enabled me to make more friends, because it allowed me to speak up. I made one friend at a bus stop comparing notes about the bus schedule, and another in March at a college open-house, with a mother who, like me, was waiting for her daughter to sign in. We spent the day together, stayed in touch and, as both our daughters wound up going to the same college, had a lovely reunion at the recent Family Weekend. At 25, walking up to someone was terrifying, due to fear of rejection. In my 40's, 50's and now early 60's, I see only the similarities (the bus, the college), and can start up a conversation on that basis with the confidence of the pre-schoolers you mentioned. So yes, as you said, we do become more discerning as we get older, but the self-confidence can also encourage us to take more chances.
Just a couple of quick proofing points:
- Your fifth paragraph should begin, "The response these words evoke" (not "evokes").
- In the paragraph starting, "I have Real friends ...,'' you use two hyphens as a dash before, "--and I'm talking bi-weekly for four-and-a-half decades now-" and only one hyphen as the dash after. Officially a dash is two hyphens. Also, officially, there should be a space before and after the dash. I know, stylistically, you leave out the space. Even if you choose to do it that way, you should at least be sure the dashes are consistent.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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This review is so wonderful --filled with information and ideas and, as always, helpful edits. Thank you for it all. (My thought regarding "evokes" was that "response" was singular. I vacillated over that one a long time, but I see that you're right because I can't really take out "these words," so they're actually the subject, and they're plural. Is that correct?) And those damn HYPHENS!! I actually DID have them matching in my original text, ADJUSTED them again once I copy-and-pasted to this FS stupid format and yet somehow they STILL did not turn out right!! I hear your corrections every freaking time I use hyphens, so I swear to you, I'm diligent as can be. SOO exasperating!! Still, thank you nonetheless. I will absolutely go back in and re-correct.)
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Sorry it took me so long to respond. Too much going on, like my husband falling and fracturing two ribs.
It was an interesting weekend, with Friday unexpectedly spent with my husband in the emergency room, and Saturday unexpectedly spent at the Mets' play-off game (the only one they won).
I'm glad you enjoyed the review, and that the comments were helpful. You're right about the sentence in question. While the overall subject of the sentence was "The response," which "speaks volumes," the subject of the phrase I edited was "these words," which "evoke."
Don't kick yourself about the hyphens. Sometimes I think computers and software have minds of their own. Prior to my most recent poem, the two preceding ones refused to stick to my format. They double-spaced when I set it for single-spacing, and refused to skip a line between stanzas. I was forced to put dashes in just to indicate stanza separation.
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So sorry to hear about your husband! Sheesh! How long will the healing take? I've heard that's a REALLY painful injury!
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Thanks, Rachelle. It's definitely painful, but he's not the kind of person who complains or gives in, so he's still doing what little he can, and I'm trying to take whatever he'll let me off his hands. They said full healing should take 1-3 months.
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Geeeeez! That's got to seem like an ETERNITY! It's good he's married to a good, nurturing soul whose got his backs (well, back and ribs...) The 'uncomplaining' part sparked this joke which I know you'll appreciate: Little Saul comes home from Hebrew school and exclaims to, "Mom! I got a part in the play!" "That's WONDERFUL! What part did you get?" "I got the part of a Jewish husband." The mother says, "You go right back to that school this minute and tell that director you want a SPEAKING part!"
HAHAHAHA!
Comment from lyenochka
And you are rich in friendships because you know how to be a good friend and to treasure each friendship! You also take time to understand and listen and share from your heart. That's why I appreciate YOU!! Thanks for sharing this!
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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And you are rich in friendships because you know how to be a good friend and to treasure each friendship! You also take time to understand and listen and share from your heart. That's why I appreciate YOU!! Thanks for sharing this!
Comment Written 06-Oct-2022
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2022
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You sweet talkin' reviewer, you!! xoxox