senryu (windows streaked deep blue)
A 5-7-5 on Melancholy14 total reviews
Comment from Jean Lutz
I am visiting your portfolio this morning. This was a contest I see so I would not have been notified. Sure glad that I found it. It is beautiful. Usually my own tears are guarded -- unless tears of joy that is.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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I am visiting your portfolio this morning. This was a contest I see so I would not have been notified. Sure glad that I found it. It is beautiful. Usually my own tears are guarded -- unless tears of joy that is.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2013
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Hello, Jean. So good to hear from you. Thanks for the wonderful review and your kind words. I understand exactly what you mean about guarded tears, but I'm letting mine go these days. The summer was incredibly stressful, and I'm hoping for a peaceful and less stressful fall. A really bright point was finding a cousin in Metairie. We haven't talked for 20 years, but the phone rang late one night, and there she was. I have even more reasons to head that way! It makes me smile.
Have things settled in your world? I hope so. I will have to go through your portfolio, too. Time to get caught up after being on the road for the job (not a problem any longer, as it is not mine anymore) for over a month. Time to settle in, rest, and refocus.
Thanks again for the review and the stars. Please let me know how you are.
Gratefully.
Vista Kay
Comment from Sueellen11
Just perfect, spot in in your statement, so well presented, a excellent entry into the contest, well done, I enjoyed your poem, true o form and count, good luck, blessings, suee
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Just perfect, spot in in your statement, so well presented, a excellent entry into the contest, well done, I enjoyed your poem, true o form and count, good luck, blessings, suee
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Thanks for the wonderful review and terrific comments, Sueellen. It's nice to get such wonderfully positive feedback--truly! Blessing to you as well.
Comment from Bill Schott
The senryu does do a good job of reminding us of those days when the weather contributes to our sad nature. I caught the 'rains/reigns' thing you did there. Nice.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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The senryu does do a good job of reminding us of those days when the weather contributes to our sad nature. I caught the 'rains/reigns' thing you did there. Nice.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Thanks for the great review and comments, Bill. So nice to know someone reads carefully--and cares.
Thanks for your contribution on this one.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
I liked your 'play on words'. Melancholy reigns (rains). Unguarded tears of the soul. Good job, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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I liked your 'play on words'. Melancholy reigns (rains). Unguarded tears of the soul. Good job, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Thanks for the really great review and positive comments, notesandmore. It's so nice that you liked the word use, too.
Thanks for your help on this one.
Comment from Nutella
The poem flows nicely but maybe you should change the last line of the poem. In your title, you already stated what the poem was about and I don't think you need to state it again at the end of you're poem. It's too short for that. But it's a nice start!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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The poem flows nicely but maybe you should change the last line of the poem. In your title, you already stated what the poem was about and I don't think you need to state it again at the end of you're poem. It's too short for that. But it's a nice start!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Not sure how "windows streaked sad blue" dictates that "melancholy reigns." I could have said "broken-hearted world" just as easily and changed the entire tone/message of the senryu.
Thanks for the review.
Comment from tedanytime
Your senryu uses emotion as required...most did not in this contest.
Puns are allowed in this form in my thinking, just as satire is used.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Your senryu uses emotion as required...most did not in this contest.
Puns are allowed in this form in my thinking, just as satire is used.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much for your great review and the positive comments, tedanytime. I appreciate your support of the word use as well. Thank you for the best wishes. Fingers crossed!
:)
Comment from Dean Kuch
Ah-h-h-h, very nice play on words with reins/rains. Beautifully done, good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Ah-h-h-h, very nice play on words with reins/rains. Beautifully done, good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Thank you so much for the blue ribbon, Dean! Your review just blew me away. Now that is pithy, to say the least.
Thank you for supporting my effort.
Comment from Harv
the word play sits just rught with this and the pic really settles in your mind with the poem good match. it's intresting how weather effects or should i say gives off such vibes of emotions you really captured it here
blessings
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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the word play sits just rught with this and the pic really settles in your mind with the poem good match. it's intresting how weather effects or should i say gives off such vibes of emotions you really captured it here
blessings
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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I'm so glad that you like the senryu, and I really appreciate your comments, especially on the word play.
Thanks for the the stars and the wonderful review.
With gratitude.
Comment from Rubylou
I can see myself standing and staring out the window on a dismal day. "Unguarded tears of the soul." I like this line. It captures, for me the essence of melancholy.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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I can see myself standing and staring out the window on a dismal day. "Unguarded tears of the soul." I like this line. It captures, for me the essence of melancholy.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Hello, Rubylou.
I'm so thrilled that you have such positive things to say about the senryu. Thanks for the wonderful review and your comments.
Have a great evening!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this senryu poem about the rain that matches the mood. i enjoyed readign it. good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this senryu poem about the rain that matches the mood. i enjoyed readign it. good luck in the contest
Comment Written 24-Aug-2013
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2013
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Thank you for such wonderful comments and the terrific review of my senryu. Your support means a lot, and the comments were so helpful. Positive feedback makes my day!
Thanks for the well wishes, too.