Looking for Orion - 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Best Laid Plans: part 4"Brothers fight for faith ... and for their lives.
10 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Emotions of the two brothers come through well with your dialogue, Deb.
"Do you think she'll miss us, Jack?" - I loved the conversation, that question. Well told, enjoyed it,
cheers
valda
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
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Emotions of the two brothers come through well with your dialogue, Deb.
"Do you think she'll miss us, Jack?" - I loved the conversation, that question. Well told, enjoyed it,
cheers
valda
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
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Thank you, Valda!
Deb
Comment from Precious Owuamalam
Yes! I read from the beginning to the end of the chapter. Wonderful story Deb; it would make a great sale when it's finally published. I know publishing is the end goal or rather a means to the end right? That's by the way. You've written well.
In: "long-to" from this sentence, you may want to revisit the hyphenation.
My very best wishes!
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
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Yes! I read from the beginning to the end of the chapter. Wonderful story Deb; it would make a great sale when it's finally published. I know publishing is the end goal or rather a means to the end right? That's by the way. You've written well.
In: "long-to" from this sentence, you may want to revisit the hyphenation.
My very best wishes!
Comment Written 05-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
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Publishing is the goal, but this is not close to ready, yet. I actually need to cut about 1200 words out of 'Best Laid Plans' to make it in line with standards. Augh! Not even sure where to start... But I will figure it out and move forward! Thank you for your encouraging words. They are always appreciated!
Blessings,
Deb
Comment from Margaret Bednar
Another amazing saga. I love the brothers' relationship and the camaraderie that exists between them. Cody's questioning of God is heartbreaking and endearing and you deliver it just right - not to sappy or preachy. Love it all.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Another amazing saga. I love the brothers' relationship and the camaraderie that exists between them. Cody's questioning of God is heartbreaking and endearing and you deliver it just right - not to sappy or preachy. Love it all.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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I've been there, done that. LIfe isn't easy and faith isn't, either. In hard times, it's a choice to make, not a thing to be taken for granted. I'm glad that came through. :)
Thanks so much,
Deb
Comment from Puzzle
wow this one was written so well. this might just be my fave chapter so far. omg i thought cody killed himself when the mom said cody's gone! did you mean to make it seem that way? i loved the line about worrying if pam can see the stars if heaven never gets dark. omg. i love that he's missing her so deeply. it makes me wonder if i would be missed by my husband that way. ugh this is just so good!
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2020
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wow this one was written so well. this might just be my fave chapter so far. omg i thought cody killed himself when the mom said cody's gone! did you mean to make it seem that way? i loved the line about worrying if pam can see the stars if heaven never gets dark. omg. i love that he's missing her so deeply. it makes me wonder if i would be missed by my husband that way. ugh this is just so good!
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2020
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Thank you, my sweet friend! Yes, I totally meant to freak you out with that bit. :) I is wicked ? lol
Of COURSE you'd be missed that way -- maybe not in those words or with that thought, but never doubt your importance to those around you.
Speaking of, I've been missing you! Where ya' been, girl? :)Hope all is well.
Deb
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i haven?t had time to write anything because my daughter apparently was doing her homework poorly! so i had to sit with her and help her for like 3 hours yesterday. BUT her teacher wanted her to read a book and write about it. she HATES reading. (she?s like my husband). so i FINALLY told her about the book i?m writing. i was so scared she would be mad it?s based on her. and she was at first. until i promised to make it a huge hit and give her money when i?m rich hahahahaha. anyway, i read it to her and she was laughing and telling me what she would do before i read what i wrote. and she was always right! lol. she LOVED it. that made my heart so happy. Her and I are VERY different. So to have her read and enjoy what i wrote was the best thing ever. better than making a million dollars off of it. I?m so glad i did this so she could keep it forever. she will always have a piece of me.
also, i?ve been in a lot of discussions about what?s going on right now in the city. we are so divided because we want justice but i?m a daughter of a CPO. And a lot of my friends i live by are wives or PO themselves. it?s just been really hard. we?re all trying to defend what we believe in.
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I am so excited that your daughter loved your book1 Oh, Dana -- that's the reward, right there. Now ? let's go make ou a million dollars! :)
We're having those discussions, too, although our protest remained peaceful, officers marchingwith citizens. A few downtown businesses decided to close for the time of the protest. (An I an idiot to hope it was to honor it?) but nothing at all bad happened. there were some on FB encouraging the protesters to riot, but ? here? Really? Dallas got bad. I've waited to see what happens in Austin or Houston, but nothing that' I've heard about so far. It's so crazy. My brother was a special crimes detective near Austin and I"ve never been so glad he was medically retired in my life. We know they go to work and may not come home at night, but this ? This is so different.
Thank your dad for his service, please.
