Beth
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Beth, Scene 2"Hostage? Maybe. Scared? Slightly. Victim? Never!
18 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
Hmm. It seems Beth is more in control here with Dennis leaving in a huff like that. Why does he need to feel respected? He's the doctor and he could just ask questions. Beth talking to herself in the beginning reminded me of Gollum.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Hmm. It seems Beth is more in control here with Dennis leaving in a huff like that. Why does he need to feel respected? He's the doctor and he could just ask questions. Beth talking to herself in the beginning reminded me of Gollum.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Lol, if her dialogue starts reflecting light and dark, and she starts coughing, I'm blaming you for putting the thought in my head :-).
I'm glad you saw that there's more going on than just a lunatic and his helpless victim.
Mike
Comment from Michaela Moore
I like the spitfire in this scene. The way she slowly makes him lose control. He becomes, little by little, unraveled. That adds a heightened sense of suspense. And then you drop a breadcrumb which was needed now. A little breadcrumb to turn the screw of the mystery...others.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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I like the spitfire in this scene. The way she slowly makes him lose control. He becomes, little by little, unraveled. That adds a heightened sense of suspense. And then you drop a breadcrumb which was needed now. A little breadcrumb to turn the screw of the mystery...others.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thank you so much! You're the only reviewer so far who's mentioned that - the fundamental point of the scene, that she's winding him up in a calculated way to see what he might let slip. In the end, what he gives her may not help her, but it does start to broaden the scope.
Mike
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Okay, I am on the edge of my chair wondering what on Earth Dennis is wanting her for. Intelligent conversation??? I like to attempt to figure these out then see where the author takes it. I should know better than to try to figure your writing out. LOL I enjoyed reading.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Okay, I am on the edge of my chair wondering what on Earth Dennis is wanting her for. Intelligent conversation??? I like to attempt to figure these out then see where the author takes it. I should know better than to try to figure your writing out. LOL I enjoyed reading.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Oh, I'm happy for you to try. I actually have two options still, so even I don't know exactly where it's going, lol :-)
Mike
Comment from John Ciarmello
Hi Mike. Hmm? I didn't expect Dennis to lose it like that. I thought I had his deminer figured out until mid-scene. I'm not objecting; I'm just wondering what he felt when he stormed out the door, but then that was your intent. This has got my emotions popping! Well done. All right, all right, I'm hooked.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Hi Mike. Hmm? I didn't expect Dennis to lose it like that. I thought I had his deminer figured out until mid-scene. I'm not objecting; I'm just wondering what he felt when he stormed out the door, but then that was your intent. This has got my emotions popping! Well done. All right, all right, I'm hooked.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thank you, John. All I'll say is it's not the insults themselves that are upsetting him :-)
Mike
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Mike, interesting mind games going on between these two, with Beth actually taking the offensive with her captor. This sets up to be a challenge to the Stockholm Syndrome. Well done.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Mike, interesting mind games going on between these two, with Beth actually taking the offensive with her captor. This sets up to be a challenge to the Stockholm Syndrome. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thank you, Theo :-). A couple of reviewers have questioned her response to Dennis, but for me that's the whole point - she is not acting the way anybody (including him) expects.
Mike
Comment from Frank Malley
While this is called a chapter from a book, it more resembles a script to me. At any rate, the character exposition this piece achieves is quite functional with respect to the main character; presumably, the captor character is at this point kept largely unrevealed for the purpose of revelation at a later point in the story. The main character, a young woman, is chock full of sociological pronouncements and insults to hurl at her captor, who has her manacled to a concrete floor. Since the initial inference is that she is dealing with a sociopath, her boldness in insulting him is not only surprising but seems likely to get her killed or at least seriously abused in some way.
These stretches of credibility can no doubt be somehow aligned with the main character's virtues, proclivities, and personality, but unless she's a Marvel hero, it's hard to see how a real victim could respond as she does. Of course, I have no context to establish another set of guesses, and this piece does arouse (at least somewhat) the reader's desire to find out what will come next. And it's true: too great an adherence to genre expectations will yield predictability, which works against reader fascination.
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reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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While this is called a chapter from a book, it more resembles a script to me. At any rate, the character exposition this piece achieves is quite functional with respect to the main character; presumably, the captor character is at this point kept largely unrevealed for the purpose of revelation at a later point in the story. The main character, a young woman, is chock full of sociological pronouncements and insults to hurl at her captor, who has her manacled to a concrete floor. Since the initial inference is that she is dealing with a sociopath, her boldness in insulting him is not only surprising but seems likely to get her killed or at least seriously abused in some way.
These stretches of credibility can no doubt be somehow aligned with the main character's virtues, proclivities, and personality, but unless she's a Marvel hero, it's hard to see how a real victim could respond as she does. Of course, I have no context to establish another set of guesses, and this piece does arouse (at least somewhat) the reader's desire to find out what will come next. And it's true: too great an adherence to genre expectations will yield predictability, which works against reader fascination.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thanks, Frank. When you write a multi-part script, it works the same way as a book here on FS, so the structure looks similar.
I think there's a difference between how people actually respond to things and how we've been conditioned to expect then to respond by TV and film.
I will say, she has her reasons :-)
Mike
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It's a promising piece. Good luck. Frank
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Well this sounds as though it's the sort of thing that's scarey enough to read... it would be extremely disturbing to watch being played out in front of one's eyes. I'm looking forward to the next scene with a little trepidation. Kate xx
fidgeting with his legs but stock still up top > I don't know this phrase. Could you please take the time to educate me.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Well this sounds as though it's the sort of thing that's scarey enough to read... it would be extremely disturbing to watch being played out in front of one's eyes. I'm looking forward to the next scene with a little trepidation. Kate xx
fidgeting with his legs but stock still up top > I don't know this phrase. Could you please take the time to educate me.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thank you, Kate :-). I just mean he wasn't moving his arms or head, but his legs were betraying some agitation. I'm not sure of the origin of stock still, I have to admit!
Mike
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Ah, I thought it was a compound thing. I'm very dense sometimes (well most times).
stock-still = First recorded in 1425?75, stock-still is from late Middle English stok still
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Lol, you're a country mile from dense, Kate, but we've all been there - reading a sentence repeatedly, trying to make sense of it. Ah, I see the sense, yes - one is still because one is in stocks, waiting to be pelted with something!
Mike
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Mike,
Glad to see this one continuing. There's an intriguing premise here and this develops a little more but not too much so as to still leave us not quite sure what's going on but dripping some more info at the end.
It's a nice study.
G
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reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Hi Mike,
Glad to see this one continuing. There's an intriguing premise here and this develops a little more but not too much so as to still leave us not quite sure what's going on but dripping some more info at the end.
It's a nice study.
G
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2022
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Thank you :-). I'm trying to keep the chunks bite-size but long enough to move things along with each post. I still have two different ways I might go, but the heart remains - what are the motivations, for both characters?
Mike