Soldier and Sailor
He left his mark in both arenas.2 total reviews
Comment from punster
The notion has immense merit - tugged deeply at my core
Unfortunately the syllable count in line 2 is too high
And, it could have been so easily remedied!
Punster
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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The notion has immense merit - tugged deeply at my core
Unfortunately the syllable count in line 2 is too high
And, it could have been so easily remedied!
Punster
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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Thank you Punster. How silly of me, I should have omitted the "and' in line 2.
Comment from adewpearl
hus/band/fa/ther/and/grand/fa/ther - that middle line is 8 syllables when it should be 7
good alliteration in soldier and sailor
a thoughtful tone in this poem of remembrance and honor - if you revise the syllables to meet contest requirements,let me know and I'll raise the rating :-)
Brooke
rating raised :-)
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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hus/band/fa/ther/and/grand/fa/ther - that middle line is 8 syllables when it should be 7
good alliteration in soldier and sailor
a thoughtful tone in this poem of remembrance and honor - if you revise the syllables to meet contest requirements,let me know and I'll raise the rating :-)
Brooke
rating raised :-)
Comment Written 18-Nov-2014
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2014
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In my mood of remembrance I omitted to remove the 'and'in line 2.
Thank you for pointing that out, Brooke.
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rating raised :-)
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Thank you so much.