Holler if you just need to blab -- I"m good at that! :)
Deb
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
This really is a great story. The two brothers are good together, and as family does, they pull together to help the one who is suffering. Well done again!
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2020
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This really is a great story. The two brothers are good together, and as family does, they pull together to help the one who is suffering. Well done again!
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2020
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Thank you, ma'am! :)
Blessings,
DEb
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You're very welcome.
Comment from lyenochka
I do love your spiritual message here. It speaks well to those struggling with their faith through times of suffering and grief. Sounds like Jack won the fight. Hope it will be a good trip without anything happening to either of their families!
"I'd just busted that guy "" (needs punctuation and remove one end quote)
faith, Cody; about trust. (comma not semicolon)
guard on the kids 24, 7, Code. (24/7)
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2020
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I do love your spiritual message here. It speaks well to those struggling with their faith through times of suffering and grief. Sounds like Jack won the fight. Hope it will be a good trip without anything happening to either of their families!
"I'd just busted that guy "" (needs punctuation and remove one end quote)
faith, Cody; about trust. (comma not semicolon)
guard on the kids 24, 7, Code. (24/7)
Comment Written 03-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2020
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Thank you, Helen. I've been thinking about what you said about it dragging on too long (not your words, of course -- mine.) I'm going to cut a part of this out and make it about 1200 words shorter. It's too heavy, I agree. I"m actually going through the chapter I was going to post today, too., picking it apart to make sure it's not too cumbersome. I"m sure not getting to the point very quickly, am I!
Thank you for the review. The point of the whole book is restoration, and I'm afraid it's going to get harder on Jack before it ges easier.
Be blessed, my friend,
Deb
Comment from Bill Pinder
Great chapter that presents a realistic picture of dealing with grief following the death of a spouse who was dearly loved. I like how you presented the fact of wrestling with God and people have to make their choice to trust God regardless of suffering that happens in life. I also like how the one brother is persistent in his desire to help the brother who has experienced the loss.
Bill
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2020
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Great chapter that presents a realistic picture of dealing with grief following the death of a spouse who was dearly loved. I like how you presented the fact of wrestling with God and people have to make their choice to trust God regardless of suffering that happens in life. I also like how the one brother is persistent in his desire to help the brother who has experienced the loss.
Bill
Comment Written 03-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2020
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Thank ou, Bill. Is it not too long? I've onidered going in and doing some surgery. lol
Appreciate those kind stars and your encouraging words. I'm honored that you felt this worthy of your six.
Many blessings,
Deb
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I like it as is.
Bill
Comment from Iza Deleanu
In moments like this we all go a little bit on the dark side loosing some faith, but then we have our guardian angels that brings us back on track:"Jack considered his next words carefully. "You're always talking to me about faith, Cody; about trust. Always telling me that you have to let go of stuff and let God be God." He took a deep breath and sighed."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2020
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In moments like this we all go a little bit on the dark side loosing some faith, but then we have our guardian angels that brings us back on track:"Jack considered his next words carefully. "You're always talking to me about faith, Cody; about trust. Always telling me that you have to let go of stuff and let God be God." He took a deep breath and sighed."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2020
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Thank you, Iza. I think you're right. We all struggle sometimes, even when we KNOW that we know the truth and hold it dear in our hearts. I know I have, at least, and I'm a minister in our church! lol. And God is so patient...
Blessings, my friend,
Deb
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Great! I'm so pleased Cody has given in and will go. This was another part that brought lumps to my throat. Brothers most definitely are good for each other. You wrote all this chapter, actually, all four chapters, so well. Well done! Now let's see what happens next. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2020
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Great! I'm so pleased Cody has given in and will go. This was another part that brought lumps to my throat. Brothers most definitely are good for each other. You wrote all this chapter, actually, all four chapters, so well. Well done! Now let's see what happens next. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 03-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2020
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Thank you Sandra! I'vve been worried that it's too long for a standard chapter in this genre of book (without enough going on except C and J arguing and working through things). But I'm going to tread lightly, I think. I don't want to mess it up!
Be blessed, my FS friend,
Deb
Comment from royowen
Poor Cody, he's suffering from a great deal of delayed shock at the moment, Jack catches Him standing in the cold, just looking at the stars, and offers his sweatshirt to keep him warm. A very intense episode Debora. The relationship between Jack and Cody is an interesting one. Good characters, interesting and delicate plot. Well done, Debora, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2020
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Poor Cody, he's suffering from a great deal of delayed shock at the moment, Jack catches Him standing in the cold, just looking at the stars, and offers his sweatshirt to keep him warm. A very intense episode Debora. The relationship between Jack and Cody is an interesting one. Good characters, interesting and delicate plot. Well done, Debora, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 03-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2020
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Thank you, Roy. I always appreciate your encouragement and help. :)
Be blessed,
Deb
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Well done